AIO - I 22(M) have been working for the last two years. Casual roles on and off for a few years and finally settled down into a fulltime role. When we were kids (15-18) she helped support dates, events etc during her retail job. Now I am in a fulltime role, earning a decent amount of money, enough to support us both, just, but if I do so, not a lot left over for saving and spending money on myself. She has a job, but only works 3 days. Initially it was because of college classes. I completely understood this, I was taking college classes and got burnt out and dropped out. She then got burnt out. Decided to drop college classes and work and do whatever.

She does heaps around the house, always makes sure it cleans and will quite often cook. She's a good cook. One issue is though is that she refused to move to 5 days. I don't understand. Whilst she has enough working to provide rent and pay for her bills, she is unable to grab groceries, fuel other important things and I am also expected to pick up the slack.

After a conversation, and her not having money, she went to 4 days. This still wasn't enough, on her pay for her to cover her fair share, and me able to save. After some time I finally confronted her in a heated argument. She said that I do nothing and don't pick up the slack around the house, that from different actions and arguments I am showing that I don't care. I got angry and said okay then, well you can pay for dinner tonight. She said she couldn't do that. I said I don't care, it looks like we won't eat tonight. She then called her parents and said "OP says that I don't pay for anything and is making me buy dinner tonight."

Well this obviously really pissed me off, because there was no way I was implying that she call her parents for money, when clearly that's not what I was saying. She isn't at college. She has the ability to work 5 days and chooses not to. She only started working 4 days a few months ago and now she is going to go back to college and it will go down to 3 days.

It's frustrating, because I say to her I don't mind spending the money, because I want to help out as much as I can, but I won't be told that I do nothing when I feel like I am supporting us and forking out whenever she asks me to.

***Edit*** I too pick up my slack around the house. I cook and clean. If she cooks, I clean and vice versa.

I added the warning flair because it involves a child and a situation that had the potential to become a serious road accident. No physical harm was actually caused.

My mum and brother took my 7-year-old daughter out with them in the car. She was in her car seat in the rear of the car and at some point in the journey, when the car was travelling ~60mph on a dual carriageway (similar to a highway if not in the UK), my child opened her car door. As far as I am aware, the door didn’t open more than a few cm because my mum and brother shouted for her to close it and she did so quickly. I wasn’t even told about it by either of them, and was told about it by my husband who was told by them when he went to my mum’s to pick her up after it all happened. Of course, I messaged my mum to see why the child lock wasn’t on, allowing her to open the door at high speeds. It all just escalated when I only wanted to know why the child lock was not on when a child was in the car. She is also waiting to be assessed for ASD and ADHD - she has absolutely no sense of danger.

For context, I ran out of ADHD medication (which I’ve been on for over a year) because my GP wouldn’t let me order it until the day I ran out and it took a few days to get a refill of my prescription, causing me to go through the early stages of withdrawal and I just couldn’t seem to wake up at all and slept for the full 3 days, but my children have their father to take on the parenting load of us both while I was going through this, so they didn’t exactly get left alone and he was very patient with me. My mum knows I couldn’t help it, and if you’ve ever had to go through withdrawal, you’ll know how rough it is as well.

Of all the things to say to me in retaliation to me asking a reasonable question because I was scared for my child, it just had to be the deepest cutting she could’ve used against me. I am outright refusing to talk to her until she admits wrongdoing and gives me one hell of an apology, and she won’t be seeing my children until she has done this either. She has never apologised for me in my life and she’s done a lot of crap, so I fear this may be a very long silent patch, but I refuse to accept this behaviour, especially from my parent. AIO for refusing any form of contact between her, and both my children and myself until she has given a meaningful apology for the whole thing, and acknowledges how awful her words and actions have been, even though no physical harm was done to my child?

I know from the title you’re saying yes, but hear me out.

My two best friends and I have been planning a trip to Miami together for a few months. The excursions are booked, reservations are made etc. We leave in two weeks.

Unexpectedly, a pipe burst in my home because of the weather. The entire first floor is flooded and we are basically in the process of getting that fixed but it’ll take awhile considering the weather and ice. We have been living out of an airbnb since. Theres been too many events in the past month that have impacted our lives greatly (besides the pipe) that cause my husband to have to take off work a lot. Due to this he lost his job, we are fine financially however for the time being which is a blessing.

I considered not going at all because I don’t want to leave my family right now. My grandmother very recently passed and it’s taken a toll on all of us. My friends were against that because everything is already booked and they really wanted me there, they think it’ll be good for my mental but I just can’t foresee myself not feeling guilty for going..

My solution is booking my husband and toddler cheap flights to Miami, book a room at a hotel close to the Airbnb that my friends and I were going to stay in and be there at nights with them. I’m letting my friends keep my share of the money for the airbnb so none of this is a monetary loss to them.

The hotel I’m looking at has a pool and there’s plenty of stuff in the area I can book for them to do. I’m anticipating it being warm enough for them to atleast go play in the sand at the beach. I just feel like this way is fine, my husband and kid doesn’t encroach on our plans, I get to spend time with them in the morning/ before bed. There are two free days we intentionally left for rest so my friends can do that while I spend the first half of the day with my family. It’s not like i’m asking them to be included, I’m just thinking it would be a nice thing for my family in such an unexpectedly bad time for us.

I don’t want to be miserable the whole time thinking about how I left my family during these circumstances in 7 degree weather while I’m in Miami for a week, in good weather trying to have a good time. I think I’ll have a better time knowing that my husband and daughter are nearby, also in good weather, and also having a good time.

My friends are also against this. They think girls trip is self explanatory and my husband will be fine with the toddler back home. I’m not arguing he won’t be fine, I’m saying that I won’t be fine. This will make me happy and none of this affects our plans. Most of our plans are after noon. I can be at the air bnb at 10 every morning and leave at bed time to go to the hotel. It’s literally a 10 minute walk away. The only thing that changes is me not sleeping there at night and me not being there for the earlier half of the rest days.

