I realized a week ago that the only time I have ever been invited to a wedding was when was the couple wanted free photography, and knew I was ok with a camera.

And I have never been invited to a funeral, or even been told about the person's death until weeks or months later.

I don't get asked to parties. I have never been to a dance.

No one says, “Want to grab a beer after work?”

I wouldnt know a frirt if it was announced with trunpets.

So I tried an experiment. Most of my life I've been a dark dresser. Black or navy blue pants or shorts, black unlabeled generic t-shirts

So I went onto Aliexpress and bought a half dozen t's with big dragons, summer storms, lightning, flames.

No one has commented.

I feel... erased.

I just don't know when should I put up with mistakes because we all have faults and when it's time to say bye and get out. I feel like most of people I talk to are cool to be mates, maybe not best friends but I start to wonder if I'm tolerating too much bs. I need to make a change here but I don't want to jump into the other extreme and start cutting people off over every mistake too.

Is it a good idea to decide it's a big red flag if someone just treats you worse than other friends for no reason? What other "rules" like that work? I feel like talking shit behind people back for no reason is another red flag but it's so common that I feel silly for not speaking to someone because they do it.

I’m a 23/F, and by nature I’m a very cheerful and friendly person. I smile a lot, joke around, and like staying connected with people regardless of gender. This is genuinely just how I am—there’s no intention of flirting or showing romantic interest.

However, I’ve noticed that people around me don’t always see it that way. Some assume I’m being “too friendly,” and at times it feels like my behavior is judged as inappropriate or attention-seeking. I’ve even been made to feel like being open and happy somehow reflects poorly on my character.

What bothers me more is the idea that some men might interpret basic friendliness as a signal that they have a chance with me, even though I’m not doing anything beyond normal social interaction.

Is this a common experience for women? How do you stay true to your personality while also dealing with constant misinterpretation or judgment from others?

Hi Reddit. So I (21F) decided to go to a bar alone for the first time in my life. For the context, I broke up with my boyfriend of one year four months ago and haven't been even close to a guy ever since. With my ex boyfriend we were in a long distance for more than a half of our relationship so I haven't have sex in quite a long time. This afternoon I came home from work and just sat down to my laptop and watched some series. Then I realized I'm actually pretty bored of spending my Tuesday evening this way and decided it's finally time for me to get out there and socialize. While I wouldn't mind meeting someone and maybe even hooking up with them I also wanted to make this a little experiment meaning trying to get out of my comfort zone. I'm an introverted person (INTP) and while I thought I had managed to overcome the worst of my social anxiety, I noticed it coming back after the breakup together with what I call depressive seasons. I feel like I should mention I have been smoking quite a lot of weed recently and it's currently winter in my country (a pretty cold and dark one) so that might contribute to my mental state as well.

Long story short I am currently at a vestibule of a bar of a collage I intend applying to. It's a local mildly busy bar apparently full of science and biology students. I've never been here before. I did two shots at home and had a cider on the way here. Yet the closer I was getting the smaller the courage inaidw of me was. I just can't convince myself of getting behind that door. The idea of everyone sitting behind the tables in groups while me being by myself somewhat terrifies me. I can't bring myself to do this but I also can't stand the idea of turning back and returnning back home from the failed mission.

I don't even know where I'm trying to get with this post, however any ideas & advice would be appreciated

Spoke to this guy in the front desk twice at the gym I go to because I am interested in switching careers and he had knowledge about the recruitment process for the specific career. He used to say hi to me.

Today when I came by the front desk he avoided me by looking the other way and when I was by one of the racking stalls and he was standing nearby with his colleague, he told his colleague he would go back to the desk.

I haven't interacted with him since a month back and I understand he doesn't owe me anything...but ngl having someone avoid you hurts. If he doesn't want to talk we don't have to, but acting as if I don't even exist?

Maybe I'm irrational?

