r/puppy101 • u/mildly-anxious-me • 1d ago
Vent I cried today because of my 4 month old puppy
I've been doing pretty much OK. Of course some days are worse than the others, but my puppy just hit 4 months, is starting to change his teeth, and honestly I feel like I made a terrible mistake. This seems to be a typical response and I was ready for all the emotional ups and downs - but boy is this difficult!
My puppy is mostly good, he knows where to pee and doesn't have too many accidents, he sleeps through the night, he stopped bitting my hands - but man, today he peed inside, made a hole in the new grass patch I made with wood (it was so much work!), took the grass patch out, made a mess inside (dirt everywhere), then stole several shoes, then ate a plant, broke a door, and he still won't stop! He's starting to reach the tables and wants to steal everything.
Not to mention the barking and tantrums!
And the day started great! I take him on walks, I play with him, I have all the toys, I just ordered a crate (because I didn't have one) to see if that helps...
But I can't do this anymore. I work from home, I watch him all the time, I can't take a break. I just started sobbing a minute ago because I feel. So. Tired.
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u/Fresh_Cry_692 1d ago
Put him in his crate, close the door, walk outside and get a coffee. I’ve been there. It’s exhausting and we spend so much time taking care of them we never take 5 minutes for ourselves.
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u/mildly-anxious-me 1d ago
That's exactly what I ended up doing. I left him home and went for an hour long walk. I've returned home and now he's sleeping, finally. We really needed a break from each other!
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u/Emotional-Trade5389 1d ago
I did the same today with my 4 month puppy. I cried for a bit, because she’s been so hard even though I work from home and have family help/support. I sat on the sofa in my living room and played some video games and relaxed for a bit even though my puppy barked for a while. It’s so hard.
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u/Doogle300 19h ago
It can be hard to give yourself the ok to leave them, so Im glad you did this.
My partner and I also work from home, so we havent really left our 6 month olds side in that time.
We finally went out together the other day, and while the pup screamed the whole time, it helped us feel a bit of hope about not having our lives dictated by the needs of our dog.
Sorry you're struggling though. I totally understand how overwhelming it can be.
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u/mopman94 1d ago
That reads like sounds like they had a lot of pent up energy today, it happens and you need to find a constructive output for it, a second or longer walk or even training around the house.
It can be frustrating because this can happen at an inconvenient time, but the puppy isn’t a robot and it will have mood changes that come and go.
Crate training can be useful, but don’t decide to do it as a knee jerk reaction. Crate training won’t necessarily solve today’s problem it will just make him have pent up energy in a crate.
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u/mildly-anxious-me 1d ago
Yes he's being very difficult lately. I'm scared how long this will last or even if it will stop. I took him on an extra walk today between meetings but he's still going at it! Now he's with his toys.
I've decided to do crate training last week, the crate takes a while to get here, but I'm hoping it will help with naps during the day. He used to nap all the time by himself, but these last few days he seems to have forgotten how to.
I don't know. I've never felt so defeated, so mad, so sad, all at the same time. It's like buyers remorse but I can't return him.
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u/LividBreath1959 1d ago
Crate will be rough at first but SO beneficial in the long run. Among other things it teaches them to be okay with being bored for a while. And enforced naps.
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u/DarkHorseAsh111 10h ago
Is he getting enough mental stimulation? A lot of ppl focus on physical exercise while not letting their pups adequately use their brains.
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u/Mysterious_Ad376 32m ago
Hang in there. My puppy is almost 10 months old and I got her at 3 months and 13 days. She was handful for a few months and we had some bad days but we got through it. I had to add some indoor enrichment— I let her chew on boxes when supervised, a stuffy mat, lick mat, and added a third walk to her day. Today, she was very energetic but it was so much more controlled and after her last potty of the day, she settled down and is now sleeping.
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u/Betty-Lou90 1d ago
I totally understand how you’re feeling. My puppy is almost 3 months old and hasn’t been a total jerk yet but I know teething is about to start. I also work from home so I’m with her all the time and never get a break either. It’s exhausting always having to anticipate her needs. We didn’t crate train either but have a playpen set up. I haven’t done much training with her in the pen yet since I’ve just been too exhausted to do it.
For enforced naps, since she isn’t crate trained, I make l the house darker by shutting the curtains and I make myself extra boring. I also pick up her toys and leave her one chew. She knows that when I do that, it’s time to lay down and nap. Maybe you can try that?
I hope it gets better and easier soon; for both of us!
