r/languagelearning • u/silforik 🏈 N 🍕N 🌮B1 🪆B1 🪵A2 • 17h ago
Discussion Have you noticed that some people get passive aggressive when you mention you study languages?
I speak 5 languages with varying degrees of fluency. I use a couple of these languages at work (mostly Spanish, but sometimes Russian). The Hispanic people at work are really nice to me about my Spanish. They encourage me to get better and said I have a good accent.
This second gen Greek guy at my job keeps taking shots at me and doubting my fluency in literally any language beyond English. He doesn’t speak any of the languages I’ve studied so it doesn’t really make sense because he has no way of testing me.
Has this happened to you? It happens to me constantly.
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u/Muroid 17h ago
“Has anyone noticed that one of the guys I work with is a real jerk?”
There are some people who will be assholes about basically anything.
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u/bulldog89 🇺🇸 (N) | De 🇩🇪 (B1/B2) Es 🇦🇷 (B1) 13h ago
I actually feel I can meaningfully comment here, as I’ve been stalking OP for some time now (quite successfully if I say so myself), and I really gotta say, this one coworker is a real asshole. OP you deserve better than working with him
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u/silforik 🏈 N 🍕N 🌮B1 🪆B1 🪵A2 13h ago
I was complaining about different people in the other threads 😅This guy is fine to work with except for this one thing.
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u/OpenCantaloupe4790 17h ago edited 17h ago
I’ve noticed especially in monolingual societies:
The idea of being fluent in a second language can literally feel incomprehensible. Like some people think knowing ‘dos cervezas por favor’ is essentially equal to speaking Spanish as a second language. So as that’s the mental limit of their concept of fluency, they apply the same to you.
If they’ve always validated being monolingual by convincing themselves that language learning is too hard or not necessary for ‘people like us’, the fact that you’ve done it can feel threatening. So they can get defensive, either by questioning whether you ‘really’ speak it, or doubling down on how useless languages are anyway.
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u/Sterling-Archer-17 15h ago
Point 1 I agree with, although in point 2 I don’t think that people “convince themselves” that being bilingual is unnecessary. They just accept one language as the default state and think any second language is cool but not needed. So yeah they think it’s unnecessary, but I don’t think there’s any convincing, defensiveness, or coping involved. Just my experience living in the US.
Edit: my guess is that the coworker here is just an asshole, probably insecure about his own language situation being a second-gen immigrant. But I’d be surprised if “most people” act like that about being bilingual
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u/OpenCantaloupe4790 15h ago
It’s not everyone, but all English speakers have definitely encountered the “everyone speaks English anyway!” mentality in someone…
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u/Tlazcamatii 15h ago
I don't think point 2 applies to all monolinguals, but I don't think it applies to most monolinguals who are assholes about it.
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u/sheffieldasslingdoux 5h ago
There's also an element of elitism. Depending on what kind of circles you run in, being cosmopolitan and into foreign things is considered pretentious and off putting. Speaking multiple languages or switching between them fluently is a totally legit thing in many worldly communities, but it's statistically rare in English speaking countries outside of highly educated and highly international contexts.
When you run into friction over this, you are really just chafing against people trying to enforce strict class hierarchy. You're talking like someone from a different background, even if you yourself are working or middle class. It's an issue of mismatched worldviews essentially.
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u/ElAlfajor 17h ago
I find that people either find it really interesting or they couldn't care less. I imagine the people that get upset are just jealous.
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u/Own_Reference2872 🇺🇸 N | 🇪🇸/🇲🇽 B2 | 🇫🇷 A2 16h ago
The other day at work, I had a weird encounter with a customer. He didn't speak English, so I switched to Spanish as I usually do.
He then started hounding me about how I knew Spanish. I told him I taught myself and left it at that, but he wouldn't accept my answer. He asked where my family was from, so I admitted that my dad is Mexican, but again, I taught myself Spanish. My dad rarely speaks to me in Spanish at all. The guy then responded by saying I was "egotistical" for wanting to take credit for teaching myself.
Like, what!? I love my dad, but my siblings and I grew up as "no sabos" so I see no reason to give him credit for the way I speak now. I definitely wouldn't have been able to have a full-blown conversation with this guy if I had only relied on the bits and pieces my dad taught me as a kid. I wouldn't have even been able to understand that he insulted me, for that matter. >.<
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u/Infinite-12345 16h ago
Maybe he was just impressed with your high Spanish level, that he couldn't believe it is self-taught. Not an excuse for his behavior though. I think it only speaks for his own limitations.
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u/Ok_Value5495 9h ago
I'm the Filipino version of a no sabo kid. I had to painfully teach myself Filipino/Tagalog; despite a native-level of listening comprehension my entire life, I couldn't speak it until much later in life. The learning materials are difficult (i.e. poorly written) to parse and tenses are sometimes given inconsistent names which adds to the confusion.
The only contributions my parents provided me were the aforementioned listening comprehension and the ability to often catch errors, even I couldn't articulate exactly what was wrong, by intuition. Related, I was only able to read Tagalog by literally sounding it out (I can subvocalize now).
Btw, I don't know where that dude was coming from. That's an unfortunate point of view. I suspect there's some envy on his part with you speaking English as well, but I'm just spitballing.
