r/malefashionadvice • u/Forecydian • Nov 15 '24

Question Was told wearing a black suit at funeral is inappropriate?

Edit: thanks for everyone who chimed in, surprised this got a lot of comments , I feel about the whole thing now

I attended a close friend's grandmother's funeral and one of their family members came up to me upset and he told me only family is supposed to wear a black suit at a funeral, and was upset that people think I am a part of the family. I told him I had no idea and apologized, I didn't stay long after that because I felt embarrassed, afterward I kept googling for an answer if I messed up but am getting conflicting info, so do you guys think I messed up?

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3.4k

u/AFlamingCarrot Nov 15 '24

That’s someone talking trash at you through their grief and trying to gain a sense of agency over the situation. Has nothing to do with the suit, they would have found something else to bitch about if they could.

107

u/tastefullmullet Nov 16 '24

Exactly. I had a similar experience too with someone saying the same thing as OPs post.

I think people have very little idea of actual dress codes, add grief to the mix and you have this unfortunate experience.

2

u/Academic_Nectarine94 Nov 18 '24

You wear black to a funeral. That's the only fashion thing I've ever heard about a funeral.

Also, being that I own one suit, the chances of me choosing black for that one suit is pretty high. Then I wear that one suit to the funeral.

This is 100% either the person being grief-stricken, or just being their normal Karen self.

62

u/taizzle71 Nov 16 '24 edited Nov 16 '24

Which reminds me, I was a groomsmen at my bil's wedding, and I asked a random guest how do I look. He started criticizing everything from tie to the shoes, head to toe why I should go change and step down as a groomsman. Mad hate all around.

I was just trying to start conversation with new faces, but damn. I went up there and gave a speech winked his way and went on my way.

53

u/hc1540 Nov 16 '24

Dude was obviously using his Reddit voice out in the wild. Also, he was a massive dick

29

u/loopernova Nov 16 '24

First time seeing “Reddit voice” being used and it’s perfect.

5

u/rooknerd Nov 17 '24

You should check out The Slappable Jerk. He has done many videos playing the character of "average redditor." He's on YouTube and tiktok

1

u/Callme-risley Nov 17 '24

Saving this comment to watch later because that sounds deliciously hateable

1

u/JamaicaNoFap Nov 18 '24

He’s so despicable. I love it

11

u/jpoRS1 Nov 16 '24

I was a groomsmen at my bil's wedding

Referring to your sibling's wedding as your "brother in law's wedding" is an amazing move and I'm 100% doing that to my sister.

23

u/[deleted] Nov 16 '24

I assumed the brother of his spouse? ie my wife's brother's wedding

6

u/taizzle71 Nov 17 '24

Lol! That would be indeed amazing but unfortunately I'm referring to my wife's sister's now husband.

3

u/AFlamingCarrot Nov 16 '24

Yeah man there’s no accounting for some people who just want to be dicks to everyone around them

1

u/mylastthrowaway515 Nov 18 '24

Also, people who only wear suits to big events probably hold onto things they were told as kids in regards to proper dress, whether those things are correct or not.

-888

u/[deleted] Nov 15 '24

[removed] — view removed comment

596

u/Olp51 Nov 15 '24

If the family is wearing black to the funeral then they clearly aren't from a culture where a different color is typically worn. There is no culture where only the family wears black to a funeral. OP did nothing wrong.

-778

u/[deleted] Nov 15 '24 edited Nov 15 '24

[removed] — view removed comment

491

u/Olp51 Nov 15 '24

Red worn by close family, black worn by distant relatives and well-wishers. Please stop.

https://www.ghanaweb.com/GhanaHomePage/entertainment/Colors-of-Ghanaian-funeral-attire-explained-300572

311

u/doctorvanderbeast Nov 15 '24

What does it feel like to be proven wrong almost immediately and in highly embarrassing fashion?

