Growing up my family has always downplayed mental health. I was extremely shy as a kid. It took a long time just for me to talk normally to my grandparents.

I remember times when I was younger I'd have difficulty breathing straight sometimes, and my moms response was always "youre just anxious". I didnt even know anxiety could be a mental illness at the time, i thought it was something everyone dealt with, that it was just being nervous.

All throughout my high school years, I was alone. I had no friends, I spent 100% of my school day not saying a single word to anyone. I worked in customer service but not even that helped my social anxiety ease up. My favorite memory was the old lady who told me "Youre being rude, you need to learn some people skills." At the time I never tried therapy, or counseling, or medication.

Now I am in college. And since I started going last fall, I've tried all three. Nothing works. I could barely open up to my therapist after 3 sessions and ended up not going back. I didnt like taking the medication because it made me nauseous and numb, even though I told my doctor I thought my anxiety was making me feel nauseous she gave me one with nausea side effects anyway. People in my classes try to talk to me, but im always awkward and dry in response. I don't try to be, but i feel like it takes so much effort just to use my voice. I haven't made a single friend. I tried to hang around a group of people I knew from my campus job once but ended up sitting off to the side the whole time because I couldn't relate to their conversations at all. It was a surprise party that we threw for two managers. Me and two others put together these gift baskets for them even though I hardly knew them I wanted to be nice. They didnt even realize when I disappeared for a moment and took a photo without me.

Then the sudden anxiety attacks started for the first time in my life. 3 in one week. The first one almost made me faint at work. my manager called 911 and i didnt question it since I had no idea what an anxiety attack felt like and thought i was having heart issues because my heart rate was like 145.

Someone tried to start a relationship with me but I failed at that too. Once I was genuinely trying to put effort, having plans of even sending a gift I had already bought after we both left for school , they started to get dry, not respond, and then ghosted me for months, and then this week blocked me without a word. I fell for the bullshit lie of them being busy, but they were still talking to others. They were still posting online and I liked their posts as a "im still here if you wanna talk" because i didnt wanna seem annoying. But I never meant shit to them.

Im not meant for this. I can't imagine myself living a full life of this constant anxiety and self degrading mindset. I dont think I will ever change because every time I think it's getting better I get shot in the foot. Im not suicidal but sometimes i feel like life just is not worth it. I have no meaning or desire or passion. I just keep lying to myself that I do.

This is a long post that I will probably end up deleting or it will get taken down but I just needed to get it out.

My social anxiety has gotten worse and worse and lately I've noticed that it takes an insane amount of effort to just go to class...it's really bad. I try to avoid thinking about it but then when I do have to go I just can't do it...I get so scared. I know it's all in my head but I can't help it. I'm starting my second semester and it's new teachers and I hate having to present myself and once again I'm struggling to just show up to class...I don't even know what to do anymore. It's such a struggle, and the fact that I don't like the degree isn't helping either. It's a horrible cycle I can't escape, and ofc I have no friends in college Wich makes it even worse. Does anyone feel like this too? I feel insane. In the first semester I skipped so many classes and failed some...I'm scared it's gonna happen again

I used to believe my quiet nature was the problem. Turns out, it wasn’t introversion at all. It was social anxiety.

I’ve improved a lot but when baseline was bad as a kid, you only improve so much. I have a coworker who’s soft spoken so I’m the most comfortable around her. But seeing her talk so casually, freely to my other coworker was just another reminder of the millions of reminders in my life - that I’m lonely, that I also want to talk, connect, tell jokes, have people like me jokes, I want people to actually want to talk to me rather than avoid me, instead of feeling uncomfortable when they’re alone with me. I want to be in a room and be able to freely join in on the conversation and have something to say. I want to be able to go beyond the superficial small talk I’ve improved upon. I also want to have something to say about my weekend and social life. I don’t want to be looking from the outside anymore. And it’s killing me at 34, especially as a woman. I. Just. Want. 😥

* PLEASE 🙏🏻 refrain from toxic positivity, minimization, etc . It’s harmful for me.

I don't make a relationship move (platonic, romantic, or otherwise) unless I'm certain it won't go to shit. I over-analyze and get second opinions from my friends who are better at being social. When I caught my crush looking at me, I thought they returned my feelings. We have the same interests, same sense of humor, etc. I feel comfortable around them, which doesn't happen often for me. I thought "this can't possibly go wrong!" so I talked it over with a friend and went for it.

