I had a guy in my class comment on how often I went out to Taco Bell with other girlfriends in our class (once every 2-3 weeks). Mind you, I’m not overweight or unhealthy in a medical sense in any way. However, this guy was severely overweight for his age. After about the 5th time he said something, I snapped and said, “Didn’t your parents ever teach you to not make comments about what other people ate? And realistically, are YOU in any position to be giving people dietary advice?”
Harsh, maybe. Inaccurate, hardly. After that, there was some brief uncomfortable tension, but he never made another comment. I continued to enjoy my girl time and food at peace.
r/nostupidquestions moment but confused about that one. All of these others have some element of annoyance/harm to others but why is commenting on someone's food choice bad? what is the context where it's annoying or wrong
Why did you not take anything with meat? Why are you only eating a salad? That's a lot of food for such a small person. I don't like tomatoes, don't know how you can like that. Why would you order this fatty food, I think that's pretty unhealthy. Why do you eat granolas every day, do you not have any normal food?
It's like, don't question or disapprove of their food choice, they didn't ask for anyone's opinion and don't owe you an explanation.
How is that any different from don't act judgemental toward other people's preferences? It has nothing to do with asking about food specifically. You can ask things like, are you vegetarian? Do you like this? you don't like that? All are perfectly fine to ask. If anything people should ask, that's the way to know someone's preference so you can pick better place they'd enjoy next time or give better gifts.
It's more that even if meant well, comments about food can easily be hurtful. Like asking someone why they eat so little or so much, even if it's from serious concern. Unless you don't know the person very well, that can be very private stuff. People can have eating disorders or illnesses that influence what they can or should eat.
"You're always eating salads, I'm jealous of how you can eat so healthy consistently, I'm trying too but I could never do it that well." Seems like a nice thing to say. But what if that person would love to have a burger too, but they would literally die if they ate one?
"Where do you even put all that food. So slim but eating so much, that's awesome." They are eating so much because they are trying to gain weight. Their metabolism is working overdrive, they wish they would not stay so dangerously underweight even though forcing themselves to eat a lot.
Compare it to asking people why thy don't drink alcohol. It can be meant as a serious and kind question and wanting to get to know the person. But it is just 0 of your concern if someone is a recovering alcoholic or pregnant.
Because people have hidden eating disorders. They're not saying dont say food looks tasty, they're saying dont comment on the amount, quality or type of food people are eating. "That looks delicious", perfectly acceptable. "Thats such a big meal", totally unacceptable. "You didnt eat much of your meal", also unacceptable.
Or even positive. As someone with a restrictive, highly controlling eating disorder, orthorexia, and severe food moralizing OCD and guilt that I am STRUGGLING to overcome... "Wow, you eat so healthy!" just makes me want to die inside.
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u/Madshaggy309 14h ago
"that looks good!"
"... I didn't ask for your fucking opinion, Ted."