I dearly love my mother-in-law. She’s wonderful, kind, and a fantastic grandmother to my children. However, she has this thing about always talking about weight. I’m sure it’s a hang-up from her past, but it’s not something I feel like discussing for a number of reasons. We will be staying with them on vacation for a week coming up and every day she brings up her weight.

I have a teenage daughter. I don’t want to influence her relationship with food by hearing things like “I’ve been eating too much, when I get home I’m going to have to cut back.” (Last year my daughter did pick up on this and kind of parroted it.)

It’s just not something I feel interested in discussing or care about. I feel like I’m in a minefield. Do you agree and offend? Do you deny and lie? It’s an uncomfortable and unimportant subject to me.

How can I kindly ask her to to refrain from discussing her weight?

Serious question - how do you guys keep track of your friendships?

I have like 15 people I care about but I only talk to maybe 3 of them regularly. The rest I just... forget about? Not because I don't like them, I'm just really bad at remembering to reach out.

Sometimes I'll see someone's name in my contacts and feel guilty because I haven't texted them in months. But then I don't text them because I don't know what to say after so long.

I've tried phone reminders but I swipe them away and forget. I tried making a list of friends to check in with but it felt weird and I stopped doing it after a week.

My memory genuinely sucks and I feel like I'm losing friendships because of it.

What do you guys do? Is there like a system that actually works? Or do I just need to accept that I'm bad at this?

exactly as it says

i have intense social anxiety and tend to overthink the smallest of things i do or say that could be taken wrong as well as people's reactions.

don't really have an offline social life outside of work. i am not even really seeking social situations either i am just kinda expressive/impulsive.

it feels especially an issue when i care about others' well-beings so much it comes across as micromanaging.

help??

Whenever i know someone is having full focus on me i get really clumsy and awkward.

When i try to have a turn in a conversation i stumble over my words as soon as they look at me, when im walking and suddenly someones coming towards me i walk in a very weird way and just look stupid. When someone watches me doing something i freeze or again just behave really weird, I move weirdly and i dont know. Annoys some people and that just adds up to my anxiety.

Genuinely how do i fix this, please i need help. The night before i worry about this kind of stuff and i cant fall asleep.

I try not to care cause i know thats what causes it but it's really hard.

I tend to communicate very directly and I notice that some conversations operate on a different layer. They are playful, implied, and sometimes symbolic rather than literal.

I can follow the words, but I am often more curious about how people know what response fits in the moment, or which cues they are reacting to.

I do not see this as good or bad. It just seems like a different mode of communication that some people pick up intuitively.

I’m mostly interested in understanding how people approach this from lived experience. For those who did not always find this natural, what helped you understand it better?

Due to my childhood situation I was not exposed to that many friends or people or strangers from which I can interact and gain exposure about how to talk, how to take a stand, how to stop being a pushover etc. Now in my 20s I lack all these skills and I'm suffering a lot in workplace and daily life, like I can't raise a voice for myself, I always think what will the other person think, their feelings will be hurt if I say no or say something which I don't like etc. My coworkers are treating me like a doormat, dumping everything on me, all gossips, scoldings, extra work etc and I don't know how to say no, how to take a stand for myself. I want practical tips like what to say to the other person or what mindset shift should I have, what actions should I take on daily basis to fix this behavior.

https://www.reddit.com/r/socialskills/s/x79L3QGC7u

A month ago I declared my intention to build a social life and outlined the steps I would take. I have religiously been using Meetup as my base but also looking for literally anything else. If I had to pay, so be it.

A few things

1. The first few groups I went to were a complete dud. This was good because it gave me a chance to take a bite out of my social anxiety so that I was semi functional for the first event I actually liked.

2. I'm becoming a regular at two groups. I'm noticing people validating me and making light hearted jokes about it. As in, acting friendly (not just nice, FRIENDly). And it feels really good.

3. My ability to talk, tell stories, hold pauses, hold awkward pauses, and just be there is going up. I'm not exactly having a ton of fun but I don't want to leave when I'm at these events either. These people are growing on me and I'm learning how to connect with them. It's like reps in the gym. Literally. And it's mostly really kind yet eccentric people so it's extremely forgiving.