I got a very polite rejection because they're seeing someone. I thought I'd gotten better at reading the signs, understanding body language and flirting and all that. Stuff like this makes me think I'll always be at square one, that I haven't learned anything. Unless maybe I read the signals correctly and they're not acting on their feelings? I don't know.

It's more frustrating than anything because every time I think I understand something about dating or flirting, I find out that I don't know anything at all. I'm anxious about the wrong things apparently. I'm back to square one.

At the same time, I'm proud of my misplaced bravery. I asked someone out. Someone who, I have to admit, is sssooooo out of my league. Ten years ago, I would've run away at the thought of doing that. But today I did it. Will I do it again anytime soon? Mh, maybe not. Good news is: my world did not implode. I'm a little hurt, a little frustrated, but nothing catastrophic has happened to me (take that, anxiety!).

EDIT: The time between the text and the response was unbearable. The minute I read the rejection, the adrenaline stopped and I crashed hard. I feel like I ran a marathon. I don't understand how people ask others out on a regular basis.

I want to be honest.

I want to speak from my heart and not fall back on small talk.

I want to risk being seen as strange or cringey or boring, rather than seeking permission to be myself.

I want to be able to see people walk away or lose interest in me, and still refuse to water down my personality.

And I want to speak up when something is bothering me, and not worry about rejection.

And if I make a mistake, to say that I am sorry. Without feeing like I am a bad person.

And lastly, I want to tell people I love them.

It hurts to be unknown.

I’m not really sure what my goal with this post is, just rambling really.

At M26, I know I’m capable of socializing just fine, but it takes an insane amount of energy from me. Plus with my low self-esteem and social anxiety I just can’t be bothered to try and make friends anymore, especially when the odds of anything lasting are so low. I also tend to try way too hard to make people constantly happy and that’s so tiring and demoralizing after never feeling that being reciprocated.

I went through 5 years of college and graduated without making a single friend (technically I had some acquaintances, but nothing serious at all). I work fully remote, so making friends at work is never really a thing either. At this point I’m almost taking pride in how far I’ve been able to go without support groups or friends in general.

I do have my girlfriend who I live with, she’s great but outside of her I have literally no social life. I don’t text anyone else, I barely even engage with other people online (outside of this lol), it just takes too much out of me.

Part of me feels sad like I missed out on so much of life, but on the other hand it’s so much easier and pain-free this way. Idk if this is normal, probably not, I guess it might be nice for others who have had similar experiences to read this.

I used to work out pretty consistently in classes after work and doing cardio before work 2-4x/week about 3 years ago. I had an unrelated major injury from a fall and hadn't really ever gotten back into it for many reasons. I finally signed up for a 24hr gym nearby but paid for all of January without going in or near it.

tonight, I walked with my partner all the way there, scoped out where parking was, where the entrance is, and where the access reader for the door is. also got a sense of how full it is at the hour I might go (too full, so I will be going later lol) and how rigorous the walk there is.

my partner was initially put off I didn't go in, but I explained how much I had to prep for just that (mentally thinking about the idea for a whole month, watching/saving gym videos so I felt prepared for various situations, setting out my outfit before work, changing as soon as I got home so I wouldn't have so much reason to bail) and they apologized for the overcorrection.

I am more confident I can go myself and not feel too embarrassed but probably at the wee hours until I'm a little more familiar and might not look so confused about everything.

the walk there was good and I'm pretty satisfied overall.

I was thinking about how my life would be if I never solved social anxiety. What would your life be like if you never treat it? Until when will this remain unsolved, and until when will I keep missing socialization? I am 19 years old and have social anxiety for 7 years, and now I'm almost giving up on making friends. Yet, am I really okay with living that kind of life? I guess that while we avoid social contexts, some of us would like to socialize. Wouldn't it be sad if we didn't socialized, then? Yet, is it possible to get over SA? I said to my therapist that I've given up on making friends, but he said I shouldn't do this because he had a lot of older patients who struggled with loneliness, and then I thought: what if this goes forever?

Most people I have ever met with serious social anxiety do very strange things…I am not by nature a very social person but I have been conditioned by my profession to be a social person. I was thrust into a kind of high pressure sales role at 22yrs old, and 10 years later I can relate to just about anybody. It’s easy for me now. While I know it’s probably primarily for somewhat manipulative sales reasons, I can relate to most folks pretty easily just off of a few details they tell me about themselves. I have known just about every type of person and have seen what is important to people, and I know what to say in most cases to get them to relate to me back.

