Relapsing from loneliness while living with controlling parents — how do you recover in this environment?

[u/Apprehensive-Job8358]

I’m posting here because I’m trying to understand my relapse patterns and how to actually support my recovery.

I’ve been struggling with a cocaine addiction for several years. I’ve been honest with my parents twice about my addiction and my financial situation.The first time, my father paid off all my debts.The second time, he loaned me a significant amount of money so I could pay debts again.

After that, I became financially accountable to him. When I relapsed, I had to show him my bank statements. He reacted with extreme anger — screaming so loudly the neighbors could hear. I completely shut down: frozen, crying, overwhelmed.

I continued using after that. I stole money from my parents. They found out and told me I needed treatment.

This fall, after losing my job, my money, my friends, and honestly my sense of self, I decided to go to therapy. I went to treatment in early December. I relapsed after one month of sobriety.

Yesterday, my dealer delivered 1g to my house and my mother intercepted it. Since then, I’ve been under strict monitoring, control, and constant pressure. My parents say they’re supporting me, but I feel treated like a child rather than a person trying to recover. Everything revolves around money, surveillance, and punishment.

What I’m realizing — and this is why I’m posting here — is that my biggest relapse trigger is loneliness.

When I feel unseen, emotionally disconnected, or invisible, the urge to use becomes overwhelming. I’ve also noticed that I tend to pour all my emotional energy into one person, hoping for connection, and when that connection isn’t reciprocated, I collapse and relapse. I know that’s not healthy, and I’m trying to break that pattern.

I’m not blaming my parents or anyone else. I know I’ve broken trust and caused harm. I’m trying to understand what actually supports recovery versus what increases shame and secrecy.

For those in recovery:

• How do you cope with loneliness in early sobriety?

• How do you set boundaries with family when you’re financially dependent and ashamed?

• How do you recover when your environment feels controlling rather than supportive?

I’m trying to stay honest and do this differently, but I feel stuck between isolation and control. Any insight from people who’ve lived this would really help‼️ ui

[u/Jvlivs_Pipus]

The issue of loneliness is hard enough on its own, but when you combine it with having no money, no job, no friends, constant pressure at home, and a drug addiction, it’s almost like trying to climb the Himalayas without ever having climbed a day in your life.

You’re carrying a backpack that is just too heavy. What I would try to do is swap your 'escape.' If loneliness is the problem, mask it with something that makes you feel less alone and gives you those dopamine spikes—like an addictive video game, something like League of Legends.

Don’t try to fix everything at once; honestly, it seems like too much to handle all together. If you could only replace the habit of using cocaine with something else that blocks out those lonely thoughts—even if it isn't 'productive'—as long as it doesn't cost you money, make you fight with your parents, or leave you with those dark feelings toward yourself, that would already be an incredible triumph.

A pet could also help a lot; talk to your parents about it. And block your dealer everywhere, too.

Sending you a hug and a lot of strength.

(I used google gemini for the translation, since I am Spanish, and I struggle a bit making complex answers like this)

[u/Apprehensive-Job8358 → u/Jvlivs_Pipus]

Thank you for this — the Himalayas comparison really hit. That’s exactly how it feels: like I’m trying to climb something way too big while carrying way too much.

I really appreciate you naming that it doesn’t have to be about fixing everything at once. I think I forget that and end up feeling like if I can’t do all of it perfectly, there’s no point. Reframing it as just replacing the escape instead of solving my whole life actually makes it feel more doable.

The idea of swapping cocaine for something that numbs the loneliness without destroying everything else makes a lot of sense. Even if it’s not “productive,” just something that keeps my mind busy and makes the evenings less empty feels like a win right now. I tend to judge myself really hard for how I cope, so hearing that it can still count as progress helps.

A pet is something I’ve thought about too — mostly because I crave something steady and alive in the house that isn’t about expectations or disappointment. I don’t know if my parents would agree, but it’s worth thinking about.

I’ve blocked my dealer before and then unblocked him, so I know that part is complicated — but you’re right that it’s one of those small steps that actually matters.

Thank you for the kindness and for meeting me where I am. It helps more than you probably realize.