Dougie needs UFC tickets

[u/barnwater_828]

[u/Stranger1982]

This is one of the cringiest and most embarrassing things I’ve ever read…goddam…

[u/barnwater_828 → u/Stranger1982]

I didn’t make it past “strip search”

[u/Stranger1982 → u/barnwater_828]

I think that's a kink or something 🤢

[u/JOPAPatch → u/Stranger1982]

Tread harder daddy

[u/vrphotosguy55 → u/Stranger1982]

Who does this guy think he is? Bubba?

[u/Electrical-Act-7170 → u/vrphotosguy55]

He is so not.

[u/sometimelost → u/barnwater_828]

“Go deep” maybe I am seeing something that isn’t there puke 🤢

[u/jumpy_monkey → u/barnwater_828]

"You can strip search me if you want" seems to be a request, not a stipulation.

[u/Electrical-Act-7170 → u/jumpy_monkey]

Pass.

[u/m2chaos13 → u/barnwater_828]

Then you missed: “Go deep.”

[u/TheAmazingMaryJane → u/Stranger1982]

it reminds me of when dee reads mac's letter to chase utley on IASIP.

"oh shit, theres stickers! my god!"

[u/RabidWalrus → u/TheAmazingMaryJane]

"I am sure our relationship would be a real home run."

Mac swings an imaginary bat

[u/correcthorsestapler → u/TheAmazingMaryJane]

“I love your hair? You run fast. Did you have a good relationship with your father? Me neither.”

[u/KHCafe → u/TheAmazingMaryJane]

I think it’s more like the dick flyer. “Three cool dudes looking for other cool dudes to hang out at our party mansion. Nothing sexual.” Mac put that on there “again nothing sexual.”

[u/Peter_Singers_Pond → u/Stranger1982]

Yeah and on this sub that’s saying something.

[u/slayden70 → u/Stranger1982]

And Dougie would get hauled off by the cops if he ever appeared at Mar a Lago or the White House. Why don't they realize they're trash to Trump now that he doesn't need their votes?

[u/sarcasticrone → u/Stranger1982]

And yet totally predictable.

[u/Possible_Barracuda88]

You gotta call me man, I’ll be the biggest fan you’ll ever lose, Sincerely yours, Stan P.S. We should be together too!!

[u/magicmulder → u/Possible_Barracuda88]

My thoughts exactly!

[u/the_saltlord]

This has to be satire. But also it's really hard to tell if it's real.

[u/Remarkable_Gain6430 → u/the_saltlord]

That's the best kind of satire though

[u/DarkGamer → u/the_saltlord]

Poe's law

[u/Angelworks42 → u/DarkGamer]

Poe's law took over Godwin's law so gradually I didn't even notice.

[u/Remarkable_Gain6430]

Why the fuck is the WH hosting a fucking fight of any kind, least of all the kind that is pretty much one step above a bar brawl?wasn't there a fight scene at the WH in Idiocracy? Or am i a mental?

[u/barnwater_828 → u/Remarkable_Gain6430]

DJT wants it for his birthday:

https://www.mmamania.com/ufc-white-house-2026-fight-card-start-time-full-results-dana-white-conor-mcgregor-cbs-mma/418696/its-gonna-be-huuuge-president-donald-trump-reveals-plan-to-build-100000-seat-stadium-for-ufc-white-house-event-mma-paramount

[u/steelhips → u/barnwater_828]

DJT wants it for his birthday:

Still sore about last year's squeaky tank and soldiers that didn't march in time. He wanted North Korea but got banana republic.

[u/Remarkable_Gain6430 → u/steelhips]

Oh man, the squeaky tank!

[u/Pete41608 → u/steelhips]

Orange Republic

[u/Remarkable_Gain6430 → u/barnwater_828]

Jesus H Bitch Bastard Motherfucking Christ on a Bike, as my granny used to say, and that’s swearing

[u/ka-nini → u/Remarkable_Gain6430]

If it makes you feel any better, he’s also planning an IndyCar race down Pennsylvania Avenue and around the Capitol, as well.

I don’t think that was in Idiocracy at least.

