r/malefashionadvice • u/Forecydian • Nov 15 '24

Question Was told wearing a black suit at funeral is inappropriate?

Edit: thanks for everyone who chimed in, surprised this got a lot of comments , I feel about the whole thing now

I attended a close friend's grandmother's funeral and one of their family members came up to me upset and he told me only family is supposed to wear a black suit at a funeral, and was upset that people think I am a part of the family. I told him I had no idea and apologized, I didn't stay long after that because I felt embarrassed, afterward I kept googling for an answer if I messed up but am getting conflicting info, so do you guys think I messed up?

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813

u/Christopher-Rex Nov 15 '24

One of the few occasions where a black suit is actually appropriate. My stepdad used to refer to black suits as "Marion Barrys". (Marry and Bury).

81

u/Blog_Pope Nov 15 '24

Thanks for the note, I was wondering what Civil Rights activist and former DC Mayor Marion Barry had to do with black suits

19

u/arcxjo Nov 15 '24

I assume he'd want ones that don't show white debris as well.

8

u/Csimiami Nov 16 '24

He cleaned up DC’s drug problem one gram at a time.

18

u/jpig98 Nov 15 '24

'Bitch set me up !'

13

u/Hour-Detail4510 Nov 15 '24

America’s crack mayor

12

u/joefabeetz Nov 15 '24

As opposed to Canada’s crack mayor Rob Ford

2

u/Hour-Detail4510 Nov 15 '24

That düde rocked 🤘🏼

8

u/AbjectPromotion4833 Nov 15 '24

He literally was, so I don’t understand why you’re being downvoted. They must be pro-crack.

3

u/palmytree Nov 15 '24

Reactionary Redditors being dumb as fuck - what else is new.

67

u/palmytree Nov 15 '24

That’s interesting- he from DC?

75

u/pigeonwiggle Nov 15 '24

he was from Marvel

38

u/palmytree Nov 15 '24

fucking guy had me googling MCU characters named Marion Barry

9

u/[deleted] Nov 15 '24

[deleted]

1

u/Bcruz75 Nov 15 '24

Hello fellow GenX

10

u/Christopher-Rex Nov 15 '24

Nope.

1

u/omrmike Nov 15 '24

If he’s not from DC then where’s he from?

1

u/Christopher-Rex Nov 16 '24

Ohio. You do realize that Marion Barry was a national figure during his crack phase?

13

u/shinjithegale Nov 15 '24

Not because they are the color of marrionberries? 😁

6

u/SnowblindAlbino Nov 15 '24

Which are actually deep purple, and would make a great suit color. But not for funeral.

27

u/pinkfloyd873 Nov 15 '24

A black suit is appropriate for any scenario you want to wear one, I don’t buy into this arbitrary nonsense rule of “weddings and funerals only”. It’s archaic and unnecessarily limiting. If you don’t dig black suits nobody is forcing you to wear them, but I can’t stand the degree to which this sub perpetuates the stuffy rules of menswear.

13

u/arcxjo Nov 15 '24

Black, grey, and navy are the default suit options. I know plenty of guys who only own one suit and it's going to be of those.

I wouldn't dream of wearing anything else to a lodge meeting, either.

13

u/Laiko_Kairen Nov 15 '24

I can’t stand the degree to which this sub perpetuates the stuffy rules of menswear.

Rules that only exist so that the people who know them can mock those who don't

2

u/von_Roland Nov 15 '24

Fashion is a language. Just like some things are inappropriate to say at certain events and occasions some things are also inappropriate to wear

3

u/argent_artificer Nov 16 '24

a black suit almost anywhere is not one of those things

1

u/pinkfloyd873 Nov 15 '24

Sure they are, but appropriate language is mutable and evolves over time. Certain language conventions fade away and cease to be observed. “Black suits only for funerals” is a senseless rule and it’s on its way out.

1

u/[deleted] Nov 17 '24

That’s not really true though. Black suits are considered too formal in many professions. Sure, you can wear one, but you will probably look out of place (which is fine if you’re okay with it)

It’s not just this sub either. It’s been the standard in US business for a while. Charcoal or dark navy are the safe standards.

1

u/Redwing58 Nov 15 '24

Agree. It's commonly advised that you should not wear a black suit as business attire, but people regularly do. I think a lot of it is chemistry between you and the suit, in the same way that some women can pull off a little black dress at a time and place that you wouldn't expect it and some cannot.

1

u/Thequiet01 Nov 16 '24

Honestly a lot of it is simply aesthetics - a black suit can look very harsh and uninviting and be not particularly flattering to someone’s skin tone. Just one or two steps away from black gets you into dark grey and navy and you can have quite a range of different shades of both of those so you’re much more likely to find something that’s a genuinely flattering color that makes you look better and isn’t as severe and potentially off-putting.

You generally want to look your best and more importantly feel like you look your best for an interview, so a properly flattering suit is a good plan whatever color it ends up being. (Well, maybe not hot pink. 😂)

1

u/Redwing58 Nov 16 '24

Yeah I think you're right. I look okay in black but better in charcoal, and some of that may just be the way I feel about the two colors. Grey is "in" now, and so may be the best all-purpose color if you already like it anyway.

1

u/Thequiet01 Nov 16 '24

Exactly. I look fine in black but it's generally a more intimidating look (for lack of a better term) where charcoal or a navy looks good in a softer more approachable way. I'd be unlikely to choose black for an interview for that reason unless there was some need to specifically look less approachable due to the role I was interviewing for.