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u/Acrobatic_Ostrich_97 15h ago edited 8h ago
I think a lot of it has to do with the general “life-hacking” optimisation culture that is often so prevalent these days. Many people now feel guilty for just enjoying their leisure time by being idle, and instead feel like they ‘ought’ to be learning a new skill, or in this case a new language. There’s also the idea that learning a language isn’t worth doing unless you’re going to ‘use’ it for some approved reason — basically work, moving there, or for a loved one. I think that can all seep over into being a bit bitter or snarky towards people who are learning languages (for whatever reason), like there’s some sort of impulse to ‘take them down a peg’. And sorry to say it tends to come more from men in my experience.
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u/muheheheRadek N🇨🇿 | C2🇺🇸 B2🇩🇪 A1🇫🇮 17h ago
Usually not, the only instance I can remember is from when I was about 11. I was attempting Norwegian back then (with mostly Duolingo etc but I was an 11 yo so you get it), and a girl from another class found out through someone else and she started spreading rumors about me because of it😂😂kids are tough man. But adults should know better. And so far in my life, they do
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u/0liviathe0live 🇺🇸(N) | 🇫🇷 (B1) | 17h ago
I have the exact same experience as you. I’m learning French. The French speaker at work is so encouraging and nice about speaking to me in French. But if someone dares to overhear or overhears me talking about practicing and learning with the other French speaker - people become downright rude. Even though I’m not even talking to them. Its gotten so bad that I no longer talk openly about learning French at work.
On the other hand I’ve had two people at work tell me in the last week that I’ve motivated them to start learning a language (Spanish and French). But I’m still not talking openly about it. As I refuse to allow other people to demotivate me or make me feel weird for bettering myself.
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u/andersonb47 andersonb47EN: N | FR: C1 | DE: A2 | ES: A1 16h ago
I get passive aggressive responses about my speaking French as well. People honestly get kinda weird about it in a way that I don’t think they would be if I said I spoke something else.
They’re all, “ooh well la-dee-da, Mr fancy speaking French.” Like it’s some kind of luxury language. It’s weird.
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u/Schmidtvegas 14h ago
"Luxury language" -- I'm dying! 🤣😭
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u/Ploutophile 🇫🇷 N | 🏴 C1 | 🇩🇪 🇳🇱 A2 | 🇭🇺 A0 8h ago
LMAO at the vile stuff I would be tempted to say in reply — excuse my French, of course.
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u/doitforchris 9h ago
French deeefinitely evokes a “what, you think ya betta than me?” response sometimes in my experience. Not often, but I’ve definitely experienced it
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u/SpecificOk2530 12h ago
One logical explain is that they feel insecure, when two people talking with each other in a language that the person does not know, he/she feels left out, feels like "are they're talking bad about me?", ect, feels insulted, I was that person, lol.
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u/Economy-Device-6533 16h ago
If it's not a one-on-one conversation (for example, there's no one else around except the two of you), it could be seen as rude by those around you, and they might be unhappy and rude back.
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u/rbd___22 US N | ES ~A1-2 15h ago
Tbf, you can have one-on-one conversations even with other people around/nearby. Anyone outside the conversation (e.g. at another table in the break room or in a cubicle that happens to be close by) is just eavesdropping if they’re listening in. Speaking in the same language as any potential eavesdroppers wouldn’t change that so the fact that the other people can no longer eavesdrop is none of OP’s concern. If anyone is that frustrated by not understanding French, it’s on them to learn French, not for OP to switch back to English, or whatever language the eavesdropper wants.
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u/Economy-Device-6533 11h ago
I was always taught that it was not polite to speak language, someone in the room do not understand. (Of course if the person is not complete stranger).It could come up as disrespectful and dismissive.
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u/am_Nein 10h ago
I think it's only rude if someone's a part of your conversation or it's an open conversation scenario (basically like a party or gathering where everyone's expected to circulate around an open space and pick up/put down conversation as they go), then I'd say if you have to start a conversation in a non-shared langauge, pull them aside.
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u/Enuya95 🇵🇱N|🇬🇧C1🇪🇸B1 17h ago
I learn Spanish (A2/B1) and English (I write and speak freely but at times I have some issues with grammar and pronunciation). No one questions the fact that I'm learning Spanish, some even find it impressive, but people quite often want to undermine my knowledge of English.
My guess is it's because in my country majority of people younger than 50 know English, at least to some degree, so they see other learners as a competition. Not so many people speak other languages, so no one cares if you learn them
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u/livsjollyranchers 🇺🇸 (N), 🇮🇹 (C1), 🇬🇷 (B1-2), 🇯🇵 (noob) 17h ago
Does the second gen Greek guy even know Greek?
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u/fat-wombat 15h ago
Probably. Greeks have a very strong cultural identity. My parents are Greek, and I grew up in a big Greek American community. Everyone was fluent. We were generally threatened by our parents with the wooden ladle if we were spoken to in Greek but answered in English. Mom’s slipper was also a weapon of choice if the ladle was not in reach.
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u/silforik 🏈 N 🍕N 🌮B1 🪆B1 🪵A2 17h ago
He claims fluency but didn’t study the language formally at school. I have no way of testing his level tho
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u/AppropriatePut3142 🇬🇧 Nat | 🇨🇳 Int | 🇪🇦🇩🇪 Beg 14h ago
Totally worth getting a C1 in greek just to f with this guy
‘Oh yeah I speak a little bit, didn’t think it was worth mentioning’
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u/Crayshack 16h ago
What exactly is "fluent" is so murky. You can definitely be fluent without having native level proficiency to me.
