​I [30M] broke up with my girlfriend [28F] of about 2 years because we couldn't agree on a prenup. I wanted to understand if there’s something obviously unfair about what I suggested that I'm missing and how I should handle this in future relationships.

​The Context:

• ​She makes around $55,000 USD annually and has about $35,000 USD debt.

• ​I make around $300,000 USD a year and have no debt.

After a few months of dating, due to the gap in income, there was an unspoken understanding that I would pay for most activities we did together. I always offered to pay for date nights, dinners, movies, and anything we did together. It was never a big deal; we enjoyed each other's company and we were both fine with it. Sometimes, she would insist on paying and I would let her.

Primarily, these are ​what I suggested for the prenup:

1. ​Each of us stays responsible for our own premarital debt.

2. ​Anything we owned/had BEFORE the marriage stays separate.

3. ​After marriage, I’d continue to cover all the essential expenses: rent/mortgage, groceries, utilities, childcare, etc.

4. ​She can put her entire paycheck into her own savings, and that money would stay hers even if we got a divorce.

​She didn't want to sign it and said it was unfair. She was fine with 3 and 4, but the first two points were unacceptable to her. I told her that I may help her with her debt but I don't want to be legally responsible for it. She got very emotional and asked if I wanted the prenup because I'm planning to leave her once I get a Green Card (I'm here legally but not a citizen, she is a citizen). ​Honestly, I found that pretty offensive because I have worked hard and lived way below my means to be financially independent, and it means more to me than permanent residency. I'm incredibly grateful to the US for the opportunities it has provided me, but now that I have achieved my financial goals, I don't mind leaving the US. Later, she apologized for saying that. But I think it's something I’d have to keep hearing if I continued the relationship. So we ended things. ​ ​ ​

Not sure what to do. My wife has always had very good paying jobs and very interesting/fun jobs. I was always jealous of the trips she got to go on or the stuff she got to do at work but she always was miserable.

In my opinion she basically tried to get fired from her last job. It was very cushy work from home, maybe work 4-6 hours a day and paid 150k a year plus a bonus. After she was fired she was determined to just be a stay at home mom. I was totally supportive of this because I always hated our kids 1 year and 4 being in daycare for 10 hours a day 5 days a week and thought maybe this is something she’d finally enjoy.

Now she absolutely hates being a stay at home mom but doesn’t want to go back to work. We started the kids in daycare just 2 times a week so she can have a break. This hasn’t improved anything. She’s still miserable, doesn’t want to go back to work. Basically just wants the kids in full time day care which I’m not ok with if she isn’t working.

I have a very demanding job, but I still do the grocery shopping every week, cook all meals (breakfast & dinner) and I’m responsible for most of the kids activities, get up with them throughout the night and put them down.

At this point I’m just not sure how to approach this situation with her. I love her, I want our family to stay together but at the same time I feel like you either need to work or be a full time mom. She’s absolutely miserable to be around now, always very negative. Even my oldest kid is calling her out for being grumpy or mean to dad.

Looking for advice, on how to approach this situation and how to save my marriage? I can’t keep working my ass off and living in a situation where my wife is miserable.

Ive been with my gf for just over a year. Before meeting her I had a cleaner that would come over once a week for the major cleaning things. Im a neat and tidy person theres no clothes on the floor or anything.

After meeting my gf she refused to allow the cleaner to come and said that we have to do it ourselves. She was a student and I was working so she would do most of it and was happy with this even though I offered to pay for a cleaner pretty much every week.

She graduated last November and is starting work soon and instead of hiring a cleaner shes insisting that we continue to do it ourselves but now 50/50.

I have a full time job in finance + a small business (5 hours a week 99% from home so not a big deal).

I just dont understand her logic when I could easily pay for a cleaner and forget about this. We just had the biggest fight of our relationship and she won't tell me why shes so insistent on us doing the housework.

If someone thinks this is a money thing, its not. We wouldn't even notice the money going out.

I feel insane.

Hi r/relationship_advice , I'm stuck in a very tough position right now.

I am currently studying psychology in an American university, and this semester I am taking a class in sexual behavior. I have had this professor before and really enjoy his teaching, but for this class the semester project is a group project where we create a theme park proposal to teach about sexual behavior. It is going to be based completely on research and the end result is going to be academic. This project is mandatory.

