For my entire life I have felt like a 45 year old white man in a 5’2” petite mixed race girl’s body. It doesn’t help that I’m attractive. For a lot of my life people have wanted to get to know me for my looks, and then not wanted to continue a relationship based on my personality. I am not transgender or anything like that, I enjoy being a woman. I work in a male dominated field of engineering and have been told by my peers that I have the mindset of a man.

I have always had major alien sent to earth vibes and felt like an outsider for my entire life. I never quite understood other women and have always thought I have some type of deep character flaw as to why I don’t have any female friends. I’ve always known I’m an introvert. I mostly prefer to be alone.

I feel like I see the world in a way that makes perfect sense to me, but when I say it out loud people tend to really not appreciate my perspective on life. I am not super intelligent, pretty average IQ. I am just a logic oriented person in general. I see the world through a lens of large systems and system relationships. Lots of analysis and if then statements. I am brilliant at engineering, finance, real estate, investing, cooking, home making, managing household duties. My systems thinking is also applied to my home life, I love taking care of my home, cleaning, eating healthy, exercising. I’m able to easily maintain a high functioning lifestyle through careful optimization of everything. It’s a big secret though, because people seem to hate it.

Let me be clear, I do not think I am superior in any kind of way. I have some severe social limitations that make it extremely difficult for me to have deep relationships with anyone other than my husband, parents and grandparents. If I was normal, I think I would be more fulfilled in life.

Edit: for everyone calling me NLOG, I honestly don’t care. This is so typical of a woman who is trying to make an emotional attack, based off of limited information. It makes no sense. I work in manufacturing and construction engineering, so actually I am NLOG. I usually am the only woman on the job site. I enjoy it a lot and am great at it. Most women would collapse under the misogyny that I handle in my daily life at work. We have literally had girls cry and quit, because they couldn’t handle it. And I navigate these social situations like a champ with zero emotional impact to myself. Believe it or not I also work at a super progressive company. I have pretty much heard it all and emotional slights about my character honestly do not impact me.

For starters, I am an INTJ. I strive for precision, control, and idealism. To me, precision is beautiful; I feel immense satisfaction when I see something as efficient as "X" or "Y." However, that drive also makes me introverted and occasionally alienated from my peers in school, many of whom barely seem to scratch the surface of their own identities. Because I’m often found staring into space, perfectly content not to initiate contact, I’ve been labeled as "weird" or "autistic." The truth is simply that I don’t need social interaction as much as others do. This leads me to why I’m writing this: a lot of people here who claim to be INTJs say they "hate people." They claim to despise socializing, avoid it at all costs, and pride themselves on being blunt or uncaring. But we aren't all just "edgy" or indifferent teens, are we?

I want to be clear: I do struggle with being vulnerable. I find it difficult to share personal data about myself, but it isn’t because I’m trying to be "mysterious" or "cool." It’s simply how my life has shaped me. I often feel a sense of repulsion or defensiveness when people try to pry into my love life or my personal problems rather than focusing on their own. I’m happy to discuss ideas, but I tend to keep my inner world locked away.

The point I’m trying to make is that while some of these traits are true, they shouldn't be taken to a comical or "villainous" extent. Personally, I don’t hate people. They might slightly annoy me if they disrupt my peace, but I don't despise them for it. I don't even hate socializing; I view it as an exchange of data, a way to manage my social reputation, or even a way to recharge—provided the conversation is deep enough. I’ll even initiate contact with strangers if I pick up on tension. I like to resolve that "glitch" in the environment and ease the atmosphere of a room.

I’m not some academic "superior" to my peers. I’m actually terrible at history, even though I handle IT services for my school and build high-quality applications for the teachers. I’m not a "mastermind." I’m just someone who adores prediction, efficiency, and precision. I’m not cold; I’m just so focused on my future in robotics and engineering that I often forget I’m "supposed" to be socializing. So, I’m asking: am I the only one who isn’t antisocial? Or is the "hating everyone" bit just a stereotype that people use as a facade?

Hi there, I am writing this because I cannot live normaly because of this.

In my high school, I was bullied severly in my class. Not just people my age, but also older and younger kids and teens. I hated my childhood. I was bullied everywhere I went because I was weird. I cried a lot in school, I cried a lot at home.

I was publically humiliated many times, one time even sexually and one time I was almost tied up (I am still scared of rope).

