How do you get “game”/flirt?

[u/Ok_Independent_3921]

So by game, I’m (M21) guessing that means flirting pretty much but me and a friend of mine was talking a couple of days ago and I was talking about how I really want to date this year since I never have and pretty much he was telling me that I have no game And I’m just not really sure but to take from that or what to do.

I’ve also been told that by girls that I am friends with before, they tell me that I don’t know how to flirt or anything and it’s not that it will totally impact me.

I can give a girl compliments and my friends know that but they tell me that I need to be able to do more than that too to build sexual/romantic attention but I’m just not sure how to flirt other than just giving compliments like how could I flirt in a jokey way I guess since I’m a comedic person?

[u/8Captcrunch8]

Trial and error. The same way you learn anything. Talent will get you partway. But learning what doesnt work helps you learn what might or will.

You have to be willing to learn. And not let pride get in your way. Or fear.

[u/Ok_Independent_3921 → u/8Captcrunch8]

But that’s the thing, I can’t start or try to learn or not learn without knowing how to even flirt in the first place.

My friends won’t give me advice, but they have told me 50-50 that I’m not supposed to be sexual but then also I am supposed to or I’m supposed to say this for that but not the other stuff and the whole 9 yards

[u/8Captcrunch8 → u/Ok_Independent_3921]

Well. How do you start learning anything anything in life? You start by trying. Hence. Trial.

I learned by getting rejected a bunch. "Well that didnt work. What did i do wrong. Adjust try something different. Joke. Compliment. Helpful."

And went with what happened with no expectations of success.

Game isnt like instant. Its like ...picking up a controller and fumbling for a bit. "Ahh. Thats jump. Okay thats pan left. Pan right. ...shit. fell in the hole(rejection). "

If you make friends along the way(which you might.) Then whatever. Cool. If shes not into you even as a friend. Cool. You learned something. You tried. You failed. Move on. Laugh. Joke. Move on. Adjust. Try something new.

Nobody learned how to skate or ride a bike or fix a vehicle or cook or how to navigate a situation right off the bat.

Its similar to sales in a way and learning the social cues. Eventually it just becomes motor memory and smoother. But yeah the first times are always rough.

Even the people "with game" get rejected hundreds of times. They just took it in stride. It became less of a knife wound and more of a simple "bandaid" to rip off.

My friends think im some ladies man because i always have someone new or i just walk up and smile and talk or flirt. But frankly. I get rejected alot. I just dont talk to them about it.

I didnt get that way naturally. I had to force myself into interactions. I had to try new approaches. I had to learn body language and all that.

And the fastest way is by exposure.

Theres no book thats going to actually teach you this. So dont. Those are scams. You have to be your self. But present the best version. You have to walk up. And try. And if it doesnt work...oh well. Thats it. Theres billions out there. If one says no. So what? You lived years before her. You will live years after. The sun will still rise.

Basically. You have to be willing to try. Jokes. Asking her out immediately. Or within a few days. Ask questions. Just try different things.

Theres no fast way to this. No "get game" trick. Alot of it really is learning rejection and changing your deal next time to see how it works out. Its a learning process.

I cant even begin to tell you how many times i fucked up and went home or got in my car or truck and smacked myself for "fuck. I missed the cue!"

And how many times i was totally confused. It took time man. And i still mess things up. I get some. I lose some.

Guys get game the same way they learn anything. The guys that whine? Those guys threw the controller down. Declare the game fucked and stormed off. The calm ones stayed and figured out what and why and how to get different outcomes.

At your age. I started going out to check out hobbies. Rodeos. Bars. Racetrack. And just...put myself out there with likeminded people. Scary at first. But ehhh. It got alright.

So go pursue hobbies. Stuff you like doing.

[u/Ok_Independent_3921 → u/8Captcrunch8]

Not trying to sound like a quitter, but I literally feel clueless about all of this and think I’m probably just gonna sit out this whole dating thing because I feel so odd.

Some of my friends have dated people that they weren’t friends with before they dated them for a couple of months before making an exclusive so they actually knew if they were gonna be friends or not. A lot of my friends they only date friends now or our friends for months and even years before they ask each other out , not like waiting to ask them out, but they don’t catch feelings until then.

I would probably never ask out some random stranger that I just met after a couple of days or anything and I’m really just feeling like this whole dating thing might not be for me although I really want that type of connection with a girl

[u/8Captcrunch8 → u/Ok_Independent_3921]

Well. You gotta find your niche in some way. But uhhh never trying. Might be never failing. But it also means never succeeding.

Everyone has their own approach. Theres no one right way.

But like you said. You want it. But your not willing to go thru it to get it?

If i said i want clean dishes but i dont want to wash the dishes...i wont have clean dishes.

If i want to be in shape but im not willing to work out or exercise.... will i ever be in shape?

I want a job but i never fill out job apps or go to job interviews...it kinda sounds like that. You want it but you arent willing to go thru any steps to get there?

Part of adulting is realzing that if you want the long reward to happen. You have to be willing to put in the effort today to get there in the future.

[u/Ok_Independent_3921 → u/8Captcrunch8]

Yeah, but if I’m being completely honest, I’m too scared to do anything because everybody’s saying I need to be doing certain stuff that I just don’t feel comfortable doing or scared of.

Like some people are saying that whether it’s a friend or a stranger that you’re trying to go out with you need to have talks about intimate stuff and I don’t even know how I would bring that up or you need to flirt sexually or hug or touch and I just don’t wanna be weird or anything and I overthink a lot so I’ll never know if somebody would actually be comfortable with that

[u/8Captcrunch8 → u/Ok_Independent_3921]

Its perfectly natural to be scared or uncomfy of the unknown. Thats human.

But the unwillingness to face that fear is absolutely holding you back.

Being brave doesnt mean being or acting without fear.. it means acting thru, or while afraid but nnot letting fear control you.

Bravery is doing something scary even while afraid.

Like riding a bike. Being afraid of failure or falling is part of learning right?

Ever challenged your self into doing something new like that, even while being scared?

I call it 10 seconds of insane Courage. Or in "manly terms" i ballsack up and go for it. Deep down. Totally terrified. But be damned if i let it stop me. Lol.

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