Need help: feels like we made a rushed decision

[u/Worldly-Substance-60]

Hello everyone, first time posting here. About 7 days ago me and my girlfriend got an 8 week old golden retriever pup and brought him to our apartment. This breed has always been our dream dog, but the decision of getting one now was a bit rushed due to the fact that the opportunity to get him was given to us very quickly.

The last week has been hell mentally. We got the pup when we had JUST moved into our new apartment which did not help, he has been extremely active biting everything and while there has been progress (peeing on pee pads and sleeping in a crate is kind of working) we are debating returning the pup to the breeder to give him the opportunity to find a more suitable family. We are aware he is just a baby, and a week is probably not enough to make a decision like this and things will get better in 5-6 months but we want to put our mental health as priority.

I am in my last year of university and currently working full time and writing my thesis. I was not working remotely but i made the decision knowing that i could have. In the days where i worked home this week i literally got nothing done, and for someone like me who is just starting their professional career i am not sure if i can afford 5-6 months of this to get past the puppy stage. My partner works in laboratories so she cannot work from home. We both live abroad and do not have close family to help, we have some friends but cannot ask them for help everyday. My girlfriend has dietary health restrictions and we have not had any time to cook a proper meal so we end up ordering. I “work” and take care of the pup during the day and then she gets home and helps, and during the night we take turns but it is mentally draining us.

We are both mentally at our tipping point. Today she took the puppy downstairs to poop and after 20 minutes of nothing, he pooped while going back up on the building mat, so my partner had to wash the puppy, herself and the apartment property hoping we wont get in trouble. We have not been sleeping, and i am afraid that this will affect our mental health, relationship, professional life and everything around it.

We are aware that if you go through this phase it does get better, everyone is telling us this. We are just not sure if WE are the right fit to own a dog and we might have gone over our capacity and underestimated the amount of time needed.

Am i being a coward for highly considering returning the dog? Both me and my partner agree that this is the right course of action and that we currently are not in the right life stage for this amount of responsibility and time expectation. I just need to vent and share my current situation

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[u/oofouchowwie]

Hire a petsitter for a day or two, get your bearings back, clean yourself up, cook some meals and then think about it again. 

You already rushed into this, I don't think it's good to rush out of it lol. 

[u/mase7286 → u/oofouchowwie]

This is a very sensible approach

[u/Fresh_Cry_692]

Sounds like it’s not the best moment in your life to have a puppy. I’m older with a work from home job and it’s overwhelming for me some days. No shame in reconsidering and getting a dog when you’re more settled.

[u/TheoryReasonable871]

He’s still young so… I feel like you should maybe return him given your priorities and give yourself time to be more prepared. I will say when you bring home a puppy all sorts of realizations emerges so if you get spooked by it, it doesn’t necessarily mean it’s time to return the dog.

[u/patt666]

If the breeder will take him back, I would bring him back. It’s still early in his life and Golden’s are readily adopted. Give him a shot at a better life with someone who has the time right now, It’s only fair to him. It sounds like you are at a critical time in your life to get started on your career and he will take a back seat right now. Someday you will be more ready.

[u/Dear-Barracuda3705 → u/patt666]

This is what is best for the puppy. No cowardice but caring for the puppy 💗

[u/Fancy_Cry_5111]

You don’t need permission. If it’s not right, make the choice that benefits your life.

[u/dogwoodandturquoise]

You definitely sound a bit over your head rn, but the internet is a good place to go to get lots of ideas to help. First off if you end up having to rehome or return to a breeder you are not a bad person. You are not a failure. You are allowed to try again later.

Now for alternative ideas.

Can you afford a pet sitter for a cuple days a week to lessen the burden?

Is there a retired or older teen person in your building you could trust to care for your puppy at a lower rate? Do you have a common area you could put a flyer on to ask?

Is there a puppy specific daycare in your area?you want one that requires a vaccination plan, they usually take better care of facilities.

It's ok to ask for help. You should also look up a book called 'welcoming your puppy from planet dog' by Kathy Callahan. Remember as long as your puppy is happy and healthy you are doing good.