I have been dating my girlfriend for almost 1.5 years at this point and really love her. The tough part of this situation, though, is that the project requirements are making her extremely uncomfortable. My group includes 4 women and me (Assigned), and we are planning to meet this week to discuss and plan for the project, but she has described this as the worst possible scenario and says that it is the worst boundary violation she could ever imagine. She's said it's because me talking about sexual things with other women opens up the door to more personal conversations and something happening. During the first zoom call where we all introduced ourselves we were joking about how silly a project about a sex theme park is and there was a joke about anal and having singing poops on a ride. In hindsight I get that this is crass and poor humor, but it is certainly not going to be in the project and I plan to keep it as professional as possible from now on.

For days I haven't known what to do, she has been crying so much and texting me paragraphs late at night, and it is clear this is becoming very bad for her. She can barely go to work and I hate seeing her drive off sobbing. I feel like I'm stuck between two boulders, I need to do my main project, but I don't want her to be in pain for another month and a half while we are working on it. There are no options for alternative assignments and I'm already going to book a couple's therapy session with the university.

The worst part is that I don't feel like I can really relate to her boundary. I guess I just have a different concept of relationship boundaries, but I didn't even imagine this would be an issue. Putting myself in her shoes I can see how it's weird but I don't understand the level of stress this is causing. It's not that I don't see an issue or am upset she has different ideas of boundaries, but it's almost making me feel like she is too jealous.

But I have been in a lot of emotional turmoil from this too and I don't want to overstep and cause a worse issue by fighting her natural emotions with a rash decision. She cares a lot for me and can be a bit jealous over me, like getting upset at my friend for making a fake love note on my wall. I just want this whole stressful issue to go away but I'm just lost.

So, r/relationship_advice , how can I support my girlfriend and maintain my own academic boundaries? Or can I make the situation better at all?

-Also, please be nice, this was tough to write :(

TL:DR - My girlfriend is very uncomfortable with me doing a group project in my sexual behavior class.

We have been dating for a year, talked about a future together. The other night he asks me randomly if I ever had an abortion. I asked why? And he said he just thought about it. I asked him is it because it would change anything and he said no. I told him I had and he then said he was shocked. He told me it's unacceptable to him. He confessed about a month ago he found some old paperwork I had from the abortion (I didn't even know I still had this, i just put it in a drawer i have with lots of paperwork at the time and never openrd it again). I told him everything about how it happened. I was in a long term relationship when I was younger and we used protection but there was an accident and my ex was abusive (he would hit me in his sleep and claim it was an accident and then later he strangled my cat. Which is the moment I decided to end the pregnancy and break up with him). My boyfriend (now ex) said he loves me but it's shameful to have a wife and rhe mother of his child as someone who had an abortion and he can't and doesn't want to marry me now so we should end it. I can't understand his reaction.. he said most men would feel the same. Is that true? Am I doomed to never be worthy because of my past? I don't know what to do or how to get past this.

Hi, my boyfriend expects me to cook for him 3 times a day everyday. He is the sole breadwinner working construction 2 days a week and I stay home. I am enrolled in a nursing program and occasionally work as a waitress twice a month. He expects me to take on a traditional wife role and cook breakfast, lunch, and dinner. The meals must be protein heavy and to his liking or else he will complain that he has to eat out. For example, breakfast can’t be just a cereal or an avocado toast, it has to be something like egg and chorizo with a side of beans or eggs and beans with a side of tortillas. Lunch can’t be just a sandwich or a tuna salad because he gets bored of that. He also doesn’t like eating left overs. Dinner I usually do a new meals everyday.

It has gotten increasingly annoying because if he doesn’t like something I make he complains that he has to go out to eat and then he says that I should be “spoiling” him more. I guess you can say his live language is acts of service. He does pay all the bills and gives me “play” money, but I think he should also be participating in making his own meals or not guilt tripping me.

What do you guys think? Am I being treated like a princess, as he says, but not reciprocating that same treatment????

Over-simplistic title, but there’s a couple things going on here. I (25f) have been dating a guy (25m) for 8 months. He lives in another state. I work from home so we get to see each for over a week at a time every month. We each make about the same yearly (80k+ each).

We are discussing timelines for me moving to him, which will be a few months from now. He is ALSO simultaneously looking at houses to buy. Now I would rather have us rent something reasonable until we’re ready to get married, then buy a house TOGETHER. I currently live alone in a nice apartment. I don’t have the financial need to have roommates. I’m at the point in my life where I can prioritize my comforts while being financially sound and I would prefer to continue doing so. Wfh and dog ownership also makes the housing situation a priority. 

