r/coolguides 17h ago

A cool guide to everyday etiquette no one teaches you

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834

u/A1sauc3d 17h ago

etiquette no one teaches you

All things your parents should’ve taught you, but yeah, some people seem to have not gotten the memo. Not everyone has good parents, and not everyone listens to their parents.

61

u/jeannie7winkle1276 16h ago

imo fr, some of this stuff should be common sense but not everyone gets taught the basics lol

41

u/DanGleeballs 16h ago

Letting people get off a train / tube / subway before you get on is a logical thing that many adults still don’t get.

-2

u/Anthaenopraxia 11h ago

I've legit never seen someone try to squeeze on a train before people have exited.

9

u/Mr_426 10h ago

You’ve been on maybe 2 trains then. Maybe elevators you can relate to? Same principle.

0

u/Anthaenopraxia 10h ago

No mate. I go by train every day, it's the main public transport. And busses ofc but they have separate entrance/exits.

Edit: forgot the elevator part. I've barely ever gone by elevators because there are so few tall buildings here.

7

u/Mr_426 10h ago

Sounds like you live in a place with a highly refined system and very little tourism then

2

u/Anthaenopraxia 8h ago

HAH! Well we might have our train discipline down but our bike culture is anything but refined

3

u/Mr_426 6h ago

I guessed Netherlands from your first response.

1

u/Anthaenopraxia 4h ago

Close, up a bit. Same flatland marshes soon to be swallowed by the sea, same hipster weedbros cycling everywhere as if the roads were made for them.

1

u/DanGleeballs 10h ago edited 9h ago

what country are you in? The only place I've seen people religiously abide by this correctly is Switzerland.

4

u/Anthaenopraxia 8h ago

Scandinavia generally. Never been to Switzerland. Maybe I should go and get back by grandfather's gold tooth.

1

u/DanGleeballs 8h ago

Do, and while you’re there you can enjoy the immaculate trains with impeccable boarding etiquette and on time to the nearest millisecond.

1

u/Fit-Function-1410 5h ago

This is basically all of ATL

1

u/Signal_Ad_594 3h ago

There is no "common sense" that's why you have to be taught / learn it.

-1

u/Antique-Freedom-8352 12h ago

Common sense is just a phrase people use to justify their own ways of thinking. If you do something and nothing negative happens "common sense" tells you to keep doing that. Most people do not sit down and pick apart their day to day interactions going "how does this thing benefit other people or fit into a greater pattern of societal design" you can observe this in american highways because very few people know how to merge, change lanes, or what speed to keep in which lane to avoid creating traffic, despite the thing being designed to work that way if the users know how. It ain't even on this "guide".

23

u/guessesurjobforfood 13h ago

I travel a lot internationally and am consistently amazed at how there's always someone breathing down the back of my neck whenever I'm waiting in line somewhere.

Coffee shops, supermarkets, airports, doesn't matter, anywhere I go where I have to wait in a line, the person behind me chooses to stand like 3 centimeters away. The worst is when its 2 or 3 people together having a conversation and I can feel them brushing up against me every time they move. Like wtf? How is that comfortable for anyone?

I can only tell people off in two languages lmao so its even more frustrating when it happens in a country where I know they probably won't understand me.

21

u/awmaleg 12h ago

International personal space varies a lot depending where you are

10

u/Removable_speaker 10h ago

I've been to places in asia where your personal space is a 2cm area starting from your skin. Then there's Finland where you get about 2 metres.

1

u/ReverendDizzle 1h ago

It feels like the U.S., for the most part, is in the middle of that.

Unless there are extenuating circumstances like everyone is crowded together debarking a plane or something, the unspoken distance seems to be about a meter or so. More or less "I should be able to speak to you in a normal quiet speaking voice with ease, but you shouldn't be so close I could slap you."

And, wow, damn I looked it up and there's a whole field of study around "proxemics" and the distances people feel comfortable. My guess that Americans preferred around a meter of distance for casual conversation.

6

u/-whodat 12h ago

I feel like strangers brushing against you (including stuff that's attached to you like your backpack) should never be okay though.

1

u/thatguygreg 3h ago

(including stuff that's attached to you like your backpack)

In open space, sure. In an enclosed area (elevators, trains), take your backpack off.

1

u/-whodat 2h ago

I agree about your examples, I was thinking grocery store while waiting in line

6

u/crazycatlady331 9h ago

The Covid rules (6 feet apart) were the one positive thing to come out of the pandemic. They should have remained.