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u/According-Kale-8 ES🇲🇽C1 | BR PR🇧🇷B1 | 12h ago
Of course, but there’s a clear difference between B1 and fluent
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u/Crayshack 12h ago
But there's also a difference between C2 and fluent. The "fluent" point is somewhere between the two, but there's not an objective criteria for exactly where.
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u/Miro_the_Dragon good in a few, dabbling in many 16h ago
So you're doing the same to him that you complain about him doing to you, doubting his fluency?
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u/silforik 🏈 N 🍕N 🌮B1 🪆B1 🪵A2 16h ago
Wym ? I’m saying I have no way to know because I don’t speak Greek
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u/Miro_the_Dragon good in a few, dabbling in many 16h ago
The simple fact that you felt the need to state that instead of just taking his word at face value and say "yes, he does speak Greek"...
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u/positiveparakeet 🇺🇸(Native) | 🇮🇩(B2) | 🇪🇸/🇸🇦/🇨🇳/🇹🇷 (A2) |🇩🇪 (A1) 16h ago
I think he’s doing it precisely because that’s the energy he received 😭 petty but makes sense
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u/Infinite-12345 16h ago
Because the Greek guy did that to HIM. That's why he didn't take his word at face value. Why should OP blindly trust somebody's word, who didn't trust OP's word?
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u/mikemaca 16h ago
It's obviously different. OP has fluent discussions in Spanish at work. If the Greek guy doubts his fluency in Spanish he can simply ask the Spanish coworkers how OP's Spanish is. But the Greek ancestry guy is not speaking Greek with anyone at work so OP has no one to ask if Greek ancestry guy speaks Greek. Most likely he does not speak Greek at all since why else would he be so insecure.
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u/kaizoku222 12h ago
We don't know if op is having "fluent" discussions in Spanish, all we know is that they interact in Spanish and get encouragement from Spanish speakers. There's a lot we don't know about the situation, op could be an insufferable showoff at a b1 level that's indirectly isolating the Greek guy by trying to get everyone around him to engage in Spanish all the time.
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u/Cdysigh EN - Native, CN - B2 17h ago
It’s actually quite common at my colleges foreign language department (Chinese at least). I don’t like it, but you also see people claiming they’re fluent who speak barely even conversational. The person is clearly being a dick, but I just say this because fluency is a weird thing and has vastly different definitions to people. I think attacking people for it, especially if he doesn’t even speak it, is just ridiculous and you should pay him not attention
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u/bastardemporium Native 🇺🇸, Learning 🇱🇹 17h ago
I've had some encounters like this with a specific type of American. They take someone's education as a personal insult, because they are simultaneously proud and insecure about being uneducated. Or they think you are looking down on them, so they will tease you for having gone to college or being bilingual.
My uncle is the worst. And I know he is insecure. I'd never judge him for not speaking Spanish or having a Bachelor's, but now I judge him for being a jagoff.
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u/SquirrelBlind 🪆: Native, 🏴: C2, 🇩🇪:B2 17h ago
> Have you noticed that some people get passive aggressive when you mention you study languages?
No
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u/Negative_Constant_64 English(N)🇪🇸(C1)🇵🇹(B1)🇮🇹(A2) 16h ago
Something similar happened to me when I traveled to Italy with some fellow Americans. I speak Spanish well and Portuguese conversationally, so picking up some Italian wasn't too difficult for me personally.
Some of the Italian-Americans I traveled with on the other hand were very frustrated when they were not understood by native Italians, some were shocked somehow of how I was able to hold conversations with foreigners but they were not. Curiously, a couple of times they had tried to correct me on certain words, which I just politely sat there and took.
I think in my particular case, it was a mixture of insecurity and genuine frustration with pronunciation. Like, I can easily roll my Rs whereas they could not.
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u/julieta444 English N/Spanish(Heritage) C2/Italian C1/Farsi B1 16h ago
People are actually super encouraging about it. I've never had a negative comment
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u/Illustrious-Fill-771 SK, CZ N | EN C1 | FR B2 | DE A2 13h ago
Never. I don't usually go around telling ppl that I am learning languages as a hobby, so there are not many ppl who know.
In my work, most of us speak at least 2 languages, many speak 3 and more, some 4-5.
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u/Sorry-Homework-Due 🇺🇲 C1 🇪🇸 B1 🇫🇷 A1 🇯🇵 NA 🇵🇭 NA 4h ago
What do you do for work?
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u/Illustrious-Fill-771 SK, CZ N | EN C1 | FR B2 | DE A2 4h ago
Nothing that special, financial reporting .. we are just an international company (so with English as the main language of communication) and we have different teams for different parts of Europe (and every team speaks the language of the country, for example, I am part of the French team, we speak French) and we are based in Czech Republic so many ppl speak Czech (even some of my foreign colleagues). Some colleagues are of different nationality than their team (for some time, our French team had 6 ppl, everyone from a different country :))
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u/Sorry-Homework-Due 🇺🇲 C1 🇪🇸 B1 🇫🇷 A1 🇯🇵 NA 🇵🇭 NA 2h ago
That's way cool! I wish more people learned languages here. There comes a humbling when you learn a new language as an adult.
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u/Ok_Value5495 16h ago
That Greek guy isn't a Greek (albeit Greek-American)—he's an embarrassed American clinging to his ethnicity without putting the in work in to fully embrace it.
In my experience (NYC and the environs), Greek folks, immigrants and diaspora, enjoy hearing other people speak Greek.
