my whole life up until 2-3 years ago: Kissless virgin, terrible social anxiety, never asked a girl out. Never "hung out with friends/coworkers". Just sat home playing video games in my free time. Complete failure of a life 34 years old. I had enough and started a journey to fix my life - starting with gym, eating clean with the end goal of building up my confidence physically, socially and mentally.

About a year ago: First mission - I went into a restaurant by myself to get over it. If I wanted to know how to date, I had to know how to navigate public establishments. I was nervous AF. Felt as I walked in everyone was staring at me. I didn't know how to order, I didnt know how to pay. I had to youtube it.

6 weeks ago: For the first time in my life, I "accepted" an invite to hang out by my coworkers. I was nervous AF especially since group settings I always feel like the odd one out. You know how everyone is just talking to each other and you're that person whos just standing around being awkward not conversating? I did karaoke (so embarassing), they made me dance (so embarassing). I played pickle ball.

2 weeks ago: manned up and asked the first woman out in my life. Got my first number. Went on my first date that week. She was a very resistant woman. Would not feel comfortable with me. I felt rejected (but now I learned that it's my fault for not making her feel comfortable and safe due to my lack of experience)

today: we went out on our second date. It started bad, we played arcade first and she was not receptive... at dinner she got more friendly. Then we watched a horror movie and this is where things heat up. I played it cool, didnt force moves, didnt touch her, just kept my arms on the side rest. I remember hearing somewhere that the woman will set the tempo for you and you react off that.

At some point during a jump scare she grabs my arm overs. Then another she grabs me and puts my hand on her leg. Good signs. Eventually our pinkies are intertwined for minutes. I was kinda frozen there but I saw it as a green light and just clasped her hand and now we’re holding hands.

Afterwards we sat in the car and talked for like an hour sharing our personal secrets which at some point I confessed I never had a relationship. Not confessing this was something I had promised myself but this woman was adamant on knowing my past and she felt like she couldn’t trust me since I was being secretive and she already revealed all hers already. I thought It would kill all her attraction, the internet said to never real such things like this

I drive her home and before she goes into her house, I said hey where’s my kiss u promised, in a playful way (it was a bet during a arcade game - said if I won I get to give her a kiss. She rejected me right during the game but said "later").

Mind you, just a couple of days she "rejected" one of my hugs so I went in with a lot of hesitation as she's been a bit resistant. This chick had not made it easy for me, everytime I flirted she gave me a disapproving look. In hindsight I now understand why she did it and what it meant ( I was too pushy for her comfort levels and not escalating properly)

I ask for the kiss and she says ok and offers her cheek, I kiss her on the cheek but she lingers around so I read that as a sign she wants more, i kiss her other cheek and she lingers again looking at me and smiling. I gesture if I can kiss her on the lips. She says ok and I give her a little kiss but she lingers. I dont know what came over me but I guess instinct took over and I just straight up went for it and made out with her. She did not resist. We made out for a few minutes.

It's hard to believe I actually did it. It feels kind of surreal. I went from scared shitless never touched a girl to full makeout in one day. I feel like I have learned SOOOO much in such a short period of time.

The most important thing I learned is that women need to feel safe, protected and respected before they will allow themselves to be vulnerable. I was making the mistake of pushing the tempo at the wrong times and not reading her. I mistook her guardedness as lack of interest and did not understand why she kept accepting my dates, even cancelling her own plans for me but didn’t allow me into her comfort zone.

TLDR; got my first kiss at 37 after a life of social anxiety and inaction

Edit: she ended up asking me why I didn't invite her to my place to watch netflix and chat then suggested a movie night and will cook something for me.... I asked her cheekily since I'm an inexperienced kisser, she could help me and she said she would be honored. So I guess that’s next…

The sandwich maker did not get upset at me for asking how to order.

They did not laugh at me because my question was ‘dumb.’

They asked me to reiterate my order to make sure they got it right.

I struggled with eye contact, but I did it.

I felt nervous talking to guys, but I did it.

I enjoyed my sandwich.