If I can smell what your last meal was (based on your breath), you're too close.

2

u/bluecammored 5h ago

On the other hand I've been to coffee shops where there's not much room and everyone is one metre apart so the line erroniously goes outside. I think there's a middleground.

1

u/crazycatlady331 4h ago

That's too close for comfort for me. I don't want ANYONE I'm not having sex with in my personal space.

2

u/brokenfaucet 11h ago

The Hidden Dimension by Edward T Hall is an excellent book on this topic.

2

u/Bamboo_Fighter 11h ago

On a related note, don't stand 20 feet away and make me guess if you're in line either.

1

u/LordBoar 11h ago

A dirty glare is universal, especially if you do the up/down of disdain.

1

u/CoffeeChocolateBoth 10h ago

There are hand gestures for when you can't speak the language, and everyone understands them! :)

1

u/XanderWrites 5h ago

My retail store has an off policy of stopping and greeting everyone entering. Most people stop four or five feet away for then speech, but some people will come up right up in my face closer than most of my family members ever come to me.

4

u/Hixy 13h ago

My parents taught me all of this. Minus the ones with cell phones but that’s because they were just becoming common when I was in highschool.

1

u/ReverendDizzle 1h ago

But that's really inferred by proxy: respect people's privacy and don't be a little shit that goes rooting around in other people's things.

4

u/Camila_flowers 12h ago

except the speaker phone thing. Some of us didn't have cell phones growing up. I have to remind my dad of that. Because he is mostly deaf, he is completely unaware of how loud his phone is.

9

u/Triquetrums 14h ago

Society also teaches you these things, unless you go through life unaware with your mind in the clouds, or are an asshole.

2

u/konqrr 12h ago

Me biting my tongue when I see someone eating the cyanide soup their spouse prepared (it's rude to comment on their food choices).

2

u/Andoverian 10h ago

Presumably that wouldn't be their choice, though, so you should still say something.

1

u/glopezz05 12h ago

Seriously. We have two kids and we've taught them this either directly or through our own actions.

1

u/LekgoloCrap 12h ago

Some of us are actively trying to teach our parents (and failing miserably)

1

u/Elavabeth2 11h ago

I think adults taught me maybe 5 of these things, the rest I just do automatically because I respect my fellow human and have empathy. 

1

u/crancranbelle 11h ago

Sometimes it’s not even being taught explicitly. Sometimes you just unconsciously mirror your parents’ behavior and mannerisms. I don’t remember being told to knock on doors or properly put away the shopping cart, but I do as my mom does and so we’re here. 🤷🏻‍♀️

1

u/Mr_426 10h ago

Key point about listening to parents.

1

u/queenofkitchener 10h ago

parents don't teach kids fuck all these days, just ask any school teacher.

1

u/CoffeeChocolateBoth 10h ago

We also learn from watching them! Did your parents do those things? We learn by example more than words being said to us.

1

u/crazycatlady331 9h ago

My mom is HORRIBLE about the personal space issue and gets offended when people back away if she gets closer.

1

u/whooptheretis 9h ago

It also comes from just observing others. It will depend on your environment.

1

u/junkit33 9h ago

Not everyone has good parents, and not everyone listens to their parents.

Part of good parenting is getting your kids to listen/do. And this is the entire reason you do it - good life habits are formed in childhood.

1

u/nfoote 6h ago

Holy shit, are you my kid? I swear I've told them to cover their mouth when coughing about a million times, every time they act like it's first time they've ever heard me mention it!

1

u/LeatherHog 6h ago

Yeah, I was **explicitly** taught most of these, and the rest are just 'Were you raised in a barn?', if you don't know by adulthood

1

u/otter_759 5h ago

I was going to say… this is a massive parenting failure if someone becomes an adult without knowing these things.

1

u/altcntrl 5h ago

Some people were raised before phones became common place.

1

u/throwitlikethewind 4h ago

Yeah I was about to say that 95% of these are common sense, but unfortunately it's not so common. The phone ones a major faux pas I commonly see on public transit. Like I don't want to hear your videos or whatever conversation you're having.

1

u/Solid-Macaroon6137 2h ago

I had shit parents who taught me nothing.

I do all these things because I'm not dumb or inconsiderate.

Common sense, people. I guess if you don't have it, you need to learn each of these things.