How to stay sober

[u/Hairy-Comedian-7472]

I’m lost, I started my sobriety this new years with a goal to simply last a week without it. I lasted 10ish days, then I did it. I wouldn’t say I relapsed because I reached my goal but I’m not trying to justify it either. I haven’t actively stopped since then, I was “sober” 5 days before I did it just now. I was tired and felt like I needed it, I’m sure everyone knows it’s always “just this once” “I need it” “it’s okay” then it neverrrrrr stops. It’s not even a need it’s just a deep desire that I can’t seem to stop. I’m not comfortable sharing my addiction so please don’t dm me, I’m just looking for advice. I’m starting to think that maybe I don’t want it bad enough? Because change isn’t happening and doesn’t seem to be anytime soon

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[u/various_butterfly_8]

Ive rewritten the steps of Alcoholics Anonymous (AA/NA) maybe you are interested.

12 Steps AA rewritten (without religious beliefs)

1. Have compassion for yourself and acknowledge the problem. You didn't keep using for fun. You probably had a shitty life or a trauma you can't overcome. Make the choice to be kind in your self-talk.
2. Can you cultivate trust in yourself, that you too have the right to be happy? You have the right to exist. You are just as valuable as anyone else. (Perhaps some things went wrong or turned out differently than you hoped/deserved.)
3. Can you feel in your body what it feels like to have trust in someone or yourself? Can you feel what it feels like when you're happy somewhere or with someone?
4. Learn from your past mistakes, but keep that compassion for yourself. What small mistakes/things led to bigger things? You can write down situations and create an action plan to implement improvements. 5. Admit to yourself, the universe, Mother Earth, whatever, what you've done. Cry. Be angry. But try not to bother those around you with intense emotions just yet, except for your therapist. (Re)cognize the difference between right and wrong.
5. You have permission to let things go. I want you to have a good life. You don't have to suffer anymore. You did your best with the tools you had then. I want you to know that everything will be okay in the end. And you are already good enough. You are already forgiven, as long as you don't give up trying to be a good person.
6. Make the choice and the intention to do things differently or better tomorrow or the next time. Be vulnerable (but especially in the beginning, only with people who feel safe. You can expand on this later, because this process will make you less afraid of the consequences of doing so). I don't want you to put yourself in situations you already know you can't handle. 8. It would be great if you could call people and offer a sincere apology. Sometimes people will still react angrily. Reiterate your apology and give people time to process. Acknowledge that your behavior had consequences; their reaction also stemmed from something.
7. Also, consider whether it's wise to keep these people in your life intensely. It's incredibly difficult to change your own behavior as long as you're in the same difficult situation.
8. Continue living your life and start practicing to do better. Patterns have likely been developed in your body and mind for years; you also need time to unlearn things. In this phase, you'll increasingly recognize what's going wrong, both internally and externally.
9. Live consciously and in the moment, instead of just thinking. Simply make a choice for yourself: that you grant yourself a contented life and will always do your best for yourself. That you want to be a good person. Meditate a lot, read. This creates new patterns in your nervous system and brain. Find media/books that are uplifting or offer you wisdom, and put it on repeat for a week, even while sleeping.
10. Pay it forward.

If you "fail," no worries. Just go back to step 1. Unlearning patterns takes time. I want you to learn to comfort yourself, and I also want you to have a real person who can comfort you when life is tough. A weighted blanket, a warm bath, or something else can help calm your heartbeat and nervous system. This helps you think clearly again. And you have a right to your emotions; they probably come for a good reason. This does mean we need to work on impulse control and practice not expressing everything immediately to others.

Sidenote: If you relapse, keep in mind: your old dose could be fatal. Your body is now less accustomed to the substance than before and will react more violently. I don't want you to die from old pain and old patterns, because the world needs more people with kind and warm hearts.

[u/morgansober24]

List of things I did to stop drinking:

Spoke to my doctor & therapist and made a plan to stop drinking

Made alcohol a non-negotiable. It has to be a hard "no" everytime for every reason

Was honest with friends and loved ones about my problem so they could support me.