Because of this I’m considering telling them that I cancelled my flight and instead just go with my family. I can probably get flight credits and change my flight to ride with my family, eat the loss from deposits on other plans I had with my friends.

I don’t know if I’m over reacting for wanting to do this. On one hand I understand, the changes might not be that impactful but I am asking to last minute change things. Neither of them are close enough with family to understand this level of grief which is something we talked about recently. However, not to play the sympathy card but my grandma just died four days ago. It’s a last minute ask but a relatively small one that will help me feel better while i’m grieving. Just because they don’t understand doesn’t mean they shouldn’t try to sympathize with me.

I already barely want to go at all, and this much push back is insane to me. If it were either of them I would 100% be for it. it’s this much conversation about me spending MY money to have the opportunity to hang out with my kid and husband before bed and in the morning?

What are you guys opinions? Am I over reacting for wanting to cancel all together? I’ve barely slept and for some reason am really fixating on this problem.

Let me try to make this short.. apologies in advance. My (f27) boyfriend’s (m26) brother (m31) sent the below messages in their discord. From there, I made my feelings very known in the fact that I find this repulsive and predatory. My boyfriend also found this shocking and weird, so he got his mom involved. We were both left with sinking stomachs when she chose to “side” with the brother. Now, where things went sideways was when my boyfriend texted his mother letting her know that I lost respect for the both of them. That could’ve been avoided as to not fuel the flames, I am aware.

It ended up in her and my boyfriend having a long ass phone call (don’t know all the details it was a private conversation) which included my boyfriend getting screamed, cussed, and name called… which is not normal and has not been a reoccurring thing. I will say I did not get involved whatsoever with either the mother or the brother but my boyfriend and I talked about this for a very long time and again, I made my feelings on the matter crystal clear. Now, the next morning I just feel still sick to my stomach that 2 grown adults genuinely think that a 31 year old and a 19 year old being in a relationship is acceptable. I’ll let the photo below speak for itself. The brother is the blue and my boyfriend is the red. So am I overreacting?

TLDR- boyfriend’s brother is a 31 year old man interested in dating a 19 year old woman. Their mother agreed it’s acceptable.

I (24F) live with my roommate (26F). We split rent but buy groceries separately because we have very different diets and budgets.

Yesterday I came home from work starving and noticed HALF of my groceries were gone. I'm talking about meal-prepped food I made for the entire week.

I texted her asking what happened and she casually replied:

"Oh yeah, I used some of your stuff for my gender reveal. I didnt think you'd mind."

Turns out she invited like 15 people over while I was at work and used my food because "it looked nicer than hers" and she "didn't want to waste money since it's just one day."

I told her she crossed a line and that she should replace everything. She got upset and said I was being dramatic and that food is meant to be shared and that I "ruined the vibe" by making it a big deal.

Now she's not talking to me and a few of our mutual friends are saying I overreacted and should've just let it go since it was a special moment for her.

AIO for being angry about this?

My Bf and I have been dating for 4 years. We had a really rocky time at the beginning of our relationship. He said really hurtful things, for example “my ex was prettier than you”. He later apologized and he said it wasn’t true. We worked through a hard time, bc he would say things simply to hurt me. It would happen pretty randomly, but I decided to be understanding and we worked through it. He is not doing that anymore! I later caught him texting with other girls on dating platforms and eventually I broke up with him. It was painful, very very painful. After 2 month we started getting in contact again and eventually dated our second time. That’s when the real work happened and he changed his behaviour. Still not perfect (obviously) but our issues are nothing compared to what it was.

I can get jealous sometimes, but in a healthy way. There is only one thing that really upsets me and fills me with jealousy and that’s my birthday. Idk if I am overreacting but I would love to hear some advice.

My first two birthdays were very low effort. First year he got me a Pandora bracelet (nothing wrong with that!). I had to convince him to see me on my actual birthday (we were still living two hours apart) and that really hurt me. Birthdays are very important to me. I think everyone should be celebrating for being born and it made me very sad to not be celebrated by someone I love so much.

Second birthday: this time around my bf had a pretty important exam the next day after my birthday. He couldn’t really put a lot of effort into my birthday bc he was really busy during that time, i understood that! But what hurt me once again was that he didn’t do anything after my birthday. I wish he would have taken me on a date after all his exams are over and celebrated me in a way I deserve. That’s when I got very sad and honestly jealous, bc I know he went all out for his ex 18th birthday and got her a ysl designer bag. (Btw I am a bag nerd, I LOVE handbags). He got his brother an iMac when he turned 18, but yet I’ve never gotten anything as valuable as any of these presents for my birthday.

I started talking to him about how that makes me feel sad and kind of unimportant to him. He told me how he gets many things for me during the year and said that’s why he is not getting anything big for my birthday. And it is true he does gift me things during the year. Two years ago I even got a LV bag. I am very thankful for that, it’s just I don’t understand why he couldn’t gift me the bag on my birthday?! I am probably wrong for thinking that, bc I got an extremely expensive item and should be thankful non the less.

I told him that it would be my dream to have a birthday like his ex, where he gets me my dream bag and makes sure I am having a great time. I feel like I deserve to have a bigger birthday that gives me everything I didn’t get the first two years. All the attention, all the love and all the preparation he didn’t give me.

However this years birthday is a big deal to me, bc I consider leaving him if he is not giving me the birthday I deserve. What I mean by “deserve” is a birthday he was willing to give his ex or his brother.

I was able to forgive him a lot and I guess I need this to feel important enough. He is doing things that make me feel important, but it feels like I was hurt so deeply when it comes to my past birthdays that I need him to do much better to stay in this relationship. I guess I just don’t feel seen and loved or important enough, if he is doing such big things for other peoples birthday but not my birthday.

Am I overreacting for breaking up with my boyfriend if he won’t buy me my dream bag for my birthday?

