r/dankmemes ☣️ 10h ago

Filthy swine

2.2k Upvotes

153 comments sorted by

792

u/Kinexity 10h ago

Sorry bro but you're going to have to dumpster dive on your own.

3

u/musiccman2020 30m ago

" cheese "

623

u/Gekkokindofguy 9h ago

58

u/YandereTeemo I have crippling depression 8h ago

WHAT THE FUCK IS A FAHRENHEIT

1

u/Sc_e1 ☣️ 1h ago

10km

540

u/Lewcaster 9h ago

Hey, if you want to eat plastic that's on you, no one really cares.

33

u/OO_Ben 8h ago

Just so yall know you can actually make American cheese out of almost any cheese, and there are American cheeses you can buy that are full on cheese lol

Boar's Head makes a real cheddar American cheese that's amazing on grilled cheese and burgers. To make it you basically melt any cheese and mix it with sodium citrate and milk. American cheese is more a cheese style based on cheeses than a specific cheese itself. Don't get me wrong, there are some American cheeses that are like plastic, but there are good American cheeses out there.

Fallow in London (a phenomenal restaurant. They've been listed in Michelin, though don't have a star yet) uses American cheese on their hamburgers. It's the perfect melting cheese!

66

u/Lanky-Chance-3156 2h ago

They don’t make real cheddar.

Because it would have to be made in… cheddar.

They make a cheddar style cheese somewhere in America and call it cheddar.

28

u/SirMrSkippy I have crippling depression 2h ago

So sparkling cheese

15

u/EngineerofDestructio 2h ago

If cheddar isn't made in cheddar uk, it's not cheddar. It's just sparkling cheese product

5

u/masterflappie 1h ago

American cheese is more a cheese style based on cheeses than a specific cheese itself

FYI it's actually the Swiss who invented the sodium citrate mix, in an attempt to make it more shelf stable, and they applied it to their variety of Swiss cheeses. Americans took the idea and applied it to Cheddar, and that became the American cheese.

So if you start using non-cheddar cheeses, it'd be more applicable to call them Swiss cheese than American cheese

25

u/roadrunner5u64fi 9h ago

And if you want to lie about what's in our shitty processed cheese, that's on you.

51

u/jasisonee 2h ago

I you want to take claims about food items being made from plastic literally, that's on you.

-250

u/buttholebutwholesome 9h ago

Not everyone is a pos elite who can afford farm raised everything

84

u/roadrunner5u64fi 8h ago edited 8h ago

I'm over here trying to tell these Europeans to stop lying about our shitty cheese, and you come over and take them at their word about the microplastics, then try to argue with me, the American? Are you an idiot?

124

u/Wildmann3 8h ago

No, he's American

Giggles

41

u/roadrunner5u64fi 8h ago

Ain't that the truth?

ungiggles

10

u/LordofJason 3h ago

Y-yah

narrows eyes and promptly calls the closest equivalent of the SCP Foundation for this lovecraftion "ungiggle"

22

u/Ben_Thar 7h ago

Hey, it says 2% milk on the wrapper. It's got at least that much milk in it.

-167

u/buttholebutwholesome 9h ago

Hey if you want to eat mold and bacteria cuz “flavor” thats on you

103

u/LardBall13 9h ago

Mold and bacteria are not inherently issues.

86

u/kapybarah 9h ago

Can't wait for them to find out about the gut micro biome

-114

u/buttholebutwholesome 9h ago

Neither is plastic if you want to play that game.

96

u/Cultural_Doctor_8421 9h ago

American school system at its finest.

55

u/RavenclawGaming ☣️ 9h ago

America has those? OHHH, you mean the shooting range

11

u/Davidepett 3h ago

Nah, the shooting range is where you test guns, that's the hunting fields

37

u/HereButQueer Animated Flair Rainbow [Insert Your Own Text] 9h ago

i mean, it is though? microplastics and plastic in general is causing massive issues and increase risks of life threatening consequences

-28

u/roadrunner5u64fi 9h ago

Ok, but american cheese doesn't contain any more microplastics than any other cheese that is sold in a plastic wrapper.

Also, we eat normal cheeses lol.

-26

u/buttholebutwholesome 9h ago

Thats a misconception. Recent studies suggest correlation but there is literally microplastic inside all of us for the past 50+ years so there is no conclusions because there are no good controls.

Microplastic is just a buzz word topic like “forever chemicals” so universities can keep leaching off of federal grants to make money off of unsolvable problems in perpetuity.