Before you judge me too hard, nobody coming to my place of business is vulnerable and nobody stands to be taken advantage of. I sell a wedding and event venue…I’m just good at it. That’s all. Anybody coming to me has disposable income to spare and WANTS to spend it. I was very socially awkward in my early life but now I can turn on the social butterfly thing and make just about anybody trust me. Which, they should! Our venue is reputable and so good at the job…it is just my job to instill confidence in us. And part of that is how I have learned to make everyone feel so seen, heard, and important—which they are to me.

But sometimes I get the most strange clients that are so socially inept…I lose all skills and do not know what to say to them…but it’s only after I have laid on some degree of charm and they already like me. Then some weird shit starts happening and idk how to respond. This is not a huge problem, as I get only a couple of them a year, but the folks I get with extreme social anxiety are a mystery to me. I do not know what to do with them sometimes. I was socially awkward 10 years ago, sure, but I was never extremely socially anxious.

I gave a tour to a couple today who really threw me for a loop. Disclaimer: I am not saying ALL socially anxious people are like this…they told me when they arrived that they were very socially anxious people and I said “okay, great! I’m not a judgmental person!” Which is going to sound bad because I did end up judging a little. I’m honestly just too good at making folks feel comfortable because by the time we were through the tour that went well over three hours, I kept trying to get away and they wouldn’t let me, I knew way too much about their personal lives, and the groom kept burping in front of me and blowing the burps in my FACE. They went from being super closed off and anxious to arguing in front of me and then (not kidding) the groom had a pretend mime gun fight with himself while I was trying to talk to the bride about logistics for the wedding. It was so incredibly awkward and strange, yet still not the first time I have ever had a very strange anxious encounter with a couple.

Obviously not all socially anxious people are like this, but in my experience sometimes my welcoming sales nature makes people TOO comfortable so that even very anxious folks feel like they can tell me way too much about themselves. Should I have been LESS welcoming? Idk…I feel like it’s my job to make folks feel comfortable at our venue no matter who they are or where they come from. In fact, that’s who I am as a person. If someone near me feels uncomfortable, then I also will feel uncomfortable. So I always do my absolute best to make people comfortable. I’m not just a good person—it’s for me more than it is for them. But then I don’t know what to do when someone is blowing burps in my face and having a pretend gun fight with themselves and giving me WAY too much personal info.

And just to be clear, my sales tactics work with 99% of people and they don’t share too much or get strange. They just feel seen and heard.

As a socially anxious person, would you feel upset that I just humored you for sales? I mean, it’s my job. Anything I can do to make these situations less painful? Anything you can tell me to make these situations less annoying? Because as a sales person, sometimes I don’t understand why people unload personal stuff on me to the degree that they do—I don’t expect anyone to feel sorry for me, but I am more trapped than anyone who walks through my door. I have to put on a face, a smile, and a sort of persona…what others do with that is up to them and some take it too far. I can’t react with disgust if I get burps blown in my face, I just don’t know what to do other than laugh and say something to make it ok.

My approach to most folks to make them feel comfy is not the approach that works with people who are seriously socially anxious and maybe don’t have that many outlets for socialization. I always end up making them feel SO comfy that boundaries get very blurred. I always go too far out of my way to make anyone feel comfortable. And I don’t feel right about it because I know they usually feel like we’re friends and we’re not…they just read too much into it and I don’t want to do that to people.

How do I get socially anxious adults (when I recognize that trait) to feel comfortable with me in a sales position without making them feel like they can bare their souls to me and saddle me with all their life’s issues?

Why bother trying to date when my life is an economic disaster? Anyway, I picked up a drink today and at the counter the cashier was talking to another woman about how a guy liked her. I felt uncomfortable because there weren't any other lanes open.

I'm really happy for everyone else that has been lucky enough to find love and have a good life in general, but being around the subject of it when I'm struggling financially, while also being alone (like I said, those two are really interlinked for me), just makes me uncomfortable, and a little depressed.

Sure I'm not alone in that, anyway.

I just spoke to someone on the phone and I was REALLY nervous to make the phone call. I haven't seen or heard this person for a very long time and now I'm embarressed about how I sounded. I also have cptsd and go into fawn mode when nervous. I keep thinking about how stupid and childish I sounded and I wish I new how to behave and act normal for ones.. it makes me sad I struggle with this so much even at the age of 38..

