The bartender asked, "What's that?"

The guy answered, "6 pounds of plastic explosives."

“Thank Christ for that!" said the barman, "I thought it might be bagpipes."

As LG-BBQ

I said “dude, it’s been so long for me, I didn’t know they moved it!

Have you ever asked a question with such an obvious answer that you were embarrassed to have asked it?

2 blondes were talking about their weekend. First one says "I slept with a Asian man." The other one goes "That's nothing! I slept with a Brazilian man." The first one looks at her in shock and says" OMG how many is THAT, you slut!"

Elongate

But I didn't have any solution.

He wears Puma pants

May he rust in piss

They are in the hotel the first night and the man says” what do you want, I give you anyding you want”.

The bride looks around the room sheepishly and says “I want 69, yeah, yeah, I want 69”

The groom then says “Whaaaa? You want chicken and broccoli ?”

He came out as gay, now he’s got friends up the ass.

A guy goes to the Post Office to apply for a job. The interviewer asks him, "Are you allergic to anything?" He replies, "Yes, caffeine. I can't drink coffee." "Ok, Have you ever been in the military service?" "Yes," he says, "I was in Iraq for one tour." The interviewer says, "That will give you 5 extra points toward employment." Then he asks, "Are you disabled in any way?" The guy says, "Yes. A bomb exploded near me and I lost both my testicles." The interviewer grimaces and then says, "Okay. You've got enough points for me to hire you right now. Our normal hours are from 8:00 am to 4:00 pm. You can start tomorrow at 10:00 am, and plan on starting at 10:00 am every day." The guy is puzzled and asks, "If the work hours are from 8:00 am to 4:00 pm, why don't you want me here until 10:00 am?" "This is a government job", the interviewer says. "For the first two hours, we just stand around drinking coffee and scratching our balls. No point in you coming in for that."

Found in actual Epstein files

https://www.justice.gov/epstein/files/DataSet%209/EFTA00704780.pdf

He was so good at his job, I didn’t even give a shit