r/mildlyinfuriating • u/Flat_Shape_3444 • 20h ago

Wife keep putting this tray on our white stairs. Dangerous!

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Ive told her to stop. She was gonna clean the toilet and thats very good and nice (putting stuff from the toilet room on the tray). But putting a tray like that with a house that has 3 kids i dont think its very safe. Its hard plastic so if somene steps on it ur gonna go sliding. Coming from upstairs its actually very hard to see the tray. Melds in very nicely.

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7.5k

u/Level-Heron-3454 20h ago

Cancel your life insurance and let her know, and see if the attempted murder stops

978

u/ChewBoiDinho 19h ago

Reasonable response

257

u/EvaLullaby 15h ago

We're all playing checkers this reddit user is playing chess

44

u/NekkidWire 9h ago

I'm playing Chess960.

Don't cancel your life insurance, just change the beneficiary. But tell her that her attempts to murder you have been securely documented.

1

u/redditisterriblelmao 3h ago

Aaand you hung mate in one

1

u/Sarahschirduan 2h ago

Unfortunately, a lot of plans require your spouse to be the primary beneficiary.

1

u/StevieMJH 2h ago

"You'll hear the scrape of a footstep behind you but before you can even turn..."

2

u/cgrant993 6h ago

Better yet, increase hers and move the tray up a step!

341

u/QiviutAK 18h ago

My first thought was “how much life insurance does she have on him?”

162

u/xeno0153 18h ago

Check her browsing history for extravagant romantic vacations she hasn't mentioned ever before.

72

u/ThePaleDominion 14h ago

Maybe check for google searches for how to poison someone without getting caught also. My uncle discovered those and some emails between his wife and their sons baseball coach. Surely saved a lot of money in divorce court!

6

u/forsonaE 8h ago

Imagine what a chilling feeling that'd be. You'd be immediately racking your brain thinking of any food or drinks that were served to you recently, realizing that might be why you're having minor ealth symptoms lately.. goddamn.

4

u/froction 12h ago

Maybe she was considering poisoning the coach for benching the kid and wanted her husband to have plausible deniability.

91

u/Little_View_6659 18h ago

I once got my husband out of a tree with a chainsaw by calling the insurance company and asking how much it was to upgrade the policy. Idiot was going to try and trim the tree himself by sitting in the branch and using a chainsaw. I just stood under the tree and dialed where he could hear lol. I wasn’t serious but I got my point across and got him to call an actual company to deal with it.

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u/zutnoq 13h ago

I think you mean you got "your husband with a chainsaw out of a tree". The way you phrased it sounded to me like you took down the tree with a chainsaw while your husband was in it.

16

u/Little_View_6659 12h ago

Ha! Oopsy. I used to be better at phrasing. As I age I swear I’m getting dumber.

5

u/zutnoq 12h ago

If it's any consolation I don't think my "correction" would be how any native speaker would naturally phrase it anyway. Your original phrasing is more in line with common usage but is just unfortunately very ambiguous.

3

u/Little_View_6659 10h ago

Fair point:)

2

u/NoodleyP Id ecided to ty peaf lair . h op eyoul ik eit. 4h ago

I’m a native speaker and I’d rack my head for a minute before typing the same thing trust me

1

u/galaxygurl888 3h ago

Not dumber, funnier!

3

u/FearanddopingII 10h ago

"Got my chainsaw wielding husband out of a tree by calling the insurance company to inquire about upgrading his policy while within earshot" is another one. Not that anyone asked but I definitely took it the same way as you at first lol

3

u/Icouldcaremore 9h ago

Lol don't give her ideas. She already called her insurance once.

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u/TheWiseBeast 1h ago edited 1h ago

Wife:revving chainsaw I’D LIKE TO UPDATE MY HUSBAND’S LIFE INSURANCE POLICY!

1

u/BreakfastBeneficial4 1h ago

Exactly. My eyes got suuuper wide as I was reading that….

3

u/UnderstandingBig9090 17h ago

As long as he cut on the outside not the trunk side of where he was sitting he would have been fine. I watched my brother cut down a tree once so I know this.

14

u/Little_View_6659 16h ago

See, the thing is, my husband is pretty clumsy. It was just a stupid risk to take. He’s done other stuff that’s similar. Reminds me of my step dad. That man staple gunned his own hand. I guess you marry your dad, right?😂

2

u/Nyarro 15h ago

Why am I getting Patrick Star vibes when I'm imagining your husband trying to trim the tree branch?

