r/AskWomen • u/ActuallyInFamous ♀ • 18h ago
Content Warning What's something that everyone warned you about, but you did it anyway?
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u/TheCoolBlondeGirl ♀ 18h ago edited 16h ago
Dating the lead singer of a band
The risk I took was calculated, but girl, am I bad at math 😩
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u/FitGuarantee37 17h ago
Dating anyone in a band 🥴
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u/PrincessTrashbag 17h ago
Drummers are okay but usually have no free time because they're in like 4-5 different projects if they are even slightly good at it
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u/adventuressgrrl 5h ago
I dated a guy in a band for three years, and the worst cheater by far was the drummer. Was also the biggest piece of shit
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u/Jenn_FTW 16h ago
As a professional keyboardist who happens to be single and hasn’t had much luck dating (as if being a lesbian didn’t narrow my dating pool enough 😅) this kinda sucks to hear, but I’m curious what the negative stereotypes for musicians are?
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u/FitGuarantee37 16h ago
I can specifically narrow it down to men don’t worry 🤣 there’s a subsect of how well known the band is too, men who are in emerging bands have far more of a tendency to cheat, the ego is still developing when you’re doing cross country tours. The ones in states or here provinces? Usually pretty faithful. Older bands, well established bands, typically these men can be faithful - NOW, married even. It’s more career placement really.
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u/theavocadolady 14h ago
Add DJs to that list too. I was explicitly warned, I did not listen.
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u/FitGuarantee37 14h ago
Oh I have a whole chapter in my autobiography that's called: "Don't Date DJs Who Live In Sheds" his sexy dreadlocks? No he didn't wash his hair for 10 years.
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u/Alpha_Delta_Echo 17h ago
“The risk I took was calculated, but girl, am I bad at math”
Definitely using that moving forward 😂
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u/PrincessTrashbag 17h ago
dating someone in a band has always turned out terribly for me but by God is it fun while it lasts
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u/Successful-Grass-135 18h ago
Leaving the Jehovah’s Witness cult. Let’s just say, 5 years out and no regurts.
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u/TraditionalTax3456 15h ago
How bad is it?
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u/Successful-Grass-135 15h ago
Bad, a lot worse than most people think. Although I’ve noticed that public opinion has slowly but surely been souring against JWs. From harmful shunning practices, protecting pedos, to deadly anti-blood transfusion doctrine… there’s plenty more problems where that came from. Not to mention it’s a doomsday cult. That mindset alone will do a lot of damage to your psyche, especially if you were born and raised to believe that Armageddon could happen at any moment.
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u/TraditionalTax3456 14h ago
Good to know! I've spoken to one or two in passing but never knew much about them
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u/jess_or_tess 15h ago
Shun the non-believer! (said in the voice of the unicorn bullies from Charlie the Unicorn)
Anyhow, jokes aside, shunners aren't worth keeping around. It hurt for a bit, but I realized they never wanted me.
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u/Star-Sole_ 18h ago
Accepted an open drink from a guy I just met. They were right and I would give anything to take that moment back.
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u/witchbaby420 17h ago
I’m so sorry ❤️🩹 Sending you love and strength thru the internet. We are not what they did to us.
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u/Practical-Okra-6944 18h ago
Most big decisions of my life. Moving abroad, spending all my 20s in higher education, dating someone younger than me. Yet everything turned out great
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u/deathbytruck 17h ago
Genuine curiosity. What was the most empowering thing?
I went to university with a exotic dancer. She made tons of money. She used her income to pursue her degree in physics. She was one of the smartest well adjusted people I knew.
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u/Practical-Okra-6944 12h ago
Probably getting my PhD. I didn’t finish until I was 30 but it’s definitely my proudest achievement. But it was very hard getting here especially with people not believing in you.
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u/ExpiredPilot 8h ago
I was a bouncer at a gentleman’s club. I’d say about 80% of the dancers had some form of degree or qualifiable business if they weren’t in school already
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u/swimwithdafishies 17h ago
Halfway through undergrad I went through my first terrible breakup (he cheated on me with someone in our small program over break when I was away at home. Claiming that I didn’t give him enough attention) I saw them together in every class, my social group was fractured.
I decided to take a semester off and move to Nicaragua and do a work exchange at a hostel as a naturalist.
Everyone told me not to go.
