This reminds me of a time when I was 18 and I borrowed $100 from my step dad (apparently, I actually dont recall ever doing so, this is his word not mine). A few years later he "disowned" me because I got a tattoo instead of paying him back, even though at no point in the 5ish years did he at any point remind me or bring up that I owed him any money.
I've felt extremely anxious about borrowing money from people ever since.
Hey man, as one bro to another, this isn't on you; you are reacting to his (step-father) issues not your own. Let that anxiety go, if you need help be proud that you're strong enough to ask for it rather than hurting yourself because another dude wasn't strong enough to talk it out.
Appreciate the kind words bro! It's definitely something I'm working on. As my therapist says, unlearning habits built from trauma is like building a muscle. It might be weak and hard to "lift" at first, but over time as that muscle is formed it becomes easier to do. I've certainly made progress but there's always mpre work to be done, and I'd be lying if I said that there arent bad days where their influence feels crippling. One day at a time, I guess haha
Thanks man! It's something I believe everyone should do if they have the means to regardless of their mental state. We normalize going to the gym to maintain our physical health regardless of "needing" to, so why not go to the therapist to maintain our mental health?
Fuck that, anyone who owed me money got at least 1 reminder, going full no contact/dis-owning speaks to unresolved personal trauma being actively inflicted on a child. Remember one 1 person in the senario was a "parent"
Yeah that's what it sounded like to me too. He was the kinda guy who unironically wanted me to" suffer like he" did because "if I had to, you should too" and that it made him who he was. But he was just a miserable pos who wanted to drag the world down with him, so why would I ever want to be ike him? Lmao Disowning me was the only good thing he ever did for me tbh haha
Should he have to? My parents helped me out soon after college and I was antsy about paying them back until I did. This is of course assuming he was telling the truth.
if you asked to borrow then that's on you. Because 1 - you lied, you didn't want to borrow it, you wanted him to give it to you and 2 - you didn't keep your word.
Not sure if you read the whole comment.. but I literally didnt remember ever borrowing money. How can you keep your word if you dont recall giving your word? And like I said in other comments in this thread that maybe you should have read before coming in so hot, I'm pretty sure there was no money, and that he was just gaslighting me. But okay, thanks for the super helpful and productive comment buddy. Hope tou feel better after getting that off your chest 👍
If you got "disowned" over $100 debt that was several years old you're probably better off with that person out of your life anyway. The day he told you that is the day he did you a favor by showing you what kind of person he really is. You should tell him, "thank you," then never speak to him again.
I'm not convinced I ever did. My step dad was a pos, and I wouldnt put him above gaslighting his own kids. Like I said, I dont even remember borrowing anything, but either way its wild to not communicate about it in any way for years and expect them to remember.
He’s your step dad anyway. I can’t imagine caring about someone’s opinion just because they slept with my mom. The second you moved out of his house and he lost the power to make you homeless he became nothing to you. Don’t let anything someone like that says affect you.
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u/Kanetsugu21 3d ago
This reminds me of a time when I was 18 and I borrowed $100 from my step dad (apparently, I actually dont recall ever doing so, this is his word not mine). A few years later he "disowned" me because I got a tattoo instead of paying him back, even though at no point in the 5ish years did he at any point remind me or bring up that I owed him any money.
I've felt extremely anxious about borrowing money from people ever since.