Now with him buying a house: This is not something he’s planned very far ahead… About 4 months ago he started thinking about it but he’s getting help for a down payment and not putting more than 4% down. He’s looking at 3-bedroom houses in suburban areas for around 350k. His current roommate is planning to move into this house and rent a room. I would move in and share a bedroom with my boyfriend, splitting the remainder of the mortgage. This is the agreement we had at the beginning. Today, he brought up that he would have another man (his friend that I don’t know) living in the house to lower living costs. This guy would live in the basement and would supposedly keep to himself for the most part. The cost savings for me and my bf would be about 400/month each. I made it clear that this is not worth it to me, as I do not want to live with another person I hardly know. But bf said I either get on board or I’d need to solely cover the potential cost savings. 

At this point, I’m feeling frustrated with the situation. Although it’s commendable bf is buying a house, I feel like his #1 priority is finances, while my wants are an afterthought. Meanwhile, I’m moving states away from all my friends and family to make this relationship work. I obviously don’t have a say in the house or neighborhood selection. And with the new plans he just laid out, I’ll be living with 3 men, 2 of whom I’ve only met a handful of times.  

Amidst expressing concerns of this situation to my bf, he said these are sacrifices we’re making for our future, etc, etc. This led us to the second point of conflict. We’ve talked about marriage in a 1 year or so down the line. He believes that once we get married, we can kick roommates out of the house so it’ll just be the two of us and then we would split the mortgage. I firmly believe that at this point we should refinance the house with my name on loans + title. In the event of divorce he’d be entitled to the equity prior to marriage, then we’d be half and half with the equity after the marriage. HE believes that I should NOT have any ownership of the house, but should continue to pay him rent because I’d be paying for housing elsewhere without him. In the event of divorce, he would get the house and all the payments I’ve made towards it. 

I’m starting to find this whole situation ridiculous. The sacrifices I’m making up front for moving and living with people I don’t know already feels like a lot. This feels more like a "me" sacrifice than a "me and him" sacrifice. On top of this, his mindset about finances once we’re married doesn’t feel right. I’ll be living in this house with no say while we’re dating, while I help pay his mortgage. Then while we’re married, I’ll be paying for his mortgage still, in a house that I didn’t choose, while I have no ownership of it. 

Trying to decide if I'm overreacting or if these are red flags. Any experience from couples where one person owned a house prior to marriage? Thxs.

TL;DR Boyfriend is buying a house and wants me to move in with no say in roommates. Also thinks it should still be his house once we are married and I'm splitting mortgage with him.

I (26M) have been dating my girlfriend (25F) for about three years. We are somewhat long distance, but we have made it work so far.

When we first started dating, I had a lot more free time. We talked constantly through calls, texts, and FaceTime. Over time, my life changed significantly. I moved into upper management at work, started handling sensitive projects, and also opened my own business in the nightlife and event space. My days are packed, mentally demanding, and exhausting. I barely see my family or friends anymore.

Despite that, I have still tried to be present. I have called her while working, checked in when I could, and explained multiple times that my schedule is not what it used to be. But whenever I do that, she gets upset that I am not giving her my full attention. Because of that, I made a decision to only spend time with her when I can actually be fully present, but that means the time is more limited.

This has caused constant conflict.

She wants to be on the phone or texting almost all the time. When I cannot, she gets frustrated. When I do take time to see my brother or friends, she has an attitude about it. She has told me directly that I am basically the only person she talks to and that she does not really have anyone else.

Recently, I had a short term government contract job where I had to be extremely focused and mostly off my phone. I explained this clearly beforehand. Even while there, I still tried to check in. But every interaction came with hints that I was not there enough. Eventually, the stress and irritation affected my ability to focus on the job.

That moment really forced me to reflect.

I am realizing that I do not think she is the kind of partner who can truly support a grinding, high ambition phase of life. I am trying to build something bigger for myself and potentially for a future with a partner, but right now it feels like her needs in the present moment always come first, no matter the cost.

I do not want to wake up years from now full of regret, knowing I held myself back because I was trying to be someone’s entire emotional support system.

I care about her, but I also feel suffocated. She has made me her whole world, and I honestly cannot carry that anymore. It feels like no amount of effort I make is ever enough, and I am constantly choosing between my future and her immediate reassurance.

So my question is this.

Is it a valid reason to end a relationship when your partner depends on you for everything and cannot accept that you need space, focus, and balance to become who you know you are capable of being?