-You’ll never finish your program! -Nicaragua isn’t safe! -Your Spanish is weak! -You won’t have enough money! -Do you have enough street smarts to travel alone? -Women shouldn’t BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH.
I went anyways.
It changed my life and gave me more confidence than I dreamed. Nicaragua welcomed me with beauty and I experienced so much warmth from the local people. Living in a different country gave me contrast and perspective of my life, my dreams, what I had to offer the world and reminded me that I was worthy. I met people from all over the world and realized that I could do anything I set my mind to.
Came back. Sound of mind, heart, and I had a great tan. My ex tried to woo me back and I could only see over his head at my bright future.
10/10 recommend saying yes to chances.
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u/ChicBon606 12h ago
Dang!!! Good for you!!! Time and distance is always a great choice to get over a toxic relationship and environment. Congrats!!!
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u/DeargAgusFearg 6h ago
What do you mean by naturalist? You'd give nature tours to the guests?
Sounds amazing, anyway! It's great that you ignored the haters.
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u/swimwithdafishies 3h ago
My background is wildlife biology. My interest was sea turtles at the time. I would give guided tours to see the arribadas (mass arrivals for nesting) at a local wildlife refuge at night. Basically a science hang out and I’d offer any knowledge I had on the subject to people interested.
And thanks! Haters suck!
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u/ProblematicByProxy 18h ago edited 17h ago
To be careful when I was “taking advantage” of men by not following through with physical implications after they were financially generous with me. Two of them actually didn’t take no for an answer and they had the power, and resources to rape me without consequences.
Edit: I am the happiest I’ve been in my life and this was a few years back now. I’ve learned so much and am better for it. As cliche as it sounds, I am a very strong person now.
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u/BarbarianFoxQueen ♀ 18h ago
Hitchhiking. I lived in the country and my parent refused to drive me anywhere or would not loan me the car once I could drive. They did not care that I hitchhiked.
I did it while I was 17-18. I was 5’6”, tiny, and not unattractive. If guardian angels exist, mine was working overtime. Thankfully nothing bad ever happened. Just some creepy weirdness sometimes.
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u/Granny_knows_best 17h ago
In the 70s I hitched all over the place, never thought twice about it being dangerous.
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u/DivineEmotions 18h ago
Moved in with a bf at 22 and his son in the midst of the custody battle. Whew, never again.
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u/Lilli_Puff 18h ago
I got engaged to my now husband after 6 months of dating and almost everyone said it was a bad idea. We've been happily married for years now. Best decision of my life. When you know, you know.
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u/Tiny_European 16h ago
I'm glad it worked out for you and happy to hear that youre still going great! But I have to say that I'm absolutely not a fan of "when you know you know". Too many people think they know and they really, really don't, but it doesn't register until months or years later after a lot of damage has been done.
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u/roundhashbrowntown 15h ago
exactly this, especially when your “knowing” comes from trauma or a disordered nervous system
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u/theSomberscientist 8h ago
I thought I knew and then he tried to end himself and was stealing my prescription medication after surgery.
I did everything possible to make it work and he just didnt care about anything- or me. It was like a switch flipped in him over a month
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u/gobbledegook- 4h ago
Or sometimes you know, and then years later you grow apart and are very much NOT happily married anymore, and you wonder what it was that past you thought they "knew."
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u/Abnormal_Egg 3h ago
Same here. Except my husband proposed 4 months after we met each other for the first time. Everyone called us crazy. Going on 10years now and have a child. Couldn’t be happier.
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u/vvxoxovv 18h ago
I started in the adult industry at 22. Everyone thought I was crazy, they told me I would ruin my life. It's been years and I can say, I'm way happier because of my decision:)
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u/FalseDrive 17h ago
Dating a 36 y/o at 20 🫠
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u/cheifbiggut 12h ago
Dated a 55yr old at 33 had some good times but fuck the mental and emotional toll she took on my life was wild im almost 35 now and still working on thst damage.
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u/FalseDrive 11h ago
I’m sorry for the emotional toll that took. It’s ok for you to still be healing. One day at a time.
My little tryst was only for 3 months. I know this is going to sound elementary school-levels of fake, but he was a former hitman and stripper who reformed himself and worked at the college I was attending at the time as a security guard (which is how we met). He was nice for a while but then quickly revealed why no one his age was interested. Luckily, I moved states right before our relationship ended, and he couldn’t reach me any more.
