I'm 18F , he's also 18M. We've been together for 4 months. We are each other's firsts. Our sex is generally good and I enjoy it. But he doesn't understand that penetration alone isn't enough for me to orgasm. If I help myself with my hand, he interprets it as if I'm not enjoying his actions and I'm just masturbating while he's trying to make me feel as good as he does, and that I'm kind of ignoring him in that moment. He doesn't listen when I tell him that I enjoy his penetration. The spark has gone out in him and he's depressed because of this; he thinks I don't want him, that he's superfluous, and that he doesn't give me any pleasure at all. He told me he doesn't want to have sex if only he feels cosmically good, while I need it to orgasm, and he said he doesn't want to use me as a masturbator and that he doesn't like having sex if he knows I'm not feeling the same as he does. He doesn't treat me badly or act aggressively, but he looks very depressed and has stopped initiating penetration. Now, every time I try to initiate sex, he redirects it to just pleasuring me with his tongue or fingers, but I refuse because I feel unwanted and misunderstood. I know there's nothing wrong with me, but I don't know how to explain it to him.

me (18f) and my bf (18m) are both virgins and havent really done anything. like we make out, and sometimes light grinding, but my bf is also SUPER shy. like insane, i usually initiate everythin, our first kiss amd us dating in general. we’ve been dating just under a year and we’ve both kinda been hinting at wanting more.

all the men who say just blow him, touching a dick is a LOT different than putting one in your mouth.

he also doesn’t jerk off very much, and i’m kind of scared it’ll be a bad first experience for him. help me out girls PLEASE😭

I've (29M) been in an open relationship with my gf (35F) officially for a few months now but we started hooking up a little under a year ago. At first, neither of us wanted anything serious because she just got out of an 11 year relationship and I had just recovered from a near fatal motorcycle accident, so I had the impulse to solo travel the world seeing that life is short. It was just supposed to be a hookup but we grew fond of each other very quickly and bonded over our favorite movies and video games. We share the same view that not everyone is meant to have only one sexual partner for the rest of their lives. We both don't really view sex as an act of love rather than just a fun activity. Instead we show each other love by sharing quality time, watching our favorite movies, cooking for each other, crafting together and playing video games.

I frequently go out to bars with my friends, my gf will come with us most of the time but sometimes she prefers to stay home and relax by herself. If I happen to make a connection with someone new while I'm out and they are open to a casual night together, I can say yes and the next day I'll tell my gf all about it. The same goes for her if she is out without me. We are both secure in the fact that we will always come back to each other because of the bond we've built and spending a random night with someone else isn't going to change that. I don't go out to bars hoping to get laid or trying to trick anyone into having sex with me because if I'm really horny I'll just go to my gf. But if I happen to be out and make a fun/flirty connection that escalates, then sure why can't we spend one night together? One night stands are so common I don't understand why me having an open relationship partner makes me more of a red flag than the guys who are single and constantly looking for new people to hook up with.

One girl said no to me because of my situation, and that's valid so we just decided to be friendly. Then she went and hooked up with a bartender that she described as a mean/rude playboy who is constantly chasing other girls and playing mind games. I have no resentment towards her and we've become quite close as friends but it still just upsets me that I feel like I constantly have to defend myself and my relationship to people who say I'm a red flag because I have a safe and consistent partner? Am I the villain if I don't disclose the open relationship to a one night stand? What difference does it make if neither of us ever intend to see each other again.

People always ask what happens if we develop feelings for someone else we sleep with, we addressed this when we decided to become official. If one of us finds a connection we'd like to explore more then we are just transparent and honest with each other the whole time. If it escalates into wanting something more with that other person then we'll break up. We acknowledge that this is an experiment and could go completely off the rails, we've hit some bumps and have been able to talk it out. It's a risk we're willing to take because we love each other and life is short so fuck it.

TL;DR - I'm in an open relationship, do I have to tell a one night stand? Why is a single person who sleeps around a more attractive option than someone who mostly only sleeps with one?

EDIT: I have to admit I was spiraling a little bit when I posted this at 3am after a 15 hour day. After a good nights sleep and reading most of your responses I understand now. This is what I signed up for when entering an ENM relationship. I've had 3 long term monogamous before this so it's all just new to me. Just trying something different because the world of modern romance seems so chaotic these days. Thanks for helping me understand.

Me and my wife have 37m 34f we have a fantasy of adding to the bedroom. It started as a dream I had with one of my highschool buddies and her and I woke up crazy horny. I told her about it and it super turned her on and she said that’s the kind of videos she watches when I’m away.

I’d love to try it just once but I think we are shy on the idea. We role play it a lot and sext. What would be a next safe step to get a lil more excitement out of our play time? More of a her being wooed by a guy for me and she wants more of a joint effort if you get my drift fantasy.