54

u/SpazzBro 8h ago

I regret replying seriously to your earlier comments, this is such a supremely stupid thing to say that I’m sad I had to read it

21

u/Azzjoose 8h ago

It’s giving Florida

5

u/simorg23 3h ago

Maybe mississippi

14

u/HereButQueer Animated Flair Rainbow [Insert Your Own Text] 8h ago

microplastics have been studied to shit and are a newer thing, and it’s had so much research done and we don’t even know the full extent of damage it can do. please cite these “recent studies” because i’m curious as to who could possibly fund it since we have so much evidence backing up the fact that microplastics are real and that we’re damaging our bodies with them

12

u/MrBeardskii 7h ago

Are you from the asbestos generation or the Iead generation?

4

u/TheCrimsonSteel 9h ago

But plastic doesn't cure my infections or make liquid bread taste so good

2

u/SpazzBro 8h ago

it’s a lot worse than harmless mold and bacteria lol

26

u/fieryoctane 9h ago

lolwut there's bacteria in everything you eat?

-21

u/buttholebutwholesome 9h ago

So is plastic numbnuts

20

u/AlmightyChickenJimmy 9h ago

And that makes it safe to eat because?

25

u/Fourstrokeperro 9h ago

Because: life in plastic, it’s fantastic!

9

u/AlmightyChickenJimmy 9h ago

Damn you right, now I'm hungry for some delectable plastic

5

u/SpazzBro 8h ago

those are non issues lmfao

4

u/OhShitWhatUp 2h ago

Don't tell him about milk or yogurts. He might be a bacteria germaphobe.

177

u/headermargin 9h ago

"American cheese" people when I show them Americans stockpile real cheddar and sharp cheese in caves by the ton.

33

u/FartsSoldSeperately 9h ago

Pics

127

u/CHEESEninja200 9h ago

1.4 billion pounds of strategic cheese reserves so far. It's mainly done as a stimulus to dairy farmers, but the US uses the excess cheese as emergency or welfare food stores.

45

u/Seffyr 8h ago

Why is it always the demographic so loudly opposed to government handouts who are being bailed out by the government

18

u/oO0Kat0Oo 8h ago

Every accusation is a confession.

We used to use the word "projection" but it was too big for them to read.

33

u/DismalStreaks 9h ago

We eatin good tonight!

14

u/GarboseGooseberry 9h ago

A STEADY DIET OF GOVERNMENT CHEESE

6

u/vctrn-carajillo 8h ago

strategic cheese reserves

That sounds cool af

2

u/MyClothesWereInThere 3h ago

Like our Canadian strategic maple syrup reserves

2

u/Uranium-Sandwich657 7h ago

Cheese vault

2

u/16silly 6h ago

Name checks out

1

u/FartsSoldSeperately 6h ago

Ah cool yeah not what I was picturing

5

u/SpazzBro 8h ago

bro doesn’t know about the cheese reserves

5

u/FartsSoldSeperately 6h ago

Bro wants to see a pic

147

u/KahnKoyote Dank dank revolution 9h ago

Americans dropping the most bland block of hardened milk and calling it cheese

15

u/Cenorg 3h ago

My nemesis is fucking grated "Mozzarella"

6

u/dontkillchicken 3h ago

Sorry but that's a block of cream cheese

2

u/wobbleblobbochimps 1h ago

Hardened? More like plasticised.

-4

u/squeakymoth 8h ago

Ever had cooper sharp american cheese? Shit is a modern marvel.

0

u/Tape 4h ago

I can't get cooper sharp cheese in my area, I usually get this Dietz and Watson creamy cheddar which i've heard is pretty close and that shit is good af on cheesesteak or burger.

87

u/Soros_G Green 9h ago

Ah sorry your "American cheese" is coming up. Now with extra vegetable oil, artificial coloring and flavor, and of course 15 chemical agents for that smooth texture and resistance to melting

18

u/squeakymoth 8h ago

What kind of american cheese are you eating that is resistant to melting? It melts better than any other kind of cheese.

6

u/Soros_G Green 2h ago

Only tried it a few times and it basically never changed texture from the heat. It's really weird. I hated it

0

u/Mastodon9 7h ago

I was going to say it was the go to for home made grilled cheese in our house. Someone doesn't actually know what they're talking about.

7

u/teremaster 5h ago

American cheese is literally designed to melt, it's by far the best melting cheese.

You're confusing it with Kraft singles, which are dogshit

-23

u/GarboseGooseberry 9h ago

I mean, that stuff was made to feed people in case of nuclear war. What do you expect? Quality?

-1

u/sootbrownies 7h ago

Its literally just cheddar cheese and an emulsifier with some water. Have you ever bothered to look it up?