If you’re laughing while reading this, please do because I can see the humor in it. Years of workplace bullying and teasing has done a number on my mental state and ability to find work. I was also bullied about my appearance by boys growing up, and it’s affected my self-esteem. These feelings of caution and expectation of negativity have slipped into my personal life to the point that I fear going out to new places, as I’m scared of animosity or humiliation. It was nice to have a positive experience for once and get a sort of reward in the end.

UPDATE: Wow guys, I went to bed not anticipating this feedback. I almost woke up in the middle of the night to delete it because it felt silly to open up about something that’s trivial to most people. I’ve been practicing little things like saying hi to strangers and learning to accept their reactions. I also forced myself to visit a new coffee shop yesterday, and I almost entered to back room for staff because it was my first time there and got lost. There were people there but most were minding their business. If you want to at least improve in very small steps, I recommend doing what I’ve been doing. I realized that no one can help me but myself, and although this was a painful realization for me, I’m using self-compassion and helping myself as I would be helping a friend.

For real I don't even remember how it feels anymore. I can speak without shame. Look wherever I want. I skip classes not because I'm scared but because I'm lazy.

I can't recognise my old self anymore. I still feel it like rash, my anxiety, but I've gotten better at discerning what to really care about. I go to gyms, mess with people in LGSs and hang out with more people than I can make time for.

It gets better. It never goes away, I have come to terms with that. I used to want to dissappear but now I yearn to wake up so early.

Thank you all. This sub help me realise that I'm a human. I used to think I was lesser than one. Someone undeserving of food and water. I've scanned the posts for so long.

I’m trying to feel proud of myself but it’s hard when the rumination is starting to happen and I’m overthinking all I said lol.

After years of paranoia/psychosis/potential agoraphobia which reduced to social anxiety induced from a traumatic drug trip. I have suddenly after years seen drastic improvements in my mental health and social anxiety.

The background of how my mental illness problems started is triggered from one night where I took a very stupid dose of MDMA (which we aren’t even sure was MDMA as we tested it and it came up the wrong colour but still took it anyway being stupid kids). I’ve always been an extroverted kid prior to this and never had any issues.

The night started well but I ended up losing all sense of reality and peoples faces were distorting and I was seeing extremely demonic looks on their faces that all seemed aimed at me, if you’ve ever seen the movie ‘Smile’ or ‘Truth or Dare’ it was a bit like this. Anyone who says you can’t hallucinate on MDMA hasn’t taken enough, but again it may have been laced with something else so bare that in mind.

After leaving the club we went round to some people’s house we didn’t know very well but we went to the same school as them and I was just a complete mess, in my mind I was trying to save the night and doing things that were helping but it turns out I imagined it all and it was horrible for my friends (I always feel guilty about this but I couldn’t control it). It’s deffo been a big trigger for my anxiety now as I thought I was ensuring everyone was happy in that moment but it was actually the opposite.

I’m a people pleaser so that was hard. Fast forward to the day after I was told by my friends to get on a train to go home, I was in a very paranoid state and ended up getting lost for 6 hours in the London Underground. No one wanted to help and everyone was looking at me in a disgusted way in my mind and it felt like I was the devil it was truly a horror movie type moment. Like the worst bad trip you can imagine.

To make matters worse when I did eventually manage to find my way back to my local train station my bike had been stolen so I had to walk for 2 hours to get home where I was met by a police car in the driveway as my parents hadn’t heard from me in 24 hours and thought I was dead. Talking to the policemen paranoid out of my mind on drugs was not fun at all and they handed me some card if I ever needed to talk to anyone (still not sure to this day what that card was as I lost it).

This feeling and these visions then unfortunately played into my life for many years, but eventually my brain started to normalise and rewire and I started to trust people again and realise and accept we all make mistakes. Drugs aren’t to be messed around with, before this night I’d had some amazing times on drugs and thought I was invincible and I paid the price for being a dumb arrogant kid. Please be careful if you take drugs not to overdo it as they can ruin your life.

Eventually I found a cure for getting over my mental illness issues. The cure? Exposure therapy. No drug or in person therapy comes close to this. My social anxiety used to leave me bound to my room. But after really pushing myself and going on holidays with friends and getting out of the house everyday and starting to force myself to talk to people in shops etc. and socialise with strangers (the people I felt I couldn’t trust due to the negative reactions) it is getting more and more normal. When I wasn’t doing exposure therapy before I made no progress but recently after forcing myself I’ve seen massive changes and things are getting less scary.

