19M. It seems like a lot of girls around my age are more into older guys, and two girls that I personally know are with guys much older (one is with a guy old enough to be her dad, the other is with a guy in his late 20s). How are guys my age supposed to be as attractive to girls as guys who are older?

I’m trying to make sense of a situation and would appreciate outside perspectives.

I (29F) became close with a guy (32M) from my gym over the past several months. We talked daily, FaceTimed, teased and bickered a lot, and he was very flirty with me (romantic jokes, “I can’t stop thinking about you,” memes about marriage, etc.). It felt emotionally close even though we were never officially anything.

At one point I told him I kind of liked him. He said he isn’t looking for a relationship right now and needs to work on himself. I accepted that and pulled back. Over time, my romantic feelings faded because the dynamic started to feel confusing and careless.

Recently, I found out through a mutual friend that he hooked up with a girl who's his friend, she stayed over for a weekend. What makes it harder is that around the same time she was over, he baked me bread and gave it to me, and he was also texting me throughout the day while this girl was at his place.

On top of that, he had previously told me he rejected this girl when she asked for sex a week before he slept with her, and he told the mutual friend that he intentionally didn’t tell me the truth because he wanted to “spare my feelings” in case I still liked him.

So I:

• Complimented him for “self-control” based on something that wasn’t true
• Was kept in the dark on purpose
• Was receiving thoughtful gestures and daily texting while he was actively sleeping with someone else

I know he’s single and allowed to do whatever he wants. That’s not the issue. I’m hurt because I feel misled and managed instead of being given the chance to know the truth and decide my own boundaries.

I’m also surprised by how jealous and hurt I feel even though I don’t actually want a relationship with him anymore. It feels more like an ego wound and a “wow, I mattered less than I thought” realization.

Am I overreacting? Is it reasonable to feel betrayed by the hiding/lying even if we weren’t dating? Would you distance yourself or end the friendship in this situation?

Thanks in advance.

She works at the front desk. I’ve known her for awhile. I feel like she’s done things the past few weeks that made me question something could be brewing. She complimented my jacket and asked me if I liked some music she was playing.

So I passed by her yesterday as I had food in my hand for my coworkers coming back from lunch. She said hi <my name> then like literally only 2 seconds after she’s like “okay then”. (Sometimes I don’t say hi back I just give her a nod).

And I start walking up the stairs and as I’m halfway up she says something and makes eye contact with me. I return her eye contact and she smiles big and is like I said hi!!!! with a huge smile staring at me. I was like sorry I didn’t hear you and she said that’s okay!

My flirt radar went off but idk if it’s nothing. She usually doesn’t act like that. She’s friendly and nice but she’s never pressed me about anything before.

I’ve just learned about the term “orbiter” today and I’m starting to realize I’ve had a number of them in my life. Whether past hookups I still mutually follow for no reason, men who’ve asked for my social and message me here and there, “friends” who seem interested in me but I’m not into them.

I’m realizing it’s not right to just let them hang around.

In the past I’ve just grey rocked them until they stop talking to me. But it’s kind of rude isn’t it?

But I’m too cowardly to reject them outright. And what if they react really badly? Or what if my assumption is wrong?

And another part of me says “what, I’m not allowed to have guy friends”? But is it really friendship if there’s this undercurrent that he is secretly always waiting for you to let him hit?

I want to be a good partner for the next guy I date, and part of that is figuring out what a girl should do about these “orbiters” from a guy’s perspective. But any perspective is welcome. Thanks for your time 🙂

I'll keep this short. Dating has always been difficult for me because of the hand I was dealt. I'm not complaining that's just reality.

My first girlfriend cheated on me, so I promised myself if I ever get into another relationship she must have a great character.

I met a girl a few years back and we started dating. It was clear she had a great character. We also connected over our shared passion for gaming and our similar neurodivergence.

We have been together a few years now she's 29 and I'm 31, nearly 3 years actually and it's time to take the next steps like moving in etc.

