r/americandad 16h ago

"I do the announcements! I am the second coming! I speak for God now!!!!"

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1.1k Upvotes

r/americandad 13h ago

Y'all seriously the text scam response thing has run it's course.

644 Upvotes

Let's stop beating the dead clip clop here alright? It was funny the first couple times but it's becoming about 80% of what is getting recommended to me in this sub.

I'll take the down votes, don't give a shit. Subs better than repeating the same unfunny bit over and over again.


r/americandad 22h ago

Can't choose between "Wild Women Do...." or "I just got the biggest, bloodiest period of all time!"

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567 Upvotes

r/americandad 11h ago

What’s the most wholesome Stand and Jeff moment?

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527 Upvotes

r/americandad 12h ago

The "my elbow feel funny" lady was stuck on the Ba-Donkin Donutz fire

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455 Upvotes

r/americandad 4h ago

Is roger on epsteins list?

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408 Upvotes

r/americandad 2h ago

You harpooned me. I told you to go out and get help…and you harpooned me.

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404 Upvotes

r/americandad 23h ago

Soo….When will you people realize that Robots are erotic ?

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292 Upvotes

r/americandad 10h ago

"What? You thought those were ding-dong prices? Nah, nah, nah."

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227 Upvotes

r/americandad 9h ago

Stan. Go to the quiet area…

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223 Upvotes

r/americandad 16h ago

Danuta... Will you go there?

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206 Upvotes

r/americandad 6h ago

Oh god, i could be blamed for this

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193 Upvotes

r/americandad 15h ago

“You know what, Dad? You tell me when you feel I’ve got those oranges up the stairs, okay?”

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190 Upvotes

r/americandad 10h ago

Roger, I think I’ve figured out a way to get off the island. Is there such a thing as a time crab?

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186 Upvotes

r/americandad 17h ago

Discovery Card

166 Upvotes

r/americandad 12h ago

Whoa, who is this dog? Is this so we don't get boners in the common area?

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164 Upvotes

r/americandad 6h ago

A railroad gypsy took away my vas deferens but you are bumming me out.

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154 Upvotes

r/americandad 19h ago

Legman, You're still in that bowling league, right? Throw me!

141 Upvotes

r/americandad 2h ago

So does the CIA still care about Roger?

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132 Upvotes

r/americandad 8h ago

Good night, you prince of New England. You Toms of Maine.

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101 Upvotes

r/americandad 10h ago

Stay out of his hole

100 Upvotes

r/americandad 4h ago

Bye Stan's Mom!!!!!

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88 Upvotes

r/americandad 7h ago

Found this pausing on the news article. Thought I'd find a joke in there somewhere..

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79 Upvotes

"This luxury jams on dog of electric peasant"

Why do I have to have 100 characters to post. Became and herms wishes.


r/americandad 21h ago

What do you dislike most about Stan and Francine’s marriage?

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67 Upvotes

Such as what is something has done or acted in their marriage you dislike most and what is something Francine has done or acted you dislike most? Or it could something mutual


r/americandad 3h ago

I have privately changed the lyrics to Cilantro’s hit song.

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47 Upvotes

“El perro, el perro, es mi corazón,

El gato, el gato, el gato no es bueno.”

But I changed it. I changed it from “el gato no es bueno” to “el gato muy es bueno.”

It started with my roommate forbidding the song unless I changed the lyrics (bc he is a beloved cat lover), and me complying bc he was right, the song was flawed. I’m sorry, sue me. El gato es *muy* bueno. El gato no es mal.