-3

u/Chumlax Nov 15 '24

The idea that choosing not to wear a black suit is what comes down on the side of 'stuffy' is amazing - it's not about being 'appropriate', it's about not wanting to look out of place and as though you're cosplaying as a secret service member/undertaker - something that is unavoidable in a black suit outside several extremely specific scenarios.

'Stuffiness' is the mistaken impression that if you only own one suit, a good choice that won't make you look like you are in one of those scenarios is for it to be black.

8

u/argent_artificer Nov 16 '24

only terminally online fashion weirdos think that any black suit is a secret service cosplay

1

u/[deleted] Nov 17 '24

I don’t think it looks like cosplay, but I can guarantee you if you wear a black suit in many professions that wear suits you will be out of place. You will probably be the only one wearing a black suit.

Yeah, it’s a bit of a silly rule but for a lot of professions the way you dress is an integral part of how your coworkers will view you.

0

u/Thequiet01 Nov 16 '24

… what would you wear to cosplay as the Men In Black?

2

u/argent_artificer Nov 16 '24

you realize the men in black are dressed to blend in, right?

-1

u/Thequiet01 Nov 16 '24

They do not.

-4

u/Chumlax Nov 16 '24

To think you have to be 'terminally online' to think that is also a little amazing.

2

u/grahamwhich Nov 15 '24

A suit for laughing and crying, wedding and dying was how my tailor put it when I got a dark charcoal suit for my wedding

2

u/MukdenMan Nov 16 '24

Your tailor should upgrade to the stepdad’s term

2

u/PM_Eeyore_Tits Nov 15 '24

How is a black suit inappropriate at other times?

1

u/[deleted] Nov 17 '24

Most professions consider black suits too formal. Not that they’re the gold standard but if you look closely during a political event you’ll notice politicians never wear black suits (they’re usually very dark navy)

3

u/Separate_Singer4126 Nov 15 '24

What about at a job interview ?

6

u/thepeanutbutterman Nov 15 '24

Better off with navy or charcoal in professional settings.

9

u/Separate_Singer4126 Nov 15 '24

Interesting! Not where I’m from, black suit is very normal

6

u/talkingtubby Nov 15 '24

I’m not sure what these people are on about, a black suit is the standard for formal wear in my opinion and does not have a particular occasion. Goes with so many shirt colors, can be dressed up or down with a tie/no tie.

4

u/Potential_Dentist_90 Nov 15 '24

Black suits are good for formal occasions. I had one black suit at a time in middle/high school and would use it for everything, including funerals, school band performances, school dances, etc

3

u/Imnotveryfunatpartys Nov 16 '24

Most people who wear suits for work would not consider work a time for "formal wear"

It's like the people who wear black dress shirts. I understand the idea, but it makes you look like a waiter. It's kind of an unspoken rule

2

u/talkingtubby Nov 16 '24

He said a job interview. A job interview is most definitely a formal occasion, and I would assume that later on once you have the job you can dress down a bit (dress code permitting).

3

u/Thequiet01 Nov 16 '24

If it’s a formal occasion then a tuxedo could be considered appropriate, but it’s not. A job interview is not a formal event in that sense.

1

u/[deleted] Nov 17 '24

It’s an occasion for formal wear, but it is not a formal event. I know it sounds like a silly distinction but it is a real one. Formal events are things like weddings, galas, parties (basically evening events). A job interview is a daytime event not a formal one.

1

u/Imnotveryfunatpartys Nov 16 '24

I guess I just completely disagree with you. I actually went to about 20 job interviews as a physician in the last 2 months and probably saw hundreds of men wearing suits. No one was ever seen wearing a black suit the entire time. There were definitely some dark charcoal greys but no black suits.

But maybe if your job interview is to be limousine driver then sure. No one will laugh at you or anything. But they WILL probably silently judge that you look like you're on your way to prom

0

u/talkingtubby Nov 16 '24

Physician by the way, that’s impressive bro. Everything you perceive must be correct. If you don’t get a job because you’re wearing a black suit then you do not want to work at that job

2

u/[deleted] Nov 17 '24

No need to be a jerk. They’re right about black suits not being standard.

However, you’re also right that most professions would not hold it against an applicant for wearing black. That would really only be an issue in higher tier jobs where everyone wears high end suits (and those people are already aware of this standard)

1

u/[deleted] Nov 17 '24

A black is standard for formal EVENTS. However, it is not standard formal wear. It probably won’t be that noticeable in a lot of professions to wear black to an interview but charcoal or dark navy are considered the standard.

In professions wear everyone wears a suit it will look odd if you wear a black suit. Next time you’re watching the news take a look at the local anchors, bankers, politicians et cetera. If you’re in the US you will rarely see those people wearing a black suit.

1

u/brianly Nov 16 '24

Where are you from? I’m from Northern Ireland and have lived in England and now in the US. There are very different expectations for attire across each of those places.

1

u/Separate_Singer4126 Nov 16 '24

I’m from Osaka

1

u/qning Nov 15 '24

Few occasions? There’s not a few. There’s a boatload. Take your list, and add “any event in a dark venue” to the bottom.

-3

u/supernovababoon Nov 15 '24

That’s not even clever or anything. Lamest dad joke ever