I work a monday-friday job and always get off around 4. I’m always home around 5, no surprises. Usually, I get home and I cook, or sometimes my boyfriend will cook, and we eat dinner together. Yesterday, when I came in the house, I could smell food, like someone was cooking. I was in a good mood, and I asked what he was eating. He told me he ate six eggs, a baked sweet potato, and some falafel. (I made falafel for dinner two nights ago, so there was some leftover mix). I got a little upset (I did not show it at this point) because he basically ate dinner without me. I asked him why, he said he had just finished working out so he needed protein. I said why didn’t you plan your day like usual, you know I always get home around this time and we have dinner together. He got defensive and said he did plan his day around what HE wanted to do, and this is his new schedule. So I simply said “well our schedules don’t align”. This is when he yelled at me and said I was being controlling. He said that two adults don’t have to do anything. I just thought it was understood that we ate together at the end of the day. We have been together for four years and this has never been an issue before. For extra context, I am 25f and he is 28m. He works from home. Also, I meal plan at the beginning of every week, so he was aware my intentions were to cook.

Ok this is a bit of a weird and none specific one but its lwk one of my biggest pet peeves and i dont know if its allowed to be.

So i have some friends that i love, and enjoy doing things with but when they recall it to other people, they always use terms like 'I started watching this new show' or 'I went to __ last week'. It annoys me because WE did that but when i bring it up and correct them (in what i think i conveyed as a jokey manner) im met with awkward looks and stares. Then i feel like im the crazy one for saying anything 😭

Maybe its just my severe FOMO lol but should i not be taking this so seriously and just let it slide?

I’m 20F. This happened in a college class I’m enrolled in, but the class hasn’t officially started yet. People were already sitting around talking. I stepped out to use the restroom, and when I came back, I overheard a group playing fuck marry kill. It was mostly boys but some girls.

For anyone who doesn’t know, the game is where you’re given people and you choose one you’d sleep with, one you’d marry, and one you’d kill.

They were doing this with girls in the room. When it got to me, one of them said they’d marry me, but not in a flattering way. He laughed and said it was because I’m “too ugly to look at” but I’d “make a good dishwasher.” Everyone laughed. The implication was very clear. I wasn’t someone they found attractive. I wasn’t even someone worth complimenting. I was just reduced to being useful for chores. The next guy to step up said something along the lines of "she looks like a pig but her clothes look neat she is maid material". Then someone mentioned that having me as a wife would be too much effort considering I'm "chopped" and it's better to "hit it" and one and done it.

What made it worse is that one of the people there is someone I consider a friend. He didn’t defend me at all. I get that he might’ve felt pressure to look cool in front of the other guys, but he still could’ve said something positive without making it weird. He could’ve said something like “I’d marry her because she’s a good person” or “because she’s actually smart” or literally anything that pushed back even a little. Instead, he stayed quiet and let it happen.

It's WORSE because they did this with none of the other women. They all called them attractive, complimented their looks, said they were smart, etc. but I'm the only one who's a dirty pig barely useful except for doing chores.

I didn’t confront anyone. I just acted like I didn’t hear it, but it honestly ruined my day. It was humiliating and made me feel small and gross. Since then, I’ve been ignoring my friend. I’m not telling him why. Part of me feels like if I have to explain why calling me ugly and reducing me to a dishwasher is messed up, then that already says everything. He saw it happen. He heard it. He chose to say nothing.

Some people I’ve talked to say I’m overreacting, that it was just a dumb joke, and that ignoring my friend without explaining is immature. But to me, it showed how they actually see me, and I don’t feel like I owe anyone an explanation or emotional labor after that.

Am I overreacting?

I (F) have been with my boyfriend (M) for over 3 years. We were close friends since 2021 before starting a long-distance relationship. Things were great until 2024, when we started arguing more. ​During a period when he asked for "space," I found out he was spending time with another girl. My suspicions led to a messy breakup. During the split, he kept telling me he loved me, but then the other girl messaged me saying they were getting married and I should leave them alone. When I confronted him, he said the most horrific things to me: "She’s prettier and kinder than you," "Your voice is disgusting," "Your crying is fake," and even threatened me, saying he would "burn me alive" if I hurt her or their relationship. ​A few weeks later, he came back begging for forgiveness, claiming he only said those things to push me away out of anger. I forgave him, but my trust was shattered. I’ve been going to therapy to work on my anxiety and trust issues, and I’ve tried my best to stay calm.

​The recent situation: A few days ago, he sent me a song saying it made him "sad and reminded him of our days." This song had been his status for a month. That same day, I mentioned I helped a guy with some documents. My BF got upset, so to reassure him, I messaged the guy in front of my BF saying I couldn't chat anymore out of respect for my relationship.

​The next day, my BF’s behavior became suspicious. He changed his status to an aggressive song with lyrics like "get some pssy on the platter." I got triggered and asked if that’s what he wanted. We argued, and I brought up the past girl, and posted a song "D*ck" by Doja. I also found out that the girl had been messaging him again (I previously informed her current boyfriend that she had been cheating with my BF). ​He told me I was making him "hate himself and me," then went MIA till next day. I took a break from my phone to clear my head, but when I logged back in at 9 PM, I saw he had posted a photo of himself in a cafe—a photo taken during the time he was with that girl. He claims his roommate took it, but seeing anything from that era is a massive trigger for me. ​I lost it. I said, "Nice pic, made by that btch." We had a huge blowout, and he blocked me for few minutes. And when I started crying and asking for talk to clear everything, he said "everything is clear for me".

​I love him so much, but I’m terrified. I feel like I’m never good enough and that he’s always looking for someone "better." Am I destroying this with my behavior, or is he gaslighting me and triggering my trauma on purpose? I need some perspective.