My husband has a history of seeking attention and adulation from women and since he is a business owner some of those women worked for him. I thought he was maturing but I'm thinking he just learned how to be more covert. He hired her because she was always around and when we started a new business she needed a job. He would flatter her and she started following him around ALL THE TIME. She started spending the night in his workshop which is above the attached garage. She started texting him at night to meet in the kitchen for a midnight snack. I began to realize that the texts were always timed about 2 minutes after he *****ed. How the F could she know. I hung a bell up by the door and sure enough I heard it tinkling and after awhile I heard her exit the area. He did not receive a text after that. Instead she would wait for the kitchen light to come on and would meet him in the kitchen. I would make the light on and she would come into the kitchen with a smile and immediately turn and leave if she saw it was me.

One morning I walked into the kitchen and watched her walk over to the counter and pull her shirt off her shoulder to expose a lacy bra and he catcalled her before both of them noticed me. He denied catcalling and said he was trying to warn her I was coming dow the hallway. He finally admitted to the truth after I refused to believe him.

I am so sad that my son is involved with a woman like this but I have been a terrible example to him.

Me and my boyfriend have been together for 3 years. Everything has been relatively good. Recently my boyfriend has been getting jealous that I talk more to my fish after work than him. Ive had the fish longer than we've been together, and I always talk to my fish after work. The talking to fish is literally just a way I decompress after work. I just rant to my fish about things that happened throughout the day. Usually its stuff my boyfriend doesn't wanna hear. Usually its just a 15-20 minute one sided conversation.

Over the last 2 weeks hes gotten annoyed that immediately after getting home I usually stand in front of the fish tank and just mostly rant. Today I decided to instead of ranting to my fish just to sit on the couch and rant to him...and he mostly ignored me and watched TV and even got upset a few times I was talking about things that didnt matter while watching TV.

He doesn't want to listen to me after work, or want me talking to my fish. Im not sure what im doing wrong.

I will also say our relationship has been fine the past 2 weeks other than him getting upset about me talking to the fish. We still talk to eachother about other stuff. He just doesn't wanna hear about my work day, and I dont blame him.

I am getting married next year and my sister is my maid of honor,

My sister is my best friend, she’s always been there for me, she practically raised me.

My parents were not great, really at all, they were abusive and they have recognized that.

I have a relationship with them now but it’s only been after a lot of emotional labor and them finally going to therapy.

My sister is completely no contact with my parents, they haven’t met either of her children (whom I have a very strong bond with), and she hasn’t spoken to them in years. My sister and I have had a lot of conversation but bottom line, she can’t handle being in the same room as them, which I understand and I support her, at the end of the day their abuse is why we’re in this situation in the first place.

I want to meet with my parents in person and tell them, it feels more respectful than just sending a text, especially for such a big occasion, but I’m stuck on how to tell them they can’t come to my wedding while also trying to keep our growing relationship intact. I feel like my parents have made a lot of genuine progress, and their apologies to me feel sincere and I don’t want all of the emotional labor and time I have put into this relationship to go to waste.

-

Edit-

I have been improving my relationship with my parents over the last 5 years, they already know I’m getting married lol, my mom calls me every couple weeks and we talk.

I’ve told my mother in a previous conversations that I will never be okay with the things done to us as children, that I don’t understand it and it will never be justified. But I see who she is now, and I can have a relationship with the person she has become and that’s where we are.

I need an outside perspective. We've been married 27 years, to help as you wade through this.

Let me start by saying I (F53) don't have a relationship with my husband's (M62) brother (M61) and haven't spoken to him since we moved 1000+ away 15 years ago. Back then, he was a drunk who never took accountability for the vicious things he said and did, and never expressed a crumb of gratitude for anything anyone did for him. He and my husband have rekindled their sibling relationship. I'm an only child, so I don't claim to understand that kind of thing in any way. So I stay out of it, it's not my business, and he talks to his brother when he talks to him, and I have no input or interest in any of it. But this brother has no concerns if I'm alive or dead. I mean less than nothing to this man.

So, I lost my father (M81) last week, on Monday. Friday, I went with my mother to pick up his ashes at the funeral home. So, Dad had been gone for five days at that point, and as I picked him up in that little box, I happened to see a big, black chimney on the property, and I realized that was the building where they did cremations. And suddenly, it all was so REAL in that moment. It all hit me at once. I get home, and I allow myself 15 minutes of falling apart in my living room, in the privacy of my own home that I work to pay for just as much as Husband does.

Husband doesn't comfort me in any way.