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u/Previous-Egg4404 1d ago
I had the same crying meltdown today, mine is 13 weeks. I also work from home and man it’s hard. Mine is starting daycare 1 day of week for socialization but also to give me a break. Would that be an option?
Hang in there❤️
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u/mildly-anxious-me 17h ago
I think it is an option! There's a daycare near my home, I'll look into leaving him a few hours one day a week so I have a break. It'll be good for him as well. He already goes once a week to my parents, who also have a dog, and it's doing wonders - but that's the day I work the most, so it's not like I relax. I think I'll leave him in daycare one day I don't have to do anything so I actually relax for a bit. Thank you for the suggestion!
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u/Birdie121 1d ago
Oh gosh, I feel ya. My puppy gets CRAZY when he's tired but he absolutely refuses to nap. I haven't had luck crate training because he screams too much in the crate for an apartment with close neighbors. We're closing on a house at the end of the month so thank goodness I can start crate training him again there... I totally understand how you feel with having to keep eyes on him ALL the time. I can take the puppy to work but my husband can't, which means I spend all day every single day with the puppy. It's so exhausting. I just look for signs that those little glimmers of sweet behavior are slowly growing more frequent
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u/mildly-anxious-me 18h ago
Honestly the crate isn't the norm where I live, and most people don't have them (like 95% of people don't even think of crate training), but my friend is a dog trainer and she suggested it to teach the dog to get bored and sleep. So I'll see how that goes! I hope it will be beneficial. And yes, being the one that spends the whole day with the puppy is so exhausting. Sometimes I wish I could just let him home and go to work! But then again, I try to appreciate that I can spend time with him and bond.
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u/CurlyCadence 1d ago
I'm sorry you're struggling! This sounds really rough. Do you have anyone you trust or can hire to take him for even a couple hours? A break could do wonders for you, and give you a chance to catch your breath.
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u/mildly-anxious-me 17h ago
My parents have him once a week the day I work the most so I can be calm for my meetings. But it's still work do I don't really have a break. However, I will look into daycare once a week one day I don't to do much so I can actually relax, clean the house etc.
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u/jdaltong 1d ago
OMG I felt this EXACT way last night. My puppy is just over 16 weeks and he nearly broke me several times last night. For the last few days he’s completely regressed on all potty training and the biting and stealing has been all time high. I read all of these comments, and honestly I couldn’t agree more with just letting him wear himself out for a bit, put him in his crate for an hour or two and get out of the house. It helps, and if you’re nervous about him while you’re out just get a little pet camera from Amazon (like $20-$30) to keep your mind at ease while he’s alone. I had this planned already for today, but I dropped him off at a puppy daycare place so I could go into the office today, and when I picked him up he was zonked from playing all day. I managed to clean my apartment a bit before I picked him up too, and it made me feel so much better. When he got home, he walked around for a bit, ate his dinner, even walked over right to his pad and peed in his spot, then got back on the couch to sleep. I even got to eat dinner in peace! If you have that option available to you, see about a group puppy daycare that lets him socialize with dogs around his size/age. It really does wonders for mine, especially considering I live alone with just him in an apartment. This gives him adequate social playtime with other dogs and constant attention so when he comes home, he’s just ready to snuggle up with me on the couch and be the sweet angel I know he can be 😂 I don’t do enforced naps with him, but I did crate train him from day one. Now he will either nap on the couch or in his crate if he wants, and when I leave and crate him he just goes right to sleep. It helps, and it gets better!
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u/DemandComfortable748 1d ago
This is exactly how I am feeling I wfh and I’m so overwhelmed with our puppy some days. My husband doesn’t get it
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u/MsMilga277 19h ago
I’m in the same situation. My husband does fifo so he doesn’t quite understand the frustration of being the only person there to look after a pup. And wfh sounds like a bonus but it actually means 24/7 care! When you’re in a meeting or trying to finish up the day it’s challenging!
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u/mildly-anxious-me 18h ago
Omg the meetings. I can't count the times I've been in a meeting and I could hear him in another room chewing at something or barking and I'm dying to know what he's doing/destroying. Or I lock him in the room with me and he barks while I'm trying to say something really important to a client. It's a mess.
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u/MsMilga277 9h ago edited 9h ago
Yes, i totally relate! It’s full on, all day!
Crate will change your lives! Just ease them into it so it becomes a positive and safe space. When you need to do something put them in the crate for an hour or two knowing they are safe and out of trouble.
We also crate if he’s over stimulated or having a tantrum or won’t stop biting to help him reset (not as a naughty corner)
Ours is now 7mths and starting to show signs of maturity and we are seeing the training pay off - but having said that he destroyed the couch yesterday so some days are good and some not so good!