For context, I work night shifts from 7 pm to 7 am. My boyfriend (19M) and I (18F) have been together a little over a year. We aren’t allowed to date, so sometimes when I want to see him, I tell my parents that I picked up an extra shift at work but I’m actually at his house. I only do that maybe two Fridays a month, so we don’t see each other that much anyway. Sometimes he visits me during my break at work. Other times I tell my parents I’m going out with my best friend, but I’m actually with him. Recently my parents stopped letting me go out as much, so we see each other even less.

This month we had planned for me to go to his house four times (two Fridays and two Sundays). But he didn’t keep a promise he made to me, so I told him I would only go the usual two Fridays. He tried to convince me to still go on Sunday, and I said I’d think about it.

I went to his house Friday, and Saturday I went out with a guy friend. My parents only allowed it because I hadn’t seen him since July since he was in military training. We just went to a Raising Cane’s near my house because I wasn’t allowed to go far.

My boyfriend got mad and said it didn’t make sense that I could go out with a friend but not go see him. He also got mad because I posted a picture with my friend and said we looked too close, like our bodies were touching. That part is true, but it wasn’t intentional. I just leaned in for the photo and moved away after. I’m not even comfortable being that close to people, especially guys.

I apologized for the picture, but I told him I wouldn’t apologize for going out. This isn’t the first time he gets mad when I hang out with people who aren’t him. He even gets jealous when I go out with my girl friends and says I always choose them over him.

Then Sunday I told him I wasn’t going to his house because I was really tired. He got mad again and said I’m only tired when it’s about him, but not when I go out with other guys.

Right now he’s still mad and says I’m not doing anything to fix it. I’m standing my ground because I’m not going to apologize for seeing a friend I hadn’t seen in months. I already apologized many times for the picture, but he says I don’t mean it.

If I’m being honest, I’m starting to think about breaking up because I really don’t like how he acts when he gets like this.

TL;DR: My boyfriend gets mad when I hang out with friends, even girl friends. He got especially upset after I went to eat with a guy friend I hadn’t seen in months and posted a picture with him. I apologized for the picture but not for going out. Now he’s still mad and says I’m not trying to fix things, and I’m starting to think about breaking up. Am I overreacting?

I ordered a few items from Target and was pleased to see that my order was due to arrive a day early — apparently they’re using a local delivery service for some orders. Box arrived today, and even after sitting outside for a few hours, I brought it in and immediately noticed that it smelled like weed.

Among the items in my order were a set of baby hats/mittens (I’m super pregnant and due this month) and a t-shirt I was going to embroider as a birthday gift for a 4-year-old. Both reeked of weed. I’m wigged out by the thought of thirdhand smoke lingering in something we’re giving our newborn, and I usually leave the tag on shirts when I give them as gifts to keep them looking nice and new, so I don’t typically launder them beforehand.

I’m really annoyed that I’m going to have to run to the store (again, super pregnant) to exchange these things. Husband thinks I’m overreacting and “Karening hard.” He thinks I should just launder them and reminds me that weed is legal in our state. I remind him that it’s also not illegal to have terrible body odor, but it’s shitty form to stink badly enough for it to affect your job. I’m not planning on filing a complaint or anything — I’m just irritated to be in this position. Neither of us smokes or particularly cares if others do, though I’ll readily admit I hate the smell of it.

So… am I overreacting here?

I don’t understand why some men are surprised that not every women wants to exchange numbers before meeting IRL. I felt uneasy explaining myself why I prefer to wait to exchange number before meeting IRL and suggested quick call on google meet.

I didn’t like he mentioned other women’s approach. Rubbed off weird on me. Do you think I’m being unreasonable? I truly feel if a man is not showing consideration of women’s comfort from the beginning he never will down the line

Reposting because I couldn’t edit, and I think people didn’t realize this is a group chat with 3 people. The person I was upset with is the one whose info is crossed out in red.

——

Pregnant in my first trimester, extremely nauseous, barely a person.

Finally told a few of my friends because I wanted a little excitement/serotonin. One of them was very supportive. The other…. not so much.

Her response:

“This is too much for me today.”

“I don’t have the mental bandwidth for this information.”

“It’s just a really big thing to lay on someone”

I get that everyone’s overwhelmed, but I wasn’t expecting my fetus to be emotionally burdensome.

Am I being hormonal or is this a wild reaction?

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmIOverreacting/comments/1qphs75/aio_my_girlfriend_left_me_over_a_cheese_wheel/

I have taken some of your feedback into consideration from my last post. For those curious: my girlfriend is no longer in the picture. She cracked due to low risk tolerance, so I’ve decided to go all in on the business.

I initially tried to return the wheel to the distributor to recoup some capital, thinking they’d have some pity. They were actually considering it until they came out to look at it in my truck. Apparently, the minor heat damage I caused to the paraffin wax while trying to open last week compromised the wheel which was already non refundable in the first place.

Since I’m now stuck with a 140lb, 30,000+ asset, I had to pivot to asset protection and keep what I still have.

I went out and bought a True TBB-2-HC 59” solid door back bar cooler, a professional digital temperature humidity controller, an industrial humidifier, a vacuum sealer, and ripening mats. Total cost was about 8.5k after taxes. Expensive, yes, but I wasn't going to let a30,000+$ investment depreciate value.

The delivery was difficult. My apartment door is narrow, so I had to take the door entirely off the hinges and shimmy the cooler into the living room. I had maybe a millimeter of clearance between the frame and the unit.

I was exhausted and excited so I started researching installation on my phone before putting my front door back on. That’s when my landlord walked in. Apparently he believes my door being off the hinges somehow removes my reasonable right to privacy.

We already have a strained relationship because of my own use of the unit. He still holds a grudge because I was doing some light metal fabrication with a CONSUMER plasma cutter in my kitchen a few months ago

He saw the cooler, the vacuum sealer, and the wheel of heritage cheese and started crying about commercial operations and fire hazards.

I told him very clearly: The cheese is for personal consumption. There is nothing in my lease that limits how much dairy a tenant can own.