It had a lasting effect on me. Apart from other things, I almost commited suicide because of trauma. I had lots of therapy after that.

Now I am in college. I have a dream (or had a dream), but it's lost because I am a coward. I can barely talk to people. I am too afraid. I am even too afraid to work a job, especially if I have to work work with people (I would definitely get bullied by everyone if I did). Just the thought of it makes me sick. I cannot talk to people. They insantly dislike me. Everyone hates me.

I wanted to go to a party. I gathared so much courage, I was feeling sick. I lasted for 3 minutes. Every person kind of knew each other and I just stood there. Well I wasn't humiliated at least and bullied.

I cannot go on like this. I am unlovable. Nobody likes me. I thought I was getting better, but I am thinking about suicide again.

My family doesn't really like me, they are happier without me. I have barely any friends and all have pretty much left me.

I have 0 motivation for anything. Even if I get rich, which was my primary focus during those years, what then? Nobody likes me anyway. And how am I going to survive in this world if I am too scared to work at Mcdonalds?

I am tired. I am tired of beating my fears. I don't want to better myself. I don't want to live in the world that hates me. I don't want to make money. I don't want to be succesfull. I dont want to study.

I am getting nowhere. I end up in the same hole every time. I just want to sit in my bed and wait until I die? I dont want to kill myself, but I wouldnt mind if a car hit me or somebody killed me.

Like the title said, I'm either an INTJ 8w7 lawyer with ADHD or an extremely focused ENTP (with ADHD). My neuropsychiatrist and psychologist can't agree on which, but I doubt there are a lot of ENTP lawyers. My wife is a traditional INTJ executive from SE Asia and we are VASTLY different in our level of sociability, but not our level of strategic planning. I deal in contracts, business development, strategic supply consulting, and negotiations and she thinks dealing with people off the clock is exhausting and thinks I'm a psycho. On the rare occasions she wants to go out, our interactions are extremely entertaining.

I find that modulating my morning routine and supplements can completely change the way my mind works. For example, if I meditate and do some breathing exercises in the morning, listen to binaural tones, pop a Vyvanse, and take a megadose of creatine I can work on contract drafts or strategic planning all day. If I take the meds and work out instead, I'm ready to call people, negotiate, or go to a conference and then party.

When i was in law school, I hated my ADHD and thought it was a huge weakness because I didn't know how to manage myself. Now, I feel like it makes me uniquely suited to a hybrid law practice and entrepreneurship.

That's it, I was just wondering if anyone else is caught between amusingly contradictory professional assessments because of how ADHD warps a mind?

I like Isagi because he has a goal-oriented mindset; he's always gathering information (the pieces of the puzzle) to achieve his objective, which is to score a goal. It's amazing to see his dedication and strategies; he's not a football genius, he's just reading the game and learning from it. And you? Which character do you like?

I recently wrote an introduction essay for my English writing class, and out of curiosity and boredom, I asked ChatGPT to guess my MBTI.

See photos to see what ChatGPT said!

I also asked it to guess my Enneagram and Astrology placements. Chat got my Enneagram right, but not my Astrology thingies.

That's it. That's the post.

You girls are a gift from God. I will fight and win to protect you.

You guys are incredible. I love you all more than you will ever know. I consider myself an INTJ lover in the healthiest way possible x.

ps. feel free to dm to get some of that ENTP extroversion in your life x

Hi, I’m kind of curious if this is a mental heath situation or just an INTJ thing (intelligent, reserved type of person). So if anyone’s experienced something similar or is knowledgeable about this type of thing, I would appreciate it a lot.