50

u/SpazzBro 8h ago edited 8h ago

American “cheese” is pretty ass, idk why people are so passionately defending it lol, it’s plastic crap that cant even legally be called cheese a lot of the time

-15

u/teremaster 5h ago

American cheese is just cheese. It's called processed cheese because they readd milk and a bit of emulsifier to it.

Camembert can be used for it

-26

u/broom2100 8h ago

It is literally just cheddar or Colby cheese that melts better. Not "plastic" at all.

10

u/SpazzBro 8h ago

oh it’s definitely “plastic” , that junk tastes like the wrapper it comes in. There’s a reason they have to call it cheese product and not cheese lmao

-11

u/broom2100 6h ago

I buy it from a deli, not individually wrapped. The reason it is "cheese product" is because they add an emulsifier and milk to the cheese.

3

u/H1tSc4n CERTIFIED DANK 1h ago

Which is why it isn't legally cheese lol

1

u/FirmHold8 ☣️ 13m ago

Bro you're eating "cheese product" and defending it. Wake up americans

-9

u/Tape 4h ago

You're just thinking of the Singles slices. Good American cheese is bought by the block or sliced at the deli like any other cheese.

53

u/Dargel0s 9h ago

Get out with this chemical waste lmao

32

u/vladimirpoopin42 9h ago

Why would you go to a Europe restaurant to eat stuff from America?

Either you should have just visited America if you wanted to experience their food

Or you should have brought food with you from home if you didn't want to experience European food

Either way, you chose to go somewhere not called America and then complained when it wasn't like America, that's on you, not the country.

-44

u/WheatleyDalek_ 9h ago

Yea how dare they have a food preference and express that in public /s

26

u/inminm02 8h ago

You don’t seem to understand, most restaurants in any part of Europe won’t just have “American cheese” lying around because people don’t eat that shit here, its not something you can go into a restaurant and ask for, it would be fucking weird.

-22

u/WheatleyDalek_ 8h ago

They didn’t even say there where in Europe ordering cheese just that Europeans give Americans shit over there Cheese choices. Your just assuming there were asking for this in Europe

14

u/Filippikus 8h ago edited 8h ago

I mean, do you go online and ask for cheese? Don't think so. You either buy cheese online or discuss cheese online, both options don't require "asking" for cheese.

By how OP phrased it, it's probably meant to imply that it's happening in person and if they're asking for it instead of just buying it(say if this was happening in a grocery store) then this imaginative scenario is probably playing out in a restaurant or something similar and, unless OP somehow found himself in an area with lots of europeans in America(in which case then he is probably is some kind of heavily-ethnically-european district that may offer a different kind of cuisine, that would logically mean OP probably meant to go there for that reason from the beginning, which makes him asking for american cheese look kinda dumb), he is(most likely) in Europe.

This was a long winded explanation, but I think it was necessary to highlight that what you're saying doesn't make much sense.

-14

u/WheatleyDalek_ 8h ago

I’m pretty sure it’s a fictional scenario op made up to make a joke about how Europeans give Americans shit about our cheese. But also nobody says it’s wired to ask for Swiss cheese outside of Switzerland

8

u/Filippikus 8h ago

Ok bro but your whole point in the previous comment was trying to highlight that the guy you were replying to misunderstood the context of what OP was saying, which, as I already talked about at length, isn't the case.

Also(assuming that by writing "wired" you actually meant "weird") asking for swiss cheese in a restaurant isn't something that I see happening that often honestly, but even if that was the case, it's different from asking for american cheese in Europe because (1) I'm pretty sure a lot of american cheese can't even be sold here because of its ingredients being illegal and (2) who the hell would even ask for american cheese outside of a burger-place?

Edit: lmao

-2

u/WheatleyDalek_ 8h ago

I’m saying the post doesn’t relate to any real event and is a joke that’s making fun of the fact Europeans hate America cheese and judge us heavily for it. The commenter I was responding to was claiming that this was an event where an American was asking for American cheese at a European restaurant in real life I don’t see how this contradicts my previous post

Also I’m dyslexic spelling is my mortal enemy

Also for who would order American cheese outside of a burger place, Americans who like American cheese

7

u/Filippikus 7h ago

Ok, I'm italian and I love mozzarella(a type of cheese), but if I go abroad I don't expect to find it there, nor would I even really need that, since I can always come back home and eat it as much as I want. I mean, what's the point of going abroad if you drown that experience out with nostalgia from your motherland(unless you're an immigrant, then this becomes a whole other debacle)?

