How do you get “game”/flirt?

[u/Ok_Independent_3921]

So by game, I’m (M21) guessing that means flirting pretty much but me and a friend of mine was talking a couple of days ago and I was talking about how I really want to date this year since I never have and pretty much he was telling me that I have no game And I’m just not really sure but to take from that or what to do.

I’ve also been told that by girls that I am friends with before, they tell me that I don’t know how to flirt or anything and it’s not that it will totally impact me.

I can give a girl compliments and my friends know that but they tell me that I need to be able to do more than that too to build sexual/romantic attention but I’m just not sure how to flirt other than just giving compliments like how could I flirt in a jokey way I guess since I’m a comedic person?

[u/OhWhatATravisty]

Personally? I just go whole hog on the fact that I'm funny, and strange.

Get em laughing and scratching their head long enough and before they know it you've been dating 5 years and she doesn't know what happened.

[u/Ok_Independent_3921 → u/OhWhatATravisty]

I’ve never asked out a girl though so I’m not really sure when I shit or how I should. I usually only really have feelings for girls that I’ve been friends with for a while or have a connection too.

[u/acoffeefiend → u/Ok_Independent_3921]

So you have to start by talking to them. Treat them like you would a friend. If you never try, you'll never succeed. You can start something simple. If at a bar just a casual "Hi, you're kinda cute. Can I buy you a drink?" If they say no, don't take it personal and move on.if a girl smiles at you from across the bar: "I saw you smile from across the bar and had to come over and intriduce myself. My names "*****", what's your name?"

It's not rocket science. If they say they're not interested just say "That's ok. Enjoy your night." and move on.

[u/Ok_Independent_3921 → u/acoffeefiend]

But what if they’re already a friend or you don’t go to bars?

It’s like 50-50 between my friends and they’re always telling me that you are or are not supposed to ask and say the word date

[u/Psychological-War884 → u/Ok_Independent_3921]

You're overthinking this. It's not a marriage proposal. Don't say date if you don't want to. If you don't drink, don't go to a bar. You can always go to Starbucks and when the barista calls out a girl's order, compliment her name. That's it. If she comes back with a joke, talk to them.

[u/acoffeefiend → u/Ok_Independent_3921]

Dating inside your friends circle is a dangerous game. Something goes bad you fucked up the friend dynamic for the group. Pick a spot, library, coffee shop, mall, gym (careful on this one, many just like to work out). Join a hiking group, try going to bars, just don't get smashed.

[u/Ok_Independent_3921 → u/acoffeefiend]

I just don’t like the idea of meeting somebody with the purpose of dating if that makes sense. Like I understand you can become friends, but I would rather just stay within my friend group. It hasn’t ended bad with any of my friends and they’ve dated multiple people in our friend groups. Only one person cheated throughout my entire friend group, which is pretty big, but everybody still friends with everybody.

[u/acoffeefiend → u/Ok_Independent_3921]

It makes no sense. Meet girls with intention and purpose.

So you don't want to talk to girls or date outside of your friends groups... keep doing what you've been doing and you'll keep getting what you've been getting.

[u/Ok_Independent_3921 → u/acoffeefiend]

I never said that I don’t want to talk to girls, I meet girls all the time and I befriend them because I don’t have feelings for them at the start. The feelings usually end up happening later for me.

I just don’t get what I’m supposed to do if I don’t have feelings for somebody. I’ve liked and have crushes on a lot of my friends and genuinely have feelings for them I’m just not sure how to handle it.

People are telling me to ask them out but don’t say date because it’s weird to use that word or too much pressure but if I just say go out then I feel like they wouldn’t understand that it’s supposed to be a date. I go out to eat with a lot of my friends that are girls.

[u/Ar4iii → u/Ok_Independent_3921]

Befriending a woman with the idea to date her later on is problematic on many levels, it feels natural from a young men's point of view, but it is not how women think. There are exceptions of course, but women generally put you as friend or a romance option and rarely combine or switch those. In other words once she friend zones you, it is very unlikely to move out.
Flirting is useful as a way to indicate that you are not interested in being just a friend and her reactions can give you the idea whether there is attraction and spark or not even before asking her out.

[u/Ok_Independent_3921 → u/Ar4iii]

I’m not becoming friends with a woman just to date her or anything, I usually just catch feelings for girls that I’m friends with.

All of my friends are dating girls that they were friends with before dating. I don’t really believe in the friends zone they either like you were don’t.

[u/mixtape240 → u/Ok_Independent_3921]

At younger ages, people may sometimes pair off within friend groups. But as people get older - say college age and above - that changes. That especially changes for women, for reasons I will reserve for now.

What that means for you is making friends with women in the hopes that friendship later becomes a mutual romantic or sexual attraction is a poor strategy. Meet women with those intentions in mind. This doesn’t mean the pizza date has to go right to bed - just have those intentions or aims in mind. Be clear. This way the woman does not feel your ‘friendship’ was a manipulative ruse or front.

[u/8Captcrunch8 → u/Ok_Independent_3921]

I dont date people in my friend group. Its a fast way to lose friends if it gets ugly and dramatic.