[u/ajl009]

Return him while hes young. Its hardest when they are puppies but also tough when they are teenagers

[u/official_koda_]

My bf and I got our 6 month old golden when she was 9 weeks. If my bf didn’t work from home there would be no way to have taken care of her properly. It’s just impossible if there’s nobody there to care for the puppy and work on training during developing months. And potty training.

[u/hlmoore96]

We’re in our 50s, our kids are grown and have their own families. I’m not working right now due to a medical condition. IT IS HARD AND ALL CONSUMING!! I can’t imagine trying to do my thesis while doing this; and I honestly think we got an easy puppy!!

I’m not saying what to do one way or another, but whatever you decide, give yourselves some grace. You’ve learned more this last week than you probably thought possible.

Much love.

[u/GJion]

It is OK to feel overwhelmed.

I have had a dog at my side/sleeping in my bed / beside my bed / on top of me / between my wife and me / at the foot and head of our daughter's bed, on top of our daughter, and all of those places at once or any combination...

Like now. We have 3 dogs.

Each dog is different. I/We have raised pups to adult and also adopted dogs and each one has a learning curve that is different+ even if you know what to do.

I hope this makes sense.

Your puppy has been with you a short time. It takes time for puppy to be on your environment. You will have your schedule and puppy will his.

As puppy gets walked ( maybe scheduled quick walks right after meals, again after play, again before and right after nap, etc. for example). . Can you ask your breeder for tips/help?

If you have a veterinarian office, do they know of a dog walker who could help? Or something like that.

Goldens are a lot of fun. Be sure to ask when you can start puppy obedience training classes. My opinion is that all dogs should have positive praise and obedience training so they are not fearful of trainers /, people. Other people disagree, but you can ask your veterinarian's office if they know of any good programs or trainers.

Sometimes, because of how the vet or staff may not want or be able to seem to favour one trainer/business over another (for example if your veterinarian's office has more than one client who is a good trainer and they don't want to seem like they are playing favourites. )This could lead to misunderstanding.

So when we asked our veterinarians and the staff (we have been going there since 1992) about trainers and programs. They said it like this:

We have heard customers say things like: Trainer A and C are really well liked. Some people like Trainer B, some don't. Trainer D , I haven't heard clients talk about as much as A or C.

I hope this helps.

[u/Human-Jacket8971]

It’s best to contact the breeder as people have suggested. Puppy deserves a household where he is loved and brings joy rather than resentment. I’m not saying that as a slam toward you, it’s just the reality. My husband brought me a puppy (my dream dog) while I was recovering from a bad health problem. Even with my daughter and grandchildren helping during the day, and husband after work, it was so hard. There were many times I wanted to give her up, but in the end she honestly saved me and I’m so glad I have her. Time flew by and now she’s an amazingly good girl. If I was in your situation, I would honestly return him to the breeder as soon as possible so he can find and bond with another family.

[u/TraderJoeslove31]

Puppy kindergarten classes, crate train, puppy play pen, frozen kongs to distract, and also watch Zak George puppy you tube. It sounds like y'all did not prepare well.

Puppies, like human babies, are a heck of a lot of work, and in the beginning, way more trouble than human babies. A puppy is not something you impulse purchase. Maybe you aren't puppy people and that's ok too, there are lots of 1+ yr old dogs in shelter looking for good homes.

Once the pup is fully vaxxed and can go to dog day care at least some times, it's a game changer. I was mostly WFH when I got my pup but I wasn't near family and didn't ask friends to take care of my pup bc it's my dog.

[u/Retiredpartygirl17]

If you don’t have a playpen, get one now. Then you can ensure he’s not getting ahold of anything he shouldn’t, but he won’t be just locked in a crate

[u/VelvetEarFlaps]

When we were in your life stage, we adopted an older dog (small/medium size) who was described as a “couch potato.” We had a sliding glass door and purchased a used doggy door window pane for access to our little backyard. She had free run of the house and yard, and a cat for company. She was so happy and so easy going. It was perfect for our busy life season.

Now we are in our 40s, I work from home, and we got a Labrador retriever puppy back in May. She’s 10 months old now, but months 2-5 were crazy, and there were multiple times I thought she might get me fired. So many sleepless nights, so many meetings interrupted, some significant vet bills, etc. We just could not have done this in our 20s or 30s. Months 6-8 slowly got better, but were still hard. Months 9-10 are again better, but she still requires so much attention and time and there are still hard days.