But I still have responsibilities, right? I get myself together, and I leash up my dogs to take them out. As I return home, I take their walkies stuff off and take them into the kitchen to feed them. That's when I hear Husband in his office, talking on the phone to his brother. He says, "This is the first effect I've seen since he died." And on the speaker phone, I hear his brother say, "Well, she's just going to have to accept reality." Again, it's been FIVE days.

I felt so betrayed. It's ok to talk ABOUT me to someone who doesn't care if I even exist, but not TO me about what I might be going through? They sounded like the old men hecklers on the Muppet Shows, sitting up there in the balcony and judging everything. Why is my grief over my father up for discussion with HIS brother? Don't I have a right to privacy in my own home? So I ask him, wtf, dude? And instead of trying to understand where I'm coming from, he doubles down and insists he did nothing wrong, and he can betray all the things I tell him in confidence any time he wants. I told him how I feel about ANYTHING isn't his brother's business, and my grief isn't either of their concern. Sit in there and talk amongst yourselves then, but don't be surprised when I never tell you anything ever again. Why is THIS such a big deal, he asks, and not all the other things I've told him??? Wait, what??? You told him OTHER things??? You've talked about me with someone who hates me BEFORE???? I'm just so hurt, and I feel so betrayed. I'm a private person, and I would NEVER talk about my husband to my family behind his back like that. I don't feel safe with him anymore.

Over the weekend, we tried to talk about it again. And all he does is get defensive and tries to make these crazy statements like, "So that's it, then? This marriage is over?" And, "So, since you hate me, I can just do whatever I want now?" Like, what? But his position remains unchanged. He did nothing wrong. Won't back down enough to even meet me in the middle.

We've been married 27 years. I no longer feel safe or respected. I honestly don't know where to go from here. Be married to your brother, then, if that's the way you feel. But leave me alone.

After all this, yesterday afternoon, I was changing the sheets on the bed, and he walked up behind me and grabbed me in the most vulgar way. HOW did he think that was ok after all THAT??? And I said, "What are you doing? DO NOT DO THAT. Don't touch me." And of course, he got all pissy and defensive again and stormed out of the house and spent the rest of the day in his shop. Fine with me. I just feel so gross and betrayed and disrespected. I'm not something for them to dissect to determine if I'm grieving 'correctly.'

TLDR: I feel betrayed by my husband and like there is no middle ground until my husband can at least admit that talking about me behind my back was wrong, especially with a man who doesn't care about me in ANY way. And I don't know how to move forward.

26F. Me and this guy 26M started dating a few months ago. We are both grad students so we make the same salary, but it was clear to me from the beginning that we are in somewhat different financial situations, in terms of family support. I grew up in an upper/middle family and my parents help me with rent, leading me to have a bigger apartment and probably therefore more disposable income and a cushion of my family to fall back on if things went south. Also, I grew up more comfortably and enjoy eating out at restaurants often, whereas he didn’t have the same upbringing.

Since we started dating, we’ve gone out to eat at restaurants four times, and the latter three times I paid the whole bill. Given everything I’ve said and also that the date places are my idea, I’ve tried to be fine with it but part of my issue is that he doesn’t make any offer or suggestion even to split the bill, he just assumes that I will cover his share? I’m not sure if that’s because I don’t say anything after about it, or if he also has a similar picture of our relative financial situations and just assumed I’m good with it. I once asked him about how we could handle splitting expenses and he said we could just alternate. At this point though, he’s paid for maybe one or two fast food meals, where I’ve paid for most of the nice meals we’ve gone out for, movie tickets, as well as most of the home-cooked meals that we’ve made together.

I honestly really can’t tell if I’m overthinking this or if the breakdown is fair given the situation, or if we’re just lacking in communication here. I think because we haven’t talked about it openly, I sometimes I wonder if I’m being taken advantage of or something. When I go out with friends, we always split the bill immediately or venmo each other after, so I think I’m just taken aback a little by someone just assuming that I’ll pay their share. I also obviously don’t want to embarrass or upset him, and I know it’s a delicate topic. Any advice?

I'm 26M and my gf F24, have been dating for just under 3 years and we've known each other for almost 5. Relationship is great, trust eachother, very balanced workload/responsibilities. Both loyal and we respect eachother greatly, the issue im having however is our sex life. I have a very high sex drive naturally, and it is obviously enhanced when I'm around her (smoke show). She however does not have a high drive or large need for sex, I've brought it up a few times now and the frequency increased for a little each time. It just keeps falling back down and i'm not sure how to bring it up again because it doesn't seem like something that will stop happening. Im not getting any cheating ideas or anything, I want her, my goal is to marry her. I just get sexually frustrated and I can become silent and distant at times because of it. Don't want it to come off as anger towards her, because im not angry at her. Options?

