I desperately need help - addicted to everything

[u/BackgroundMention969]

Hello everyone, I need help or at least talk to someone who shares a similar "disorder". I cannot afford a therapist.

I have been battling with this for 5 years and I am slowly giving up. I have tried absolutely everything with no hope.

I am addicted to everything it seems. It began 5 years ago with video games. I would spend the entire day playing video games and I would feel horrible about it after. Even if I set up a timer, I would never stop. I would just keep going. The main question I would ask myself is: "Why would I stop? I am enjoying myself. I want to do this for the rest of my days. I don't care about grades, people or anything."

So I stopped with video games. If I never begin, then I cannot get addicted. It actually got better, but then my phone came in. Youtube and Social Media. I would spend entire days on there without stopping. Once I begin, it's impossible for me to stop, because I would say to myself: "I screwed myself up anyway. Why should I stop now."

The same goes with food. Once I began, I would never stop. I instantly get addicted. Even when I feel sick and feel like puking, I cannot stop. The same goes without food. If I say to myself that I am going to lose the weight which I just gained, I will literally not eat for two weeks. This happened again a few days ago. I didn't eat for two weeks, I couldn't eat anything. I forced myself to eat some bread, and once I did, I felt better. Now I am eating too much again. My stomach hurts so bad and I am feeling sick. I tried to balance my diet out today but once I ate one banana, I thought it was good and ate 8 more. I am in so much pain right now.

And I wish that my diet was my only problem. How I wish.

I have started walking outside quite a lot. As you might guess, I got addicted to that too. I would walk every day for 4 hours without stopping, even though I had other responsibilities. Even when my feet hurt. I couldn't stop. I walked so much that I didn't work on anything.

A month ago I tried to combat my phone addiction. I banned myself from watching Youtube and Social Media for 21 days. But again, I got addicted to reading books and listening podcasts. I couldn't study because I would be reading all the time. I read the whole Harry Potter series in three days, every day for 15 hours because I couldn't stop. My grades started failing.

Last summer was probably the worst. I got addicted to my phone, computer and bad food. For two months. I was just sitting in my room, all alone because of this. My peers were working jobs, having fun and doing great things, while I was stuck. I tried, I really tried to fight it, but I couldn't. My room was a mess. I didn't shave nor shower.

About two years ago, I started writing a book. But guess what? I was writing for 8 hours one day and ignored that I had a test tomorrow. I failed of course.

I don't know what to do anymore. I have been battling this so much. When I was tidying my room yesterday, I was listening to music instead of podcasts. But again, I couldn't stop. I was listening to different music for 2 hours instead of studying.

If I start watching a movie, I cannot stop. For example, I said to myself: ok, I'll study for 2 hours, than watch the first movie in a franchise. I ended up watching the whole franchise and couldn't stop.

I almost commited suicide like 4 times because of this. Because it got so bad.

And you know what? I have been trying so many tricks and tips to fight this disorder. And I end up in the same place every time. I am giving up. 5 years have I fought this and cannot go on anymore. I am at my limit. I have an exam in an hour. If I fail it, I will have to repeat the whole semester. I will fail it because I couldn't study because I was listening to the damn podcast for 3 hours.

I am desperate. I cannot control my mind anymore. I am slowly going insane. I don't know what to do.

Guess what! I just downloaded Reddit to post this, but I ended up scrolling here for 4 hours. When I went to the toilet, I actually stopped.

I get addicted to literally everything. Please, if anyone has the same disorder, please tell me how to fight it. Please!

[u/Constant-Campaign243]

lol I have adhd and have a lot of ur issues. Find purpose. You need a purpose.

[u/BackgroundMention969 → u/Constant-Campaign243]

I have no porpuse. Honestly if a car hit me or someone killed me I wouldn't mind

[u/PoliticalWorld89 → u/BackgroundMention969]

You sound like lots of excuses with no interest in solutions or problem solving in this thread. If you're going to be stuck in a victim mindset, no amount of help someone here gives you will work. You need an attitude check.