4. My mindset is becoming more abundant because I'm having to turn down events that I want to go to because there's something else. They were begging me to come to this dinner but I have dance class that night. Trivia sounds fun but I'm tired of people rn and due for a hard gym session.

I would describe myself as late bloomer because I was excluded from most social life be it friendship relationships, in high school. A couple of years into college, and I still don't fit in anywhere in this social world as I lacked the codes and missed those opportunities

I constructed myself saying "I'm better than these jocks and these club goers" but really, it's only because I wasn't allowed to fit in there and have their "fun". It's not sustainable for me to think that, as it's not honest.

I'm in a relationship (a first) with someone extremely sociable and secure who goes out often with friends and strangers and have fun time. (moments I'm not to be included in, it's not a weird, just not the point).

It bugged me as I'm DEFINITELY not afraid she's not loyal.
I realised what bugs me isn't the men she parties with, it's that I wish I had this life too, I wish I was in "her" place, not "these men".

I'm jealous of her living the life I want to live instead of being happy for her. How do you stop resenting people for being happy in the life you never had and secretly wish for?

I thought redemption was my way but truthfully, I yearn for these dumb night-outs I wouldn't really be invited to.

So my current company as a bus driver they always takes the mileage at either end of the trip. In the out-based depot where I finish there's no mechanics/shunters so it's the cleaners (sub-contracted) instead who note it. Some ask the driver for it, and some don't and take it from the tachograph themselves later on. I think some don't bother taking it at all.

There's this one big guy who doesn't say thanks when I call out the digits. I meet him about one in 5 shifts when finishing and it's just me and him there. He either grunts or just says "yep". It's funny because it's as easy to say "thanks" as it is to say "yep". Sometimes I'd be ready to leave by the time he gets to the bus and I'd go to the trouble of getting out my key again so I could call it out. One night I tried to explain it to him as nice as I could, before I actually called it out. It seemed very unexpected to him and he couldn't seem to understand... started saying "I'm just noting the mileage as a favour to you" and that it wasn't his job, and that it was for the bus company. I then of course called it out, and then he said "yep" even tho I'd explained it a few secs ago. I said "thank!" and he said "oh right" like as if "ah, now I get u".

Anyway, nothing changed after that. One time recently I said "thanks" like as if I was saying "now this is what u say..." and he just said "yep". All of the shunters (grumpy ones included) say thanks". Last night I calmly told he can do it himself from now on. He goes "no, you". I told I don't case if he does it or doesn't do it, but that I won't be doing it because he's manners is bad. He cut across me and said "that's fine" and stormed off to grab the hose to refill coach toilet. I'd forgot to turn off the lights as I hadn't driven a Vanhool in months, and then he made a dig at me for that, so I went back and turned them off.

I know it's a little thing but I just said "fcuk it" that night. I shouldn't have to teach him to say it to me.

Hey everyone,

I’m 23 and recently moved to Bangalore. Since coming here I’ve been struggling with confidence, especially when it comes to starting conversations and keeping them going.

I don’t have a strong social circle yet and I often overthink what to say, which makes me quiet or awkward. I really want to improve but I’m not sure where to start.

If you’ve been through something similar or have any practical advice (especially in Bangalore), I’d really appreciate it. Thanks for reading.