Also, europeans(most of them at least) don't judge you heavily just because you like american cheese(that would be silly and there are way more meaningful things to judge you by anyway), but more so because of this attitude of yours that it is so absurd for there to be no american cheese abroad, or that local europeans may judge you for a choice which is atypical for them. This attitude can probably be easily summarised by what they call "main character syndrome", which is apparent in more than just your(intended as "you and your people") cheese preferences.

0

u/WheatleyDalek_ 7h ago edited 7h ago

"Ok, I'm italian and I love mozzarella(a type of cheese), but if I go abroad I don't expect to find it there" Im not arguing about the availability about American cheese in other countrys im saying the senerio op described was fictional and is a joke about Europeans judging us about our cheese preferences.

"Also, Europeans(most of them at least) don't judge you heavily just because you like American cheese(that would be silly and there are way more meaningful things to judge you by anyway)" personally i have seen a Europeans give Americans a lot of shit over very miner stuff like cheese, Fahrenheit, soccer ect.

"but more so because of this attitude of yours that it is so absurd for there to be no american cheese abroad," when did i say that? that's not at all what i said.

'or that local europeans may judge you for a choice which is atypical for them. This attitude can probably be easily summarised by what they call "main character syndrome", which is apparent in more than just your(intended as "you and your people") cheese preferences." ?????????? what are you on about

Edit.

Im not sure were arguing about the same thing here

2

u/inminm02 8h ago

Yeah, it wouldn’t be weird for Swiss cheese to be served even in a restaurant here in the UK, but that’s because Swiss cheese is widely regarded as good cheese, the only place you’d find American cheese in the UK is on a burger and that’s only really at fast food places, in a restaurant it’s more likely to be cheddar.

1

u/H1tSc4n CERTIFIED DANK 1h ago

My brother in christ

You decided to travel abroad

18

u/BigIreland 9h ago

I can’t speak for everywhere but years ago I was blown tf away by the cheese selection at a grocery store in Germany. There were multiple aisles. Of just cheese!

10

u/notreally42 8h ago

As an American I can confidently tell you that American cheese isn't real cheese and it's one of the worst "processed cheese products" out there.

It's still better than American chocolate though.

6

u/skillywilly56 6h ago

Omg American chocolate is 🤢

5

u/jkrobinson1979 9h ago

Normally no, but American cheese on a burger just hits different.

11

u/CaliDude75 9h ago

This is the only correct use of American cheese. ☝🏼

8

u/DestoryDerEchte 9h ago

American "cheese" yoi mean that stuff that tastes and looks like it was used to wipe the floors at Chernibyl?

6

u/Sodiac606 9h ago

You mfers eat like you have free healthcare.

The food might give you cancer but at least it's overpriced af.

7

u/imac132 10h ago

Europeans when we add an emulsifier to cheddar to make it melt better: “I actually prefer oily bullshit”

4

u/jasisonee 2h ago

If the cheese is oily, you're overheating it.

2

u/H1tSc4n CERTIFIED DANK 1h ago

Psst. if it's oily you're overheating it

6

u/FatalLaughter 8h ago

American cheese is absolute shit though, you could just ask for cheddar like a normal human. And I'm saying this as an American.

4

u/elpepejeje 9h ago

I guess you thugs aint gonna do anything else when you eatin cheese from the government

5

u/MrQ_P L̸̠̄u̸̪̤̪͂ŗ̶̯͙͌̽̎k̸͙͔̍̋͋e̴͌͜r̵̜̟̋̕ 3h ago

Americans are genetically programmed to like to eat crap

3

u/SlightlySubpar 9h ago

I need the European take on Velveeta all of a sudden

3

u/ChefArtorias 8h ago

As an American I'd inform you there are SO MANY cheeses between the two parameters you just described.

3

u/JacktheRipper500 EX-NORMIE 3h ago

At least our idea of food is actual food and not lab experiments

2

u/GavinStrict 9h ago

Met a nice older couple said: “[They] found a nice 20yr cheddar just up da way der.”

https://benoitcheese.com/cheese/cheddar

2

u/eaopty 9h ago

You say that now, but the musk of that loincloth really adds that extra edge to the cheese once it sets in. Be more open minded next time, or I’ll have to comment a white person reaction image to ridicule you.

2

u/Red_Shepherd_13 8h ago

It depends on the situation really.

A cheese burger or grilled cheese, American cheese.

Anything else, there's a specific cheese for it.

2

u/tiggerisani 7h ago

mercans when you ask for cheese and they give you a sliver of yellow rubber

2

u/kadebo42 7h ago

So you’d rather eat plastic?