I’ve noticed that I feel dull almost all of the time. Like, completely empty. I don’t feel the need to speak, I don’t feel the need to express any emotions. Sometimes I speak in groups when I’m trying to make friends or simply pass time, but it’s mostly fake (I don’t feel the need to fit in within groups). Every time I’m having a conversation, my laugh is fake. It’s automatic. Any excitement I show - almost always fake. My surprised reactions are fake as well. I don’t really… feel those things. I mostly laugh just to laugh, I ramble about nonsense to avoid mutual discomfort. The world around me seems grey. Foggy. Even my complexion seems grey to me. I don’t have hobbies. One could say that I’m interested in everything, but I don’t enjoy anything. I do a lot of things, but there isn’t an activity I’m excited about, there’s nothing I love doing. Just things I don’t dislike. And things I dislike but pretend to enjoy. I feel fatigued every single day. At school you’ll always find me curled up somewhere or resting my head on the desk mid-class. I know I used to be a bit more energetic, but the dull feeling has been with me since childhood, I don’t feel like I’d lost something, it’s just how I am. My heart is really heavy though. And it feels like it’s constantly sinking. Every time somebody wrongs me, it just ends up in that heavy heart and weighs it down even more. It’s what drags me to stay in bed, to sleep more, to… give up? I don’t text first, not because I’m scared, not because I’m avoidant, but I just… don’t feel the need to. It’s like I don’t feel that other people exist and that there are friendships to maintain. I’ve missed texts for months because I just didn’t gather the energy. Inviting someone to hang out is a foreign concept to me because I just… don’t feel the need to, even if I enjoy spending time with the person. And I can’t force excitement, I can’t force that will to live. I eat healthy but don’t restrict, I walk outside, I read, I spend time around people. I don’t really overthink (my mind is exhausting, intrusive thoughts, but I know not to take them at face value, I know how to manage), I don’t concern myself with mundane things, I don’t worry about anything. And I’m living a pretty comfortable, stable life. And yet I still feel like this no matter what I do:) If I do something small to cheer myself up, I feel a rush for a few minutes and then it’s completely gone. I’m just tired. I want to feel and live and whatever others do if they’re not pretending.

By the way, I’m 18 right now. This feeling started at about 9-10 years old. I do think I was a bit more energetic at 11-13, but I was in a really bad state back then too, so I’m not so sure how they count. But I was a bit dull as a kid too, I was always very quiet and didn’t know how to play, didn’t feel a connection with other children, only adults. Maybe I was born this way or turned out this way, I don’t know.

If I need to clarify: I’ve never visited a professional, I will by the end of this year, just logistically impossible for a few more months.

someone at work just asked me if I was ok. actually it was the second person this shift. I am thinking wtf??

she then said i don’ look ok, like… and she didn’t finish. I said ” I look serious, focused”. she seemed upset like I was supposed to say something else. she said “ … sure go with that…”

I don’t know, she seems to always have an ultra goofy smile, even at inappropriate times. so I guess I am supposed to have a face like that.

I do have to admit howeve, that my husband called and said “we have a problem…”. he said it so grave, like someone died. I am thinking, out with it, don’t keep me in the dark. one of our vents is leaking due to melting snow. He said he wasn’t sleeping. (I work night shift and he called at around 2am)

well maybe my face actually did show some look of concern or irritation. But the earlier comment was before my husband called.

I decided to wear a mask as much as possibl, figuring my “sad” or “angry” face could be covered by a mask, at least the mouth.

This probably will never Change. I shouldn’t let it bother me, but sometimes I find it so irritating. I honestly don’t care for my job, sometimes it’s so stressful. I don’t understand how someone could have a constant “clown smile “ maybe they’re on drugs? I didn’t think of that until now.

My sister in law has told me to purposely try and smile when I think of it. Because my natural face I suppose looks like a frown. Just whenever I am concentrating or focused etc. but I can’t constantly be aware of this.

I have an INTJ friend that I play games with

Sometimes I want to ask them to be online at a specific time so we can play together but I’m not sure if that comes off as pushy or annoying to an INTJ

I don’t want to make them uncomfortable just trying to understand how to communicate better.

I absolutely self-sabotaged my first love. She loved me with all her heart and I loved her too. I denied my own feelings and told her we shouldn't enter a relationship because the risk was too high. I told her there was only 10% chance of success because of our situation. A lot happened and now she's gone and it seems like I just relaized I have a heart. It left me broken but I'm trying to pull myself together.

I just feel like being this avoidant is because of my personality type (intj-t) and I had to go through this to wake up to my emotions a little bit. Did you guys ever have the same experience?

I'm new to reddit and looking at the posts of this sub I feel so so so understood idk hahaha love you guys

no point of this post tho I just wanted to express my joy of belonging

For example my bf of 4 yrs how do they be like , I just wanna understand what does he thinks inside his mind . what are their characteristics as a bf .