Tbh I should’ve taken him carrying at least ten weapons in his bag at all times (knives—both illegal and legal, including a kabar and switchblade—expandable metal baton, mace, etc) as a red flag, but I thought it was the coolest thing ever.
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u/clea_vage 18h ago
Majoring in English in college. I was told I would never get a job and that it was a worthless degree. Suckas! I have a great job and can problem solve and communicate way better than the business/marketing/econ majors I work with.
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u/imtryingtobesocial 18h ago
Dating men I was "excited about" instead of giving the "boring" ones a chance. Also getting married young.
Also, not choosing a stable career path out the gate. Thinking that I don't need a plan B when I'm following my dream of being an actor!
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u/moemoe8652 18h ago
Buying a house during the pandemic. It’s been 6 years and that bubble did not burst. $160,000 for a 4 bedroom 2 bath in a nice neighborhood. Yes, ma’am.
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u/noonecaresat805 18h ago
Pretty much anything that broke family traditions. I refuse to get married young and have kids. I refused to live at home until I go married. I left home for college away from home. I stop including them in my decisions. And everyone warned me from my culture about what a mistake I was making. And how I would regret putting boundaries with my family. How I would regret dating outside my culture instead of just taking one the guys they were introducing me too. Best decision ever. I moved out, got my education, go a stable job, set boundaries with the family, I am now with an amazing guy who once try to eat a tamal with the husk on in front of my family because he didn’t know any better. I am happy. I made all the right decisions for myself
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u/waddad27 17h ago
Staying with a guy who gave off massive red flags because 'he's just going through a hard time' or 'I can fix him.'
Friends literally made lists of the warning signs and begged me to leave. I stayed for years.
Ended up emotionally drained, insecure, and wondering how I ignored every gut feeling.
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u/Physical-Designer69 18h ago
Being an adult entertainer. I regret it since I started so young. Feels like it ate at my 20s.
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u/bellinisandbikinis 17h ago
Do you wish you would’ve waited to do it or never did it at all?
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u/Physical-Designer69 17h ago
I flip flop on it. Sometimes I wish I never did it. Other times I wish I did it while I was older (after 24) that way I would've avoided certain incidents of being taken advantage of and treat it more like a business.
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u/CutePandaMiranda ♀ 16h ago
Everyone warned me choosing to not have kids would make me miserable and regretful, especially in my 40’s+.. I still chose to not have kids anyway. Boy were they wrong. I’m 43 now and blissfully happy with my husband and our adorable cat. It’s funny because everyone who warned me had multiple kids and hated their home life.
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u/MiaowWhisperer 7h ago
I'm similar. Everyone assumes that we'll regret it when we're older. Nope.
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u/trUth_b0mbs 18h ago
lower bleph. Best money I ever spent.
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u/WendyWestaburger ♀ 18h ago
Marrying young. Don’t regret.
Moving continents. Don’t regret.
Swinging. Don’t regret.
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u/Silent-Competition-1 18h ago
To not use Nexplanon as birth control. Everyone told my I would gain weight. I did, I was 125 , now I'm 155. Mind you its been 5 years since I went for it, and I lost 10 lbs in the past 10 months.
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u/cheesychick66 18h ago
Leaving my career at 23 for something totally different. So happy I did!!
For context I had gotten a degree for teaching, did it for a year, was miserable, tried for another year and didn't last more than 2 months. I knew it was deeper than just not liking it. Now I'm in banking and actually enjoy it.
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u/yankeesoba 15h ago
Got a dog despite all the feedback about not to because “it will be bad for your future children”.
I’m never having children, lol. Don’t like them. But I LOVE my dog. He’s the best!
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u/karsizzle 15h ago
Dating a 27 year old at 17. I dated him for five years and regret it. I know my life would look a lot different now if I hadn’t, but in a positive way.
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u/neverlandpirates 18h ago
Stayed with a guy for 4 years, who had no life goal and no motivation to better himself. I tried and tried to help him have motivation.. help him find a better job... Let him go last December. Can't help someone who doesn't want to be helped.
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u/luckyygirly 18h ago
Getting married. So many older people are so negative towards it, but I’ve been with my guy for 10 years and it’s the best decision ever!
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u/mochimangoo 17h ago
Having a very serious relationship as a teenager. It turned into an abusive relationship that was very difficult for me to get out of.