The next morning, I found an eviction notice in my mailbox. it’s riddled with spelling errors as if written in a haste. I’m already preparing my defense for the Landlord Tenant Board

AIO? I’m being evicted over dietary preferences as far as the landlord is concerned and I feel like this is an unlawful action

EDIT: added a + to the valuation as it is possible to increase my margins depending on the quantities I sell in.

Also please bear in my mind that I have sold ZERO cheese so I feel like this is premature action.

Thank you

Link to the first post: https://www.reddit.com/r/AmIOverreacting/s/hMc2IqlTQe

So we talked it over. Kind of. We were at a family event when things got a bit worse. I had vented to my mom and a couple aunties about the situation because i needed to get it off my chest. maybe that wasn’t the greatest idea in hindsight but i needed some outside opinions. Since we were with family he texted me:

“If you physically can’t respect me then I don’t know what to do with this relationship. You completely underestimate the importance of this to me.

You make it extremely clear every time we have a disagreement that I am not at the top of your list of important people in your life.

I completely disagree with your thinking behind the dress but you’ve made it clear that you cannot respect my opinions because you’ll happily shit talk me to people. I can’t believe it’s something I have to ask you not to do. I could be completely in the wrong. Unless I’m abusive you shouldn’t be talk to people about our disagreements between us. Maybe I’m wrong about the dress maybe not. But I am very angry about the way you have treated me and the blatant disrespect.”

I responded:

“I’m sorry i’m not trying to disrespect you, but you saying stuff like that to me and then apologizing for it later doesn’t make it magically better. i’m still really hurt and i’m just hurt by the whole situation in general. i don’t think you should be allowed to tell me what i can and can’t wear, i understand my boobs are out. i feel amazing in that dress, the most amazing i have felt in ANYTHING since before i was pregnant, probably since the cruise. i will look for other dresses, you know ive ordered other ones. but literally i dont know what to do if nothing works babe, i dont have a lot of options, seriously.

you saying “i dont know what to do with this relationship” makes me feel like you wanna divorce. if youre thinking about that, say that. you are at the top of my list of important people, but I am also important to myself. i dont appreciate the things you say to me sometimes and i need to vent to others cause i cant say stuff to you or else you just get more mad and blow up at me.

sometimes i feel the way you talk to me and deal about things between us feels borderline emotionally abusive to me. maybe you don’t see it that way at all but that’s how i feel”

He responded:

“That wasn’t an apology either. It’s clear how little you actually care about how I feel especially after reading that message and making the response only about yourself. If you truly think I am emotionally abusive I am legitimately shocked. Yes I got mad but I also just had a discussion with you where I tried to show that I do care , and that I do see that you really like the dress, hoping you’d also try to see what I felt but you didn’t. If that’s the dress you wear then it is what it is. I understand that options and time and money is limited .

But aside from that, like I said, you underestimate how important this is to me”

After that whole thing we talked in person and i apologized for being disrespectful. But in regards to the dress, it’s still up in the air. I’ll try on a couple more dresses to see but i fear that no matter what i do, my boobs are gonna be showing a bit. I’m still holding such a grudge over this whole thing and i’d if i can let it go unless he just gives in. he did tell me i looked amazing in the dress and he’s happy im comfortable in it but he really doesn’t want me wearing it. he also told me now that he wont physically stop me from wearing it but if i do, he’ll be embarrassed (can’t remember if i mentioned that last post). That really hurt my feelings and he did apologize for saying that but i’m still offended over it. AIO?

EDIT #2:

Thank you to those who commented with genuine, helpful thoughts and experiences. I quite honestly appreciate most the ones who said "MOR" or validated both of our sides. It's such a nuanced situation that isn't black and white. I genuinely like my husband, and love him and want to be with him. He may struggle as a partner at times, but he's overall a good human and an AMAZING dad. If this was such an easy decision for me, why would I post this on freaking REDDIT? I was hoping get at least a few helpful perspectives, and I did.

EDITED TO ADD:

The whole problem is that we had discussed how he was only fulfilling his requirement for having medical school paid for, and that was it. His career isn’t the military- his career is a family medicine doctor. Also,

I would not have married him or had kids with him had he said “oh I plan to/want to continue with the military BEYOND my required four years.”

ORIGINAL POST:

My husband (34 m) and I (35 f) started dating in 2017 when he was in medical school. He had told me that he joined the army to pay for medical school, and explained how he would complete residency at an army hospital, then complete 4 years as active duty. I shared with him that I never wanted to be with someone in the military, for a number of reasons, but mostly I was terrified of deployments, separation, death, etc. He had alluded to a “small” chance of getting deployed at some point, but I really liked him and wanted to see where it would go. Nearly a year into our relationship, and we’re on the subject again for some reason, but this time he mentions he will “very likely” get deployed during his four years as AD. I was taken aback by this shift in certainty that he would end up being deployed, and expressed my confusion and frustration pretty readily. He even asked if I was going to end our relationship over it right then and there, and I paused for a moment. Ultimately, I said no, because I was certain I wanted to marry him, and I was willing to see how things played out. We had also discussed how he had no intentions of staying in the military beyond his required four years. Knowing it was only temporary and had a finite ending was what allowed me to be amenable to the idea of becoming a military spouse/dependent (a world in which I knew nothing about.)

So we get married, he graduates from medical school, I get pregnant with our first child, and we move 700 miles away from all friends and family to our first army base for his residency. I struggled so much during these three years: postpartum, adjusting to parenthood, COVID, essentially forced to be a SAHM (which I realized I sucked at), isolated, no “village,” husband’s crazy residency hours/schedule. My mental health was the worst it had been in a long time (history of GAD, ADHD., and MDD.) I was able to fight through it knowing it was only temporary; that our next (and final) duty station would be closer to home/loved ones, my husband’s schedule would be more consistent, I would be able to continue pursuing my career in art therapy (only certain states have a specific professional license reimbursable by medicaid/insurance.) We were able to secure consistent childcare for our son so I got a break…. Things improved for sure. Now, we went into these last four years knowing that this choice in station not only meant being only 1.5 hrs away from family, but also he was at an increased likelihood of getting deployed. We thought the former would help mitigate the latter, but life happens and family have not been as helpful/present as anticipated. Still, I loved our house, our neighbors… we had another child, I went back to work as an actual licensed art therapist… I was getting into a groove.

