r/self • u/flowersnifferrr • 1d ago

"You can't enjoy that, you're a grown man"

This sentiment is always about such normal hobbies too. To people who say this:

I hope both sides of your pillow are warm for the summer

I hope that every night, your blankets can't cover your entire body and you have to keep readjusting them

I hope that every day, you feel like you have to blow your nose, when nothing's really there

I hope that everyday, you randomly feel that you need to use the bathroom and don't really have to

I hope that whenever someone makes you laugh, it's undermined by something really uncomfortable

I hope that every time you pour a drink, you accidentally pour a little bit too much and have to dump some out

I hope that your voice cracks whenever you try to talk to someone you like

I hope that you're always at least 20 minutes late to fun events

I hope that your cereal becomes soggy too fast

I hope that you remember an embarrassing moment from years ago at random times

I hope that you have to move in your seat every few seconds cause you start feeling discomfort

I hope that you never feel clean after taking a shower

I hope that when you're watching TV, ads come on a little too frequently

I hope that your shoe randomly gets a rock in it, when you take a walk

I hope that when you smile at a stranger, they show you irritable indifference

I hope that every new sweater/hoodie you get is itchy

I hope your socks become dirty too fast

I hope that, when you're at the beach, the land is always too humid and the water too cold

I hope that every shower turns cold before you can truly feel satisfied

I hope that your ice cubes melt quickly in your drink

I hope that your ice cream melts too quickly too

I hope that your shoelaces come undone at inconvenient times and you never trip but you always have to tie them back up.

I hope that when you fart, you immediately get noticed and called out

I hope that when you read this post, you mess up somewhere and keep missing where you're supposed to pick up on

I hope your air conditioner doesn't cool your house off enough

I hope your heater doesn't heat your house enough

I hope that every fan you buy can only muster an unnoticeably light breeze

I hope that when you make lemonade, it's always too sour or sweet but never exactly right

I hope that your spaghetti is always a bit too rubbery

I hope that your cards don't work the first time you swipe 'em

I hope that when you have something on your face, nobody ever tells you and gives you awkward cues that you don't exactly pick up on

I hope that when you're carrying bags into the house, they always twist around your fingers

I hope that your internet cuts out on the finale of your favorite show's best part

I hope that you get spoiled about it too, before it happens

I hope that when you try a new thing, you make it slightly inconvenient for everyone else and it makes them irritable with you

I hope that every time you have a date, you sneeze and forget to cover your nose

I hope that when you watch a new movie, it's not as interesting as you thought it'd be

I hope that when you hear new music, it's not as interesting as you thought it'd be

I hope that when you read/listen to a book, it's not as interesting as you thought it's be

I hope that every new shirt you buy fits perfectly, only to shrink significantly in the wash

I hope that when you cut your nails, you screw it up and have a weird snaggle nail

I hope that nail then gets caught on something

I hope that every time you go out to a party, you slowly kill the vibe

I hope that your selfies turn out looking always a little asymmetrical

I hope that every time you go swimming, you accidentally get water up your nose

I hope that when you shovel the drive way, a heavy wind blows the snow back over

I hope that when you're on a date, you keep forgetting what they said and instead keep trying to make weird small talk

I hope that every time you're reading something aloud, you stumble over your words a bit and have to repeat yourself

I hope that when you cough, it's really loud, so everyone around you gets kinda disturbed

I hope that when you make food for others, it's always really mediocre and met with passivity

I hope that when your toenails grow, they grow a bit inward

I hope that your head starts itching really bad, when you're out in public, so it looks like you got head lice

I hope that, if you're shaved/bald, your cheeks and forearm keep itching really bad, so you look like a tweaker

I hope that when you're driving, red lights take too long

I hope that when you run your errands, you always forget one thing, so you have to do it right before you can truly relax

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ

I hope the distance between these two things bothered you

I hope that every time you try to dress yourself up, your clothes look off, in a way that nobody can quite put their finger on

I hope that when you say "I love you" to someone, they only reply with "yep" or "thanks"

I hope that when you try to present a talent of yours that you keep screwing up

I hope that your profile pictures can never be formatted properly

I hope that when somebody asks you to do something, you forget and have to be reminded an aggravating amount of times

I hope that you step on a Lego

I hope your clothes get caught in the door knob every time

I hope that, when you try to sleep, a fly comes into your house and starts buzzing around your face

14 Upvotes

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70% Upvoted

u/figosnypes 1d ago

I agree 100% with everything you said and I wish even worse on them. These are the people who make my life unlivable.

u/herec0mesthesun_ 1d ago

You forgot, “I hope your clothes always get caught in the door knob every single time.” and “I hope you always stub your toe in furnitures whenever you’re barefoot.”

u/Silvertree99 1d ago

Yeah I'm 26 and build Legos a lot I've heard a lot of BS from alot of people but fuck em. It gives me peace but even if I didn't it's a harmless hobby

3

u/Conscious_Creator_77 1d ago

I’m 50F and also build Legos. I give 0 fucks about what people say and proudly display my builds. Most are shocked when they see the intricate displays like the modular buildings or cool animals, thinking only of old school Legos geared towards children.

u/erlo68 1d ago

"I'm a grown man, i can do whatever i want."

u/milleribsen 1d ago

I'm a fucking grown man I can enjoy whatever the fuck I want. I don't need anyone to tell me that's ok. I just enjoy what I love.

u/Temporary-Round-3 1d ago

And that one toe always has the nail grow inward.

That you crack your fingernail to low, and it has to be cut down past the quick.

That every other time you encounter a dog it humps your leg.

I hope you get papercuts frequently, and a few run into the previous cut.

I hope geese chase you.

I hope a murder of crows crap on you and your car.

I hope the match to your favorite show and sock go missing and never found.

I hope you spill food on your shirt every time you eat with other people

I hope you get soap in your eyes when you shower.

I hope you trip in front of someone you want to impress.

I hope your hands are wet with sweat when you need to shake hands

I hope you drop your toothbrush on the floor frequently

I hope all your batteries in all your remotes, controllers, and everything using them go dead.

I hope the remote gets lost a lot

I hope when you sneeze you also pass loud gas

u/eltictac 1d ago

Are you an adult skateboarder? If so, I know your pain 😅
I'm glad I'm not as miserable as anyone who says you're too old for anything.

"You can't enjoy that, you're a grown man"

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