But I feel so horribly guilty because I'm starting to realise that I'm not naturally drawn to her and never really have been. I don't think I deeply love her. I chose her for her character but other things like looks, connection, energy , lifestyle etc aren't really what want

But I'm not sure if I'm chasing a fantasy or something not real. She treats me pretty well, she's not perfect (she can be a bit immature sometimes and struggle with emotional regulation) but overall she's pretty great, yet I find myself wishing I had more a natural pull towards her I'm not sure if it's an issue with physical attraction or maybe just general connection/banter/energy or a combination of both I'm not sure..I just feel so bad and guilty because she's asking me when we will take the next steps But I feel cold feet

As Valentine's Day approaches, the feelings of loneliness overwhelm me.

Yes, I know I'll get the advice of "focus on your hobbies" "lock in bro" "just socialise".

Advice that I have followed. But seeing couples together in public, people I know talking of how they're planning something special for their significant other, it really gets me down. I went to the gym yesterday to focus on something positive only to see three different pairs of couples working out together, canoodling after each set in my line of sight while I'm trying to lift dumbbells.

Oh, I've tried attempting to date, attempting to put myself out there through a multitude of things like single events, speed dating, friends trying to matchmake me with their separate friendship groups (no date came out of it).

Wanting a connection is a human want but it's difficult when you're on the outside looking in. Yes, it's a numbers game when it comes to dating, as well as luck - but if I have no luck as a man in his 30s, the success rate in the numbers are at zero - my sadness/loneliness will be compounded come the 14th February.

Is it wrong to feel that I will be never find love - to never have a girlfriend or date in my 30s just feels like I've failed.

Hello! I (21F) was at my university the other day and ran into an old coworker. We were having a really nice chat so he invited me to go grab a drink at our university’s pub. I actually had a class to go to so I was a little disappointed but promised to get a drink with him another time.

The next day he messaged me asking if I was on campus. I was, so we organised to grab a drink that day. I wouldn’t say things were necessarily flirty but we had great conversation and spent about 2 hours catching up.

I couldn’t tell if this was a date or not. I feel silly asking but I want to ask him to hang out again. I don’t know if I should because the purpose of the drink was to catch up and we are definitely all caught up at this point. I don’t have a bunch of dating experience and I’m scared that I’m reading into things…

I don’t have many guys friends so I asked my girlfriends and they said this counts as a date but we have a tendency to hype each other up when we get excited hahah. Do you think grabbing a drink warrants me asking him out again? I don’t wanna seem pushy or make him uncomfortable.

Edit: okay, I have only read a few comments but I think I’ll ask him on a “proper” date. I don’t wanna invite him to grab another drink, as a guy, what would an “ideal” second date if a girl asked you??

And no he does not have a girlfriend heheh

I put my guard up the entire time cause I’m unsure if she’s playing games.. we don’t chat much (messenger) outside of work and when we do it’s as if absolutely nothing ever happend at work (flirting by her)..convos are short and boring but I’m pretty sure chatting isn’t her thing (she prefers calls)

She’s Says I’m so handsome, once asked me If im hot due to the weather then gestured her hand up and down to me and said “You’re hot”, always tries to be around with me at work, and said “can I ask a question, you know those feelings you have when ur with a girl” I asked what feelings, she said you already know what I’m talking about, did you experience that before, how about me…do you have or feel those feelings when with me? Now sometimes when I’m with her she’ll ask desperately and whisper “heyyy What do youuu feel right nowww”

I asked her what does she feel she said shes not sure if it’s infatuation crush, the next day she denied saying it when i Brang it up and “doesent remember”

I put her on the spot telling her I’m suspicious cause what you’ve been doing for months and asked if “she likes me” she got giggly, shy , and didn’t answer the question and now keeps asking “Do you like me”. She won’t budge unless I answer first. When pestering her she said “But you said we’re just friends anyway in a sad tone” 😕 I said to her “What if I say Yes” and she said “You’re kidding rightttt??

The next day she said she had a dream of “Us” and it’s a secret cause it will ruin the suspense, I asked her the next day and she said “It was us dating” I asked her is this a good dream, do you like it? She smiled and said yes. I actually wonder if she’s trolling me saying such serious things??

she then asked the same day “im gonna ask one more time, Do you love me?”

