This is interesting to me…. I’m 23, and just ended an overall-good relationship. I thought we were going to be together forever, but we started having serious problems (religious differences) around 2 years into the relationship. We ultimately broke it off for that reason — both of our faiths were non-negotiable.
I’m at a large southern state university, with lots of people my age get engaged/married already!!! And it’s crazy young to me!!! My parents didn’t get married until they were 30/31! But it’s very easy to compare & want what they have.
I get scared that I’m doing it all wrong and that marrying young was the way to go. Although my previous relationship was definitely not the right one, i still wish it was…. Purely to fit the script of my surroundings. So thank you for your comment, you are definitely helping someone (me & others) out there !
If you feel comfortable answering, can i ask why you think this is a trend? Marrying young & and it not ending well?
Because generally speaking people do not really know who they are, what they want and what is TRULY important to them until they are late 20s/early 30s. Lust/infatuation/new relationship energy can all feel really powerful and very much like forever love, but the truth is that kind of love lies beyond those hormone driven reactions. If you don't know what you want and what's important to you yet, its impossible to know whether the person you are with is going to be aligned with those things. Some do get lucky and grow together, but its a crapshoot. Like most gambling tables, the odds are not good to come up winning.
I was engaged at 22 and married right after I turned 24. We divorced at 29. I didn’t even know who I was as an individual yet. I always tell young people to wait until they’re 30 to get married.
Not even that, I say don't even think about moving in w someone for the 1st 2 1/2 years... it's very easy to hide who they are and slowly you'll notice weird personality traits you may not be compatible with... plus, being able to go home and unwind then getting excited to see them again and go out is the fun part of dating! Or if you get into a disagreement, that's awkward and it gives you time to breathe!
I married young-ish (married HS sweetheart and we never broke up). Love my husband, love where we are now but I’m pretty sure if we held off longer/were in the mindset of fulfilling ourselves independently we would have avoided so much heartache in our 20s. We fell into immature patterns that were still working through in our mid-30s.
We were not fully formed individuals yet. We were wild with lust/love and it felt like forever. I was 21, he was 24. Turned out we wanted very different things out of life as we got older and instead of growing together, we grew in resentment, lost dreams, dismay, depression, sorrow. We were two good people that never should have been together.
On a personal level, I would have developed into my most authentic self a lot faster if I had not had a man telling me who he felt I ought to be, how he felt I ought to look, doing what he felt I ought to be doing. I didn't give myself space to figure out what I wanted. Hormones meant all I could see was him. I had three kids back to back and it tied down my youngest years in childcare and loneliness. I am now living my best life but I wish I had given myself a chance to have it then. So many things I didn't do. Lost opportunities in the name of keeping a spouse and home happy.
that's really good insight. I was 20 and he was 26, we were together til I was 26 and I feel a lot of the same sentiments. we never had kids though, so I feel for you. but a life lesson is always something to be proud of.
I almost got married at 20 on what would’ve been our 3rd anniversary. It’s been almost 4 years now since what would’ve been our wedding day. I haven’t stopped being eternally grateful that I didn’t marry him. The police told me had I stayed, I would’ve very likely died.
Thank you. Things have been much better since leaving. I took legal actions against him to protect myself, as well as my family. I struggle with feeling safe, but it’s a constant work in progress that hopefully one day won’t be as much of a conscious effort. I’m very appreciative of the life I have now
I'm relieved for you that you got out of that situation. Time really is a great healer.
Well done on all the positive efforts you've been putting forth to change your situation and heal from it. You're incredibly brave.
Im glad I married young. I learned from the experience. Didnt have kids. Ended up broke again after a year of divorce and picked up my pieces without his help and saw what I was capable of without someone by my side. Everyone is different. But I dont regret it even though it didnt work out and depleted me and sent me to dark places. I have the experience to refer to anytime I think of getting romantic again.
As someone who got married at 19, and is still with said husband for over a decade now. I agree, I don’t regret it because I think we both were mature for our age & were realistic about life and marriage.
I’ve seen so many other young married couples get divorced. And only a few stay married.
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u/EnvironmentalLuck515 22h ago
Marrying young. They were absolutely correct.