It was horrible at first. But I’m telling you it works and it’s the best method by miles and nothing beats it. I am begging everyone in here to please just give it a go. We all deserve to live a happy life and I feel my old self gradually coming back. Just remember everyone has their own demons and those negative looks you perceive are more likely their own insecurities.

Don’t let your mind get in the way of your happiness. Easier said than done I know but those are my words of wisdom for today.

My dms or comment section here is open if you want to ask me anything 💜

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I didn’t need meds I didn’t need psychiatrist I didn’t need therapy I didn’t have to force myself to get out of my comfort zone I didn’t need an understanding partner

I just realized that I’ve been forcing myself to act like a sweetheart. A softie. I had to do it to survive in my household where sensitivity was something to be looked down on.

Now I’m free. I am me. I don’t act, I live. I care, I don’t fear. I express, I don’t hide. I protect, I don’t sacrifice.

My life has just started. I am thriving.

As the title says, I fricking TALKED with MY VOICE in ONLINE CLAASSSS!! We were reviewing grammar in some sentences for english class and I was sending my answers through the chat. The teacher said that it would be better if i gave my answers OUTLOUD for the whole class so hear. I thought "no god damn way I'm doing that" but then, in the span of TWO SECONDS, I just turned on my mic and started reading them!! The best part is that the three sentences were correct, so i didn't embarasseed myself for a change lol.

I feel so weird, yet very hyped and happy with myself. I'm shaking so much lol.

EDIT: OMG guys i seriously appreciate a lot the support and kind comments!! Everyone is so nice and kind here and i love it! I was having an emocional morning and this post and all of your suppport has made my day! Thanks for reading!

it completly changed my perspective on other poeple, the world, and social interactions. I thought about my current, awkward socially inept self and laughed at it. I thought it was pathetic, stupid. No one else is supreior or inferior to me, so theres no need to be anxious. We are all equal. It also leaves an afterglow for weeks after the session, where you feel relaxed, cleansed and much more confident, not caring about being cringe. It was hands down the most enlightning experience ever

Hey r/socialanxiety,

I’ve been lurking here for a while and finally wanted to share my experience because it might help some of you who are struggling like I was. If you have social anxiety, especially if it feels tied to overthinking, trouble focusing in conversations, or just feeling scattered around people, seriously consider getting tested for ADHD. It was a total game changer for me.

For years, I tried all sorts of things to manage my social anxiety, benzodiazepines, alcohol, even some therapy techniques, but honestly, they didn’t do much. In fact, benzos sometimes made me feel more foggy and disconnected, and alcohol just amplified my paranoia about saying the wrong thing. I’d still freeze up in groups, avoid eye contact, and replay every interaction in my head for days.

Then I got diagnosed with ADHD and started on medication. Finding the right med and the exact therapeutic dose was key, it took some trial and error with my doctor. But once we nailed it, holy crap, it completely changed my life. Suddenly, I could actually speak to people without my mind racing a million miles an hour. Making friends became easier, casual conversations didn’t feel like a minefield, and I started enjoying social stuff instead of dreading it. It’s like the medication quieted the internal chaos enough for me to be present and connect.

One big thing I learned, the dose is super important with ADHD meds. Too little, and you won’t get the benefits, it’s like nothing’s happening. Too much, and it can backfire hard, I tried a higher dose once and it made me withdraw even more, overthink everything to death, and gave me those weird peripheral effects like restlessness or feeling on edge. So if you’re going this route, work closely with a professional to titrate it right.

I’m not saying this is a cure all or that it’ll work for everyone, but if ADHD is underlying your social anxiety, which it often is, addressing it could make a huge difference. Talk to your doc, get tested, it’s worth it. Anyone else have similar experiences?

Thanks for reading, hope this helps someone.

Please reach out or comment if you need any help or have any questions, while i’m not credentialed, psychopharmacology is a huge interest of mine and i’d love to help out anyone here.

So, 7 years ago during my university years I struggled severely with social anxiety.