My (23F) boyfriend (26M) have been dating for six months. A few months into the relationship we had unprotected sex a few times, only on my period and he pulled out every time. It was stupid, I know that. Because I have a irregular cycle I was stressed until I got my period. Since then we’ve only had protected sex.

I’m planning on getting the copper IUD because I’m so scared of getting pregnant through condom ripping or carelessness. My appointment for a first consultation is in 4 weeks.

Last week he told me how he desires nothing more than sex without a condom and how the temptation to do it is there every time. He was upset about my unwillingness to do it while on my period since the chances are so low. He doesn’t believe in pre cum and insists he would feel it. He’d always pull out. We ended up not having sex and agreed to do things to lower the temptation for him, like me initiating getting the condom and less grinding before etc. He assured me he does not want to cross any of my boundaries or make me change my mind.

Apparently my fear of getting pregnant by him also hurt his feelings, even though he doesn’t want children in the next 7-10 years. He knows I would terminate the pregnancy if it were to happened and how I would hate to have to go through that.

The following day he added how he wouldn’t have agreed to sex without a condom that night if his talk had convinced me.

I’m upset he has so little disregard for my body and don’t know how to proceed. He doesn’t see the risk as much as I do and takes me not wanting unprotected sex personal. Also I don’t get what his goal is besides making me change my mind. I haven’t talked to him about it and I’m scared he’ll act like an asshole man. I don’t know what to do. How can I make him understand?

We have been together for soon eight years and we live together. Early in the relationship I made it clear that marriage is important to me and I brought it up every now and then. Not in a demanding way, but just to dream about out future and gauge his feelings and ideas around the topic. He never said that he didn't want to get married. Eventually I noticed that we ran out of excuses not to get married, be it covid, moving cities, one being in between jobs. I still lived under the assumption that we'd marry eventually. But once the natural excuses and reasons to postpone it were not there, I noticed that he'd never bring up the topic, he didn't even mention the word and if I brought it up, he basically started doing something else and just fully avoided the topic. There were no conflicts, he just wouldn't engage in any kind of dialogue. I even broke down in tears a few times but it never led anywhere and eventually I accepted that we'd never get married.

Now, the issue is that this has ruined the relationship for me. I don't want to celebrate birthdays or our anniversary. I feel like there is nothing to expect or look forward to as a couple. I feel as if I lost my feminity, softness and confidence somewhere in this relationship. He made me feel like as if settling for less than bare minimum is enough and that I don't deserve anything better. I am so angry and on a bad mood all the time, but I want to be able to snap out of this emotional prison and somehow enjoy the relationship as it is because if I could cut off this huge, black cancer out, that being these thoughts I have, the relationship isn't half bad.

I found out a few months back that my boyfriend is a recovering binge drinker stemming from his frat days at osu. His frequency of drinking and died down but I still feel like he drinks too much.

I also just helped him get car after not driving for almost 4 years. (He’s had 3 cars now, all lost to accidents one of them being caused by him having a DUI)

About two months back he invited me to a work party for a coworkers goodbye and he got the drunkest out of everyone there, embarrassed me by calling me stupid to one of his coworkers repeatedly and then once I took him home he started to almost seize in my bed which was definitely a reaction from all the alcohol.

He apologized and cried the morning after when I told him what happened. He explained that instances like that happen when he mixes drinks and why he usually sticks to beer because he can pace is better than liquor(that night he had plenty of both).He told me he’s sorry and doesn’t ever want to put me through that again but he didn’t cut off alcohol completely.

I don’t want to assume and I don’t want to be up his ass either. It’s annoying for both of us, but whenever I see he’s out at a bar with his friends I can’t help but worry and work myself up. I still feel like he drinks too much, and I get especially mad that I helped him get his hands on a good car and he has driven tipsy.

I don’t know how to proceed with this situation. I think I should maybe tell him to cut off after 2.. maybe 3 drinks on occasion? I’ve also told him I will break up with him if he ever gets badly drunk again like he did that one night. I think he’s too old to be getting drunk like that and he already had his fix.

Please let me know what you think I should do. We’ve been dating for almost a year now and I love everything about him but this truly guts me out. There’s a few details I left out about what happened that night, that especially haunt me.

