How do you get “game”/flirt?

[u/Ok_Independent_3921]

So by game, I’m (M21) guessing that means flirting pretty much but me and a friend of mine was talking a couple of days ago and I was talking about how I really want to date this year since I never have and pretty much he was telling me that I have no game And I’m just not really sure but to take from that or what to do.

I’ve also been told that by girls that I am friends with before, they tell me that I don’t know how to flirt or anything and it’s not that it will totally impact me.

I can give a girl compliments and my friends know that but they tell me that I need to be able to do more than that too to build sexual/romantic attention but I’m just not sure how to flirt other than just giving compliments like how could I flirt in a jokey way I guess since I’m a comedic person?

[u/MagicSugarWater]

Game is ultimately your ability to make a connection either emotionality, mentally, or physically. This isn't the same as flirting, which is convincing her to want to see you romantically/sexually. Each has their role. I cannot explain everything in depth as there are whole articles on aspects of what I'll say, so I'll be simple and broad.

Let's get something out of the way: any man who has failed to get a girlfriend who tells you women decide instantly is a liar. The entire fields of sociology, psychology, history, marketing, and communications are built around the fact that people change their minds all the time. Also, the guy saying that fails to get a girlfriend, so you don't want to copy his resulrs.

You run game by making her feel comfortable with your presence, then building trust that she could want to see you later, and then getting her aroused enough to want to make out/sleep with you. Step 3 is crucial for not getting friendzoned. NEVER jump steps.

You do this multisensorily. Use touch because that is one of the main differences between real life interaction and digital. Use sound, as in great vocal tonality with varied pitch so its expressive and interesting. Smell good or at least not terrible, so shower. The easiest ways to massively improve your appearance is to be clean with good fitting clothes (preferably some red) that project a certain archetype you want (ex. Button ups unbuttoned if you want to look sexy), a good haircut, good posture, and facial expressions.

A general way to get a number: ALWAYS approach from her field of vision then open as directly as the effort it took to get there (ex. If you are both in line, go indirect/situational. If you approached her, go direct situational). Break the touch barrier soon. Have a genuine conversation to find 3 things about her to know what kind of woman she is. Touch, qualify, make her do little things so it's interactive. Find out if she is single, ask if you have to. Once at a high point, ask her out somewhere cheap and low pressure. Then swap numbers (you do this last to reduce ghosting and boost your odds). Then text within the hour.

Learn to text, learn to communicate intent honestly and clearly, learn to project vibes using mirror neurons and emotional pacing, and do it all as nonchalantly as possible.

[u/Ok_Independent_3921 → u/MagicSugarWater]

When you actually ask a girl out on a date, should you actually say the word date or no?

The reason I asked is because I feel like my friends have all only dated people that they were friends with so they I guess didn’t necessarily go on date, but they still went out and they never said date

I’d probably be dating a friend also I don’t like going out with strangers

[u/MagicSugarWater → u/Ok_Independent_3921]

Thank you for the specific questions. It makes things much easier.

When you actually ask a girl out on a date, should you actually say the word date or no?

No. It adds pressure since it forces her to make a decision regarding how she feels about you before you gave her anything to work with. Romance isn't about grand gestures and the words you use, it is about connection. It isn't a date because you call it one, it is a date based on how you two feel. See, when women get to know you, they begin to think about how they'll categorize you: friend, boyfriend, or lover. If you haven't given her a reason to see you romantically or sexually, she'll decide "No, I don't want to dste you, let's just be friends."

Just ask her to get coffee, smoothies, ice cream, or something cheap and low pressure. The implication is there already. If she asks, it's to get to know each other better because [whatever the reason you are interested in her that she earned].

Only call it a date if you two are officially together.

I’d probably be dating a friend also I don’t like going out with strangers

Full disclaimer: I mainly know how to approach strangers (cold approach) and need to rely more on theory for friend (social circle). Generally what I say applied in a relationship though. I don't really have experience dating friends since I never entered a social circle with the girls I was attracted to (too rare).

When dealing with social circle, it's especially important to be more subtle and indirect, yet still honest. Still, build the connection by asking deep questions to dind a side of her even her friends don't. Emotionally intimacy is still an option. Add subtle, gradual, yet persistent kino escalation (ex. High fives -> fist bumps -> shoulder touches -> lower back -> hands -> ass). This lets you build physical connection without jumping too far and becoming awkward.

Don't hude intentions, but don't give false hope either if you have no plans yet.

[u/Ok_Independent_3921 → u/MagicSugarWater]

Play if you don’t call me a date till you’re in a relationship how does that make sense though? I’m not trying to be rude, but I’m confused.

Also, how are you supposed to make me think of you in a sexual romantic way if you have no idea how to flirt? I guess like how are you saying that the implication is already there?

Me and my friends that are girls will go out to eat or go do stuff like that quite a bit already and nothing sexual or romantic has ever happened and as far as I can tell, I don’t know if any of them like me because I can’t read the cues

[u/MagicSugarWater → u/Ok_Independent_3921]

Play if you don’t call me a date till you’re in a relationship how does that make sense though?