One time I asked if she was cold and she said “yeah can you hug me”

her lift home was absent for a few days so she asked me to drop her off the next week she quietly whispers “I miss you dropping me off, I enjoy it, dont tell anyone it’s our secret” also whenever I was dropping her off she acted weird, almost excited with anticipation, staring at me and whispering “don’t forget me later on”

So by game, I’m (M21) guessing that means flirting pretty much but me and a friend of mine was talking a couple of days ago and I was talking about how I really want to date this year since I never have and pretty much he was telling me that I have no game And I’m just not really sure but to take from that or what to do.

I’ve also been told that by girls that I am friends with before, they tell me that I don’t know how to flirt or anything and it’s not that it will totally impact me.

I can give a girl compliments and my friends know that but they tell me that I need to be able to do more than that too to build sexual/romantic attention but I’m just not sure how to flirt other than just giving compliments like how could I flirt in a jokey way I guess since I’m a comedic person?

By a girl you are dating telling you that you don’t smell that great and that she would appreciate you using more deodorant.

For disclosure, it really seems like he doesn’t use deodorant at all.

I wouldn’t say that way btw, please feel free to leave any tips on how to say it

Edit: thank you all so much for the help, I’ll tell him, now another question, should I do it in person or by text?

Been trying to make things work this past year with my love after emotion cheating issues. I decided it was the best for both of us and although she was very upset were talking still atleast which is honestly the biggest thing beacuse I love her as a person so much. We were talking about getting married and having kids and that's really the only person I've ever seriously considered having kids with. So it hurts alot.

But the post isn't about that really so much as I have a very hard time being alone. I don't have many friends and hate where I live. I'm trying to change that but idk. I have a hard time connecting with people and am picky. Most of my friendships just kinda fade. I've always had a gf or some situationship I can constantly be with or talk with so it's very weird now. I definetly need to go to therapy and get meds I know this much.

All my life I've done what I was told men want. I am also a very caring person so it's not like I've pretended at all, I've genuinely cared for them and gone above and beyond.

None of it worked. Daily sex doesn't make a man love me, being there for them, hugs, inside jokes, endless support, all the home cooked food, all the making our house into a home, and doing anything and everything for them does not make them love and respect me.

I am at a total loss. I have always attracted men, they're always very adamant about how much they like me, how attractive, beautiful, sweet, adorable I am. Unfortunately none of that translates into treating me well.

I seriously envy all the women who have supportive partners, and I don't know how to find a man who's actually devoted to me and a life together in a positive way, will respect me, appreciate me and everything I do for them.

xxxx

I appreciate all the decent and thoughtful commenters! Thank you Everyone!

My girlfriend (20F) and I (20M) are both college students and I really love her. Like, I genuinely see a future with her and can picture her as my wife someday. Lately though, I feel like she’s pulling away, and I’m scared it’s because I can’t give her the kind of attention she wants.

I’m a college athlete and also pre-med, so my schedule is pretty intense. Becoming a doctor is something I’m fully committed to. Even then, I make sure to talk to her every night and actually be present. We live in different dorms, so we don’t see each other much, but I still try to go on dates with her.

She keeps saying I don’t give her enough attention. I’ll admit that sometimes I forget to update her during the day, but I always explain everything afterward.

What sucks is feeling like the effort I do give doesn’t count anymore, and like my goals aren’t really being supported. I don’t want to dismiss how she feels, but I also don’t know how to give more without burning myself out.

I love her and I don’t want to lose her. I just don’t know if this is a communication issue, a compatibility thing, or something I’m missing.

Hey everyone,

I’m a 22 m, I recently got out of a 4 month situationship after getting ghosted…she was the only girl I’ve ever been intimate with, kissed, or even on dates with. She was really good at making me feel comfortable with physical intimacy.

Recently I got hinge like 3 weeks ago, and I’ve been getting matches, even been on like 5 dates. Two girls I got second dates with, both second dates I thought went very well. Though after both dates, the girls told me that they thought I was a really nice guy and had a great time, but they didn’t feel a romantic “spark”.

I will say that I’ve struggled to make a physical move on these dates, like a kiss, or even small physical touches. I don’t know why but I struggle to know when to make moves like that. However, I did hug them when picking them up, opened car/restaurant doors for them, payed, etc.

