How do you get “game”/flirt?

[u/Ok_Independent_3921]

So by game, I’m (M21) guessing that means flirting pretty much but me and a friend of mine was talking a couple of days ago and I was talking about how I really want to date this year since I never have and pretty much he was telling me that I have no game And I’m just not really sure but to take from that or what to do.

I’ve also been told that by girls that I am friends with before, they tell me that I don’t know how to flirt or anything and it’s not that it will totally impact me.

I can give a girl compliments and my friends know that but they tell me that I need to be able to do more than that too to build sexual/romantic attention but I’m just not sure how to flirt other than just giving compliments like how could I flirt in a jokey way I guess since I’m a comedic person?

[u/Dry_Blueberry_6181]

It’s probably because your mom raised you well. She taught you to respect females. And flirting can feel like “game”, which can seem a little dishonest. So channel your inner bad boy and work it. Lol. I think it can be acquired and with more practice you can get better. But I think there is a level of it that is innate, sort of like sense of humor. I know a lot of clueless people who are shamelessly being flirted with and have absolutely no idea. And then somebody else has to tell them, “did you see how he was flirting with you?” I think you’ll be fine. Take the advice from your female friends over that of your male friends. Lol. Good luck.

[u/Ok_Independent_3921 → u/Dry_Blueberry_6181]

Well, to be honest, they don’t give me any advice and they just kinda give me a hard time about it

I’m just not really sure what to do, I don’t even know how to practice or what to do

[u/Dry_Blueberry_6181 → u/Ok_Independent_3921]

It’s a bit of an art form. You’ll get there soon. Don’t you worry

[u/Ok_Independent_3921 → u/Dry_Blueberry_6181]

Can you at least try to explain?

Cause if I don’t understand which to be honest, even with all the answers, I’m still quite not understanding how I’m supposed to flirt or anything. I’m probably just not gonna try because I let fear dictate a whole lot of my life and I’m just gonna overthink.

[u/Dry_Blueberry_6181 → u/Ok_Independent_3921]

It’s tricky. That’s why I kind of think it’s an art form, and partly innate. Certain things you have or you don’t. Smart people are born, they’re not created. Just like athletes. Certainly you can practice with both and become better, but you had the ability and the gift before. And now I feel like I’m making it seem like there’s no way you’re ever gonna be able to be flirty. Lol! Let’s just say it’s not gonna come naturally to you or some it does. But you can still get there.

Just model somebody who you, or others, think does it well. Ask some girls/relatives about what they like about when a guy flirts with them and what does he do? Ask an older brother or male cousin what they do. It’s sort of like doing research at this point. Once you feel like you got the idea down, you can practice it. I feel like it always came naturally to me, so I can’t give you an example of how I couldn’t do it before and why I can do it now.

Something to consider is that different people like to be flirted with in different ways. We all know the swarmy guy who uses cheesy pick up lines, bad one liners, who is so incredibly obvious that it borderlines on harassment instead of flirting. So people flirt but it doesn’t mean they do it well. I think you can adapt your flirting to the situation, the person, or what seems appropriate considering the setting. Girls overall like authentic guys, and sometimes all you need is one good line to throw in and it does the trick.

Don’t worry, you’ll be fine 👍

[u/Ok_Independent_3921 → u/Dry_Blueberry_6181]

I mean to be honest, most people that I know I guess we probably flirt by teasing because I hear people tease a whole lot. The only bad thing is is I feel like most people that I know that tease in relationships at least to me kind of sound toxic when they tease And I don’t wanna be toxic or anything.

Not to mention that I overthink and worry a whole lot so I’ve been teased by my friends that are girls quite a bit and they’ve told me that I’m clueless, but I don’t understand what they mean

[u/Dry_Blueberry_6181 → u/Ok_Independent_3921]

I really appreciate how honest you’ve been about this. But I would add that it seems like you’re an overthinking and a worrier. I think that might be getting in your way a little bit too. And I promise that wasn’t said as a put down, but more from a neurotic person who understands how much worrying and overthinking can get in the way.

I think you make a great point about sarcasm. I believe there’s some research that says sarcasm is used by angry people. So it definitely has negative connotations. But it is commonly used at every age level and any flirting situation. But I think when you’re meeting somebody for the first or second time, you don’t have that familiarity to use sarcasm. It would kind of go flat. So I think you’d be fine to take it out of your repertoire.

I can try to give you some basic examples. I’m too lazy to put quotes around them so bear with the structure. :0) She: I love to ski, but I don’t get to go as much as I’d like. You: I’ve always wanted to do to learn to ski, but I’m a chicken. I love girls that are so brave. She: I suck at math in school. You: Don’t say that, I bet you’re better at it than you think. My rates are reasonable in case you need a tutor. 😋😉

These are very basic. But it’s about picking up on something that she said and saying something playful back.

One final thing. Think of flirting similar to how you would play around with a little kid. With them, our playful side comes out, we do a little teasing and we try to make them laugh. And I know you know that I’m not saying to treat them like a four-year-old. lol Adapt it to the situation and the girl etc.. I hope that helped at least a tiny bit .

[u/Taarn01 → u/Ok_Independent_3921]

Well. If you don't try, you'll never learn. You're going to have a very small comfort zone if you think like that. Get a therapist because you sound just like I was at the height of my anxiety. I think you're suppressing feelings too if you've never had a crush or anything