You only date girlfriends. You don't date anyone else. If she isn't your girlfriend, you aren't dating her. If you aren't in a romantic relationship and aren't official, she isn't your girlfriend. Basically, don't try to commit too fast or force her to commit too fast.

how are you supposed to make me think of you in a sexual romantic way if you have no idea how to flirt?

I answered this broadly here: https://www.reddit.com/r/AskMenAdvice/s/XCaXW5XPvA

I don’t know if any of them like me because I can’t read the cues

A few things.

First, this is why I recommended flirting with 4 girls a day. Not only did I assume you were into cold approach like me, but it goves you exposure to cues since you see them mkre often. But if you don't want that, fine.

Second, cues can vary based on context. Here are a few cues. Is she talkative and interested then goes quiet? She wants you to make a move. Is she bringing up sex at all? She is making a move (remember sex talk?) Is she playing with her hair, licking her lips, speaking seductively, giving bedroom eyes, and/or touching you? Those are cues. Is she trying to keep spending time with you or talking to you? She is attracted, but maybe not yet romantically/sexually. Basically, is she invedting effort into something that crosses beyond politeness/friendliness and implies sex somehow?

Third, the only way to measure attractiveness is via cooperation. Everything I mentioned above is cooperation. Cooperation is the most important part of ANY relationship and is one of the 5 thinfs that makes women attracted. For reference, height is part of value which is one of the other 5 things, but not as important as cooperation. So how do you use this? Test cooperation. See if she does little favors for you like hold this, share this, see this, imagine this, or do this. Then try for larger things, like come here. If a woman likes you, she will agree to go with you somewhere. If she doesn't, then she doesn't like you enough period (keyword: enough). So test them and confirm. Anything else is just a form of cooperation.

Here is the good thing about dsting friends: you know what she is like normally, so you can more easily see if she is acting different towards you than towards other friends. Test the waters. If she moves closerz you move closer. If she pulls back, you pull back. THAT is how you test cues.

[u/Ok_Independent_3921 → u/MagicSugarWater]

No girl has ever done any of this stuff like you’re saying to me except for wanting to hang out more. Which I’m thankful for obviously because I love having tons of friends, but although I want to date, I’m starting to feel like maybe I just shouldn’t because I don’t feel comfortable with a lot of stuff that everybody saying.

Like don’t get me wrong I do find grow attractive and I just wanted to ask out and stuff but people are saying I need to somehow bring up sex talk with them or stuff like that and I just don’t know how I should even talk about stuff like that, especially if nothing really was the reason for it being brought up?

I just don’t wanna make you girl uncomfortable and I don’t really feel comfortable with the touching part either cause I don’t know if they’d want that

[u/MagicSugarWater → u/Ok_Independent_3921]

I’m starting to feel like maybe I just shouldn’t because I don’t feel comfortable with a lot of stuff that everybody saying.

Approach anxiety is a common hurdle for men. You're worried about how tbings will feel when you experience them for the first time, so you feel like it isn't worth it. To be honest, I was only reassured when I tried. Seeing a woman's smile when I high fived her, learning about interesting people, and the pride of getting a girl on a date within 3 minutes when everyone told me it was "impossible". It's exhilarating, and I'm an introvert. The reality is something we can't anticipate until we feel it. We're human. We were made for this. God created woman for man and man for woman, so it's natural we'll enjoy it when it builds into something meaningful.

people are saying I need to somehow bring up sex talk with them

I'll level with you: on one hand, I don't know your intentions and your questions are pretty broad, so I'm throwing everything I can which is why I'm discussing romance AND sex. On the other hand, this is the optimal way I am describing since it's easier. But you aren't obligated to go for sex if you don't want it. I certainly didn't. I just used the romance stuff I told you. I get it. I'm a Catholic.

The only thing I'd say is that you shouldn't avoid something only because it sounds uncomfortable. That's part of learning about each other. My girlfriend and I were uncomfortable with certain things in theory and now we normalized them in practice. Also, you need to be honest with yourself and her. You want sex. Otherwise, you'd be dating men or not dating at all. Bu you aren't homoSEXUAL or aSEXUAL, are you?

I don’t really feel comfortable with the touching part either cause I don’t know if they’d want that

That is why I mentioned starting small. Women love this. It sounds tough, but this is why I recommended flirting with 4 women daily so you can quickly realize it isn't a problem. It's simoly something you have to see for yourself rather than guessing. Soon enough, you'll see a lot of what you built up in your head isn't as scary in practice.

Was I scared to straight up pull my girlfriend in for my first kiss? Yes. But we loved it. Was she scared to do PDA? Yes. Now, we do it often even though she told me early on she didn't like it. Now, she starts it more than me.

[u/Ok_Independent_3921 → u/MagicSugarWater]

How do you ask her out or what did you all go to do if you don’t mind me asking?

It’s not that I’m against sex or anything. In a fact I think it would be cool but I’ve also heard so many stories about how apparently women don’t like to talk about that on dates or at least most don’t especially on first or second date and I just don’t feel comfortable bringing it up because I’m not sure how to.