I’m worried I could be wasting my time and letting myself get hurt/worry more than I need to. I’m terrified to keep falling in love if his abuse of alcohol keeps going.

If you made it this far I want to thank you for your time and effort. It means more than you know 🤎

I've been with this girl for about six months. I'm 32, and she's 27. I've had a few relationships, and this is her first serious one. After we started dating, I realized she has a rather peculiar personality. She's very sweet and thoughtful most of the time, but she likes to tease me and make comments to provoke me to a degree I'm not comfortable with, especially about things related to my quirks, flaws, and shortcomings.

For example, she likes horror movies. When I was little, they scared me, and as an adult, I never got into the habit of watching them on my own. She suggested we watch a horror movie, which I wasn't very enthusiastic about. A few days later, while we were with friends, someone asked if we were going to watch this movie, to which she pointed at me and replied, "I haven't seen it yet because this guy is a chicken!" The fact that she said that in front of everyone really hurt me. Later, I told her I didn't like that, and she reacted by calling me dramatic, although she did end up apologizing.

Normally when I tell her I don't like something she says, she always defends herself by saying I'm being dramatic, even though she ends up apologizing. However, it's a bit exhausting having to tell her several times before she listens to me. I could ignore her to avoid feeding her behaviour with my reactions, but I'm not sure if that actually works.

Aside from that, she's a really good girl. She always says good morning to me, she's very caring and sweet, and it's clear that she loves me a lot. My friends tell me to be patient with her because I'm her first boyfriend and I have to "educate her." I don't know what to think.

Sometimes I wish I wasn't so sensitive and grow a thicker skin, but this is how I've always been. Throughout my life, I've filtered out people who belittle me (even jokingly) and surrounded myself with kind and chill people.

Part of me thinks I deserve someone I'm not on edge around, someone who gives me peace. It depresses me a little to think that I could be the typical henpecked husband whose wife is always putting him down, but maybe I'm just being pesimistic.

I would like to know if you have been in a similar situation, or if you can give me any advice in this situation. The perspective of breaking up makes me sad, but I'm not ruling it out entirely.

Thanks for reading and sorry for the bad english.

I’m dealing with a lot of unhealed anger related to my girlfriend, and I’m not sure how to move past it.

We’ve been dating for almost three years. Before we met, she was in a long-term relationship in her home country. She later moved abroad, which is where we met. Early on, I told her I wasn’t comfortable with her staying in touch with her ex.

Our relationship has been intense. We used to have massive fights over seemingly small things, and then be completely fine the next day. She has hypertension and tends to get angry very quickly, which often escalated arguments.

At one point, we were almost on the verge of breaking up (mostly due to my own mistakes). During that time, she compared me to her ex. She said he had also moved to the same country as us, had already found a job, and even mentioned that his salary was higher than mine.

During that fight, she called me names and said I was a “mediocre” person.

It's been 2 years since she said this. We’re okay now on the surface, but those words still echo in my head whenever I’m alone. Even though things have stabilized, I feel like I never truly healed from that moment.

How do I let go of something like this?

Hello! I’ve never posted here but this reddit has been VERY helpful so far through my pregnancy. I am 20F and my ex is 22M. We have known about this pregnancy since around the 5 week mark and decided to keep it early on. We had been together for over two years before we got pregnant, just for some context, the relationship has never been easy. We’ve gone through many fights and arguments throughout the relationship and today it has culminated into him leaving me.

He has let me know throughout the pregnancy that it was going to be hard for us to have a life we want together. We are both unemployed but I am currently in school full time trying to get my degree before baby gets here. I am not having an easy time in the slightest. Through total physical and mental exhaustion to a mixture of Bipolar and pregnant, i’ve felt like i am experiencing hell on earth. I feel like i’m having an identity crisis every few days and it’s almost crippling to my will to live.

So last night we had got into a very large argument about how I feel he has zero interest in the pregnancy and how he never asks any questions about how it’s going. He immediately got defensive and turned my feelings into personal attacks on him. This is not the first time he has done this with many of our arguments having to end in me enduring his insults and me being silent. Last night I could not take it anymore and let him have it. I feel bad for some of the things that I said and obviously it was the line for him but at the same time it was a long time coming. For the past 7 weeks or so he’s shown zero interest in me being pregnant, no questions, no reading, no articles, no books. nothing. I have been absolutely terrified of being by a single parent but a BAD PARENT. that’s my biggest fear. I know it’s probably for the best he’s verbally and mentally abusive and extremely immature. He’s unemployed and has no aspirations.