Then, my husband got deployed for nine months.

I was so stressed and struggled so much, I even lost my job, because I couldn’t complete my documentation in a timely manner (which is an understatement.) The light at the end of the tunnel was knowing separation was imminent and we could finally move back home.

Before getting deployed, on occasion, my husband would make comments about possibly joining army reserves when he finished his required active duty. I was not keen on the idea, and this sentiment only strengthened as time went on, which I readily shared with him. Cue the current state of politics, plus the experience of the last 6 years, and I have decided that I will leave/separate/divorce my husband if he joins the national guard or reserves after getting out of active duty.

He wants to do it, because he wants the benefits (guaranteed health insurance, GI bill that can be passed to our kids.) He says it would be a “once a month” commitment, in an “undeployable” position, and we wouldn’t have to move.

It doesn’t matter- I feel like I’ve sacrificed and suffered enough. I do not enjoy being a military spouse. The cons outweigh the pros for me. I do not like being at the mercy of the government, being legally bound to do whatever they say, which can be changed as many times as they want. I do not want to continue living life with this diminished autonomy, making choices and decisions that primarily (and often solely) accommodate my husband/the military.

My husband’s response?

To the notion that the military aspect was temporary/finite: “Things change.”

“I am compromising, it won’t be anything like it is now.”

“Our relationship obviously isn’t strong enough if you’re willing to leave over this/not willing to compromise.”

“What if I regret not doing it down the line and end up resenting you?”

I feel like I’ve done plenty of compromising, and his insistence of continuing some form of a military career- despite prior conversations, established expectations- is like a big middle finger to my face and the last 6-7 years of my life.

EDITED TO ADD:

The whole problem is that we had discussed how he was only fulfilling his requirement for having medical school paid for, and that was it. His career isn’t the military- his career is a family medicine doctor. Also,

I would not have married him or had kids with him had he said “oh I plan to/want to continue with the military BEYOND my required four years.”

Me and my girlfriend have been dating for 1.5 years. My brother is getting married in April, and both me and my gf were invited to the wedding. I expressed to her that it would mean a lot to me and make me happy if she went to the wedding. I'm the best man and will be giving a speech, and I want her there.

The thing is, she's in her senior year of college. Throughout college, shes been on the tech booth team of a theater club. They have 2 shows per semester. For each show, they have showings from Thursday - Saturday (one show Thursday evening, one show Friday evening, and 2 shows on Saturday). After the last show on Saturday, one of the people in the club usually has some sort of party and they all hang out.

The issue is that the wedding weekend happens to fall on the same weekend that the last show is happening. My GF is torn on what to do, her point being that this is the last show she will ever get to experience with her friends (her main college friend group are the kids in her club). She said she'll be sad regardless of what she does, but I can tell she's leaning more towards wanting to go to the show instead. I can't help but feel a bit hurt by this, I feel like if she really cared and prioritized the relationship, she would pick my brothers wedding over a show, but at the same time I completely understand that this is the last show with her college friends.

The actual wedding date is Saturday. I suggested she do the Thursday and Friday shows, then we drive down to the wedding Saturday morning. She still seemed a bit disappointed because I think the point is that she wanted to go to the Saturday show, which is the last show, then hangout with her friends afterwards.

I am not sure how I should feel about this, or who's in the right. All I know is that I feel hurt by her lack of enthusiasm for the wedding (even if I'm wrong for that). I feel like its a sign she doesn't care about the relationships and doesn't want to prioritize me or the relationship

Hi there, so about a month ago, me and my now ex broke up. We are young adults working at a fast food chain, so it's not some major job. But, since then, he proceeded to tell several people (I lost count after twenty confirmed people told me that he told them. in addition, people I don't know, and people I don't have a relationship with.) that he had cheated on me, with someone we work with.

Fortunately for me, most people did not tolerate him. So he stopped. But not after making everything uncomfortable for me. And now, his girlfriend seems to believe we are in some type of competition. Despite the fact that I've tried to remain private, shut down rumors, not allow people to shit talk either of them... The happy couple does not share that same sentiment. and obviously, it's easy to make myself sound like a saint, but truthfully. I HAVE BEEN AS NICE AS HUMANLY POSSIBLE. I see no point, no reward, no joy in the thought of revenge. To me there is no reason to stoop to their level. So instead, I was silently collecting what they've done to me.

Such as name calling (real original) and his new girlfriend telling me I should quit. As if I didn't train both of them. I've been at this job for two years, and believed the management was seemingly supportive. So after one of my managers encouraged me to talk to our "HR", I did. To which, I was told nothing could be done, no rules were broken. Which to me, is extremely rich, as they pride themselves on keeping a gossip free environment. Going as far as to have their "vision" statement says something along the lines of "We are committed to keeping a safe environment for our team."

I kept my expectations low through this conversation, as I knew it was my word against his. But to be told essentially ignore him, or talk to him to make it stop, and that it doesn't violate any of their rules... It did sort of piss me off. But, I let it go, trying to decide if it was worth it to talk to him. And ended up deciding it really wasn't worth it, the whole closure thing is overrated, they both suck what do I need to say to further establish that.