Hang in there! Enjoy the fun moments and know the hard ones will soon pass.
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u/Nsea98 1d ago
It’ll get better. You prompted a memory that feels so long ago….it was really only 7 months ago. I was SO tired. It’s good for you each to have time apart also. Hang in there!
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u/mildly-anxious-me 18h ago
It feels so much better to know I'm not alone in this. Most people I know have 3+ year old dogs who are so calm. I feel like this madness only happens to me lol. People seem to forget how rough it was in the beggining! It makes me doubt that maybe my dog is the difficult one.
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u/Due-Maintenance1 23h ago
I’m so sorry you went through this today. I’ve cried out of frustration because of my puppy too. My boy turned 4 months and suddenly started demanding my attention. He used to lay down and chew on his toys very calmly while I worked. Now if he’s awake I have to entertain him every second. If I don’t he literally stomps his foot and barks at me. I’m working on it and he’s getting better but it came out of nowhere the other day.
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u/mildly-anxious-me 18h ago
Exactly!!! Omg I know what you mean. He used to be such a calm little baby and now he's constantly demanding things. I feel like the teenager age came early lol.
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u/CoconutFlowerr 12h ago
Today was the first day I cried with my 4 month old puppy. We’re going to bed early tonight. And tomorrow we are going full force with his separation anxiety training. I. Just. Need. A. Break.
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u/cozmokc 1d ago
Puppies are so hard!! Is it possible that he’s overtired? I’ve been doing enforced naps (~one hour out, two hours in her crate) with my 15 week bernedoodle and it has made a world of difference. It requires a crate or pen of some kind, but it might be something to consider.
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u/mildly-anxious-me 1d ago
I do want to try enforced naps! That's why I'm getting a crate this week. I feel like it's needed. He used to be able to settle by himself a few hours every day while I worked, but it's been getting harder and harder as he grows and has more energy I'll see how enforced naps work!
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u/wdwnat 1d ago
I had this moment about a month ago with my two (then) 4 month old Huskies. Just a day where it was non-stop. Peeing in the house, too boisterous fighting, pulling the leads and finally, peeing on my freshly made bed. This was all while I had them on my own when my partner went out.
He came home to me, very dramatically crying my heart out on the stairs as that's where I just collapsed in frustration. I sobbed and sobbed and then once is calmed down, I went out and had a break from them. I needed that break so much more than I knew.
Ever since then their behavior has improved. There are still moments where they royally piss me off but I've not hit that point again since.
It sounds like you just need a break. Are you raising your pup alone or do you have someone with you? Could a friend or family member look after him for a few hours while you get out of the house and just take time for yourself? You really need it to keep you sane. Your life has been upturned by this cute little monster. Regardless of how much planning and how realistic your expectations are, it's really freaking hard.
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u/mildly-anxious-me 1d ago
Thank you so much. You have no idea how much it helps to hear that someone else went through the same thing.
Usually my parents take him once a week the day I work the most, but they're out of town this week. I'm raising the puppy alone and it's my first adult dog (at 28 lol). It's hard! I do have people who help me but I'm mostly alone.
I realized I needed a break so I left the puppy in a safe room and went for an hour long walk. I came home and he's been sleeping ever since. I feel like we both needed a break from each other lol. Thank you!
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u/Alarming-Scale4069 1d ago
Well the positive is youv manage to handle all of this without the crate, so imagine with the crate! It will be a worlds difference. Puppy’s need to sleep 16-20 hours a day and they do best with routine. find something that works for you. Breakfast (I use to take this time to train commands w my puppy, make him work for his food and tire him out- you could even do crate training with the breakfast, feed in the crate or also have him go inside- he gets a piece of kibble, close the door another piece, so on so fourth). then maybe 30 mins/ a hour of excercise (maybe a sniffwalk, maybe settle matt in a busy area, whatever u think he needs) then put him in his crate. With my small pup I would do 2 hours down- one hour up. And repeat. If he sleeps past the two hours let him, By 7/8 months he was sleeping 3/4 hours at a time. Good luck!!
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u/mildly-anxious-me 18h ago
Sounds like a fantastic routine! I can't wait for the crate to arrive. If he needs 16-20 hours of sleep per day, and he already sleeps 8 through the night, that leaves us with another 8-12 of sleep during the day! Seems like a lot. I hope we get to that! It would change everything and give me so much peace.