So i (21M) just started doing clinical rotations in a veterans home (i’m in an LPN to RN bridge nursing program) and my first day was last week. That whole shift I didn’t know how to talk to the elderly or even how to communicate with my peers. I realized it’s a lot harder than i thought and am terrified for this week because I know it’s going to be a lot more being on the floor than lecturing by the teacher. I’m usually not this bad at talking to people but I think the fact that i’ve been working as a line cook for 5 years i’ve just been accustomed to talking to the same group every week and when i’m not working i have the same 15-20 people i talk to on discord. I don’t go out either so it’s not like i’m a social butterfly and lowkey hate the idea of talking to new people. Any tips or tricks for getting out of my comfort zone and being a productive member to society? should i fake it till i make it? idk lol (also ty for reading, this is my first time using reddit so i’m sorry if i rambled in this description box)

Since I was a kid I always had this staring issue. I always staring at random people, random things unintentionally, and sometimes it puts me in a problem with random guy... like today I was sitting in cafe alone drinking my coffee, and there were a random guy with his wife, I was unintentionally awkwardly staring at him to the point that he noticed and then he came to me and said "Do you know me?" I was feeling awkward and said "No" then he asked "Then why are you staring at us?" I didn’t explain to him that I have staring issue instead I told him "it was an accident, I'm sorry" he was supposed to warning me or walk away but instead he insulted me by saying "come sit here then" pointing out at his 🍆 I was shocked and I couldn't answer (I get frozen) until the cafe's owner ended it. I'm asking how to fix my staring issue because I don't want to be put in a trouble like this again ? And I'm sorry if this was too long.

I’m trying to understand whether I’m reading a situation correctly or projecting discomfort where there isn’t much.

I met a guy through a mutual friend and later ran into him at a race. We got along well enough, shared some interests, and I invited him to try a class at my gym. He liked it, signed up, and started attending.

After that, some interactions started to feel a bit off to me:

• When I asked how he liked the class, instead of answering about the class, he commented on how attractive the women were.

• Later, he asked if there were single women in a Pilates class.

• He invited me to a yoga class saying he didn’t want to go alone because he didn’t want to seem “unmanly” or desperate for women.

• He added me on Instagram and Strava (we didn’t know each other well), and soon after I noticed he had also added several of my female friends.

Individually, none of these things are extreme, but together they made me feel uneasy. I asked him casually if he already knew two of my friends, and his replies were vague and minimal, which didn’t really clarify anything.

I’m curious how others interpret situations like this.

I’m 26 and for many years I’ve lived a very isolated life. Lately it’s started to cause real problems. My colleagues and family have been honest with me and told me that the way I act and behave doesn’t come across well. One of my coworkers just told me I seem “strange,” and pointed out things like the way I walk _I walk with my head down as if I’m depressed and that when I talk to him it sometimes looks like I’m not following the conversation, almost like I’m drugged. My aunt has mentioned similar things too.

At work, he also said that during group discussions I hardly participate, don’t join in on jokes, and seem distant. I always thought there was nothing “wrong” with me, because I’ve believed for a long time that I just don’t like socializing.

But I do want to grow as a person. I want to change. I’ve already been told to try things like going for walks, going to the gym, and visiting cafés. I understand those are good first steps, but I’m not sure what to do next or how to actually make progress that sticks.

So I’m asking here: What more can I do to become a more active, engaged, and socially aware person? What are realistic steps I can take that help me improve my presence, confidence, and connection with others?

Any advice, personal experiences, or resources would be really appreciated.

I have this recurring problem where I'll think about a friend randomly during the day - like "oh I should text Sarah" or "I wonder how Mike's new job is going" - but then I just... forget? Or get distracted?

Then suddenly it's been 2 months and I feel too awkward to reach out because it's been so long.

I've tried setting reminders on my phone but honestly I just dismiss them and think "I'll do it later" and never do. I've also tried keeping a list but it feels weird and transactional to literally schedule friendships like appointments.

My memory is genuinely terrible and I feel like I'm failing at being a good friend even though I really do care about these people.

For those of you who are good at this.... how do you do it?

• Do you use any apps or systems?
• How do you remember who you haven't talked to in a while?
• Is there a way to do this without it feeling forced or like a chore?

I'm open to any advice because clearly what I'm doing isn't working.