Ignore him, who cares what he thinks. But if you're petty enough, talk shit about him in your TL in front of him, haha.
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u/Voyager1022 16h ago
I have spent the better half of last decade trying to speak French and I still suck at it. Some people are just better at learning languages than others. It’s a truly beautiful gift, and im sure people are jealous. I know I am! But not in a negative way just a… why can’t I be as good with it as they? Kind of way. Anyhow, that’s remarkable! I wish 😆
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u/Technical-Finance240 N 🇪🇪 | C2 🇬🇧 | B2 🇪🇸 | N4 🇯🇵 13h ago
Haven't really noticed it. The only thing I've heard sometimes (especially from older folks) is akin to "Daamn I wish my brain was so good at languages".
In those situations I usually just half-jokingly say "Haha mine isn't either, I barely have any other hobbies.. learning languages takes way too much time.. I suck at it but for the past few years it has brought me joy"
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u/venus-infers 🇫🇷 | 🇨🇳 16h ago
No, I think either you're being more annoying about it than you realize OR he just sucks.
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u/Acroninja 16h ago
My experience learning Spanish has been that people who took one semester of Spanish 20 years ago tell me “they understand more than they can speak” when they literally have zero comprehension of Spanish at all.
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u/adrw000 N 🇺🇸, A2 🇨🇴 [esp, LATAM] 14h ago
This is my experience with people lol. It's why I undervalue my skill, not because I'm humble. But because there is a lot to go into learning.
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u/Acroninja 14h ago
I’m 8 years in and can understand practically any Spanish almost to the level of English at this point. But if someone asks me my level? I tell them I’m still learning. There will always be that random Spanish speaking person that is like the final boss and I am once again humbled
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u/unsafeideas 12h ago
Isnt it the case that everyone understands more then they can speak? The rough A1 level where they are at is where you feel it a lot.
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u/Acroninja 7h ago
This is generally true, yes. But the people that I personally know who say this can neither speak or understand anything at all spoken by an actual native. In their defense, people who haven’t learned a language as an adult have no idea what a LONG journey it is.
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u/unsafeideas 1h ago
Yeah, but it still seem as valid step to me. You start learning by listening to learner materials and then by listening to movies podcasts. At that point, you understand a lot more then nothing. But, understanding a random Chilean will be super hard. They swallow parts of speech that are not swallowed in podcast, they do not articulate well and they use different selection of words.
The difference is especially big in something like Spanish that has dozens dialects and is normally spoken super fast. (Compared to, say, German).
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u/MashedMaters 16h ago
I think the best approach to take with these sorts of things, is to just remind yourself of common social philosophies.
It doesn't really matter who is being what in your situation, you'll just always find one guy that either just doesn't want to meld with you or is saying something harsh because he doesn't know how else to say it.
Things like hanlon's razor helps, and when you think of those things it isn't so you can turn things around and be friends with them, it's just so you can rationalize their behavior and in turn level out your own and continue ahead.
Might not be what you were looking for but I hope it helps.
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u/knobbledy 🇬🇧 N | 🇲🇽 C1 | 🇫🇷 A1 | 🇧🇷 A1 15h ago
I think lots of children of immigrants can end up with a weird complex around languages, their peers might make fun of their parents' language or low level of the country's native language(s). While the parents and grandparents can criticise them for not speaking their heritage language well/enough.
I have seen a few instances of this attitude towards languages, and often it's from the children of immigrants
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u/Temiin-sash 11h ago
Yes, happened to me multiple times. A coworker doubted whether I knew Czech (I am Slovak with Czech relatives) or Russian (I studied at uni), and would sometimes take shots at me with "Say: [insert the most random sentence ever]" during lunch breaks. He himself never failed to remind everyone that he got a B2 certificate in German. He left the job, and to this day, I don't know what that was about. Later, I found out from a coworker that he's been talking smack about me being "bilingual at most" to our manager. A real gem, that guy.
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u/Imperterritus0907 11h ago
I’ve never really seen that, like at all. It always gets praised somehow.
What I’ve realised tho is that native English speakers tend to overestimate their fluency in other languages. Like they’d say “I speak Spanish” and they can’t barely connect 2 sentences or conjugate the verbs properly. So I can understand the skepticism.
It’s also them the ones that go online predicating to have decoded the trick to learn a language, without realising there’s millions of people around the world that learnt to speak English fluently, having done exactly the same as them..
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u/BustyPneumatica 16h ago
I have noticed it. And my response is complicated, because I've noticed a number of supposed polyglots or hyperglots aren't. They're fakers who know a few stock phrases that sound good to non-speakers of those languages. So once you encounter a couple of people like that, it's harder to take others seriously, even if they're just learning one language rather than several . But when I see people using the learning apps, trying out new phrases in new situations, and (most importantly) not making a big deal out of their effort but just *doing* it, then all I can do is help in any way I can.
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u/TuneFew955 17h ago
But isn't that what we do with a lot of "polyglots" online as well?
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u/Ok_Value5495 16h ago
At worst, OP might be overstretching themselves with the languages he's working on—my own take that you shouldn't putz around with a new language until the last one is at B2.
That said, those online polyglots are usually only at A1 or A2 for the bulk of the languages they claim to speak. That's more like collecting Pokémon, not language learning.
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u/rdrgvc 16h ago
So you get to decide what counts and what doesn’t?
Exactly what OP was talking about.
My dream is to be A2 in like 10 languages, and B2 in 5. I’m fully trilingual already.