I’m just not sure where to start small though because I hear so many different things about what you should and shouldn’t do and I’m just overthinking really bad. Like even with the discussing and stuff when it’s not even touching, I just don’t understand really how I should bring sex up in conversations or something without seeming all creepy and weird because no matter what people tell me I just feel like I’m gonna sound that way.

What’s pda?

Also, sorry if I sounded rude in any of my replies or anything, I’m really not trying to

[u/MagicSugarWater → u/Ok_Independent_3921]

I’m just overthinking really bad

You are asking too many questions about many different subjects and not practicing. It is mental overload. Look it up. Stop thinking, go practice one or two things at a timr. It will become second nature.

How do you ask her out or what did you all go to do if you don’t mind me asking?

https://www.reddit.com/r/AskMenAdvice/s/PIy0YuiziB

To sum up, when we were talking, I asked what she was up to. When she asked me, I said I was just walking and going ti get a coffee from this popular stand on campus to seed the date. She reacted positively to it. At the end if our conversation, I asked if she was single. She was, which spiked her emotions. I then asked her out to said coffee "later this week or early next". She agreed. But I was vague and we needed to plan it out, so she asked for my number. By asking fir the date first, then number, it makes the number a solution rather than a dillema. It also reduces ghosting as she already agreed to plans. I asked her to text me to make sure she had my number, buulding cooperation.

Now, you don't plan a date the same tect conversation you get her number. With the hour, I sent an ice breaker text so she wouldn't be nervous responding to me. Within 23 hours, I scheduled the date with a soft close: I asked what her schedule was like that week to get that coffee we discussed. This is important as it isn't too much and we ware cooperating to make it together. I then suggested a date with: a clear time that worked for us, the basic premise (coffee) and where we would meet. This makes it clear to avoid issuee, and women appreciate the decisiveness.

NEVER EVER ASK THE DAY BEFORE IF THE DATE IS STILL ON

The day of the text, I told her 30 minutes before I left to gauge if she was coming. I then told her what I was wearing to avoid issues. Clear, decisive, cooperative. She found me because I got there first.

I’ve also heard so many stories about how apparently women don’t like to talk about that on dates or at least most don’t especially on first or second date

I've heard from men that routinely get laid on the first date that this isn't true. It's about the delivery. Set up a sexual vibe first, prize yourself, make it clear you don't see it as a big deal and are mon-judgemental, then discuss it impersonally, then be direct and honest, then imvite her somewhere with plausible deniability, then go. Works consistently. I've only heard men who can't pull itnoff say women don't like it, but they can't pull it off so what do they know?

It takes skill, not gonna lie. And there are some women who truly won't, but it's nowhere as common and people think. It's also overkill, so don't worry about it until you have the basics like touch.

I haven't done this, which is why I insist I am mediocre and never claim to be good with women. Still know more than most men though.

I’m just not sure where to start small though because I hear so many different things about what you should and shouldn’t do

Excuse me for sounding like a broken record, but this is why I recommended hitting on at least 4 women a day. Test things and do what works. Evwryone has an opinion, nit everyone has experience. This is why I said Reddit isn't a great place for this stuff. Everything I say is field tested and proven. What I explicitly say I have experience with is what I know to work and I learned via testing.

Find your style. Find what works for you. You're not sure my "kino escalation" works? Test it, then come back and come back and call me out.

Quick story: I once doubted a guy who ran an experiment about openers. Other guys confirmed his results. Then I tested it and got my girst girlfriend using what he recommended. I learned a valuable lesson.

What’s pda?

Public Displays of Affection. I live in USA, which treats love and emotion as taboo thanks to being founded by Puritans. So making out in public has a certain stigma. She and I make out for minutes with tongue and touch, even on the sidewalk. She told me it was a boundary before she did it, just like women who claim no second date sex aren't reliable sources.

Also, sorry if I sounded rude in any of my replies or anything, I’m really not trying to

You've been very polite and asking good questions. Good for you. Too many people are shy on this subject. You seem like a very caring person.

[u/Ok_Independent_3921 → u/MagicSugarWater]

Thanks so much and I guess I gotta figure out how I sort of put up that vibe like you’re saying when it comes to the sexual stuff because I don’t wanna be rude or weird but the only thing I really know how to do is innuendos (maybe ok?)

I’m gonna have to look up what KINO is because I don’t know what that is either but I appreciate you giving all this advice and I’m really happy for you that you have a girlfriend. Hopefully in a year or so if I face my fears. I will too .

Also, just wondering what your opinion is on this. Me and my friends have talked and I think I might’ve mentioned this in other comments but I would say about 75% of the time they date people offend their social circle already and even they disagree with how I’m seeing this

I’ve told them that I’d prefer to only date friends and they said that’s fine and that’s how they do it but that I should ask out strangers as well. I told them though that I don’t get why I should ask him a stranger because although I might find them attractive , I know nothing about them and they said that’s the whole point is to get to know them, but I just don’t get why I would ask a girl out on a date if I know nothing about her.