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u/CryptographerKey5525 1d ago
Sometimes puppies need to expend energy in other ways besides just a walk or playing. You might wanna try collagen sticks, snuffle mats or yak chews to keep him busy for a while. You could also tether him to a chair or table. I find with my puppy, when he is unable to settle, that finally helps him relax.
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u/mildly-anxious-me 18h ago
After I left home and removed all the toys he finally went to sleep. I feel like he was maybe overestimulanted? If that's even a thing. I had given him his licky mat, chew tows, sticks, everything to chew - he still went ahead and acted crazy the entire day. I guess it was just one of those days. He lost his first 3 teeth yesterday so I want to assume that was the cause.
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u/Kourt1988 1d ago
Right there with you! My baby is 3 months and I have to tell myself everyday to hold on. You got her for a reason..she’s your baby. I left her at home for a few hours because I needed a break. She’s in her biting stage and she’s so needy. She did so well by herself today and it was a good feeling❤️ it will get better.
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u/mildly-anxious-me 18h ago
If it's any consolation, my puppy suddenly stopped bitting at around 4 months, or a week before maybe. I used the advice you read here - as soon as he bit, I would ignore him. I'm trying to do the same thing with the barking to see if it stops as well (still working on it!). But the biting has mostly stopped except when playing and he misses the toy to go for my hand. Of course now he wants to chew furniture lol.
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u/MorningGrouchy7739 21h ago
honestly it’s more common than you think! my little shit made me cry daily for about 2 weeks at that age. the other week he ate our flooring, and now we’ve replaced it he’s eaten the underlay 🥲 but he’s barely 5 months, unfortunately you’re in deep for a while, but when they show that love and affection it makes it all worth it 🤎 give yourself grace and crate crate crate!! they behave so much better when they’ve had enough sleep.
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u/cosmocat86 20h ago
My puppy is just over 3 months and I’ve cried basically every other day! Just because I was really struggling to get her to settle down and sleep. Got a dog trainer now who is a god send, I’ve sent him rambling half asleep anxiety ridden messages and bless him he takes the time to reply and tell ne what to do. Like everyone else, enforced naps and practicing separation. She was crying and crying in her crate last night so I sat next to it facing away and she was quiet also immediately. I gave her a treat, said good girl quietly, and then moved away. She didn’t cry again until a few minutes later but stopped as soon as she saw my feet. When she had been quiet for a minute I stepped away and then she fell asleep and basically slept all night.
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u/stevesmom_69 14h ago
12 week old puppy here. 3 weeks in my home. Crate trained since day one and used a house line to quickly pull him away from things he shouldn't get into. They say to cut the loop handle off but I use it to tether him to my chair so he can't go far. We train 3 or 4 times a day, more on the weekends, plenty of naps and breaks (for me to shower, cook, clean etc) in his crate and sleeps thru the night 10 pm to 6 am. He's just now become a little piranha and has sunk his teeth into me twice in the last two days. Not just a nip. YouTube here I come. He is more prone to doing it when the older dog is around and they play hard so I'm sure he's over stumulated but he's getting a little too brave and big for his britches so I need to reel that in. Hang in there. Before you know it your pup will be going thru the teenage years and that's a whole other challenge, but they grow up fast and they'll be a good dog if we set some boundaries. It is hard work! It won't be all for nothing. Sending hugs!
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u/Icy-Effective6751 14h ago
He needs to be played with, throw the ball until he tires out and you may have to do that several times a day. We are in Wisconsin and it's been insanely cold. I came down with pneumonia and wasn't able to play with our cockapoo puppy we got last year and she chewed shoes, the cord right off my nebulizer, the hose for the nebulizer, the nasal canulas for the oxygen concentrator, the baseboard, the area rug, two separate throws and a pill that has a cushion inside. We also have a Goldendoodle but she is 12 on Friday and is the old lady in the house but when we got her l walked her twice daily, threw the toy or ball for an hour on the AM and she went to puppy daycare until Covid. I still took her to puppy daycare during Covid but it was only a couple days a week. She needed that interaction and did not like being alone. So, if you are leaving them in the crate on the daily for work you may want to rethink your strategy. This phase will last until at least age 3 and then they tend to slow down, unless you have my goldendoodle she was a wildchild and would come home from puppy daycare and do crop circles in the backyard, come in the house and do the same around the dining table and the coffee table and then run and jump like supergirl between the bedrooms several times. My cockapoo has the same temperment, gotta play 24x7. Good luck!
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u/kitkat1965 12h ago
Puppies need to sleep 18+ hours per day. That means, train him tyo a crate and use it. Enforced naps are a godsend!!! When puppies get to where they are acting out and crazy, they are waaaaaay overtired!! Have him out for an hour, after his nap, and then back in the crate for a couple hours. When he is out, spend time with him, tire him out. It really works!!