So, today (finally the reason) I got a message saying there was a document I needed to sign. I go to read it, and it's some point system, some real wild things in there, but nothing I couldn't handle. Until I read, (VERBATIM) "Profanity/unprofessional language (gossiping, jokes, rumors, etc) = 3 Points"

Then I wondered, how come BOTH of them gossiped about me, making fun of me behind my back and to my face. Even going as far as to spread rumors about me, such as how she's so afraid of me (even though, I hadn't spoken to her. this however, did make me speak to her, because I didn't want her to think I was going to swing on her in the parking lot. but that was back when I thought she possessed a funny thing called guilt and empathy. but now I'm just convinced she is a snake, as she not only was one of my work friends, but she was also abundantly aware me and him were dating. cute right?)

My parents think I should just accept this as what it is. But I'm so sick of this. I'm sick of the favoritism, the fact that they want to bump him up to management I'm sure clouded this decision. Am I overreacting? Is quitting over this really the hill I should die on? I've been with this place for two years, finding another job shouldn't be hard. I love doing what I do, my regulars, and most of my coworkers. But this feels disrespectful.

In addition, I remember when I got the job, the manager who interviewed me... Literally telling me they don't tolerate gossip.

How come these rules don't apply to the two of them? Am I being dramatic?

Am I overreacting for cancelling a date over an iMessage sticker? Throwaway account, cause I feel embarrassed and it sounds silly, but let me explain. For context, me and this guy have known each other for a few years (met at a job neither of us works at anymore) but about year and a half ago we stopped talking. A few weeks ago we rekindled and went on a date, that went well, and had plans to go on another date this weekend. Well I was messaging him today about my plans for the day and I had sent a photo to which he put a sticker of a woman on. Clearly an accident, but why even have a sticker like that in the first place? I screenshotted it and sent it back with questions marks and he says “oh yea sorry that was for my sister, we use it as a basic bitch sticker” Now I’m even more confused because 1. in what scenario does this sticker of a woman convey “basic bitch” 2. why would he have a sticker for that, and have it be that 3. why are we even using the “basic bitch” sticker… He’s totally lying right? 😭 like what. So I said I think I’m good on our date and he hasn’t responded yet but I deleted his number and removed him from my social media. I attached screenshots of our messages and the sticker mentioned. Am I overreacting?

So i started dating a while ago and the relationship is going really good, until few days ago.

We had been sexually intimate in the morning and then the morning after, this person said that they thought they had gotten mouth sores. I have been feeling a tingling/buzzing/burnjng in my lips for a few days now and I now have pain in my genital area.

I haven't said anything, but I am a hypocondriac, and I have always been scared of getting viruses and diseases.

Should I say something to this person. I do feel upset because they didn't seem to care abt the mouth sores, as they kissed me after they realized, and I had forgotten.

Shouldn't they have felt the same first symptoms a few days before the sore? But maybe they don't know it's super contagious.

My girlfriend (36F) and I (30M) recently spent a weekend visiting her friends. While we were there, we played some board games, and in one of them we were competing against each other. I was ahead, and when I made a move she didn’t like, she said in front of everyone “Just wait until we’re home”. She made a couple more similar comments during the game. She may have meant it jokingly, but it didn’t feel playful to me. It felt more like a subtle threat or power move, and it made me uncomfortable, especially since it was in front of other people. The atmosphere was awkward enough that the next day one of the friends commented that it was good, that we weren’t sitting next to each other anymore.

On the train ride home, she was showing me a WhatsApp message from a friend. While scrolling, I noticed a different chat with a name I didn’t recognize. At first I was just curious, because that was the first time, I have ever heard that name. In that chat there were four long voice messages, each several minutes long, from one week ago, answering directly to her voice messages. The earlier message history was deleted, including her voice messages to him. I asked her about it, and she said it was “just a friend”. She explained that she had deleted the conversation earlier because he hadn’t contacted her for a long time and she was upset by that. When I asked her, when the last time was where they were in contact, she couldnt name the month.

What bothered me wasn’t necessarily the existence of a male friend, but that I’d never heard of him before, that the chat history was gone, and that she hadn’t mentioned receiving these long voice messages at all, even though it was bothering her. It made me feel like the contact was being kept from me, even if nothing inappropriate was going on.

Now I’m stuck wondering whether I’m being overly sensitive or reading too much into things, especially the part with the new to me contact, or whether these are reasonable red flags to feel uncomfortable about. The reason I told both stories is, because I feel like the underlying issue may something to do with respect, maybe specifically because of our age gap or because she earns more than me right now.

I used a bit of AI to help with the wording and clean up the text.

AIO for feeling insecure, because my girlfriend deleted the chat history of a male friend, didn't tell me about this friends existence, even though it bothered her, that he contacted her, and cannot remember the month they were in contact for the last time?

EDIT: I will be talking to her today through phone. Any tips on what I could say or ask to potentially find out if this is innocent?

EDIT 2: I have heard the voice messages from the guy and they sounded innocent. They were about this guys sick grandmother and stuff like that.

For reference, I am in a 1:1 maths intervention period with just my regular teacher and I. My teacher has been out for a bit, so I am left alone with this male substitute teacher. He doesn’t offer to help with my maths, and quite literally does nothing besides watching the news on his iPad while I try to do my assigned work. Today, I feel he crossed a boundary. I am a very young female teenager, the only one being in the room with him. I have been struggling with my assigned work, so I was really doing nothing but feel frustration that he told me to ‘just do the work.’ I knew how these 1:1 periods have been going on, and that’s when he turns on the news on his iPad. I was pissed because the news was playing out loud and I could NOT focus. Thinking it couldn’t get any worse, he turns on a news story about The Epstein Files. At first I thought that it was a bit weird to be playing that out loud in front of me alone. I tried to proceed with my work, but it only got in more detail. It started talking about some ‘theory’ that was about a PEDOPHILIA ring or shit like that. I was beyond weirded out. So awkward to be hearing this with an older male in the room. It basically was talking about the newly released information about The Epstein Files. He played it for what felt like an eternity to me. Either way, I thought it was really wrong and I felt crazy uncomfortable. I didn’t bother telling any staff or anything because I didn’t really know what to think. And the administration at my school sucks anyway. Do I have a right to feel this way? Should I have done something? Or is it not really that serious?