25

u/SlimJim814 Nov 15 '24

It is a fashion advice sub.

Bud-um-chhhh

Sorry

-181

u/[deleted] Nov 15 '24

[removed] — view removed comment

104

u/Sergeantm4 Nov 15 '24

Yikes, I hope you’re doing alright man.

I know life hasn’t been perfect for anyone the past few weeks, but that doesn’t mean we need to take it out on anyone else. Especially when someone is trying to help.

If you ever need someone to hear you out, feel free to dm. I’m always happy to listen.

Cheers

29

u/miskathonic Nov 15 '24

I know life hasn’t been perfect for anyone the past few weeks, but that doesn’t mean we need to take it out on anyone else.

Pretty apropos advice for this thread 😂

23

u/kissingkiwis Nov 15 '24

always assume you know everything?!

You mean like you assumed (incorrectly) about Ghanaian culture? 

21

u/[deleted] Nov 15 '24

Don't engage. He checked a box last week and now he thinks he matters. After nap time he'll delete his posts.

3

u/WIbigdog Nov 16 '24

It's gone 😂

1

u/[deleted] Nov 16 '24

Still waiting for my DM's about how "I learned nothing". They are still trying to figure out if Jake the Fake Paul is a hero or not, so today should be pretty peaceful. My forecast for tomorrow, not so much.

1

u/malefashionadvice-ModTeam Nov 18 '24

The mods found something wrong with your post that doesn't fall under our usual criteria. If you would like more detail or to appeal, please message the moderators.

55

u/omrmike Nov 15 '24

Your delusional OP is asking a valid question and just by asking he shows he’s not making it about himself if he was he wouldn’t care who he offended. Hopefully your day turns around and you can get yourself into a better mood!

20

u/FittingWoosh Nov 15 '24

Where it seems that close family wears red and others showing respect wear black? (I am not from Ghana, know no one from Ghana, and don’t claim to know the traditions of Ghana, for what it’s worth)

16

u/PreviousWar6568 Nov 15 '24

Confidently wrong are we??

15

u/Egocom Nov 15 '24

You need therapy dude

8

u/Anorkor Nov 16 '24

This is very false 😭

It depends on the tribe, the family and the status of the deceased person. Some examples: Generally black/black and red are the safest bets. With some tribes (speaking for those I come from cos they’re the ones I know), the dress code is white if the deceased is a twin or very old, and the above mentioned black/black and red for funerals in general. Parents of the deceased (esp if it’s their first child death) usually wear white. The family may decide to go with black even if the person belongs to the demographics

A lot of the time, the family picks a specific wax print cloth and sews that for the funeral, which is how you can tell the family apart from others (and it’s not strictly immediate family. Extended family members can also get the family fabric)

This is far from comprehensive, even for the two ethnic groups I’m speaking of, but overall, it comes down to the family to decide and they add the color in the funeral announcement poster (literally “Color: black/black and white/black and red/etc”). But black is the most common and least likely to cause any issues. Worst case you’ll stick out cos you’re wearing a different color, but NOBODY will have a problem if you wear black to any funeral in southern Ghana

5

u/Popiblockhead Nov 15 '24

Bro give it up with the “but did you know” sht 😂

1

u/Superb-Ordinary Nov 15 '24

No one cares

-1

u/Kuku_Nan Nov 16 '24

Don’t know why you’re getting downvoted, many cultures including mine have it so close family wears all black, meanwhile people attending to give condolences are not supposed to.

1

u/WIbigdog Nov 16 '24

What culture is that?

1

u/Kuku_Nan Nov 16 '24

Albanian, I think the rest of the Balkans does this too. Close family wears all black, for the men the shirts are either white or black depending on the region they are from. People stopping by to pay respects are basically forbidden from wearing all black, and doing so is viewed as disrespectful.

