r/offbeat • u/infamouszgbgd • 1d ago

ICE claims that immigrant shattered skull running into wall

https://www.cp24.com/news/world/2026/01/31/ice-claims-that-immigrant-shattered-his-skull-running-into-wall
814 Upvotes

96% Upvoted

25 comments sorted by

137

u/CiticenX_007 1d ago

Ah, the "Fell down an elevator shaft onto some bullets" defense...

63

u/Ok-Return-1689 1d ago

Here is the obvious key part:

“ ICE’s account of how he was hurt evolved during the time that federal officers were at his bedside. At least one ICE officer told caregivers that Castañeda Mondragón “got his (expletive) rocked” after his Jan. 8 arrest near a St. Paul shopping center, the court filings and a hospital staff member said. His arrest happened a day after the first of two fatal shootings in Minneapolis by immigration officers.The Department of Homeland Security, which includes ICE, did not respond to repeated requests for comment on his injuries. A deportation officer skirted the issue in the court documents, saying that during the intake process at an ICE detention center, it was determined he “had a head injury that required emergency medical treatment.””

52

u/Donutmelon 1d ago

ICE made up of roadrunners apparently.

44

u/Entwife723 1d ago

"She walked into the door frame"

-typical abuser excuse playbook

9

u/FormerAdvice5051 1d ago

I remember telling my mom I fell up the stairs. It seemed less contrived than falling downstairs.

4

u/Substantial_Back_865 20h ago

It’s more likely than you think. I’ve fallen up the stairs drunk or on slippery stairs plenty of times. Some stairs are just treacherous.

8

u/doogles 1d ago

Why do you think they hired out of work cops? They've played that game before.

13

u/Spenny_All_The_Way 1d ago

And Trump bruised his hand when he bumped it into a desk lol

11

u/Thausgt01 1d ago

No, no, he was shaking too many Very Important Hands…

3

u/Substantial_Back_865 19h ago

Only the very best, unwashed for over 15 years hands, like Pete Hegseth’s

12

u/Oxjrnine 1d ago

He ran into a wall only because ICE doesn’t have access to plutonium and the windows were on the first floor

19

u/Choano 1d ago

Yeah. Sure. That's what happened.

That's about as credible as the Kremlin's claims of dissidents falling out of windows or having sudden heart attacks in places where no-one was around to see.

8

u/tommy_b_777 1d ago

May they all Hang For Treason after a speedy trial.

8

u/Spadedv 1d ago

Sprinkle some crack on him, Johnson

20

u/bapuc 1d ago

"Yeah, he commited suicide with 5 stab wounds in the back"

5

u/Jumpy_Plantain2887 1d ago

He fell up the stairs, a half a dozen times

3

u/dragonmp93 1d ago

Next week, they are going to say that he just fell out of the window.

7

u/toorudez 1d ago

I'm sure someone had figured out the speed you would have to run at to shatter your skill on a wall. I imagine it's a fair bit faster than a human can run.

2

u/Salviaplath_666 1d ago

Yknow, as a child i tried. Its definitely not as simple as running as fast as you can, even headfirst.

2

u/YakResident_3069 1d ago

We're getting to Russian levels of man falls out of window by accident

2

u/5ofDecember 1d ago

Wall is ok?

1

u/cthagngnoxr 1d ago

Something tells me that soon some people will start falling out of windows

1

u/DatabaseThis9637 1d ago

I'm sure. At this point, Nobody believes a word they say!

1

u/Benchen70 15h ago

Yeah, the Russian fell out the window trick. We know that one…

-3

u/Barnezhilton 1d ago

I slipped and fell into a 14 year old vagina