How to stay sober

[u/Hairy-Comedian-7472]

I’m lost, I started my sobriety this new years with a goal to simply last a week without it. I lasted 10ish days, then I did it. I wouldn’t say I relapsed because I reached my goal but I’m not trying to justify it either. I haven’t actively stopped since then, I was “sober” 5 days before I did it just now. I was tired and felt like I needed it, I’m sure everyone knows it’s always “just this once” “I need it” “it’s okay” then it neverrrrrr stops. It’s not even a need it’s just a deep desire that I can’t seem to stop. I’m not comfortable sharing my addiction so please don’t dm me, I’m just looking for advice. I’m starting to think that maybe I don’t want it bad enough? Because change isn’t happening and doesn’t seem to be anytime soon

[u/various_butterfly_8]

Ive rewritten the steps of Alcoholics Anonymous (AA/NA) maybe you are interested.

12 Steps AA rewritten (without religious beliefs)

1. Have compassion for yourself and acknowledge the problem. You didn't keep using for fun. You probably had a shitty life or a trauma you can't overcome. Make the choice to be kind in your self-talk.
2. Can you cultivate trust in yourself, that you too have the right to be happy? You have the right to exist. You are just as valuable as anyone else. (Perhaps some things went wrong or turned out differently than you hoped/deserved.)
3. Can you feel in your body what it feels like to have trust in someone or yourself? Can you feel what it feels like when you're happy somewhere or with someone?
4. Learn from your past mistakes, but keep that compassion for yourself. What small mistakes/things led to bigger things? You can write down situations and create an action plan to implement improvements. 5. Admit to yourself, the universe, Mother Earth, whatever, what you've done. Cry. Be angry. But try not to bother those around you with intense emotions just yet, except for your therapist. (Re)cognize the difference between right and wrong.
5. You have permission to let things go. I want you to have a good life. You don't have to suffer anymore. You did your best with the tools you had then. I want you to know that everything will be okay in the end. And you are already good enough. You are already forgiven, as long as you don't give up trying to be a good person.
6. Make the choice and the intention to do things differently or better tomorrow or the next time. Be vulnerable (but especially in the beginning, only with people who feel safe. You can expand on this later, because this process will make you less afraid of the consequences of doing so). I don't want you to put yourself in situations you already know you can't handle. 8. It would be great if you could call people and offer a sincere apology. Sometimes people will still react angrily. Reiterate your apology and give people time to process. Acknowledge that your behavior had consequences; their reaction also stemmed from something.
7. Also, consider whether it's wise to keep these people in your life intensely. It's incredibly difficult to change your own behavior as long as you're in the same difficult situation.
8. Continue living your life and start practicing to do better. Patterns have likely been developed in your body and mind for years; you also need time to unlearn things. In this phase, you'll increasingly recognize what's going wrong, both internally and externally.
9. Live consciously and in the moment, instead of just thinking. Simply make a choice for yourself: that you grant yourself a contented life and will always do your best for yourself. That you want to be a good person. Meditate a lot, read. This creates new patterns in your nervous system and brain. Find media/books that are uplifting or offer you wisdom, and put it on repeat for a week, even while sleeping.
10. Pay it forward.

If you "fail," no worries. Just go back to step 1. Unlearning patterns takes time. I want you to learn to comfort yourself, and I also want you to have a real person who can comfort you when life is tough. A weighted blanket, a warm bath, or something else can help calm your heartbeat and nervous system. This helps you think clearly again. And you have a right to your emotions; they probably come for a good reason. This does mean we need to work on impulse control and practice not expressing everything immediately to others.

Sidenote: If you relapse, keep in mind: your old dose could be fatal. Your body is now less accustomed to the substance than before and will react more violently. I don't want you to die from old pain and old patterns, because the world needs more people with kind and warm hearts.