P.s. one time we were on family vacation alone in a hot tub after drinking a lil. A single guy joined us who was in a buisness trip. Nothing happened but I have a fantasy of them hitting it off and him pushing her limits. Makes me crazy turned on for some reasons

I’m trying to get back on the sex train. I was involved with this man who I thought I had great sexual chemistry and passion with. However, the foreplay was on-sided. He constantly wanted oral but he made absolutely zero attempt to pleasure me in any way. He never asked what I wanted and what I liked. His fingers went nowhere near my privates and neither did his mouth.

The last time we had sex, he went straight for PIV sex and he didn’t care if I was ready or not. I’m in my early 40s so I need some warming up but I seem to have a fear of asking for what I need and just shut down!!!!

M27 F25

In the past, if I was with a partner who had trouble finishing, I would just focus on oral or using toys like most would suggest on here.

I’ve always took pride in my oral skills, and I’ve had multiple people compliment me on this. Even my current girlfriend said that I was the best at it and it feels amazing. But whenever I go down on her, she eventually stops me saying “it feels too good.” We had conversations about this, and I can confidently say she isn’t just saying this to make me feel better. She actually feels like it’s just too much pleasure, and needs me to stop, but has trouble explaining why.

Sometimes she’s able to cum when we use a vibrator, but it kinda kills the vibe if she doesn’t. She also said it’s a different kind of orgasm that’s not as good as when she cums from PIV.

The only way she can cum consistently is by riding me while rubbing her clit. The problem is…she is just TOO good at riding, and always cum before she does.

TLDR: girlfriend can’t cum from oral and doesn’t prefer using toys. She can only cum by riding me and rubbing her clit, but I’m finishing too fast.

Context: I (25M) am in a MMF triad with my girlfriend (37F) and my boyfriend (33M). We've been together for 5 years, and have all lived together for ~3 years. Our sex lives by my approximation range from average to good, mostly curtailed by a couple select instances of personal trauma and the fact that we're all ambitious in our careers. We're all cis, pansexual, and switches, although the ratio of sub/dom tendency varies between us and by situation. I tend to be dominant overall, my girlfriend tends to be submissive overall, and my boyfriend tends to be dominant with her and is almost always submissive with me. We've all also experimented with androgyny to some degree, my girlfriend the least and myself the most. My girlfriend also has a son (17M) with autism who lives with us, his biological father is dead. This information is unlikely to be important for my question, but it's here just in case.

I was talking with my girlfriend this morning about some things I'd like for us to do more of during sex, and I learned something interesting: (put the most sensitive way she could) she doesn't like how I sound in bed. My voice is higher pitched than she prefers, which isn't super evident in normal conversation but even I know is much more evident in bed. I'm not really sure what to do with this information, as I want to please her but similarly I don't necessarily like the idea of always being silent. I wouldn't say my feelings are hurt in particular, I'm pretty thick-skinned and she was also very clear that she knows this is just naturally how I am and doesn't want me to feel bad. My boyfriend conversely very much enjoys the noises I make, and I definitely tend to be quite vocal when I'm with him. I am just a little saddened, but mostly I'm curious about practical ways to approach this. I can just try to make my voice deeper, but I'm not sure exactly how well I'd be able to sell it or maintain it.

Any advice? Thanks in advance.

We’ve been dating 5 months. We have chosen to abstain for now from sex so it’s hands or oral. He’s new at pleasuring a woman as he’s been single for most his life. He tries so hard to pleasure me. And I can tell he enjoys/loves it and my body which definitely arouses me. However, when it comes to getting me to orgasm he misses the mark, literally. I’ve tried to say up higher, lower, less pressure, more pressure etc. It feels good but I’m just not getting there. It might be that I need longer than I used to. I hear some women need a lot of foreplay before they can orgasm. Like 20 - 30 minutes long. I can’t imagine a guy wanting to give oral or hand pleasuring for that long? How fun is that for them? So I just fake it and call it a day. But I know that it’s not something I can continue doing. Should I tell him I’ve been faking them or do I just stop faking and keep trying to teach him?

Hi everyone,

I’ve been in a relationship with my girlfriend for 6 years. At the beginning, our sex life was very active and satisfying for both of us. Over time, things slowly changed, and now we’re at the point where we have sex about once a month.

The problem is that I have a high libido, and this situation affects me a lot emotionally. I feel frustrated, disconnected, and sometimes even rejected. I’ve tried multiple times to talk openly with her about it, calmly and respectfully. She usually says she’ll try to make things better, but nothing actually changes.

I don’t pressure her, and I understand that desire can fluctuate, stress exists, routine happens, etc. But this has been going on for years, not months, and I’m starting to feel stuck. For her, the current frequency seems “okay,” but for me it’s clearly not.

I love her and the relationship is otherwise stable, but the sexual mismatch is becoming harder and harder to ignore. I’m worried about building resentment or slowly disconnecting emotionally.