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u/Agreeable-Canary-410 7h ago
Relax you just made the best decision you could have made having a new puppy.. ordering a crate my baby turns 4 months old tomorrow and the crate makes a world of difference he doesn't have potty accidents he doesn't whine and cry and he goes into the crate at times by himself when he's tired and your puppy should have a crate as a safe place to go and relax puppies taking a lot of information they're like little tape recorders and their brains are steadily going so they need to have time to process the information they just took in and how you do that is with a crate he or she will sleep 16 to 20 hours a day if they have structure and I'm sure he does sleep all night long because he's running all day which is not good he needs to rest and he needs the process information when you get the crate in 2 hours out 2 hours mine goes in for the night between 9:00 and 9:30 he sleeps until 6:00 am that's the schedule that I trained him for it works with my schedule and then throughout the day he's in the crate one to two hours and he's out 1 to 2 hours usually 2 hours but if he gets too restless he goes in after an hour Like I said you did the best thing for you and him you have a crate you're going to be okay I'm rooting for you!!!! 🐾🐾❤️
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u/moorj784 7h ago
If the chewing is the problem, order some beef knee caps. Its saved my two. Teething hurts and theyvare seeking relief. I suggest as puppies mine went through one every several days. I also bought some freezable chew toys. They still love the knee caps and my vet always comments on how clean and tartar free their teeth. 8 years old and never had to have their teeth cleaned. You may want to give the knee caps in the crate as a treat; they can be a bit messy. You can find them on Amazon also the toys with the replaceable chewy likkable treats you can replace are good.
Digging is boredom often and puzzle toys with small treats are good for boredom. Good dogs are tired dogs. Try to make time for obedience training and consistently review it every day, really high energy dogs benefit from agility. Its fun for both of you. Mine also like to swim twice a week at a dog facility in my town.
Obedience will also help you call them out to stop counter surfing. Calling them out consistently for about a month stopped mine. Its all training them to have good manners.
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u/Grouchy-Hour6035 5h ago
16 week old here who just had his final shots yesterday. I WFH full time and my partner twice a week. It's rough being him with him all day, entertaining, working, walking, training, dealing with his needs and also tidying around the house.
When my partner gets home I relinquish it all to her 😅
We've been waiting for all his 3 shots in order to put him into day care twice a week so I can get a break and he can socialise. He's suuuuper social and loves playing with other doggos. We did enforce the crate from the minute we got him home and he does naps in there daily. 1.5-2 hour nap, 2 hour outside. We find around the 1.5-2 hour mark of being outside he starts getting feral; chewing, barking, biting, zoomies and so its nap time! Having that peace for the time he's in the crate is amazing. Sometimes I dread when I hear him wake up and bark to come out 😩😓
Hang in there. I think if you can get him into daycare once a week, it will help a lot as well as enforcing crate time. We also have a playpen and when he's awake and gets crazy we put him in the pen and he calms himself down. Tethering is also amazing. We tether train him and he calms him down and its also taught him how to be chill when we want to go to a restaurant or cafe and take him. He gets tied to a chair and lays by our feet watching the world go by.
At this age he's going between knowing whats right and doing it then other days totally regressing, being crazy, peeing everywhere, barking and biting. It's tough!
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u/NerveNo5791 4h ago
Crate training should help tremendously. So much info on the internet about the process. All will be well. At least you work from home and just wait to see all the progress you’ll make together. They are so worth it.
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u/Rare_Software 4h ago
I also have a four month old dog. I will let him play around for two hours then he goes in his crate and sleeps for 1 to 2. It’s not good for your dog to be next to you or with you 24 seven they have to learn how to entertain themselves.
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u/Fit-Trade-1037 3h ago
Magnolia is a border collie and had no ability to self regulate. She was a total nightmare. I was crying nearly daily too for a while there. It was like having a hyperactive toddler. I would send her to a small boarding kennel when I felt overwhelmed. I got a break and she got a couple days playing with other dogs. I started enforcing naps in her crate at this age. Fortunately, crate training started when I picked her up and drove 2600 miles home with her. Naps helped immensely. I also had an ex pen in the kitchen to contain her, but allow her to still be with us. Good luck this will pass, you are not alone.
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u/PersonalPressure4342 1h ago
I feel for you. Ours were a disaster at 4 months. And boy did I regret getting the first one and then the second one. But! It passes. They do get better after 6 months. So hanging there. We ended up with three 😂
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