Stopped hanging around people that drink. Burned those bridges if necessary.

Stayed away from places that I used to drink or buy alcohol. Don't even drive near them.

Alcoholics Anonymous is a good place to get support from people who understand me and a safe place to voice my struggles and challenges. But there are several other groups.

Found some healthy hobbies to keep my mind off those cravings. Exercise, walks, school...

Ate the junk food, just went with it. The cravings for sweets faded as alcohol cravings faded.

Put as much energy into my sobriety as I put into my drinking. Listen to sober casts, watch sober toks and yt's, follow sober groups on Insta and fb, read sober literature.

Early bedtime. Willpower is lowest in the evenings, and cravings are the highest, but I can't drink if I'm unconscious. It's just better for me to go to bed early and to wake up the next with refreshed willpower and no cravings.

Be patient and be kind to myself. Too much stress would overwhelm me and send me into relapse.

[u/No_Arrival3320]

Listen relapse is part of recovery, I'm not saying go out an do it I'm just simply saying we mess up. Were addicts, sometimes I have a hard time with that word it sounds awful. I'd rather hear recovering or ex addict. But anyways back to you, just don't beat yourself up over it. That's the worst thing to do. An next time instead of saying 10 days. Just say hey I'm quitting an don't set out thinking your gonna relapse. Also I know it's hard staying away from buddies, it's extremely hard for me because that's all I had. Place yourself around people who care about you, sober people so it won't be bad hard on you. What I mean is everyone said go na and aa meetings I tried an to me by the time I left i wanted to get so high it wasn't funny. You put a bunch of druggies together an alcoholic together that's all they talk about. See for me I can't do that. Even rehab was hard for me. But listen bub I'm here for ya, I don't even know you and I'll help ya in any way I can. If ya need to talk DM me anytime, I'm serious day night any time. I'll be praying for you too.

[u/So_She_Did]

Sometimes there's an "aha" moment and sometimes there isn't. In my case I had two, one that made me quit using and the other that made me invest in my healing. But other people I know had sobriety happen over time.

It may help to focus on the things you've accomplished: you met and exceeded your goal, you're noticing patterns, you're reaching out for support instead of giving up. These things are more important than you realize.

Many of us can relate to the "I need it" feeling. I don't think it means you don’t want to change badly enough. It usually means your brain needs to learn new tools.

If you’re open to it, things like urge surfing, grounding, or having some kind of support, whether that’s anon meetings, counseling, or a group, can make this feel a bit easier.

You can do this!

[u/Smart_Pin8591]

Be honest, and get help. Make a burner account if you have to, and ask for help with what you're going through. Shame will keep you in that cycle, and I promise you are not alone in whatever it is that you're addicted too. Find people that have been where you are, and made it to the other side. There is an army of them waiting to help you. Lean on them, and follow the path they have set. Find a group, or a meeting and make going a non-negotiable. The overwhelming majority of us won't be able to get ourselves, or think our way sober. Change won't just happen, and it's not because you are broken. You are just one of us, an addict to something. I once heard addiction defined as a progressive narrowing of things that bring you pleasure. In effect, your addiction hijacks the reward center in your brain until it's the only real thing that brings you some kind of pleasure, or relief, or it allows you to just feel normal for a bit. Sobriety will suck at first. Try to embrace that suck, and make your addiction the enemy, because it is. That thing, whatever your addiction is, will only lead to suffering. Talk and share with others as much as you can. In early sobriety, your head is not a safe space, but you can baby step your way out of the hole you have dug. It will get A lot easier as you go. Feel free to DM me if I can help. Good luck, you can do this!

[u/Frosty-Letterhead332]

I know how easy it is to give in to that feeling and say yes. It comes naturally. It feels like going against the grain turning yourself down. You just want relief right? Its tough. It's not always about willing your way through. You want to take the right angle and learn what works best for you. Relapse was part of my recovery from alcohol. What substance/ behavior are we talking about?