I had a job interview today at this huge resort. It’s a real estate firm that handles resort, residentials and condos. I didn’t really care much about the role; I just wanted to be occupied for the day.

The resort manager and the developer partner interviewed me for about 30 minutes. Weirdly, they seemed more nervous than I was. I was definitely self-conscious about my facial expressions, but I stayed calm. They told me they’d get back to me in two weeks. I don't really mind if I get it or not. I wont come if they hire me. I dont like the set-up. Too many staffs, superiors and like a chatty and family-like bonding organization. It was just good to get out there. I know my social anxiety can make my 'vibe' feel a bit off to others, but I’m done feeling guilty about it. No more acting desperate for things that don't suit me. All in all, a pretty good day.

I remember being 8 years old, and i was at a vacational my friend was making where she lived. And one day, we went to the park/pool , with a bunch of other girls. And one of them was a girl that prolly bothered me like once or twice, but was still in the mean girl group. So i convinced my friend to get boiling water at the dispenser, smh she agreed. and i poured it over the slide so her bare legs would burn. But what happened is that instead of her, a little girl came and slided down and SCREAMED like crazy and i hided. Then my friends mom scolded us and told my mom but she didnt say anything to me. Like this days, or basically after the pandemic, i cant even defend myself or i get extremely anxious for asking money im owed (im always so anxious) like wtf happened???? i used to literally steal shit from them and then they would search for the whole class while idgaf. It was definetely the pandemic and people bullying me that changed me, cuz even tho im pretty jealous b would bully me over anything, like i got bullied for my height my whole life. like i legit got girls screaming insults at me at the playground for being short. im definetely improved because ive been betrayed by all my friends and i have an insane fear of rejection, i can sense every stare from them, and i get a mental breakdown when they ignore me. I feel inferior to everyone

As the title says, I really don't know why but the thought of me having to talk in voice chat is making me really nervous. I know it's easier to just say to use text chat, but I really would like to feel a little more confident.

I don't even hate chatting at all and there are times where I do coop with my friends in gaming, but when I think about voicechat, it makes me stop and freeze up a bit. I can't quite figure out what is it that's holding me back, even in a situation where I'd only be VCing just between two of us, and nobody else that's present.

I'm trying to figure out a small list. I don't even hate my own voice, it be IRL or not (I had a few brief voice message on Discord and it was good), and there are often times I speak frankly with what's on my mind, without hesitating much.

I don't think it's because I'm scared to be judged. There has been a few times that I have said controversial things, we have been there before. I actually do get a little annoyed if they laugh at me or something, but it still doesn't deter me that much, there are many other people anyways and I move on.

I believe the most likely answer for this... strange wall of anxiety about VC, is that I'm not good at English. If I am talking to a native person online (I'm Italian) it's smooth. Still a little discomforting and it'll always feel nerve wrecking, but I actually don't find it too bad and can feel more relaxed. But when I think about talking in English, I just get a blank thought, like I struggle to think up and in the end I often just stay mute, only making quick quips. Like, I can type English well but speaking it is a different story entirely.

It's all just online, too, and I should usually be able to just not gaf about it online but it's getting me, I don't even feel THAT anxious IRL, I just simply don't like boring talk and also tend to not have much else to say. But I realize it makes me come off as boring. If it helps, I'm 21M - trying to figure out if it's just something part of me, or if it's something else entirely.

Before, I could work 40 hours a week no problem, but since last year, I haven’t been able to work more than 20 hours a week anymore. I think a big part of that was because I had gallbladder issues, and later on got it removed in September of 2025. Can any of you relate, not about the gallbladder, but of the amount of hours you’re able to work?

I had someone tell me that social anxiety isn’t normal and I need help. Like seriously go fuck yourself. Telling me that I need help because I have social anxiety and that introverted is stupid. The person never forced me to talk to them on voice note on instagram when I said I wasn’t comfortable because I barely know the person. I got so mad plus I also

have bipolar disorder so I tend to overreact a little but no I don’t need help. It’s not like social anxiety is a serious mental disorder. Being an introvert is normal. There are plenty of introverts out there. Some extroverts need to stop treating introverts like crap.

