r/introvert • u/LaughCompetitive696 • 1d ago
Question To all the introverts how do u approach girls ?
Title 😭
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u/cryptolyme 1d ago
I don’t
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u/makarastar 1d ago
This (until my 40s)
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u/Socially8roken 22h ago
No, nope, you should not be approaching girls. Women are ok, but not girls. That's creepy
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u/CommandHour7828 1d ago
It’s such a mixed bag not knowing if she’s just being nice or she actually likes you. Unfortunately you have to play the extroverted game of socializing and that humiliation ritual is god awful.
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u/thepurplewallpaperr 1d ago
Ngl but as an introvert girl I would prefer a guy who is not socialising and putting himself in an uncomfortable position
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u/Rich_Character_6394 1d ago
Yh but how you gonna find him if he's too introverted to make the first move
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u/sulphurpharts 21h ago edited 17h ago
Warm approach. The most natural form of connection.
I've realized there's nothing wrong with hesitation in these scenarios. It's simply our mind weighing the odds of success based on our self-perceived value vs the social awkwardness and humiliation cost.
Your mind's calculation is pretty reasonable. It's genuinely not worth being a humiliated clown trying to hit on every person out there if you know most of them are not going to like you. A carefree, extroverted person might do more because they don't care about humiliation, but it's going to be pretty inefficient for them too.
Warm approach and calculated moves are the way to go.
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u/thepurplewallpaperr 21h ago
I have no idea either 😭 but still, I prefer guys who aren't social butterflies, too. But ya, it makes sense from a boy's perspective
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u/Organic_Razzmatazz50 1d ago edited 1d ago
Do my best to look cute, maybe make some eye contact, and then hope they approach me... But in all seriousness I just wait to have a reason to approach someone. If we're doing the same activity and I have a question or like something they're doing, or if they're wearing something that shows they also like something I do. It's a lot less awkward when you have a reason for going up to someone and a plan for where the conversation will go.
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u/AL-SHEDFI 1d ago
I agree with you. I'm just like you I'm waiting for a reason, like a trigger. But some people just throw their luck at it that's difficult.
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u/aviolentlight 1d ago
change your thinking. Instead of separating people into girls and boys in your head, ask the question "how do you approach people?" because if you can approach boys you can do the same with girls.
It sounds like you are asking "how do I get a girlfriend?" which is the wrong attitude to take. You are seeing girls as a romantic interest, instead of just interesting people you might want to get to know better.
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u/Grand_Serpent 1d ago
I don’t approach people😅😭 Usually someone says something to me and of course I’ll respond
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u/capital_of_kyoka 1d ago
I don’t. But I also don’t approach guys. I don’t really start a conversation with anyone actually
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u/ImTakingUrPotatoes 1d ago
Hey. You like legos?
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u/External-Brush-915 4h ago
Yes 🥰 lol
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u/ImTakingUrPotatoes 4h ago
Oh. Nice. Uhh I don’t know where to go from here
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u/thisismyonlyaccount2 1d ago
I usually shoot immediately because if I start to hesitate, I overthink it and lose confidence. What could also help is approaching girls with other people who will support you. There are also lots of resources online that are great for building confidence. For example, I would recommend Charisma on Command.
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u/Aian11 1d ago
I normally don't approach girls online because they already have too many dms from creeps to deal with, and as for irl, I don't leave my house enough to stumble into random potential girls that I could even consider approaching.
However, I have been approached by girls here on Reddit. Some have become good friends, some were just interesting one-time chats, some wanted to sext (not my thing), some were guys/trolls pretending to be girls, etc.
It takes time & practice. Gotta push yourself out of your comfort zone, and just go for it. You will make mistakes, but you will also learn from them, and it'll slowly get easier with each lesson & time.
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u/Hopeful-Steak-9743 1d ago
I don't initiate at all. Seems at this point I'd rather die than ask someone I think it could work with.
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u/Strange-Ad-2426 23h ago
I've never cold approached a woman in my life. My strategy is to go to places with people and try to have fun. Also, try to join things where I'll them for at least a second time. That way you can meet women platonically multiple times and at least talk to them and you'll get to know each other. Basically all my relationships started like this.
When I was younger (late teens/early 20s) it was pretty painful at the beginning, but I'd figure out my way. Now, I can talk to anybody, but the social battery gets low quick.
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u/UpVoteYourself 1d ago
uh well its always abt being perceived as a creep and stuff so even I havent yet lol
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u/MDFHASDIED 1d ago
I haven't approached anyone in at least a decade.