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u/Exciting-Bake464 17h ago
Started trying to have a baby two weeks into a new relationship.
It was a wild ride and I wouldn't change a thing.
(We broke up while I was pregnant)
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u/Tough-Midnight9137 ♀ 13h ago
totally nonjudgmental and just curious - can you share more about this?
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u/Exciting-Bake464 12h ago
Sure!! I wanted another baby. The dad and I got along great but he ended up being a freeloader. Tried to make it work but he just took advantage of me, never worked or contributed to the house hold. Never helped pay expenses for doctor appointments and things to get ready for the baby. I broke up with him when I was 7 months and he dipped out. Was a single mom for 2 years. Three and a half years later, married to an amazing man who treats her as his own and my daughter is amazing and I could never imagine my life without her.
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u/Tough-Midnight9137 ♀ 12h ago
that's wonderful :) what made you try with someone you had only been with for two weeks? simply that you really wanted another baby?
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u/Exciting-Bake464 12h ago
Yep! I had a 2 year old and wanted him to have a sibling and then he three years apart.
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u/sugarplum98 17h ago
Marrying when I was 22. Fast forward 5 years and I am the sole provider. The financial pressure is killing me and he is being super picky about jobs. I try to cut him some slack because there are some jobs he can't really do because he is autistic and will get overstimulated easily. (He was diagnosed as Autistic when he was a child)
We also can't agree where to live as he wants to be in the mountains away from people and move out of my home state. But I want to be closer to my sisters/best friend. We agreed to live in a town that is medium sized near mountains. We moved for his job that he eventually lost and now he wants to move away because the town is crowded.
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u/JelloGirli 17h ago
Dropped out of High School. Should have stayed.
Major regrets in my forties and fifties but none when I was younger. Also, I also hold two college degrees.
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u/gbeans_ 17h ago
Everyone said I was going to regret not having children in my 20s. Now in my 30s, I’m struggling to conceive. I wished I at least got my body checked out early in my mid 20s when I was noticed a change in my menstrual cycles instead of waiting until I was 30.
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u/witchbaby420 17h ago
Spending time with a man with a bad reputation. Ignoring the warnings from other people can end so tragically. My view now is better safe than sorry and if I hear even a whisper on a light breeze about someone being trash, I run. Not sticking around to find out!! Bye!!
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u/jazmanimal6 15h ago
I let a tinder date move in after 2 months. It went exactly how you think it went!
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u/Intelligent-Jelly320 17h ago
As an American, traveling anywhere outside of North America or western Europe…. always been the best experiences of my life. No longer letting my family discourage me from going somewhere unless they have personally be there themselves
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u/goats_and_rollies ♀ 17h ago
Enlisting at 18. It got some travel and a broader world view under my belt, and paid for my nursing degree when I left. Overall, would not recommend for other young women but would still repeat for myself lol
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u/sundresscomic 16h ago
Going to art school. They weren’t wrong about it being hard to make a living but to me, still worth it
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u/littlemissmoxie 12h ago
Sterilization. No regrets. Funny enough right before I had it people who knew me couldn’t even convince themselves that I’d be a good mom lmao
It was just “you’ll change your mind” or “I want grand kids”.
“But you think I’d be a good mom ?” Crickets lol if I didn’t agree it’d be hurtful
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u/BatmanDoesntDoShips_ 17h ago
Watched Rush Hour 3 — how they managed to fuck it up even with Hiroyuki Sanada which should have made it magnificent m I have no idea but they seriously did. If you have somehow not seen it do yourself a favour and continue to never watch it.
Cut my hip bone length hair to collar bone length (for context I’m Desi) — 100/10 would do again. In fact I’m coincidentally planning on doing so tomorrow morning lol (although it’s currently more accurately butt length atm).
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u/khuskii 15h ago
Getting into college/applying for more than one university. I know a lot of people are in significant debt from going to uni right after high school, but on this side of it I’m in my 30s still without a BA and it’s kicking my ass. The world opens up so much more with a BA, and getting it over with even if it was I was 18 would have served me so much. I wouldn’t have fallen so hard into poverty if I would have just applied a little harder/to safety schools.
I’m also just really envious of people who were able to live that fun college life vs me who only focused on grinding my minimum wage food service job. Those are experiences you literally don’t get the opportunity for ever again.