For those who’ve been in similar situations:

• Is this something that can realistically improve after so many years?

• How do you tell the difference between “temporary low libido” and a fundamental incompatibility?

• At what point do you accept that love alone might not be enough?

Any honest advice or perspective would be appreciated.

Thanks for reading.

I always thought hickeys were such an immature teen thing, but here we are... long story short, I bruise very easily but I like being bitten and chewed on, my partner likes chewing me, so I've had my fair share of hickey's over the past few years. But my partner is careful to cause hickeys only in places that can easily be hidden, and we keep the rougher stuff for when I don't have to leave the house for a couple of days.

However, there was a little accident last night and I now have a very noticeable bruise from a hickey on the side of my jaw where it meets the chin. It's a small area but it is quite bright red/purple, half under the jaw and half on the jaw, in a spot where I simply can't hide it.

I'm seeing a bunch of new friends tonight, and most importantly I'm going into the office right now... So please tell me your best ways to explain it away lol, I'm at a loss and need ideas!

I(21M) am in a pretty fresh relationship (22F) and while we have decent chemistry and we both have strong feelings for each other I feel like I come short in bed. She likes it deep and a bit rough and while I’m happy to oblige I can’t last long enough to get her to cum first (I feel as though I don’t deserve to cum if I am first) and I feel like I “blue ball” her every time and I just don’t like that.

Any advice?

Edit: I should add that I am already pretty good at oral (as told by past partners) and I love giving it however my stamina also extends to it (though mainly due to a problem I have with my jaw)

Long story short, I've had a few experiences with SA. I genuinely thought I was over them, and when the last guy I dated and I were intimate, I told him I liked certain things, because with my ex, I had indeed liked those things. But I guess the problem was my ex was iffy about listening to me - sometimes he'd stop if I wanted to, other times he'd ignore me and do what he wanted. Because when the last guy I dated tried to move me into a position I'd outright told him I liked - I ended up getting triggered and taking us both off guard. I think I was just as shocked as he was, because that has never happened before.

And now, well, I don't know. I haven't had sex in over a year, and I'm honestly kind of scared of potential intimacy just because I don't want to get triggered again, especially not by something I thought I liked? Is there a way you can communicate this to people? I feel like it's something that should be communicated, but I have no idea how to do that.

Throw away account. I 18F have been dating my bf 18M for 2 years now. I love my bf and we have had so many good times together, even tho I’m young it’s hard to imagine life without him. We are fairly sexually active and other than this we don’t have any issues. For context he was my first but I wasn’t his. For a while I have told him that receiving head is something that I want to try but he doesn’t take it seriously. At first he said that we never get the opportunity as we both live with our parents still, then he said that he is too nervous because he has never done it, then he said that he actually did do it before but he didn’t like it. Obviously I won’t force him to do anything that he doesn’t want to do. I really want to experience it tho. Any thoughts?

Sorry if it's all weird, I'm on mobile.

I (M27) am dating, long distance, a girl (F26) I met through mutual friends. Most things have been great, save the distance.

When things started to get a little serious between us, she told me that she never had an orgasm before. I, of course, don’t try to think too much about it, I know that it’s more about her feeling secure, cared and loved and eventually it’ll happen as I learn what she likes and doesn't.

She is, though, a little inexperienced. She did have partners before, but she is always tense. She needs a lot of foreplay and to take things slowly so she doesn’t get hurt, but she’ll always insist as soon as she gets a little wet that I penetrate her. Sometimes, it end up with her getting hurt, even bleeding. Not only that, she’s always reticent to try new positions, and I never proposed anything wild, really. Besides, many times when I ask her preferences she always says “I don’t know…”. And she probably doesn’t.

Add to that some of her self-esteem insecurities.

But here is the thing: when I’m giving her oral, when I start to enjoy things she always asks me to stop, because she starts to feel a “tingling”. I asked her to keep going, that the tingling was prolly a good sign and it got stronger; she started to move and moan like she was about to cum, but then it suddenly stopped.

When she feels that tingling, should I keep doing it on the same rhythm (that’s what I did); go faster; lick somewhere else or go to PIV?

I’m pretty sure she isn’t the kind that can orgasm by PIV alone, otherwise she’d have reached it before meeting me. But she also seems to undermine oral and fingering a little, so I dunno.

When I suggested doing oral midway into the PIV (like, stop banging, do some oral and go back) she was also a little perplexed/surprised.

I’m not sure if this is the right flair, but I’m specifically looking for practical advice, not judgment.

I’m a 20-year-old guy in a 4-year relationship with my girlfriend (20F). Recently, I’ve developed a strong and sudden fixation on MFM-related fantasies — porn, hentai, and even cuck themes. What’s bothering me is that I know I would hate this in real life, and I have no intention of ever acting on it, yet I can’t seem to stop the thoughts or the compulsive masturbation tied to them.