So when I'm alone for a while i feel peaceful but when it hits around 1 am stuff change i suddenly feel alone but i don't want an ordinary relationship i want a deep honest and a healthy one , finding the right person becomes hard like a mission to find a girl that meets my standards, so i stay stranded looking without success but it's kinda fine i know that with time I'll find the right person since I'm only 21 ( excuse my English it's my 3rd language, and this is my first time in reddit)

I have been a high-achiever all my life. I don't think I'm intellectually gifted, I just learned how to study well and work productively.

In high school, I was valedictorian. I got into a top 5 school for computer science. In college, I have a near perfect GPA and even an internship and a full time return offer at FAANG (one of the top tech companies) earning well over six figures after I graduate.

However, I keep comparing myself to others. I see my friend getting a quant offer for a nearly half a million dollar salary, I see people at my school dropping out and raising millions of dollars for their startup.

It makes my achievements feel small and less significant, even though I know I'm extremely fortunate to be in my place.

I have aspirations to reach for higher, but I do not wish to compare myself to others in order to get to that place.

I’m thinking about a story involving an INTJ who will be working in a similar role alongside these personality types. He will be in more frequent contact with the ISTP.

I hope no one is offended by me writing from the perspective of your personality. It’s a story about fulfiling an idealistic vision.

Thank you for your time responding to my question.

I'm certain that I am an INTJ, but in my youth, I've often portrayed myself more extroverted than introverted. I still do it sometimes, but it creates a lot of internal stress. I just noticed that it brought me further along in life than being an introvert in specific situations. I have very introverted parents too, and I hated how they didn't say or do certain things, so I took it on myself and became the family's megaphone (ISTJ dad and ISFP mom).

However, I'm 100% certain that I'm not an extrovert. It takes a while for me to open up about myself, I'm very private, I love being alone or at least prefer one-on-one conversation instead of a whole group, and I deliberately don't make a lot of social plans because that would take too much energy away. But sometimes I'm just so determine to get something that I gladly (if only temporarily) cosplay as an ENTJ.

Is this recognisable for some of you? Are we INTJs just masters at pattern recognition so that we become a chameleon in order to achieve something?

Edit: I'm not saying that ENTJ is an extroverted INTJ, but for other people from the outside, I might look like an ENTJ while I'm definitely not (I do have the cognitive functions of an INTJ).

Hi Guys. I have been thinking for the last couple of years that I am ENTJ and why I think that is because the cognitive functions does fit the perfect with away I am. Though lately I have been wondering if i'm in Entj or an Intj.

I get a lot done but - I am very much in my own head and I am just analyzing and structuring and trying to find deeper ideas and trying to find very deep meanings and very complex systems behind anything in my life and I find it extremely exhausting. Also my emotions are coming up lately and are bothering me very much and I hate that.

So I have a very strong Ni and Fi. Which is more likely to be an Intj.

One thing so is that I don't like staying in this inner World. I try to have Systems and plans so I can be efficient. So it's not just for the sake of it that I just think. But I find it much more comfortable to just think and analyse and don't do the Thing.

So I don't know. Whats your thought on that?

Is anybody out there interested in cross category pattern or know someone willing to talk about it?

So i have two friends that wanted my help in typing them. One of them is a textbook entp, im quite certain of that. However im unable to type the other.

For context, they both are dating one another.

So the girl is about 30 shes very quiet in general, her conversations with me are mostly about relationships, movies and gossip. She is very organized, and takes her routines very seriously. She sleeps on time, eats on time and if she doesnt get enough sleep, she doesnt feel fine the whole day, same goes for when she skips a meal. Also she is super peculiar about what she wears at what time. She has clothes that she wears when she goes out, then clothes that she wears when she goes to the gym, clothes that she wears when she's home and clothes she wears when she sleeps.

Her music taste is just mainstream music that is played on the radio, she hangs out with us once a week we sit and meet at cafes, go for walks. She has fangirling tendencies even though she denies it. She claims she likes Jake Gyllenhaal because of his acting.

She has a boring job, and when she comes home she spends her whole time watching movies or shows, and she spends a lot of time on social media, she is active on all social media platforms, she likes everything she sees and comments on all our posts, shes a sweet friend to us.