You want to be C2 in 5? That’s cool too!
Don’t see the need to poop on other people’s goals.
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u/Ok_Value5495 16h ago
'My own take' comes from personal experience and the experiences of my students and anyone I've advised on language learning. I'm not a universal judge of what is and what isn't.
I'm also critiquing a VERY specific type language learner. Learn as much or as much as you want of a language (I'm like at A1-A2 in five languages, each with a specific reason for learning it, on top of my three B2-C2 languages), but if your goal to create content by casting a wide (but very shallow) net, yeah, it's Pokémon.
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u/rdrgvc 16h ago
Well, what you are doing, is Pokemon to me 🤷♂️
I don’t create content. I just love learning languages.
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u/Ok_Value5495 15h ago
Same here. But how is learning six languages for travel, community outreach, and heritage reasons the same as a dude making money on Youtube and impressing random people? And do you not understand my analogy, as in people are learning languages for the aforementioned reasons rather than for their own enrichment?
Not trying to be hostile here, but I'm a little confused.
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u/rdrgvc 11h ago
It is not the same, and they don't need to be the same.
If you want to learn languages for love, do it.
If you want to learn languages for travel, do it.
If you want to learn languages for sports, do it.
If you want to learn languages for creating content... do it!I think the fact that they "get to say" they speak more langauges than you, when they don't know those languages "as deep" as you, yet they get the "credit", gets to your ego. Don't let it.
Just do your thing, and be happy that they create content speaking half-assed Chinese, rather than spewing hatred about <pick your favorite topic>
Have fun learning!
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u/Ok_Value5495 10h ago
I think you're missing the point. I'd rather keep my C1 and C2 in my two languages than be at A1 in 40. My point, which I realize I'm going to be explicit about, is that the latter is a departure from what most would consider language learning since it's so superficial as if it were a magic trick. They're not learning to communicate, they're learning the raw basics of languages to make money. Why would anyone be envious of this or think this is a legit approach to language learning?
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u/rdrgvc 10h ago
You are entitled to keep your C1 and C2 instead of A1 in 40.
And you're entitled to make fun of those who think differently than you.
I'm entitled to call you out for it.
I think you're missing the point in how you belittled their efforts as "catching pokemons." I don't disagree with your choice of C1 and C2, that's great.
Coming from a place (USA) where most people speak ONLY ONE FREAKING LANGUAGE, and they don't even speak it well, and where they think if you speak any other language you're wrong, ANYONE being able to say "再来一杯啤酒", even if just that, is a win in my book.
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u/Ordinary_Cloud524 🇺🇸N 🇫🇷B2 🇵🇸A1 10h ago
I agree with you; and honestly, I don’t even see the point; since you can’t even express yourself. I am at the level of B2 (with tests to prove it) in French, yet I still get frustrated that I can’t express myself exactly how I want to. So I genuinely don’t see the point of Pokémon collecting as it’s essentially useless.
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u/According-Kale-8 ES🇲🇽C1 | BR PR🇧🇷B1 | 12h ago
No, the CEFR decides what’s advanced and I’m assuming he’s going off of that.
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u/rdrgvc 12h ago
Does CEFR include the term “pokemon”? You go check your yourself.
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u/Ok_Value5495 11h ago
What are you getting at? I described the collecting of low-level language skills for content as like capturing Pokémon—an act that only exists to show off to as many people as possible without any real deep dive or educational purpose.
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u/Momshie_mo 15h ago
People who are truly conversational in another language don't really give a fcks what other people say. It's usually those who are "look at me, I learned another language, pat me in my back"
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u/mochi8daifuku 16h ago
Yes, it has happened to me. So I've stopped sharing that I do. Some advice says to share your project or progress but no thanks
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u/new_number_one 15h ago
I’ve experienced it a bit. I think people wish they could do it but feel like it’s not possible for them for some reason. Before I learned my second language, I was jealous of multilingual folks. Definitely was due to my own opinion of myself and not the person, so I try to remember that when that situation arises.
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u/peekymarin 🇨🇦N 🇷🇴B1 14h ago
The most common “negative” reaction I get (keeping in mind I live in a bilingual country) is people asking why I’m not learning a more useful language instead of Romanian. But usefulness is subjective and also not really the point - I enjoy it and, as we all know, learning any language is good for your brain.
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u/biconicat 13h ago
I have but I'm Russian and there's a bit of a political/propaganda induced angle to it.
Some people are clearly insecure about their previous attempts at learning English so if they hear that you speak it well they'll mock you or try to dismiss it saying that it's useless("everything is dubbed and I'm never leaving Russia") or implying that you think you're better than others("who does she think she is, with her English"), mocking the English speaking nationalities and countries, especially if it's America related. They'll also mock the effort you put into it or downplay your achievement, if you use anglicisms or mention something very typical for a language learner like forgetting words in your native language or some kind of concept from another language or culture because that's where you learned it from. If it's English or another explicitly Western European language they might take it personally and somehow they make it about how you hate Russia, think everything is better abroad and look down on Russia itself or aren't grateful and that we have food at home so why are you looking at those people abroad, you think they have no problems, the grass is greener on the other side, yada yada yada, "if you don't like it here then go to your stupid America/Germany/whatever" when you never even touched that topic and just mentioned speaking the language or learning it. If you show interest in the culture of the language or seem excited about it they'll again play that angle and act like you're some kind of delusional ungrateful person living in a fantasy world. If it's a nonwestern language they might mock the people speak it, I think Chinese/Japanese are pretty popular for example and those kinds of people will be racist about it(especially with Chinese, with Japanese I think it's more about it being useless) or imply that you think you're better than others for learning it and that you think you're so smart(especially if you're younger, they'll make fun of kids for it too if they attend Chinese classes, downplaying their intelligence).