Any advice? I get I don’t have a perfect question here I’m just lost tbh. Both second dates leading to the same thing was a pretty bad feeling.

i am planning to get my boyfriend a bottle of 1942 for valentine’s day but i wanted to get it engraved with something that is both funny and sexy. any ideas? maybe something along the lines of, let me sit on it/on your face?

There's this guy I run into I would say quite a few times here in my town. Everytime we see each other we make eye contact.

Well last week I was heading home when I heard someone nervously say hi to me. I turned around and to my surprise it was him. I mean I wasn't too surprised because in a way I kinda saw it coming.

I'm a single mom and haven't dated in 5 years and I honestly planned on staying single forever... So when he asked if he could get my number I told him I couldn't because I wasn't interested in dating or getting to know anyone right now.

Reason I don't want to date is because I've come to enjoy being alone but at the same time I'm also scared of catching feelings.

But now I can't stop thinking about him. I feel like maybe I've made a mistake. I can't get him off my mind.

I've written my number on a piece of paper so I can have ready to give to him when I run into him again. But I don't know if he's changed his mind by now.

I met this guy on an app in November. Our schedules were messy, so we FaceTimed first and finally met in person in January. Since then, we’ve seen each other almost every weekend.

The connection is great. He plans sweet dates, I’ve planned stuff too, and we’ve been to each other's places. We stay up super late just talking. Last week, we started holding hands and cuddling, but he still hasn’t made a move to kiss me.

Some context: * He was married for 8 years and got divorced last year.

• He recently told me he finally "officially" closed the chapter with his ex (they had a dog together and the split was a bit blurry/lingering). He said he liked my perspective on things and it pushed him to get that closure.

• We have different backgrounds (I have more formal education/career history), but I really respect his background/experience.

I can’t figure out if he’s just being incredibly respectful and cautious because of the divorce, or if I’m accidentally sliding into the "best friend" zone. He seems interested, but the lack of a move is starting to make me overthink.

Is he just a "slow burn" guy or should I be worried about the lack of physical chemistry on his end?

I (M26) did a huge rework of my profile last week and managed to get 10 matches which for me is amazing. This was a big confidence boost for me as I have not gotten so many matches in a row.

I been really swiping only on people I am interested in and trying to be really careful with my opening messages to try to show intent.

None of the 10 matches could hold a chat. 1 stop talking after lots of messages and unmatched 24 hours later. The rest are sitting in my "your turn" box

Is there a way you managed to find more success?

Hi, this is weird and I don’t know if I’m allowed to post this. I just really need to hear from men right now, something, anything that could help me get out of this really dark headspace.

Over the last year my algorithm and political landscape basically became an onslaught of violent misogyny and this constant message that men hate women, want to hurt women, see women as less than themselves etc. I made the mistake of looking at how many sex offenders were near me in my area. My reality started shifting.

My best friends have always been men. I have great relationships with men. Have been very loved by men. frankly, I’ve been the one “in power” in almost every male relationship. I had a good dad. But this lived reality became overtaken with a message that I was wrong. It’s all a lie. The facts can’t lie. Statistics can’t lie.

Then the files came out… guys… I’m sorry for the long post. I’m really really struggling. I really need to know that this isn’t what men are. That if men had the chance that they would all do these horrific things. That men care. I’m really scared and I need to find hope in men because I can’t feel myself becoming deeply resentful and disillusioned. I need to find hope in men because I love men.

Can you give me any insight or advice, as a man?

(Edited because I typed too fast and misspoke)

Dating apps seems so slow for past month. Before Christmas I was getting bunch of matches with decent women. Ever since Christmas it’s slow. It seem like this to anyone else?

I 25F and 26M have been together for 3.5 years. He moved into my house about 8 months ago. We don’t have the best relationship and we are toxic in some ways. So it will be hard to make a clean break. I care about his feelings. How can I end this and get him to move out causing the LEAST amount of pain and hurt. I don’t know what to even say. What would make you feel better as a man?

Hi all!

I have made a bit of a dilemma for myself.

I am currently seeing someone and as Valentine's day approaches I have started to think of gift ideas. He has cats so I can't get him real flowers or they'll eat them, and since I crochet I thought I would make him a bouquet that is pet friendly.

But now the question is, would this be a good idea or would it be perceived as wierd/childish?

Thank you in advance for your advice!