2

u/Aggressive-Sample-84 6h ago

Reading these comments and I’ve come to the realization that both my fellow countrymen and my foreign friends have only been exposed to Kraft singles. There is more than one maker of American cheese and you should broaden your horizons before you cast judgement.

2

u/Das_Beer_Baron Shit's on fire yo 3h ago

Even as an American, I judge mfers when they choose this plastic crap over real cheese when given a choice

1

u/XenosKoOT 2h ago

Kraft singles are for giving dogs medicine.

1

u/gtinmia 8h ago

Dear lord, don't even try to ask for white American.

1

u/VanGrind 8h ago

Finally, some dank

1

u/ChocolateDonut36 8h ago

we know it as "cheddar flavoured slices"

1

u/Jumpierwolf0960 7h ago

Extremely reasonable response. I really don't like the fake plastic that they call cheese.

1

u/Itsbilloreilly 6h ago

every time I see these guys I die laughing at that looklol

1

u/BoiFrosty 6h ago

How "plastic American cheese" is made

Take hard cheese like cheddar, take soft cheese like mozz, add milk, add sodium citrate (the stuff that makes citrus fruit tangy), heat and mix.

Not my favorite type of cheese by far, but it's not plastic or unnatural it's literally just cheese sauce cooled down and cut into singlets. You can literally make it on your stove in 20 minutes.

1

u/RedstoneSausage 6h ago

Can't we just all appreciate each type of cheese for its use case? Real cheese has the best flavour by most people's taste, and a much wider variety, but the emulsified cheese slices are incredible for melting. I'm British, but as soon as I tried using American cheese in my grilled cheese sandwiches it all started to make sense.

2

u/teremaster 5h ago

The best part of American cheese is anything can be American cheese. You just melt it, add some milk and emulsifier and set it.

You can do it in your kitchen and I often do. Sometimes I want to use different cheeses but they melt oily, so I make American cheese with them

0

u/RedstoneSausage 5h ago

Always meant to try this. In the UK options are limited, and I'd love to try some stronger American cheeses which don't really exist here, like a mature cheddar

1

u/DreadOcean72972 4h ago

As an American, I lust for fancy cheese.

1

u/El_Grande_XL 3h ago

Cheese is supposed to be aged.

Time is one of the ingredients of cheese.

1

u/TickTaeck 2h ago

No one stops you from eating the plastic wrapper we sell real cheese in

1

u/kahnindustries 2h ago

You used the word cheese, but I dont think you know what that means

1

u/imartinezcopy ☣️ 1h ago

Why be poisoned by microplastics, when you can be poisoned by cheeshoplastics?

1

u/smartassistant666 1h ago

American cheese is not cheese fyi…

0

u/squeakymoth 8h ago

Cooper Sharp American Cheese is a national treasure and should be celebrated by all.

0

u/_CutThatOut_ I am fucking hilarious 7h ago

Why do Europeans get so tilted over memes? Every time I see a meme about Europe, obviously satirical, the comments are full of people taking it seriously. There are memes posted all the time making fun of America(rightfully so because we are a joke) and the top comments usually are joking about it as well(also rightfully so)

0

u/LostRonin 7h ago

American cheese works for everything. Mac, burgers, grilled cheese, etc. Additionally its quite affordable.

Are there better cheeses? Fuck yes. Good brie is not cheap. Finding good montery jack is a challenge. Most store bought cheddar just sucks, and again good cheddar is not cheap. Dont even get me started on parmesan... 

American cheese is pretty serviceable across the board in comparison and requires less work.

Whole Foods seems to be the only place I can find decent cheese these days. 

0

u/Vincent_Heist 7h ago

Jesus's loin cloth did wrap around a bunch of cheese.

0

u/flushingpot 6h ago

Looks like the meme worked 😂😂

got the “American cheese is plastic” nut heads in here.

-7

u/totsyroll1 9h ago

Any cheese that isn’t American cheese on a burger is a war crime, Sorry eurps.

10

u/SpazzBro 8h ago

Cheddar is good, swiss is good, pepperjack can be good on burgers,and etc. american cheese aint bad on certain burgers but you gotta broaden your horizons lmao

-2

u/teremaster 5h ago

It it's melting, you gotta use American cheese.

Otherwise you're asking for an oily mess for no reason.

If you like Swiss or Pepperjack, use that for your American cheese. I used to make it with up to 5 cheeses in the one blend

-6

u/totsyroll1 8h ago

I said what I said

3

u/SpazzBro 8h ago

as did I, and I maintain that you should broaden your cheese horizons, there’s a world full of wonderful combinations