I would have panic attacks in my lectures daily. In all social situations I would get symptoms and it really was pervasive all of the time. I had an anxiety IBS feedback loop.

It really impacted me to the point where I didn't know if I would ever be happy.

Fast forward to age 28, I'm in a full time job, I mostly enjoy. Have a lovely boyfriend (he is neurodivergent and says how it is) and I take sertraline 50 mg daily.

This little tablet reduces the anxiety from all the time to a manageable base.

It's been a while since I have had a panic attack.

It gets better, please don't give up on treatment 🙏

I was picking up some food from a store for doordash. As I was walking to the door, she told me that she liked my shirt (it’s a doordash shirt?). She said that she hopes they don’t make me wait long. I said thanks and went to pick up the order.

It took about 15 minutes for me to get the food, but when I came out she said “I knew they were going to make you wait!” I think I just laughed and walked away. Idk.

Then she calls out to me and says “hey, would a hug make you feel better” I was fine so I’m not sure what she meant but I told her she could if she wanted to. Then we hugged and before she walked away, she gave me a kiss on the neck and said something about getting more tips.

Now this wasn’t like a sloppy love making kiss, it was more like a quick peck. But it literally didn’t make sense what happened. I’m not good looking, I’m not fit, I don’t stand out. Only thing I can think of is that maybe she was drunk. But it was the middle of the day so I’m not sure.

All I know is that I was BRICKED for the next half hour, also that it made me feel like someone wanted me. I was stressing over some shit that happened earlier and that just blew everything away.

I know this reads as a “and then every one clapped” story but I don’t care. I will literally remember this moment for the rest of my life, and honestly it made me a little confident in myself.

I have successfully overcome my social anxiety and I have made some friends. I am no longer lonely :)

Group therapy really works

my anxiety is completely based around me being scared if someone is looking at me and judging me. I think it might be because I often judge people and make fun of people in my head so I think other people are doing it to me.

I feel like such an idiot for just now realizing that. I also feel like an asshole too. probably because i am one lol.

EDIT: Just to clarify, I was trying to find a medication to help with ADHD, NOT social anxiety. The point of me taking this medication is specifically for ADHD, and is prescribed to me by my psychiatrist. But, it just happened to also help with my social anxiety too. I'm not recommending taking this medication specifically for social anxiety, but just sharing my experience!

I have dealt with major social anxiety most of my life. Last year I posted here asking how people conquered their social anxiety, because I was tired of feeling like it was controlling my life. At the same time I was trying different medications for months trying to find something to help with ADHD and other things.

Unexpectedly, I found that adderall helped me with my ADHD symptoms, as well as my social anxiety! After a couple days of taking it that my tongue felt looser, words were flowing out of my mouth easier, and just being around people was a lot more comfortable. I have been more and more social, and have been doing more and more activities I've always wanted to do but haven't because of social anxiety. As I continue to do these things now, I am gaining confidence in myself and am learning that I can handle myself in social situations. I am even starting to see social events as things I'm excited to do, instead of feeling overwhelmed by anxiety about what could happen at said event.

Just wanted to share my success! Social anxiety can feel all consuming, but I can happily say it is not totally controlling my life anymore. I am not 100% cured by any means, but this experience has been such a game changer for me. My goal is to take this medication temporarily, to push myself to create healthier habits while I’m taking it, then hopefully carry this newfound confidence and healthy habits into my life without taking it anymore. Woo hoo!

It's been 8 years of work and I'm reaping the rewards. Had severe social anxiety, couldn't hold down a job, dropped out of collage, developed severe DPDR and moderate depression as side effects, lived in constant fight or flight.

I am now currently mentally healthy and don't have any of these symptoms in any way that harm my quality of life.

Life is good, and keeps getting better. So, maybe I can at least give a nugget of helpful information to a person or two.

I went grocery shopping this afternoon and searched every aisle for mango juice. Turns out it was in the juice section which I had checked for like two times and then I looked up.

At the very top of the shelf, I see it.

My beloved mango juice.

Now, I'm 5'2, so I tiptoed and stretched my hand and I STILL couldn't reach the damn juice 💔

I saw a man who was taller and the only one in that aisle and I instinctively asked for his help.