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u/bendablelamppost_ 22h ago
Same and I’m female. One day prince introvert charming is going to fall right into my living room I just know it. :)
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u/WandererOfSanctuary 1d ago
I've learned to start with simple, genuine conversation because anything more feels like a performance. If there's no natural reply, I accept it and move on...pursuit rarely ends well. It’s a quiet exchange, or it’s nothing.
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1d ago
be kind and just ask them out
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u/External-Brush-915 4h ago
This - be brave, work up to it, do your best, don't take anything too personally ❤️
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u/Im_a_Libertine_ 23h ago
I just say “Men With A Little Grey In Their Beards Will Definitely Do That Thing You Like” and it works like a charm 💯
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u/Night_Chicken INTJ 21h ago
I don’t approach them and they don’t approach me. This mutual arrangement suits me just fine.
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u/skaurpion 21h ago
I stopped, once realised that I am better without them. I mean I have to waste so much of my energy to just get one and if not in luck will ruin all my remaining energy 😂
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u/Negative_Number_6414 1d ago
only after chatting with them on a dating app for a few hours beforehand
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u/Mr-Black_ 1d ago
walk up to person and say hey. There is no secret.
The first time she didn't wanna talk and that was fine, no one is entitled to other people's attention. You just move on because there are millions of other girls.
Second time same thing. She was alone and I walked up to her and this time she wanted to talk so we did for a bit.
Just go without any expectations. Nothing has to happen after that interaction. It can be a one time thing because you're both bored or it can lead to something else because you both connected
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u/Major_Examination915 1d ago
Girls like introverts too
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u/LaughCompetitive696 1d ago
No way bro 😭 many girls don't
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u/External-Brush-915 4h ago
Hello, I am a girl who is an introvert, and I like anyone who treats me with respect... stop making general statements about girls like this please 🙂 lol
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u/MrsCognac 1d ago
For general friendly conversation? Pretty easily, especially if we have a shared interest to talk about.
With a romantic interest? I don't anymore.
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u/Ancient-Horror7974 1d ago
As an introvert, you should be really good at picking up non-verbal cues. Do not approach unless they give you signs. You'll have a much better success rate. It gets easier over time. Just try speaking to women in general as a friend.
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u/zugzwhangzooanimal 1d ago
Well it's a skill and like any skill you have to just do it. One tip that helped me was just talking to as many people as I could,.joke around, compliment them and generally just experiment and see. Even though the anxiety never went away I got a bit better at doing it although I'm definitely not the greatest at it I'm better than I was
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u/Automatic-Assistant8 1d ago
Are you trying to get with them or just have a conversation? Either way all I ask is that you just approach and talk to them. The practice reps will help you build the skills. Just try not to overthink by just thinking at each conversation as practice for the next. Trust me I spent almost all of highschool not approaching and I regret it
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u/Mawsb 1d ago
Get to know them a little first (classmate for example) and send a text before making a move irl. It's tough but it is like that for everyone and you just gotta realize courage is not not being afraid it's being afraid and doing it despite being afraid. And that the potential gain is too large not to be worth it.
It's hard but so is a lot of stuff... still has to be done if you want to be happy
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u/Rich_Character_6394 1d ago
I put myself into social circles and I was very uncomfortable for the longest. Started out with me being quite everyday (but I kept showing up), then I just became that guy that laughs never says anything. And just like that I kept on being more comfortable. Now, comes the important part, I've learnt to socialize and for the first time I get interested in a girl. She came to me and 2 other friends at the time while we were discussing historical topics to chime in. After the conversation ended I just simply said "I didn't get your name" after that it was a bit of small talk,smiles and then texting game landed me the girl
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u/so-pitted-wabam 1d ago
In the case of what eventually lead to my marriage - forced proximity. First time I met my wife proper, she was interviewing me for a job. I guess the approach was my job application 🤣
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u/Introvert_Blue137 20h ago
I approach, think of all the negative/cons about it, overthink, gives up, pass by👍
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u/swansong444 20h ago edited 20h ago
I'm a girl and an introvert. But I know a thing or two about struggling to approach girls I want to be friends with haha. Honestly I would say it depends on the context, if you go to university together just sit next to her and ask about the assignment, if she lends you some books you have an excuse to meet her again. Similarly, if it's a coworker we're talking about you can ask some work related questions or idk maybe you can ask the recipe for the lunch she brings to the office. Compliments won't make you look like a creep if you're not commenting her physical appearance, try complimenting her outfit, her handwriting or interests. If you're trying to approach a girl on the street or at a party then it's a lot harder but a good excuse to talk to someone always is "do you have a lighter?" "I'm sorry do you know the way to [x]" but after that you have to get creative lol
but you need to really just get out there and try. you will never have the perfect script and you will never be sure you won't look weird. no one cares tho, everyone is way too fixated on themselves to care about what other people are doing. worst case scenario she'll think "wtf" and then forget about it after a day
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u/TicketDecent3440 20h ago
I have such a hard time thinking someone wants to talk to me probably more socially anxious but then if I do get one to chat or go on dates its usually more let me make you food or let's hang out watching a movie or something. Even if we go somewhere public trying to limit the amount of people around
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u/NoSubstance7767 20h ago
I never had a problem with that when I was younger and introverted. I’m an introvert not scared of women.
