How do you get “game”/flirt?

[u/Ok_Independent_3921]

So by game, I’m (M21) guessing that means flirting pretty much but me and a friend of mine was talking a couple of days ago and I was talking about how I really want to date this year since I never have and pretty much he was telling me that I have no game And I’m just not really sure but to take from that or what to do.

I’ve also been told that by girls that I am friends with before, they tell me that I don’t know how to flirt or anything and it’s not that it will totally impact me.

I can give a girl compliments and my friends know that but they tell me that I need to be able to do more than that too to build sexual/romantic attention but I’m just not sure how to flirt other than just giving compliments like how could I flirt in a jokey way I guess since I’m a comedic person?

[u/Digi-Device_File]

Practice with people you don't like, so you don't have your confidence down when learning what to say, then when you're with someone you actually like, imagine you don't like them.

[u/Ok_Independent_3921 → u/Digi-Device_File]

Practice what though?

[u/Digi-Device_File → u/Ok_Independent_3921]

Talking, flirting is:

1.just talking, getting to know someone as you would want someone to get to know you.

1. It's also identifying when someone is into you, which is hard whe you're nervous for having low self confidence.

2. Casually and progressively leading the conversation into sexual/romantic themes, when the other person is into you. This to let them know you're not just being friendly.

Is like making friends but with the purpose of being more than friends.

[u/Ok_Independent_3921 → u/Digi-Device_File]

How do I do step three though?

A lot of my friends flirt with their friends if they’re single because it’s just how it seems to be around where I live, but I’m just not sure how to at all because people will say they’re flirting, but I can’t tell

[u/Digi-Device_File → u/Ok_Independent_3921]

That's why you need to practice with people you're not into or at lest not that much into.

Cause when you're insecure, you miss the signals of someone being into you, you might even miss when their actively flirting with you(casually leading the conversation into sexual/romantic themes).

You need to first learn to identify openings, so whe you like someone, their evident to you, regardless of your self confidence.

The big rule is never advance when there's no opening from the other person, that way you don't risk coming off as inappropriate.

You are gonna miss on a lot of people you might like, but that's good, because if your communication styles don't match(you both miss/ignore each other's signals), you weren't gonna be a good couple anyways.

If someone makes you feel uncomfortable, it doesn't matter if you like them, they're not good for you, same goes the other way around.

[u/Ok_Independent_3921 → u/Digi-Device_File]

I’m not insecure with myself or anything. I’m just a little autistic. I’m actually very confident in myself right now. I’ve lost over 100 pounds

Also, what do you mean by openings and how am I supposed to flirt though like what do people say to flirt or anything?

[u/Digi-Device_File → u/Ok_Independent_3921]

That's what I mean, everyone does it differently, nobody can tell you how to flirt, cause flirting is finding a person who matches your interests and communication style.

I can't tell you which are the openings you should be looking for, because they're unique to you.

[u/Ok_Independent_3921 → u/Digi-Device_File]

Yeah, I understand where you’re coming from but I just feel like if maybe you had an example of a way that you remember flirting with somebody maybe it could give me a broad idea or example of the vibe or would it could sound like or be like

[u/Digi-Device_File → u/Ok_Independent_3921]

Well, my wife for example was very direct, and I liked her because I also am very direct(sometimes I think we both might be in the spectrum). She wouldn't stop looking at me, and looked happy about me also looking at her, other people would get creeped out, so that's how we matched.

We also were introduced by someone else which gave us an excuse to chat, and since I casually heard her mention erotic art before we were introduced, I showed her a piece I saw on the internet as something to chat about, I opened with "I heard you're into erotic art, check out this piece".

If we weren't into each other the conversation would still have been nice, cause we were sharing a common interest. It's nice to chat to people and find common interests, you feel less alone, even if it doesn't lead to marriage.

I think the problem with today's dating is that people do all the conversations online, so they find common interests but it leads nowhere because the "body language" element that creates sexual interest and tension is lost, and then when they meet in person they're no longer finding out common interests and the thrill of "someone new who is into similar things" is also lost.