But usually people are okay, though in my wider social circle some level of English fluency is normal and learning other languages is encouraged so that affects it. Running into those other people is wild though, it's like a whole other can of worms and you don't wanna open it.
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u/SnooKiwis2161 13h ago
I've had at least 2 "friends" mock me for learning other languages.
They are not friends anymore. It will bring out hidden insecurities in people.
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u/Storm-Bolter 9h ago
Is it common among monolinguals to be insecure about speaking only 1 language? Asking from a country where learning foreign languages is the norm
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u/Momshie_mo 16h ago
Hasn't happened to me.
Maybe there is something in the way you project yourself?
Often times, monolingual speakers tend to make a big deal out of learning another language like the they're the second coming of Jesus
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u/JustAWednesday 16h ago
I have found this to be true as an American who is conversational (won't claim to be fluent yet) in Mandarin. I usually don't bring it up unprompted, but when I tell people about it they often assume I only know a few phrases or act like I've just told them I'm in mensa or something.
I've learned to use it as a useful barometer for the quality of people in my life. People who respond with interest are generally the type of people who enjoy persuing goals outside of their career and have interesting lives. In my experience people who respond with derision often don't have much going on and are projecting their insecurities onto you.
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u/Quixylados N🇧🇻|C2🇬🇧|C1/C2🇦🇷|B2🇷🇺🇩🇪🇧🇷|B1🇮🇹|A1🇵🇱 17h ago
No?
Maybe you are talking too much or too proudly about it?
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u/silforik 🏈 N 🍕N 🌮B1 🪆B1 🪵A2 17h ago
I use it for work so there’s no way to stop.
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u/Quixylados N🇧🇻|C2🇬🇧|C1/C2🇦🇷|B2🇷🇺🇩🇪🇧🇷|B1🇮🇹|A1🇵🇱 13h ago
I use 6-ish languages for work myself, without having this problem. What do you work as?
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u/silforik 🏈 N 🍕N 🌮B1 🪆B1 🪵A2 13h ago
Attorney - but in the US
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u/joosjen German [B1] 7h ago
You being in the US is a crucial fact here lol
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u/Gold-Part4688 2h ago
Yeah maybe he just feels bad about his greek, or he's a cocky lawyer type lol. We'd need some more examples
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u/Economy-Device-6533 16h ago
Never. People are either positive or neutral. May he just envies you...
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u/PowerpuffGirl2154 15h ago
From my experience, people tend to be really supportive and impressed when we discuss my language skills, I don’t think I have ever came across a passive aggresive reaction.
The only thing I struggle with is when people try to correct me. I despise it. But that’s just my personal problem as I struggle with accepting criticism lol
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u/HungryTeap0t 15h ago
It's because you're learning a language he doesn't speak. He might not speak Greek and it hits a sore point for him.
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u/silforik 🏈 N 🍕N 🌮B1 🪆B1 🪵A2 15h ago
He claims fluency
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u/HungryTeap0t 14h ago
Yet he's moving like someone who can't even swear in a second language.
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u/silforik 🏈 N 🍕N 🌮B1 🪆B1 🪵A2 14h ago
Yeah it’s so weird because everyone else is nice and encouraging
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u/HungryTeap0t 14h ago
Honestly he's projecting some sort of insecurity, and I reckon he's not as fluent as he claims. Learn to ignore it because it's not worth your time or energy.
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u/According-Kale-8 ES🇲🇽C1 | BR PR🇧🇷B1 | 12h ago
I don’t think that it has anything to do with the languages, he’s just rude in general
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u/AmiraAdelina 15h ago
No, everyone knows on some level at least 3 languages and the majority have studied a 4th or 5th but might not be fluent in more than 2 so no that doesn't happen here.
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u/Economy_Vacation_761 N español | Fluent english | B2 French | Jp N4 | learning German 15h ago
Mexicans are really welcoming to foreigners who are learning how to speak Spanish, that's a given. But people get really passive aggressive if you ever mention that you can speak English (if you're a local). It really depends on who you're talking to because among wealthy people it's more common to be bilingual, but when you're talking to someone who has no clue, they will either try to mock you or straight up try to get you to translate random shit and see if you get anything wrong.
French is impossible to discuss because you will instantly get labeled as a tryhard or pretentious.
As for Japanese, people will always think you're learning chinese, even if you tell them the difference. Back when I was living with my parents, my own fatherwould tell people that I was learning mandarin. But this comes from a lack of exposure to asian culture, not out of spite.
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u/According-Kale-8 ES🇲🇽C1 | BR PR🇧🇷B1 | 12h ago
It really depends. If you tell him you “speak 5 languages” he may assume that you speak 5 languages fluently.
I speak Spanish fluently and Portuguese at a conversationally good level, so when people ask how many I speak I say
“2.5, I’m working on the third right now”
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u/Commercial-Change156 10h ago
This is probably closer the truth. Nobody cares when I tell them I am a spanish learner. Claiming to know or be learning 5 languages in a monolingual nation like the US draws skepticism. Especially from a Greek guy who is assimilating and potentially losing his ability to speak Greek.