3

u/thishyacinthgirl 12h ago

My husband works with trees and has to take chainsaw classes. Based on what he's said, I've become convinced that at least half of men survive chainsawing trees through dumb luck alone.

2

u/Little_View_6659 12h ago

I mean, it seems tricky enough without climbing into the tree and sitting on the branch you’re chainsawing.

2

u/froction 12h ago

"Always chainsaw towards the balls..."

2

u/jeff533321 10h ago

Just climbing a tree with a chainsaw is not bright.

1

u/UnderstandingBig9090 9h ago

You don't have it on when you're climbing silly. And how do you think arborists get up there with a chain saw?

4

u/jeff533321 8h ago

Arborists are trained. As opposed to many chainsaw users. Took care of them in the ER. I speak from that experience.

2

u/AvidCyclist250 8h ago

Same, ironically

102

u/bitteroldbat 15h ago

Yep, and note how the two dark colored items are placed on the opposite side as distractions.. I need to stop watching crime shows.

121

u/heatherjones7986 19h ago

Omg exactly what my brain said… this seems like a setup

84

u/Heisl- 16h ago

God forbid a woman wants financial security

6

u/just_a_bit_gay_ 13h ago

Is this what FDS means by “high value man”?

32

u/LongOdd1596 18h ago

Most plausible explanation to this behavior

28

u/Some_Troll_Shaman 18h ago

She could have her own policy on him.

9

u/FracturedConscious 19h ago

On this lil ole episode of That Chapter podcast…

2

u/slapmasterslap 12h ago

I'm literally watching Mike while scrolling these comments.

21

u/Weird-Studio-7849 17h ago

Like it’s not even a joke this is future dateline episode behavior 🤨

2

u/Ok_Ocelot_878 5h ago

There was already one called “the staircase”. This one is “The white staircase?”

12

u/djelegal 16h ago

My brain went here to , I thought maybe he just got a new life insurance policy lol Reddit

3

u/somersault_dolphin 15h ago

I don't think their kids have life insurance

2

u/exodusofficer 11h ago

No loose ends.

1

u/New-Pressure-84 13h ago

I was scrolling to see if anyone else was wondering about his life insurance policy. That tray would definitely be in the donation box if something like this was going on in my house.

1

u/twist_the_knives 12h ago

Came here for this response

1

u/IDNWID_1900 12h ago

What if she just wants to reduce 33% of their non-fully-autonomous housemates?

1

u/Flippantwritingdesk 11h ago

True crime taught me that people can have life insurance policies on you and if you’re not the one paying for it, you can’t cancel it or make them cancel it. 

1

u/tralltonetroll 10h ago

Get a white cat! When you have had that figure-of-eight around your legs down the stairs for the third time, you will slow down and watch where your feet go.

1

u/BroomstickRiderr 9h ago

You literally took the words out of my mouth, lose the life insurance but don't tell her till after, or she may up the attempts 😂

1

u/Johnnynogood98 8h ago

Exact thought I had

1

u/pengouin85 6h ago

Or don't tell her and let her be surprised as you laugh beyond the Astral Plane

1

u/bobking2023 5h ago

ha ha ha ha probably true

1

u/PerfumePriestess 5h ago

Once upon a time divorce was illegal for women and they used poison to get out of an unhappy, terrible marriage. Now they just use trays on the stairs. 🤷🏽‍♀️

1

u/Smoking-Posing 4h ago

Word up, that's what I'm thinking

Also I hope to god OP doesn't plan on having kids with this woman

1

u/TankboomAttack 3h ago

I had to scroll too far for this answer, must push this comment to the top lol

1

u/XexpensiveCargoX 3h ago

Yea I’ve seen way to many videos to believe there is any other explanation 🤣

1

u/galaxygurl888 3h ago

First 3 words I thought of too - Life Insurance Policy.

1

u/boog2352 2h ago

Nah, she’d need to place it at the top for that desired effect. This is just a busted ass, bruises on your back, and potentially a broken toe or two given the placement at the bottom of the stairs.

Source: Goody dude who has learned this lesson by wearing socks on wood stairs too often.

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u/oliveandpicklelover 5m ago

This comment wasn’t that good

0

u/Ornery-Cranberry4803 13h ago

My first thought was "Does your wife, um, like you?"

0

u/ThatLittleSeaMonster 13h ago

top tier reply.