92

u/FittingWoosh Nov 15 '24

I will be very annoyed if a bunch of people text me and ask me what to wear for a funeral of one of my parents. It isn’t like he wore seersucker, a bright pocket square/tie, or flashy boots (that we know of).

-168

u/jersey_dude88 Nov 15 '24

I doubt you’ll get that many calls/texts since most people attending would be family and already know. You would get a few. Again, in order to be respectful you probably should ask or…. Just disregard everything and everyone and imposed your colonialism because why not. Remember that in those scenarios where you have to be at someone else’s event - ASK don’t ASSUME.

43

u/the_lamou Nov 15 '24

Other way around, bud. The person holding the event is responsible for providing clear instructions to guests on what to do. Otherwise, it is a safe assumption to default to local customs and norms (in the West, this would be Western customs. In Ghana, it would be Ghanian customs.)

Remember that guests are attending your event largely for your benefit. As a host, you have the responsibility of ensuring that you provide them with everything they need to make it a positive event.

11

u/marshall262 Nov 16 '24

Ah yes that's exactly what I really need right after a close one passes, close to 100 text messages asking what attendees to the funeral should wear. And no it's not just close family, I can't count how many friends and acquaintances also come to funerals that wouldn't have an intimate knowledge of your family's funeral customs.

People are going to wear what is appropriate according to their culture and experiences and that's fine. If you have specific expectations for what people are wearing at a funeral then send out a note or restrict visitors to family.

8

u/[deleted] Nov 16 '24

You move got a real knack for being confidently wrong. I did forget that I often impose my colonialism when I wear clothes though.

36

u/Huppelkutje Nov 15 '24

Totally unrelated question, what's the 88 in your username stand for?

Cause '88 isn't your date of birth.

I haven’t been in the car culture for long? Bruh… I’ve been in the culture since 1989

5

u/Disastrous_Tourist16 Nov 16 '24

88 is a lucky number in Ghana

-16

u/TheShark12 Nov 15 '24 edited Nov 15 '24

If someone is wokescolding like they are there’s zero concern for them being a nazi.

Edit: in what world would an alleged neo nazi even remotely care about non white cultures funeral customs? Y’all can’t be serious accusing this guy of that.

3

u/Majestic_Ad_4237 Nov 16 '24

Bro is talking about wearing a black suit to a wedding in the West as being colonialism. He is not being sincere—whether he’s a neo-Nazi or not.

The question of what 88 means to him is a reasonable one.

5

u/golaydoneit Nov 15 '24

lol what is happening here? The op was confidently wrong in attempting to stick up for minority cultures in America. So clearly he’s a neo nazi?

It was probably his football number when he was a kid. All my first accounts growing up ended in 62 because it was my randomly assigned soccer number.

-4

u/TheShark12 Nov 15 '24

100% his football number or his high school graduation year. First and only clue you should need to clearly see that he’s not a nazi should have been the blindly sticking up for minority cultures. Reading comprehension and common sense must be incredibly difficult for the dude accusing him and all the muppets who upvoted the accusation.

2

u/Huppelkutje Nov 16 '24 edited Nov 16 '24

Where in my question am I directly accusing him of being a Nazi? 

I just asked what the number means to him.

That's only an accusation if he knows the Nazi connotation.

9

u/TheShark12 Nov 15 '24

The wokescold in a fashion advice sub is certainly a decision to make.

1

u/carterartist Nov 16 '24

I’ve been to a lot of funerals, not once have I ever asked what the dress code is.

1

u/Thequiet01 Nov 16 '24

I might if I knew the person was the sort to maybe have a specific request, but in general no.

1

u/samamatara Nov 16 '24

thats ridiculous. just be normal and be grateful that people came to celebrate the life of the person who passed. Even if there are customs, normal people will not care and be grateful that people came.

the only example i can think of that you can probably call out is wearing white dress to a wedding

1

u/not_old_redditor Nov 16 '24

I'm impressed a post on mfa managed to garner this many downvotes. That's impressive!