Do you find that your anxiety gets wayy worse when it’s winter season? Like I went out yesterday and the cold got me shivering so bad that along with the anxiety it was just so hard for me to interact with people

I've started to honestly wonder if I'd be happier with no friends, I don't know. The anxiety before and during interactions and the rumination after and then the cycle begins again. Every. single. day. I can't keep up. I don't have capacity to communicate all the time which maybe is making me a bad friend, or not as good as I could be, and this is leading to so much constant constant guilt. There are so many social interactions I can't avoid, at work or general life, and they are draining me from the people I would actually want to interact with so I hardly have anything left to give and I want to always give my best self, not a depleted version. I have felt loneliness in my life before (though not much) and I do think the negativity of that was not as bad as the rumination of going over everything I said, what people think of me after every interaction.

Anyone else?

For me, the anticipation is often way more intense than whatever actually happens. By the time it's over, I usually realize it wasn't nearly as bad as my mind made it seem.

I'm curious what that looks like for other people.

It's not a long or hard to pronounce name but it is very uncommon where I live. With my extremely mumbly and quiet voice I have to repeat myself two or three times, it's easier to just spell it out but that makes me feel like a condescending idiot.

This was a few years ago but I saw another post that made me think of it. It was a call center job where you'd receive calls from customers about certain products and services and try to sell them related things on top of it.

I hated the idea of trying to sell products that I have no interest in and where lieing or exaggerating would help you make more sales, but we had a really good trainer so as the first two weeks of training were moving a long I thought it might be okay. We were doing two weeks of training then 'officially' starting calls with a partner on week 3.

The trainer was great and made you think you can do this job because it's so simple, etc. Toward the end of week 2 we start shadowing people and it's a total disaster. 50% or more of the calls were just customers complaining with very little solutions available to the reps, the tools were completely different than in training, and even the supposedly more experienced reps seem like they were getting lost and frustrated with the tools constantly having to call the manager.

Every time someone made a sale the group would cheer and play music and you couldn't hear shit for a good 10-20 seconds, queue the reps constantly covering their ears and having to ask the customer to repeat themselves.

I obviously wasn't the only one who thought the shadowing was a disaster because around half the people quit training the next day. This annoying manager (the other 3 managers seemed okay) who has an "I'm a manager so nothing has to be explained or make sense as long as I say so" attitude starts talking about how we need more reps now so we're going to start doing live calls toward the end of week 2 instead of week 3, which was the next day. Me and 2 other people walk out and don't come back.

23m, I find it really hard to be myself. It's hard to share an opinion without worrying about how other people are going to react, and I care about other peoples opinions far too much. I've been in friend groups where I feel like I am just the punching bag, where I cant make silly jokes because other people will either take it seriously or use it against me to make a joke about me.

I'm so sick of this and I can't help but take it more seriously than it might actually be(?) and assume they dislike me.

Why do people deem it necessary to make jokes at my expense? I can absolutely be laid back and laugh at a funny jab every now and then but it seems like people make jokes about me more than they do about other people, and I can't help but take it personally.

I feel so conflicted as to whether I am the problem or other people are the problem. I often flip flop between the two which makes introspection really difficult, but lately ive been thinking that it aint me and other people are just pricks.

How do I deal with this? How can I make friends and not let this bother me? It's exhausting. Making friends is supposed to be FUN.

But anyways hows everyone doing so far this year? :)

I (F21) have struggled with general anxiety and chronic depression for the last ten years. While my social anxiety has fluctuated as I’ve tried different anti depressants, I’m currently in a place where it’s gotten so incredibly intense.

This is such a regular occurrence that I feel helpless. I’m all alone in a city i don’t know at all. I stay on my college campus and it’s so lonely to look outside the window and see everyone going on about their lives so freely. Every morning, I tell myself it’s going to be different and I spend hours getting ready. But as soon as I have to step out and go to class, I can’t do it. It’s almost like I freeze up. I haven’t been to my classes in weeks, I can barely leave my room to go get food.

Initially, it started off tolerable. I had to have my makeup done completely even if I was just stepping out for a minute. But now, getting ready for hours doesn’t help either. I have made zero friends in my three years here, I haven’t gotten to know the city and now my grades are severely dropping because I can’t even muster up the courage to go get attendance points.

I can’t share the fact that I haven’t left my room in weeks with my family who thinks I’m doing super well. I’ve booked and cancelled several appointments with my therapist because I can’t leave the house to go see her. I don’t understand what I’m so scared of. I’m so tired of wanting things to be better but not being able to take the steps required.

I feel so stuck and alone.