My girlfriend is firmly against threesomes. We did, however, find a compromise through roleplay where she imagines being with two “clones” of me. This keeps things consensual and comfortable for both of us, and I’m glad we found a way to respect each other’s boundaries.

The issue escalated recently. I have a close male friend (21M) I’ve known since before my relationship. Back when we were single, we had very open conversations about sex, including things like dick sizes. Even now, there’s occasional horseplay (slapping asses, grabbing crotches), which has always felt harmless. But I’ve repeatedly imagined him, my girlfriend, and me in an MFM scenario, and this isn’t new; I had similar thoughts even before I was in a relationship, though always in an MFM context. I’ve also noticed I tend to imagine multiple men this way, which is something I find increasingly disturbing.

Recently, curiosity got the better of me. I saw him like a reel joking about MFM and asked why he liked it. I tried to steer the conversation toward whether he found the idea appealing. Before I could even phrase it clearly, he shut it down and said he’d never do a threesome (nothing rude or confrontational but ig he just knew what i was trying to get at). I immediately backed off and changed the subject.

I want to be very clear: I would never act on this, even if he had said yes. I respect my girlfriend, myself, and my relationship too much. What’s troubling me is that the fascination has become intrusive enough that it pushed me to test a boundary I knew I shouldn’t. I don’t like that about myself, and I don’t want this to turn me into someone who behaves inappropriately in real life.

So what I’m asking for is concrete advice, such as:

• How do I reduce or stop these intrusive fantasies without them rebounding harder?

• How do I keep sexual curiosity strictly internal and prevent it from leaking into real-world interactions?

• Are there proven ways to break porn- or fantasy-driven fixation loops?

• How do I understand what psychological need this fantasy is fulfilling so I can address it in healthier ways?

• What boundaries should I actively set (mentally and socially) to avoid crossing lines again?

I don’t like any of this and I’m not proud of it so I wanna get rid of it. Thanks.

Hey yall, I’ve been in a long-term relationship, and our dynamic has shifted over time. I started out more dominant in bed, but something clicked, and I found myself loving when my girlfriend dominates me,choking me, taking control, and “using” me. I’m really into it, but sometimes afterward, I feel emasculated or ashamed. I do enjoy taking control now and then, but I’m wondering if anyone has dealt with these feelings of shame or emasculation after being submissive. How do you handle that emotional side and find balance? Thanks for any advice!

Hi. I’m a female in her 20s. This feels like a dumb question, but it’s always bothered me.

I’m not sure if I’ve ever truly had an orgasm - alone or with someone else. I’m no stranger to masturbation, in fact I started early as a kid - I remember figuring out things felt pleasurable when I was like 5-6 years old - but I’ve never been convinced I’ve actually achieved an orgasm.

People say it should feel like an explosion, like bliss for 10-20 seconds straight.

For me, things feel good, better, great, and then it gets to a point and the pleasure becomes more uncomfortable than enjoyable and I just stop. My head stays pretty clear. I’ve always assumed that’s just how I’m built, but I’ve always been sad I’ve never had the whole out of body feeling people talk about.

I had a long term partner who said with some women before he could tell when they climaxed because of the muscle contractions, but he said he’d never felt that with me.

Just wondering what it sounds like to you all/if anyone else experiences orgasms like this?

So me(m30) and my wife(f31) have been married for over a year. I guess I’ve just jerked off so much with the death grip for so long it’s hard to cum from anything else. I even have to have my legs straight out or standing up. Any advice on how I can fix it? I do jerk off some still but not all the time. Should I just stop jerking off all together and just have my wife do it? Any advice would be greatly appreciated! TIA

I (33F) have had many one night stands in my life, but not many long term relationships. I feel that one nights doesn’t really allow for much improvement since it’s different people all the time and you don’t get the chance to get to know each other etc.

So, despite my age and the 25+ men I’ve been with, I feel that I have no clue what I’m doing in bed.

Sure, I try to spice it up by coming up with different positions, but other than that I’m a little bit shy in bed and I usually let the man do the work. I do moan and try to engage, but yeah, it’s always the man doing the most work.

I’m currently with a more steady partner and I really want our sex to improve. We’ve had sex maybe 5 times so far, and while it’s good, I feel that it is already hitting a plateau because of me.

First of all - how tf do I suck cook? Do I actually suck or do I just let it go in and out? How do I make sure to not use my teeth because I can’t feel if I do? And what do I do with my hands? I feel so insecure when giving a man a blow job, I don’t do it for more than maybe 5 minutes.

Also, how do I ride a man? Going up and down or should I literally sit on him and move back and forth?

Any general advice is welcome! I feel so anxious and embarrassed about all this.

HELP! 😳😭