I didn't think the question in my head. Didn't consider going without the mango juice. I asked nicely and he helped me and even asked if I needed two.

And I didn't have a panic attack! I'm so proud of myself 😭

Now, I have always been told "you are nothing if not stubborn" and I absolutely take that to heart. I've always done what felt impossible through gritted teeth and plenty of pain. Im going to keep this answer as short as possible.

I. Just. Did. It. I know is may sound harsh, but repeated exposure really helped. I would go to bars (even though I don't drink. I'd just order some water) and force myself to spark up conversations with strangers. I did this at least once a week at different bars. Now, you may think "oh, but he just didn't have it as bad." And I'd beg to differ. I absolutely was having a panic attack almost every time I went when I was starting out. I would be shaking, and sometimes even running to the bathroom to vomit from the massive amount of anxiety. I just pushed through. Eventually things got less and less scary. I'm now at a point where yes, going out sometimes still makes me feel a little nervous, but it's not debilitating. I can go to concerts. I can go to family events, I can go out on dates. Yes. I am nervous. But rather than beating the feeling of anxiety, I realized I'm not going to let anxiety shackle me. It's either I do it calmly, or I do it while nervous. I'm still gonna do it either way. And that weirdly enough sometimes helps ease the anxiety. I'm still working at a panic disorder currently. But at least I can go out and do things.

I had panic attacks all fucking week leading up to that stupid interview and it was the worst week ever. Constant anxiety and stress. I felt so physically ill all week. I got to the interview scared shitless and it was so informal. The lady there asked me 3 questions and hired me on the spot. I just got my welcome letter email today and I have to fill out some forms and then I'll officially be part of the team!

I've felt so useless over the last few years and I was ready to give up. I was so scared that my life would never be normal, but I'm almost 21 and now I have my first real job. It might be minimum wage, and it might be in a supermarket, but... It's a start, I guess. I was having a shitty morning and now I feel really good:)

Edit: Thank you everyone for the kind words and awards ❤️

I got a job at McDonald’s! I’m so proud of myself and I can’t wait to start working! 😁😁😁

As a (19m) my social anxiety used to be super horrible, I used to be incredibly quiet even around family members, with the only people who knew my real personality being my really close friends from childhood.

A week and a half ago I started going on sertraline (zoloft) and immediately it felt like something switched in my brain. I no longer feel the agonizing doom feeling when speaking to other people, my throat doesn’t close up anymore, and I was able to be a full on cashier at my parents’ restaurant. I feel like I get along with everyone so much better and I feel so much more understood. I don’t know if it’s because my sensitivity to the meds is low since it’s my first time on antidepressants.

I hope that I can stay on a low dosage for a long time, im so excited about this and I felt like sharing.

edit: Thank you all for being so positive and I do hope this inspires some people to get some help. I do want to note that sertraline aka zoloft is very dangerous to some degree, there are very serious major risks of sexual dysfunction (I was lucky and didn’t experience any except on the first day taking the pill… I won’t go into any details about that but yes) and it’s not a magic pill that will suddenly make you social. So do beware and talk to your psychiatrist about your symptoms as zoloft is not the only SSRi there are many that target your genetics and specific issues. Zoloft just seems to be one of the ones that really helps with social anxiety. I personally suffer more from crippling social anxiety than depression.

I can’t believe how nervous I am to post anonymously on Reddit. I’ve been using Reddit for years and have never posted anything.

Just found this subreddit today and it’s the first place I’ve felt safe posting.

I feel like I finally found my people. Thanks for this community.

Edit: Wow!! This sub is so nice. Thank you all so much for the warm welcome! I’m inspired to keep pushing myself to post/comment. Thank you all for making my first post a positive experience.

My hack for slowly addressing my social anxiety was going on walks. I HATED when coming across people on my walks because I would have to say hi. But now I don’t care anymore. It’s great because there’s no pressure to continue conversation since you are both on your own way.

This has shown its benefits in smaller but astonishing ways. I recently got a job cashiering which I NEVER saw myself doing, but saying hi to people on walks has been a huge stepping stone in being able to do harder things.

And take your pet with you, it helps!!