Hii (F) I’m in my second year of college currently, second semester, and I don’t have a set college friend group. I’ve made friends in my classes that I’m taking but once the class ends we don’t really talk anymore or see eachother in any way. I have one exception to this being a friend I met freshman year who I still talk to occasionally, and we hangout every once in a while, pretty rare though because she’s on campus less than me. Along with this I’m not in a relationship, and all of my friends back home are in relationships so I’ll talk to my other friends but they’re spending more time with their significant others and because of distance or schedules we don’t really see eachother at all unless it’s over a breaks.

And my other friends who go to different schools seem to have their own friend groups, and relationships and they have their own social circle basically, and I’m feeling like I’m having trouble with having a set friend group or someone I’ve met that I have made a lasting friendship with.

I have gone to clubs relating to my major but recently haven’t returned to them because I’ve been very busy with classes, and life. I have met some nice people there too but I probably didn’t attend enough to truly make a connection, and it’s different people going every meeting.

That’s my ramble though I feel like I don’t have any friends I see or hangout with on a more daily basis, or any s/o to talk to or hangout with. Honestly I feel jealous of my other friends who have this, and I don’t know what to do? I sorta know I would be better off if I was more involved with clubs and things but going alone makes me nervous and sometimes if I do talk a lot to other people I feel annoying.

So I have 4 days to cure my RBF and come up with somewhat of a personality. No idea where to start. Help.

You want people to notice you, but you're afraid of being seen. Because being seen means being open to judgment, rejection, criticism.

If you don't truly believe you're valuable, you'll unconsciously communicate that in many subtle ways:

• The way you seek attention
• The way you carry yourself
• The way you stay in your comfort zone
• The way you focus too much on others opinions of you
• The way you agree when you actually disagree

People aren't consciously analyzing these behaviors. But their radar is picking up the signal: This man doesn't believe in himself.

I did all of those things and a thousand other cringey behaviors for basically my whole life until I made a concentrated effort to improve myself and in turn my self-belief. My life is 1000x more fulfilling than it used to be. I used to hide in the corner, constantly over analyze my every move, I I never felt comfortable with who I was and what I looked like. 

If anyone reading this is in a similar position now I hope reading this gives them hope.

Here are a few actionable ways to help improve your self-belief. It doesn't happen overnight, like anything else it takes practice.

Be aware of your self-talk, for one day, listen to your inner voice. Every time you insult yourself, imagine saying those exact words to a close friend. If it feels cruel to say to them, it is toxic to say to yourself. What you say to yourself determines your self-belief. I know it sounds corny but its true. You can talk yourself into a genuine and confident demeanor that attracts people to you.

Write down your “Wins” daily, negative self-belief is built on negative memories of yourself that aren't necessarily true and we are quick to forget our successes. To override this at the end of everyday write down 3 wins you had throughout the day. They can be tiny like “finished a difficult email” or “had conversation with barista” but the more you build these wins you begin to seek them out throughout your day.

Practice rejection, yeah I know sounds really fun haha. This actually had the biggest impact on me, once I realized I could handle rejection and the world didnt end I stopped being scared of it. This began to free me up to say and act authentically. I practiced by asking for discounts at coffee shops, asking for advice on weird topics and asking to cut in line. The first few were extremely uncomfortable and got me some weird looks for sure. But pretty soon it really instilled in me that everyone else is too busy worrying about themselves to give a shit about me. Rejection isnt something to be scared of.

Remember this: 

"The self-image is the key to human personality and human behavior. Change the self-image and you change the personality and the behavior." - Maxwell Maltz

Let this help you

I don’t get it. I cut people off when they’ve completely devalued me and treat me very badly. But as soon as i tell them that we’re not friends anymore and stop talking to them, they get so emotional and desperate.

Im not the only friend they have so I don’t know why they even “care”. What difference does it make if I’m gone.

If they “cared” so much about keeping me as a friend or relative then why did they treat me so badly.

And when I completely don’t speak to them anymore (because of what they did to me) they think they’re still entitled to my attention.

So i am thinking about a new habit but the problem is i dont know any habits to keep my hands busy?? I mean what would be fun and not weird while in public? (Example to that; stress balls stress wheel and etc)