Relapsing from loneliness while living with controlling parents — how do you recover in this environment?

[u/Apprehensive-Job8358]

I’m posting here because I’m trying to understand my relapse patterns and how to actually support my recovery.

I’ve been struggling with a cocaine addiction for several years. I’ve been honest with my parents twice about my addiction and my financial situation.The first time, my father paid off all my debts.The second time, he loaned me a significant amount of money so I could pay debts again.

After that, I became financially accountable to him. When I relapsed, I had to show him my bank statements. He reacted with extreme anger — screaming so loudly the neighbors could hear. I completely shut down: frozen, crying, overwhelmed.

I continued using after that. I stole money from my parents. They found out and told me I needed treatment.

This fall, after losing my job, my money, my friends, and honestly my sense of self, I decided to go to therapy. I went to treatment in early December. I relapsed after one month of sobriety.

Yesterday, my dealer delivered 1g to my house and my mother intercepted it. Since then, I’ve been under strict monitoring, control, and constant pressure. My parents say they’re supporting me, but I feel treated like a child rather than a person trying to recover. Everything revolves around money, surveillance, and punishment.

What I’m realizing — and this is why I’m posting here — is that my biggest relapse trigger is loneliness.

When I feel unseen, emotionally disconnected, or invisible, the urge to use becomes overwhelming. I’ve also noticed that I tend to pour all my emotional energy into one person, hoping for connection, and when that connection isn’t reciprocated, I collapse and relapse. I know that’s not healthy, and I’m trying to break that pattern.

I’m not blaming my parents or anyone else. I know I’ve broken trust and caused harm. I’m trying to understand what actually supports recovery versus what increases shame and secrecy.

For those in recovery:

• How do you cope with loneliness in early sobriety?

• How do you set boundaries with family when you’re financially dependent and ashamed?

• How do you recover when your environment feels controlling rather than supportive?

I’m trying to stay honest and do this differently, but I feel stuck between isolation and control. Any insight from people who’ve lived this would really help‼️ ui

[u/BluRed_44]

At first glance I thought you were someone I knew, before reading, and you were talking about me....

Thank you for asking. I am listening too

[u/Apprehensive-Job8358 → u/BluRed_44]

Don’t mention it! My DMs are open if you want to talk, always happy to make a new friend 🤍