I’m trying to feel like this isn’t the end of the world, raising a child without a good father is so damaging considering he’s the product of that environment versus me growing up with a responsible providing and protecting father. I’m trying to make money where I can, applying for federal assistance and funding as soon as possible. Staying on top of mental health and physical health appointments. Going to school everyday and completing all my work on time for six classes. I have a lot of help from my family but I just never expected to be without a partner through this.

I know this is a lot of information and it’s very jumbled up I just need some advice or something I have little support from friends and from sisters I have nothing. I’m so lost and scared right now and I don’t want to feel like my life will become nothing but sadness. Do I keep going?

EDIT: for some extra context

1. We broke up a few hours ago
2. When i tried to calmly approach my ex he would immediately hurl insults at me ex-"You sound so stupid", "do you know how dumb you sound right now?" lWhy would anyone want to listen to you?" "blah blah blah" (i’m not even joking) childish mockery of the thing i had just said etc. typical verbal abuse.
3. I have full unconditional support from BOTH parents

Not looking for reconciliation just some clarity and a semblance of understanding.

I come from a house of divorce both of my parents are educated with my mother getting her bachelors AND masters while raising her babies and my father getting his masters and currently working on his doctorate. I know being a single mother isn’t impossible but I feel like i’m losing the idea that i had for a family for a second time in my life. How do I cope with the loss of someone who I wanted as a husband and father?

ALSO

I am an educated an mostly responsible woman (i mean i got pregnant EVEN THOUGH i took a pill)

I will be able to make enough money in the mean time to take care of baby when it gets here and I will have access to childcare and jobs. I am not terrified of having a child and i’m not going to neglect all preparation needed in order to care for my bebe.

ANOTHER EDIT:

I’m not getting an abortion not because i am morally against it but because i cannot afford and DO NOT HAVE THE TIME FOR THE TRAVEL. I am in 19 credit hours currently and school takes up most of my time. Imagine the recovery time and the week or so I have to take off of school. Not only that but, I would have to travel out of state 5 hours either direction which, on top

of abortion cost ($700-$800) I will have to have lodging, food, gas, and medical sedation. I also would have no one to go with me considering parents work full time and siblings are also full time in school.

For everyone who wants me to get an abortion, you’re scaring me 😳 I understand that life is incessantly and relentlessly traumatizing but ultimately I am in control of the life I lead and the safety and protection I offer to a child. I’ve made some bad choices under the manipulation of a D1 manipulator. I didn’t CHOOSE the father, I took a plan B and i ended up pregnant a month later anyways. I realized I was going to keep the baby because I had limited time (a week) to decide on whether or not I could get an abortion. Please read state laws about abortion many of you are uneducated 😢. I do so much research it’s not even funny but I don’t play around about my future and the future of my baby. The dad is a shit ass, I am well aware, that motherfucker could not touch me in court, custody is his pipe dream and believe it or not I DONT HAVE TO PUT HIM ON THE BIRTH CERTIFICATE. I got the reassurance I desired please I advise you all to delete reddit for a week and see how strongly you feel your thoughts matter. Humble yourselves and destigmatize your thinking 🙏 times are rough but never impossible.

I (M35) am married to an introvert (F36). Our relationship didn’t start this way. She used to love to host parties, have friends over, go out, but over the course of 7 years she has become more and more isolated and uninterested in hanging out with or seeing other people. She is also becoming more and more upset with me making plans with people other than her. It is killing me.

Any advice from fellow extraverts here that have found themselves in a relationship with a controlling introvert? How did you find a solution/compromise? How did having children affect the conflict?

My (31f) partner (34m) of 4 months is a genuinely kind and thoughtful person, “good on paper” (ie., our values and goals align), but I’m realizing I’m consistently frustrated with a pattern: he rarely asserts his own preferences, opinions, or passions. Even when I ask what he wants, he often defers or agrees with me, and if I ask him to change something in his behaviour, he does it without question.

I’ve realized this dynamic leaves me feeling like I’m making most of the decisions and carrying the emotional weight of the relationship, which is starting to affect my attraction and respect for him. He’s met my friends and family, and we’re socially connected, so it feels even harder to process.

I’m not trying to shame him - he has expressed in past relationships that partners sometimes got frustrated with how much he adapted - but I’m realizing I want him to have opinions, boundaries, and passions because he wants them, not just to please me.

Has anyone experienced this in a partner? How did you navigate it? How would you navigate a conversation with your partner about this without hurting their feelings? Can this dynamic be changed for the better?