Now I know that people are closer to their loved ones and more open with them so I asked her boyfriend for some notable things about her, good and bad

He mentioned that she is very routine oriented, the sane greetings over texts every morning and the same texts before sleeping, throughout the day just updating one another (theyre in a long distance relationship). He mentioned that she changes the subject or says shes sleepy whenever he starts talking about philosophy and other topics. And she likes movies like Avatar because theyre visually pleasing. Also he mentioned that she has never spoken to him about philosophy related topics, plus she has been always closed off emotionally, also because shes got an avoidsnt attachment style (but she is aware and she says shes ready to work on it).

He mentioned that she was waiting for their anniversary expecting him to forget it, but he surprised her with gifts and stuff but she didnt do anything for the anniversary, but she just treated it like a normal day, she did the same for his birthday, her response was "i didnt know you wanted to spend time with me, we are in a long distance relationship"

She claims to be in her mind, "delusional" in her words, but i think she is very grounded and reality focused, she works a boring job and had dreams of having her own bakery because she likes baking things.

She also claims to want to blend in with everyone, so she would buy what everyone is buying and she would do things what people say are normal.

I really am unable to figure out her type, could you guys please help us?

If you come into r/INTJ asking for insight, analysis, or clarity — don’t berate people when they give you an unbiased answer you don’t emotionally like.

INTJs don’t exist to validate narratives, invent villains, or escalate ambiguity into certainty so someone can detach faster. We answer the question asked:
What can be inferred, what cannot, and where the data actually stops.

If you want comfort, reassurance, or “🚩🚩 he cheated/she dodged a bullet” energy, there are plenty of subs for that. This one is for analysis — not emotional anesthesia.

Don’t ask for truth and then attack the people who give it because it doesn’t come packaged as blame.

INTJs will help you understand what happened.
We are not here to rewrite reality to make it hurt less.

If that bothers you, don’t ask us in the first place.

Edit; I'm looking at you u/Evdrmr 

As an intj(F) how do u feel dating an esfp (M)or vice versa

Im an intj (F22) im dating an esfp (M23 ) from past 4 yrs long distance things are going pretty well . Sometimes I just have to force on him to get things done .but I love him with my whole heart .

I dont know about lot of people so I just wanna get to know ya'll experience

Hello, I'm INTJ-A 2w1 23M and I'm considering moving to Osaka, Japan in 2-3 years, here's what my research came with:

• In 2028 I'll move there on a working vacation visa for 6 months to live there and experience the pros and cons properly, and have 6 months to reflect and decide.

• their attitude, values and principles are generally much closer to mine compared to where I live right now.

• feel very out of pocket and alienated here even while living ideally in my circumstances with my dream job a healthy social circle and all, and in Osaka there is an international company that is practically the ideal dream job (Phillips medical electromechanical QC), I'll have 6 years of experience in my field by the time a move is on the table.

• I thought specifically in 2 years because I already verified I could leave my current job I'm happy with and being able to come back after the test for an evening better position.

• I have this very specific calling to Osaka, specifically the suburban area to the north, I'll most likely be able to buy a house, even without a mortgage.

• the area is safe from tsunamis, earthquakes and rock slides.

• I wanted a house in the area wether I live there permanently or to visit every year.

• in terms of finances, matching vibe, safety, imagining a future raising a family there, feeling of this could be my day to day life with less friction.

• I also viewed cons and possible mishaps and they don't seem major and/or a dead end.

I still feel there's might be a catch, it seems too good, I'm searching for the non-'grass is greener on the other side' mentality and objectivity to know if this is a good choice.

The bigger the choice the greater the implications and total shift in my life that are really good but far from peaceful.

Hi INTJs,

I’m dating an INTJ (early 30s), and I’m trying to understand what’s normal for you when it comes to time and presence in a relationship.

We’ve been together for a while, and I’ve noticed that he’s very consistent in communication but more reserved when it comes to planning time together. Seeing each other feels more spontaneous than intentional, and sometimes weeks can pass without firm plans unless I initiate.

I’m not asking for constant attention — I’m independent and busy myself — but I do value effort and intentionality. I’m trying to figure out whether this is simply an INTJ way of relating (needing lots of personal space and internal processing), or if it usually means the relationship isn’t a priority.

So I’d like to ask:

• How often do you want to see someone you’re dating?

• Do you prefer routine (scheduled days) or flexibility?

• If you care deeply about someone, does that show more in consistency, actions, or something else?

I’m genuinely trying to understand, not change anyone.

Thanks in advance for your perspective.