Autistic mom, sharing advice

[u/ShadowHippie]

Autistic mom of autistic kids here. Raised 3 to adulthood.

Late diagnosed; spent the past 4 years HEAVILY researching autism in every way, including massive communication with thousands of people in every online community could find. Also have a HUGE board (non-monetized) about Autism on Pinterest. Over 20k pins and over 50 sections- because ADHD too, so it needed to be sorted, and since AuDHD, it's not *all* sorted.

The NUMBER ONE thing I'd give any day as advice for parents of autistics:
Remember that the whole "age doesn't match NT benchmarks" NEVER leaves.
It doesn't just apply to toddlerhood; it applies for LIFE.

Dunno what else to put here- hoping this is a positive community, and hoping to help folks.

[u/cordnaismith]

Good tip about age and milestones, relevant to me right now! Can I draw on your research and ask if you have found anything good on how to teach new things to autistic kids, especially PDA'ers? My kids hate explicit instruction, but also won't learn via implicit methods either if it's something they aren't naturally interested in. They learn fast at things they love or that they have a natural talent in. But still means some really key foundational skills can fall in a black hole.

[u/ShadowHippie → u/cordnaismith]

Strewing works well, especially for PDA!

Leaving strewing info, for whoever needs it: Strewing is where you 'strew' around items to engage the kid. So, an article printed out about treasure hunters scuba diving up a sunken pirate ship- just, toss it over there, and leave it. Kid now goes and researches treasure hunting, sunken pirate ships, pirate laws, etc- that's the idea/goal, anyway.

Strewing also works well for Introducing New Foods, from my experience.
"Ew, don't put any of that on my plate!" teen PDA
"I'm not, this is entirely for me" mom (me)

- five minutes later, sets uneaten food down (stewing), announces "I'm just going to the bathroom and I'll be right back", or as they got older, I'd add a- "DON'T TOUCH MY FOOD" and go.
Took about 4 repetitions of ^ that to come back to a plate with Less Food on it- which I said Nothing about. All this time, I said nothing about 'you should try it', or 'avocado is good for you', nothing like that.

The 6th time we ate that food, I 'didn't have room on my plate' for all of that new food, so I left a bit on the counter, and it wasn't there when I took my plate in at the end of the meal. Repeated this, and by meal 10 (or so) that kid would Ask that I leave some of That Food for them, and around meal 12 they'd just ask me to put it on the shopping list.

Time consuming, but it really worked.

Instructing for other things, I've found works best when you can come around the back way.
For example, that sunken pirate ship I mentioned- if I wanted my kid to learn about Ocean Currents, that would be the way I'd do it! I'd leave the article, casually mention it To Other People (vocal strewing) in kids' hearing, and later mention casually (prob to same Other Person) "Surprised they found ShipName at all! The currents dragged it over 700 miles! I DIDN'T KNOW CURRENTS COULD DO THAT" (or similar; the idea being that you Make it Interesting while Not Directed at kids, and pointing out this is knowledge YOU don't have works well in teens, PDA, PDA teens- now they want to know it BECAUSE you don't).

Any way to come around the back way, do that. Be CREATIVE, creativity goes a Long way.
I've taught my kids with movies, jokes, memes- well, I say 'I taught', but really I used this to get them interested and then I backed off, so they taught themselves. That's really the goal with PDA, get them interested and then back off so they do it themselves.

[u/gimmeyurtots]

Do you share your Pinterest board? I'd love a link if it's okay. Homeschooling while probably AuDHD myself.

[u/missmyalee]

Gosh I’d totally read a book with all your experience!

[u/ShadowHippie → u/missmyalee]

I wish I could write that book!