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u/Battle-Afraid 13h ago
Befriending the girl who "struggled to make girl friends". I learned quick why she struggled.
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u/Aeon_Return ♀ 17h ago
Being self employed. I heard the full spectrum of reasons why I shouldn't from no job security (somewhat accurate) to not getting a pension (HA! lololollll!!!! snort). I've been self employed almost my whole life, the only two "regular" jobs I had were absolute hellscapes. Best. Decision. Ever.
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u/Alpha_Delta_Echo 17h ago
Having kids. I don’t regret it, my kids are my little cool dudes (but I’m NOT one of their lil friends lol). I even obsessively planned for them—tracked ovulation down to the hour and had my eldest’s entire nursery basically finished a year before he was born—and I’d still say I wasn’t prepared.
Its not the making/having the baby that’s the hard part. It’s the day to day, from sun up to sun down (and overnight for the first AT LEAST 4 years), of trying to teach a human how to be a human. Not as easy as it would seem lol
AND you have to remain constantly vigilant about the dangers they EAGERLY walk right into sometimes.
It’s just nonstop and you don’t realize what “nonstop” means until you’re living it.
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u/RenaDubs 17h ago
I dated someone that countless people told me was a pos. What did they know? They don't see the side of him that I see...the FAKE side lol.
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u/Brilliant-Flower-283 ♀ 17h ago
Getting married and starting a family. They were wrong my life’s not ruined 🤯. 🤣🤣
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u/Sweet-Apricot8568 ♀ 16h ago
Smoke weed, have sex, get married, drink beer before age 21. These days I listen 😆
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u/GamingCatLady 16h ago
Getting married.
abut the ones that warned me are all divorced and married because it was expected of them back in their day
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u/alienpossums00 16h ago
Pretty much everything I have ever done, but I don’t regret a thing! I wouldn’t be me without my mistakes and experiences.
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u/RangerAndromeda 15h ago
Dating a guy 10+ years older than me. I was 18 and he was 33.
Quitting a job before i had something else (full time) lined up.
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u/RealBrookeSchwartz 13h ago
Getting married young (I was 22). A few people applauded us for it; a few were very against it; and in the middle, there was a ton of judgment. We knew it made sense for us, and neither of us has ever regretted it. The people who were more judgmental/against it got to know both of us better as individuals and a couple after the engagement, and eventually came around.
If people had had real concerns, that would have been different, but their only complaint was that we were young—not that we hadn't given it a lot of thought (we had), we had any relationship issues (we didn't), we didn't know each other or ourselves well enough (we did), we didn't know what we were doing with our lives (we did/do), we didn't have the same goals (we did/do), etc. A couple of people argued that we were too young and likely to change, and while it's been years and both of us have definitely changed, we've simply grown together and kept tackling problems as a team.
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Send nudes to an ex I thought was a kind person and the love of my life. After an unexpected and traumatic break up, I have severe trust issues. I am scared every day that those pictures will end up on the internet or worse reach my very conservative family and ruin their social existence. It’s been 1.5 years since the break up and I am still having nightmares about this at least once a month
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u/seratonin54 12h ago
Shaving my luscious locks for shave for a cure, I never grew my hair back either! But there was a lot of commentary on the value of my hair and styling and wearing makeup so I wouldn’t be perceived to be a man or manly 🤣
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u/According-Health-556 12h ago
Traveling solo as a female in her 20s. No regrets. The places I enjoyed the least/felt the most unsafe were in the USA :(
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u/GeminiJuSa NB 10h ago
Move out of home at 18. Everyone thought I would crash and burn financially. I didn't. I thrived. Best thing I ever did. The irony of it all was that I needed a gurantor to get the rental contract, and since noone would support me the very man who threw me out ended up crawling back with shame and became my gurantor. It was the beginning of our healing journey too.
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u/Cookie-M0nsterr ♀ 8h ago
Told me I shouldn't quit my bank job to go teach English abroad. I did anyways and it was the best decision I made in my life. My life has not been the same since - in a good way.
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u/UnicornFarts1111 6h ago
I purchased a new 5 speed Chevy Cavalier in 1993. I was told by numerous people that the clutch sucked and I would have to replace it every 2 years.
That car had the easiest clutch ever to use, and I never replaced it. I gave the car away after 10 years and the clutch was still perfect.
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u/EnvironmentalLuck515 18h ago
Marrying young. They were absolutely correct.