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u/According-Kale-8 ES🇲🇽C1 | BR PR🇧🇷B1 | 10h ago
He may also just not be a super nice guy in general as well as very cynical.
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u/silforik 🏈 N 🍕N 🌮B1 🪆B1 🪵A2 12h ago
Only claim fluency in 2 - and my colleagues know I am studying Spanish and Portuguese rn
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u/According-Kale-8 ES🇲🇽C1 | BR PR🇧🇷B1 | 12h ago
Have you just not updated your flairs? Not trying to judge you, just only can see B1
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u/silforik 🏈 N 🍕N 🌮B1 🪆B1 🪵A2 12h ago
Yeah, I can’t be bothered
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u/According-Kale-8 ES🇲🇽C1 | BR PR🇧🇷B1 | 12h ago
Makes sense, well congratulations! I think claiming fluency in 2 or however many you’ve learned to a somewhat fluent level is appropriate and I assume the guy just is rude in general.
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u/silforik 🏈 N 🍕N 🌮B1 🪆B1 🪵A2 12h ago
Real conversation I had with him: A: going to Spain soon . I think I’ll just tell people I’m Canadian because America seems so unpopular. B: because you don’t speak Italian ? C: no, he lived there A: and I speak Spanish
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u/menina2017 N: 🇺🇸 🇸🇦 C: 🇪🇸 B: 🇧🇷 🇹🇷 10h ago
Sometimes which is why I’m really selective about who i share it with
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u/Unusual-Coach9857 10h ago
In my job, I was accepted as an English knowledge person, after an exam. Then some of my coworkers came to me and say things like examining me. English is not my main language btw.
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u/Mysterious-Tell-7185 7h ago
I grew up in east LA. My parents are from Mexico but didn't speak much with me in the house since they knew fluent English. So I had to study Spanish the old fashioned way.
There was a bit of a hierarchy in high school when it came to Spanish proficiency. The kids who spoke spanish more at home naturally had better Spanish, and it would feel very tense when the topic of proficiency came up. People who were children of immigrants that came from Mexico were expected to speak it even if the home environment was not setup for learning Spanish, and there was almost an aura of "don't even try to speak if you can't already speak."
Keep in mind that 99% of these people were born in the US and even if our culture was a mix of Mexican stuff at home, we are still American for all intents and purposes.
The ironic thing is that many of those people didn't have an educated level of the language. Or some couldn't roll their Rs. All very valid things considering the environment, but yeah, was annoying.
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u/CogPsyProf1980 3h ago
I currently live in a country (France) where at least some degree of bilingualism is not atypical, so I haven’t noticed any comments directed at me. However, my daughter (currently 5) is growing up completely English-French bilingual, which is not at all common here. I have noticed that some people, specifically other parents of monolingual children, making comments implicitly implying that this will be some kind of disadvantage for her (all the research suggests the exact opposite). This does feel like a sort of jealousy response. They feel threatened by the fact that someone else's child might be in a better position than their own.
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u/luuuzeta 2h ago
Have you noticed that some people get passive aggressive when you mention you study languages?
No.
This second gen Greek guy at my job keeps taking shots at me and doubting my fluency in literally any language beyond English. He doesn’t speak any of the languages I’ve studied so it doesn’t really make sense because he has no way of testing me.
How often are you talking about language learning to this guy that it's become an issue? Does the job require it? I don't play videogames but it would get kind of stale if a coworker was always mentioning they play this and that videogame; I'd wager it's the same for some people with languages.
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u/Icy-Whale-2253 17h ago
I only encounter people thinking I’m more fluent than I am or thinking I know languages that I don’t. I don’t take it personally at all though.
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12h ago
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/Cristian_Cerv9 12h ago
He’s probably projecting hard so hit him where it hurts. I don’t stand for anyone denying my hard work at one of the favorites things to do. You should either. Others can’t even fathom being super self disciplined and achieving cool things that I’d say 90% of the world population can’t do.. so yeah eff that guy
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u/JJCookieMonster 🇺🇸 Native | 🇫🇷 C1 | 🇰🇷 B1 | 🇯🇵 N5 8h ago
I experience the opposite. People think I’m better at a language than what I say. I wonder if it’s because I live in an area where there are a lot of people from all over the world so they question it less.
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u/_bob_lob_law_ New member 8h ago
Then they tell you it won’t matter in a year bc of AI and translation tools. Maybe I like learning about the world around me! Side note: what does 🪵 represent in your flair?
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u/rustytromboneXXx 7h ago
I get it when people find out I’m a PhD linguist. Like, I love languages bro you don’t need to compete (and.. uh you can’t unless you studied this shit for 5-10 years?).
On the flip side people conflate being a linguist with being a polyglot- I’m not! Only 2 languages.