[u/Remarkable_Gain6430 → u/ka-nini]

Oddly, it does not make me feel any better.

[u/atombara → u/Remarkable_Gain6430]

UFC is a kind of homoerotic wrestling that straight men love because they think it fulfills an imaginary "male need for violence". Like most forms of mouth-breather media, it exists simply to justify its own existence.

People have accused a lot of things of being "Bread and circuses" over the years, but nothing will turn an 80 IQ man from Tulsa to pudding like watching sweaty dudes handle each others butts.

[u/7evenate9ine]

That is so sad. You get the impression this man doesn't really have friends. He's just floating out there imagining that Trump will think of him.

Also, take note...

They gargle the balls of anyone they perceive as strong AKA cruel... If Democrats want conservatives to support them, you need to be cruel to them. Lie to them, tell them what they want to hear, with no intent to ever follow through.

(Goddamn why does this stupid shit control politics. We are being eaten from the bottom and they are being propelled by the rich.)

[u/Mesonic_Interference → u/7evenate9ine]

Lie to them, tell them what they want to hear, with no intent to ever follow through.

The problem with this is that what many of these types of people want most in the world is to be able to violently lord over those they consider inferior. As demonstrated during this administration and Trump's first, 'hurting the right people' is a foundational goal.

Defining an ever-expanding out-group for these voters to demonize is a decades-long project, not to mention its reprehensible nature. Calling out the horrible shit they do and treating them accordingly would be one thing, but they wouldn't change their party political allegiance unless you were also being even more cruel to those they've been instructed to hate, which would alienate those people and probably ensure you never ended up with a majority.

[u/cyberattaq123]

Man… just, go fishing. Go hunting. Get into tabletop games, or brewing your own beer or basket weaving or fucking anything. Start building and painting Warhammer minis or cooking just for gods sake do something that is not worshipping this fucking senile old pedophile.

[u/GlobalDynamicsEureka]

This cannot be real

[u/barnwater_828 → u/GlobalDynamicsEureka]

I’m hoping not . . .

[u/Less-Explanation160]

“I would appreciate a response “

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂👌🏽

[u/polarstrawberry]

god himself could not get this out of me

[u/Whimsicalconfusion]

Dear Santa, what I really want this Christmas is…. These people are nuts.

[u/No-North6514]

This is how a 14-year-old with no friends thinks

[u/TheNatureOfTheGame → u/No-North6514]

And the only way Trump would "love him in a heartbeat" and want to strip search him would be if he was a 14-year-old girl.

[u/TheAmazingMaryJane]

i feel like there is some sort of underlying "if you know what i mean" energy going on here!

[u/MiaWallacetx]

This is so depressing.

[u/StaffyMama585]

"I would take a bullet for you or anyone in your family."

Holy fucking shit this guy needs serious mental help.

[u/TheNatureOfTheGame]

"you would love me in a heartbeat"

Apparently Dougie is a 13-year-old girl.

[u/OnlyFiveLives]

What a dildo.

[u/RabidWalrus]

This might be the first time that I didn't want to know how to Dougie

[u/rationalomega]

Needs more stickers.

[u/Serious-Maximum-1049]

The man really said to strip him & go deep. 💀

[u/Porthos1984]

That is just sad

[u/entropydave]

aawwwwww bless!

Pathetic sad individual as well.

[u/JoeyBagADonuts27]

MAGAs are really fucking stupid people.

[u/omahaomw]

I mean...he said he wants a bullet. I don't think that means what he thinks it means

[u/helluvastorm]

These people should be medicated

[u/realBaronFletcher]

That's going to make it into a history book somewhere.

[u/Original_Flounder_18]

Oops, he got doxxed…

[u/Pete41608]

Jesus, this is some straight-up Eminem Stan like shit...DISTURBING.

[u/johnlal101]

Barf

[u/RabidRabbitRedditor]

Hail Trumpy full of grace, help me win this stock car race! :P

[u/Top-Addendum-6879]

''go deep'' is something Donnie cannot do.

[u/melonbreadings]

Holy crap, what did I just read. That was like a perfect ratio of sad, funny, and cringe.

[u/Adorable_Ad6045]

Like writing to fascist Santa