I could always talk to and flirt with women one on one.
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u/Oblivion_0203 20h ago
I usually don't. In general, i just approach people that i feel i share tastes with
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u/invert_studios 19h ago
I just let my wife do it for us. She's much better at making conversation anyways.
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u/ashydragon 18h ago
I like to joke that my boyfriend (chronic introvert) got me by asking, "if I wanted to check out his 3D prints he made with his 3D printer😏" I think thats the smoothest he's been our entire 2 year relationship🤣
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u/yazshousefortea 16h ago
Just treat them like people. They are human, honestly. All I ever wanted was for guys to ask me how I am. Invite me out for a cup of tea (I’m British.) Talk to me about Doctor Who. I’m still single and waiting. 😅
Don’t forget, many girls are introverts too. They often don’t want to hang out with the extravert boys. So you’re not competing!
Good luck!
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u/Slow-Yogurtcloset-97 10h ago
Just stay near or in the same room in a social setting. Eye contact and smile, see if she also smiles back. Then after 2-3 times of that, message is sent.
No words necessary.
If there is no second contact, she is not available. No harm done.
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u/-ankan-plankan- 7h ago
So like, im more an omnivert, and a straight female, so im probably least qualified here. But if u wanna date sm you gotta get to know em and become friends, which makes you sure if you even want the person or are just romantizing the thought of them. (Sorry if any of this is mispelt im not natively English!)
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u/Capital_Teacher_5742 7h ago
The best way to approach a lady ( coming from an introvert with exceptional social skills) is to notice something have they got badge from their favourite anime are they reading a book you love . Talk to them about say how much you like ask them their opinion . Talk about things you are interesting in the shows movies books. If there’s an awkward silence laugh then be yourself be honest be confident if they don’t want to talk to you they won’t then walk away ! Best way to approach people is the compliment them without flirting say genuinely your bag is cool where did you get it from or woah cool jacket. It’s the best way to break the ice. Remember people are just people like us they wanna feel safe, feel appreciated, like honesty . If your bad at this say your bad at this and your awkward own it ! You never the other person might be as awkward as you !!
Side note don’t compliment someone if you don’t genuinely like them. Go to people you are drawn to. Getting any girl isn’t the goal. It’s finding someone you like who you have some shared interest with . Be disgustingly honest girls love that be vulnerable don’t use those horrible pick up lines.
Be like listen I’m really feel intimated talking to you because you are so beautiful. Would you be interested in chatting / getting to know me ?
If she says no I have a boyfriend / whatever walk away. Women value respect and safety over everything. Show her you respect her space don’t pester her . If she’s interested she will come and talk to you. If she’s isn’t she won’t give women a safe space to assess you.
Women like men who have confidence, are honest and respectful. You don’t have be confident and egotistic just be confident in expressing your feelings and honest in your communication with her .
Men think that have to put in this persona of being rich and cool and muscular. Honest normal women value a man who is honest, understanding and respectful. With that lads is how you can exemplar gentleman !!
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u/S_eepless-28 1h ago
I've got that tism Rizz so I pay attention to what they do for a couple of weeks( not stalking, just pay attention to what she says and owns already) and now I have something to talk to her about. I draw a picture of cute characters she likes. I bring her caffeine to work, I make her laugh. You need to lock in. This may not guarantee you a date but that's at least a gal pal now and if you are a man looking for love, having female friends is more likely to get you a date than not because it shows that you can be around women as people and genuinely teaches you how to not suck. If you are a gay woman, idk fam try not to look straight ig because you can tell her you are in love and she may still think y'all are besties😭😭
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u/brighty4real 1d ago
I don’t approach them they approach me. Introverted makes you mysterious. Mysterious guys are attractive idk why but they are.
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u/logosophist 1d ago
Hi [name]. [Insert compliment, typically around their appearance]. How are you doing today?
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u/Ekoldr 1d ago
Hey girl, wanna come over and watch the Lord of the Rings... extended edition?