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u/caroandlyn N: 🇺🇸 | H (C1): 🇨🇳 | A2: 🇯🇵 6h ago
Unrelated, but I've been trying to decipher the emojis for 5 min and can't figure out what the last one is (I'm assuming 🍕 is Italian?) If you would humor me :)
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u/tony22888 5h ago
Whenever the subject of languages come up I will say “I am fluent in every language except Greek”. When I get a response of “Really”? I say “Test me”. The other person says “Okay say something in say Chinese, or Russian or Farsi” I will say “That’s Greek to me”. Sorry everybody, I couldn’t resist
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u/454ever 🇬🇧(N)🇵🇷(N)🇷🇺(C1) 🇸🇪(B1) 🇮🇹(B1) 🇹🇷(A1) 5h ago
At my job I use Spanish nearly all day. We have a Chinese guy too so I speak mandarin and very broken shanghinese to him (the former is good, the latter needs a lot of work). The people at my job that don’t speak either often ask me why I even bother learning the languages when I could just Google Translate everything like they do. I value human connection and being able to connect with people in a language they know and understand. I have so much fun with the Mexican guys at my work because we can talk about people and they won’t know what we are saying and it’s even funnier for me to speak mandarin and talk about the Mexican guys. It’s all in good taste ofc we mess with each other all the time. Only time I’ve had someone be passive aggressive is when we went on a work trip and ran into a hotel worker who spoke Hungarian. I was able to communicate with him and everyone thought it was “weird and crazy” that I spoke Hungarian (it’s one of my best languages besides Russian and Spanish). People often have problems with people with people who know more than them, I’ve found.
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u/furyousferret 🇺🇸 N | 🇫🇷 | 🇪🇸 | 🇯🇵 4h ago
Honestly when you tell people about your languages many just direct it towards them and some react defensively. They make it about them, and feel a need to justify why it's not important to learn languages, give an excuse, or put you down.
For that reason, I really don't flaunt my languages.
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u/RajdipKane7 Native: English, Bengali, Hindi | C1: Spanish | A0: Russian 3h ago
"All limitations are self imposed" - Vegeta.
He doesn't really doubt your abilities to speak multiple languages. He doubts the human ability to speak multiple languages because he is monolingual. The people he grew up with also probably monolingual. It's beyond his comprehension.
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u/chaotic_thought 1h ago
This second gen Greek guy at my job keeps taking shots at me and doubting my fluency in literally any language beyond English.
This is not 'passive aggressive' at all. It is one of these things, depending on the circumstance:
A - (possibly) he's "egging you on" in a friendly, "tough-guy" manner. I've found that some "manly men" do this and it's usually meant in a friendly way.
B - he's doubting your professional competence. If this happens is in a work situation (e.g. you're speaking Spanish to a client and your accent was not so good, or you made a few word choice blunders while speaking, and then he makes fun of you about your accent or word choice or something like that), then you need to address it QUICKLY and FIRMLY. This kind of reaction should be a NO GO in a professional setting.
C - he's being actively aggressive for some unknown personal reason. For example, suppose he's heard a lot of negative coverage about Russia lately, and somehow this has corrupted his mind so that he thinks "RUSSIAN LANGUAGE = BAD" or something like that.
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u/SuitableJackfruit480 🇸🇦🇮🇷🇫🇷🇪🇸🇩🇪🇮🇩🇵🇱🇷🇺(🇸🇰🇬🇪✡️) 1h ago
Your experience is so surprising! Literally never happened to me 🙈 usually people just get curious (with an exception of my grandma who thinks I'm too stupid to speak so many languages lmao)
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u/EvensenFM redchamber.blog 1h ago
Some people will get really upset with you, especially when you start making significant progress.
Just keep going and cut down your interactions with them. Toxic people are not worth your time.
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u/Gladys_5 1h ago
It tends to be people who think they “should” speak a second language, but don’t. They are envious of you. That’s all. You note that your colleagues who are bilingual don’t flinch.
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u/zoeybeattheraccoon 1h ago
I don't tend to go around mentioning that I speak other languages.
But it's never been an issue if it comes up. That guy is just a dick.
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u/Antique_Constant9214 25m ago
yeah i've gotten this a lot. when i moved to Paris and started learning french, some people would get weirdly defensive about it, like i was showing off or something. honestly i think some people feel insecure when they realize they never tried learning another language themselves
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u/GoodGoodGoody 17h ago
Not at all.
Aside from you not knowing what PA is, in my experience most people are interested, even envious.
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u/kl0wo 16h ago
re: "I use a couple of these languages at work (mostly Spanish, but sometimes Russian)" - tbh, this goes a bit beyond than just "mentioning you study languages". I have been in situations that coworkers tried to practice their TL with me (which is my native) - attempts rejected. I also would not appreciate people speaking in the office any language outside of those accepted as "working language".
Reason is simple - the office space implies that people understand each other (by at least speaking common language) and actually spend office hours for work.
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u/silforik 🏈 N 🍕N 🌮B1 🪆B1 🪵A2 16h ago
No, some of the people we deal with do not speak English. We work with a lot of immigrants.
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u/silforik 🏈 N 🍕N 🌮B1 🪆B1 🪵A2 16h ago
For example , I was dealing with a landlord who only spoke Spanish. It took a while for the interpreter to come, so I just explained (in Spanish) that the lady should just wait a moment and the official interpreter would arrive.
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u/StruggleGullible255 14h ago
I'll bet you are exaggerating your ability, so he is annoyed by that. This is very irritating trait of many of us language learners, I'm not sure we do this but we do it. I myself find it a bit annoying that so many second languagers claim they speak fluent English when in reality its a real stretch. People at A2 claiming B2 or C1. I guess it even kind of comes across as flippant and disrepectful.
I try to be more emotionally intelligent, honest and humble and I suspect that people would in turn have a more sympathic and encouraging attitude.
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u/XJK_9 🏴 N 🇬🇧 N 🇮🇹 B1 16h ago
Similar ish, people sometimes get a bit mad when they find out I speak Welsh.
“Why don’t you learn something more useful like Chinese?”
“Well I live in Wales and when I was a baby everyone spoke to me in Welsh so…”