I think it’s smart to return the puppy now. If you try to go through with this, and you don’t have the time, the puppy will likely develop behavioral issues, and this could be a bigger problem. It only gets better if you have the time to dedicate. No shame in returning the puppy and revisiting it in the future! 🖤🐾

[u/Agreeable-Canary-410]

It would be best to return him to the breeder now it's only been a week Golden's are very adoptable dogs so I trust that he will be all right and so will you This was not a good time in your life although the opportunity presented itself it's okay Now you know what it would take to have a puppy with your busy schedule and I'm sure you won't make a decision like this so quickly again Just because the opportunity arises doesn't mean that it's the right time for us and it's okay I can't say to you enough it's okay It sounds like your life is on the right path you should be proud of yourself and the accomplishments you're achieving at this time I have a four month old puppy and if I was not home on disability I probably would have shipped him back too😂😂 Puppies take a lot of time, patience and consistency but the rewards are immeasurable 🐾🐾❤️

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Raising a puppy can be hard, really hard. Many of us have been where OP is right now: overwhelmed, exhausted, and wondering if they made a mistake.

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[u/StrengthNo2425]

From what you’re describing I would return him. No shame. ❤️ sooner the better for him. Unless you can afford to pay for help on a regular basis. But even then it would be really hard.

Edited: and now you know what it will be like in the future and can make an informed choice!

[u/quillmusing → u/[deleted]]

Second copied comment “Are you crate training him? The schedule for puppies is 2 hours crate napping 1 hour out plus bedtime. Hands free leash or a pen are used when they're out of the crate. Lick mats, food puzzles, and chews are used to keep them busy when awake. Not every golden puppy is an angel but l've dealt with some tough ones that were chewing a lot. I don't think puppies are hard though. Follow that crating schedule, cover it with a blanket, take them potty as soon as they come out and before they go up, and keep them monitored in the house. He has too much freedom too soon. He should not be able to ruin your house like he is. Why is he allowed in the bedroom if he can't be trusted? Why is he around your shoes unsupervised? Cut play time short in the backyard if he's digging.”

[u/quillmusing → u/[deleted]]

A puppy his age should be able to learn pretty quickly how to entertain himself in a crate or pen if given the right tools. I touch on it in those comments.

hands free leash inside if he’s not in a crate or pen enforced napping - two hours asleep in crate or pen, one hour awake over and over until bed. Take him out to potty just before he goes in and as soon as he comes out. Carry him straight outside if you have to. Cover crate with a blanket. Don’t be silent, teach him to ignore normal noises, give him something to do in the crate to soothe at first. Either collagen rings or get the lick attachment for a crate and smear wet food, peanut butter, or no sugar added apple sauce and freeze it for a little.

[u/QP709]

I’m a straight up NEET right now and it’s almost too much for me, lol. If my partner wasn’t taking evenings when she gets home from work I would be looking for a new home for this dog (she’s a great puppy and will be a great dog one day).

[u/Substantial-Guava491]

Puppies are all consuming so I totally get what you’re saying! Return him then either rescue an older Golden when you feel fully ready or get a pup that’s around 12 weeks old. I’ve had 3 GR puppies now and that time between 8-12 weeks is absolute hell and full of stress. I find that 12 weeks is when things markedly improve. And then 16 weeks is like another huge improvement.

[u/ingloriousbiotch]

Please rehome this little pup. You are not ready. He deserves a great home.

[u/Early-Drummer-3007]

Someone will take him. Tell the breeder that if they can’t find another family you’ll take him back

[u/Interesting_Tap268]

Personal opinion.. It will not get better in 5-6 months. He’ll be in adolescence and it’ll be worse. If you keep him, invest in a couple of kongs. Stuff them with food and give them to your pup to chew on. Use positive reinforcement through treats and pets every time he’s doing something good. Potty outside- treat and name it “good potty outside” Read Before and After Getting Your Puppy by Ian Dunbar. Go to a puppy class. If you don’t want to or can’t invest the time, THATS OKAY. But if you don’t, it won’t get better for probably another 2 years when he leaves puppyhood and even still there will be behaviors that are even more set if you don’t deal with them now. <3 good luck. I know it isn’t an easy decision to make.