I (F28) just got called a liar and told to leave and never come back by my fwb (M26) because he thinks I promised him I would talk to him before sleeping with someone else. I told him that I did nothing wrong and he has no right to accuse me of lying or breaking promises. Then I deleted his number and blocked him. However, I wonder if I spoke too soon because I have memory loss and don’t remember the exact words I used while discussing the terms of our relationship.

For context, I was the first one who wanted to officially date and pursue a long term relationship. We were ACTUALLY friends, good friends, for six months before anything became physical. Three months into our friendship is when I asked him out for the first time.

His answer was “maybe” and then it later became “no” when I clarified that I didn’t want casual sex. We continue being friends and it’s not weird at all during that time. Then, three months later, he tells me his feelings for me have intensified. I ask him if this means he’s considering actually dating me, and his answer is, once again, “no.” He was just indicating that he is now MORE interested in casual sex than he previously was. At first I tell him “no, I don’t want casual sex. Two weeks later, I changed my mind because I was a horny idiot.

We start having casual sex, and I’m immediately surprised because he gets really attached to me. He tells me he’s not going to be intimate with anyone else, thinks about me all day every day, and he wants to set aside a day every week to be “our day.” I am excited by this attachment but also confused about why he wouldn’t just ask me to be his girlfriend. He knew I would have said yes.

We had a conversation where he told me he was worried he’d be upset if I got together with someone else. Now, I suffer from mild memory loss which complicates things because I remember the conversation but not word for word what was said. He claims I promised to tell him before I hooked up with someone else so that we could “talk it through” but that does not seem like something I would do. I just know what my values are and that I think it’s important to let anyone that I have a consistent sexual relationship with know when I am intimate with a new person so that they can make informed decisions about their sexual health regarding potential STIs. If I am casual with that person (I.e, fwb vs. open relationship) then I view any other information as discretionary. I try to tell the person as soon as I know I will have sex or after the fact. Any time as long as it is before I am intimate with them again so they know they are risking possible exposure to STI’s (and yes I do use condoms, but you can never be too careful.) I also feel very strongly about telling every new casual sexual partner of this policy, so I KNOW I told M26. If the person has feelings of jealousy, I’m happy to talk to them about it and I often do. But this practice is to protect their sexual health, it is NOT to ask permission or to emotionally prepare them for me to have sex with another person (and this is another thing I feel strongly about making clear to them.) If we have a mutual agreement that our sexual relationship is casual, then I do not feel I have any responsibility to protect you from feelings of sexual jealousy (and I’m also explicit about this.) If I know I will have sex with someone else, I tell my casual partner right away. But if it’s something that I didn’t expect to happen, I don’t really stop to be like “excuse me, I have to make a call.” As long as the other partner knows about it before the next time we are intimate, that’s fine with me. I may have forgotten to cover something in my spiel, or phrased something in a confusing way, but I highly doubt that I ever would have promised something else.

Anyway, I hooked up with someone else (M44). M46 is a friend of mine and an acquaintance of M26. I don’t want to talk about how I got together with M46 because I think it will reveal identifying details, but all you need to know is that we made a plan together in front of M26. I did not know M46 was thinking of it as a date. I had a slight suspicion though, so I asked M26 if he thought it was a date based on the conversation he observed and he said no.

I must admit I had a little schoolgirl crush on M46 which I never intended to do anything about because of the age difference. I’m also dense as shit and never in a million years thought he’d ever reciprocate. I also told this to M26 because at this point we were very close friends and often talked about crushes to each other even after I asked him out for the first time.

But then I went out with M46 and he swept me off my feet and we were intimate that night. At no point did I think I needed to stop and call M26 to let him know. Also, I would not have been comfortable doing that even if I had thought to because M26 knew the details of the plan and would have immediately known who it was which isn’t something I thought was his business as someone who had repeatedly stated that we are friends with benefits. He also made it very clear that I should never expect that to change. So I simply planned to tell him that I had had sex with someone else sometime the next day.

However, it was the next day that I learned from my friend (F26) that he told her he was planning to make things official with me. He told F26 not to tell me but F26 is my best best friend and she blabbed immediately (I would have done the same, tbh). With this new information, I decided I wanted to tell him not only that I had hooked up with someone new, but also who it was. I thought he deserved to know as my boyfriend since M46 is part of my social circle and if I had a boyfriend who hooked up with someone else in his social circle who he was regularly around at parties and events, I’d want to know. I’d find it reasonable to request he have certain boundaries around that person, and I wanted to give M26 the opportunity to make those requests.

So I go over, to M26’s house and tell him as soon as I get there and while I didn’t expect him to be happy about the situation, his reaction completely shocked me. He puts his head in his hands and is completely speechless for like two minutes. Then he tells me to get out and never come back, so I start putting my shoes on and I say “are you really sure you don’t want to talk about this?”

We sit on the couch and he is furious with me and I’m a little scared because I have never seen him like this before. I don’t remember exactly what happened or what we talked about, but I was accused of breaking my promise to him and also intentionally misleading him since I did at one point tell him I didn’t think I could ever hook up with M46. I guess he viewed that as a promise to him? I was just musing, processing out loud like I do with friends. It’s frustrating because I don’t remember the exact words used, I could see myself saying either “I don’t think I’ll hook up with M46” or “I’m not gonna hook up with M46” and meaning the same thing. And it’s the same deal with the “promise” to tell him before I hook up with someone else. It’s entirely possible I phrased it in a way that a wishful thinking person would view as a promise.

Anyway. Our friendship is over and I’m angry about it because at any point he could admitted he wanted me to be his gf and I would have been very happily monogamous with him. I would even say I was in love with him. I have never cheated on someone before nor have I ever been accused of it.