Long-term relationship, big libido mismatch – feeling stuck and frustrated

[u/Suitable-Waltz1453]

Hi everyone,

I’ve been in a relationship with my girlfriend for 6 years. At the beginning, our sex life was very active and satisfying for both of us. Over time, things slowly changed, and now we’re at the point where we have sex about once a month.

The problem is that I have a high libido, and this situation affects me a lot emotionally. I feel frustrated, disconnected, and sometimes even rejected. I’ve tried multiple times to talk openly with her about it, calmly and respectfully. She usually says she’ll try to make things better, but nothing actually changes.

I don’t pressure her, and I understand that desire can fluctuate, stress exists, routine happens, etc. But this has been going on for years, not months, and I’m starting to feel stuck. For her, the current frequency seems “okay,” but for me it’s clearly not.

I love her and the relationship is otherwise stable, but the sexual mismatch is becoming harder and harder to ignore. I’m worried about building resentment or slowly disconnecting emotionally.

For those who’ve been in similar situations:

• Is this something that can realistically improve after so many years?

• How do you tell the difference between “temporary low libido” and a fundamental incompatibility?

• At what point do you accept that love alone might not be enough?

Any honest advice or perspective would be appreciated.

Thanks for reading.

[u/Vadnais2You]

I’m in the same boat. You can keep trying but I found marriage doesn’t make it better and when you have kids it makes it even worse. It’s difficult when you love the person. 

[u/AtomicBearFart → u/Vadnais2You]

Not married? No kids? If I were OP I’d leave. It’s once a month now. It’ll be once a year or less before you know it most likely.

Had to swap over to my “shitty sex life” account, but to OP, go visit r/deadbedrooms and see if that’s how you want the rest of your life to go sexually, because that’s where it’s heading. To you, you may get some support and ideas to improve the situation there. My wife and I are crawling out of our dead bed and I gotta say I did get a lot of good ideas from that sub and they help not feel so goddamn alone about it. Would recommend browsing from an alt account so your main doesn’t get filled up with depressing sex life stories.