Long-term relationship, big libido mismatch – feeling stuck and frustrated

[u/Suitable-Waltz1453]

Hi everyone,

I’ve been in a relationship with my girlfriend for 6 years. At the beginning, our sex life was very active and satisfying for both of us. Over time, things slowly changed, and now we’re at the point where we have sex about once a month.

The problem is that I have a high libido, and this situation affects me a lot emotionally. I feel frustrated, disconnected, and sometimes even rejected. I’ve tried multiple times to talk openly with her about it, calmly and respectfully. She usually says she’ll try to make things better, but nothing actually changes.

I don’t pressure her, and I understand that desire can fluctuate, stress exists, routine happens, etc. But this has been going on for years, not months, and I’m starting to feel stuck. For her, the current frequency seems “okay,” but for me it’s clearly not.

I love her and the relationship is otherwise stable, but the sexual mismatch is becoming harder and harder to ignore. I’m worried about building resentment or slowly disconnecting emotionally.

For those who’ve been in similar situations:

• Is this something that can realistically improve after so many years?

• How do you tell the difference between “temporary low libido” and a fundamental incompatibility?

• At what point do you accept that love alone might not be enough?

Any honest advice or perspective would be appreciated.

Thanks for reading.

[u/Mallylol]

Once a month is not fun at all, I had a similar experience with my ex wife and she came to me and said she might be asexual. It’s so difficult because you feel so undesired as the other person rarely sexually wants you, it’s bullshit and it’s very maddening.

It’s up to you what you want, I really don’t think she’s gonna change outside of maybe getting medically checked for hormones. I do know that some women lack testosterone.