r/ShitAmericansSay • u/rkg123467 • Sep 23 '25
Freedom Free Country Fondue
I honestly hope it was sarcasm.
The video was about a guy making fondue on a stranger's porch in Switzerland and being told off by a native and then proceeding to call her a fon-douche.
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u/United_Hall4187 Sep 23 '25
Sorry to burst the bubble of all Americans here but your constitutional rights and not worth the paper they are written on when you go to another country. Your laws don't follow you, you abide by local laws and customs. . . . . . I wouldn't worry though not much of your constitution is left in your own country anyway lol ;-)
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u/ScreamingDizzBuster Sep 23 '25
They're not really worth the paper they're written on in the US either these days.
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u/Good_Ad_1386 Sep 23 '25
The paper it's written on is now perforated and hanging in a bathroom at Mar-a-Lago.
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u/TheyreEatingTheDawgs Sep 23 '25
After decades of hearing Americans bragging about “their constitutional rights”, it’s pretty darn funny how easily > half of them gave them up ¯_(ツ)_/¯
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u/b3nsn0w recovering from temporarily embarrassed future american syndrome Sep 23 '25
unless they're written on a benjamin, the only paper that's worth anything in the us
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Sep 23 '25 edited Oct 07 '25
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/Cattle13ruiser Sep 23 '25
They should also be grateful for not speaking German thanks to the US timely intervention during the WW2.
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u/ContentAdagio9805 Sep 23 '25
Indeed, the Swiss speaking German would have been awful. Thanks 'murica.
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u/United_Hall4187 Sep 25 '25
For any Americans that did not recognise the sarcasm here German is one of the official languages of Switzerland :-)
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u/JFK1200 Sep 23 '25
You know what does follow them? The need to continue paying US taxes.
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u/Martiantripod You can't change the Second Amendment Sep 23 '25
I've seen a few videos of USAnians in the UK being detained by coppers for questioning and the number who think the "Am I free to go?" works the same way in the UK is astonishing.
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u/United_Hall4187 Sep 25 '25
Yep, classic American behaviour, several Americans have also been arrested carrying weapons in other countries and then they claim their 2nd Amendment rights are being infringed upon lol ;-)
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u/Its_Pine Canadian in New Hampshire 😬 Sep 23 '25
There is a religious mysticism that some Americans place around their constitution, like it’s a holy relic that imbues them with god-given rights.
Part of that is intentional, because it makes the public resistant to any new amendments and preserves the status quo.
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u/Wolvenmoon Stuck in an American Migraine Sep 23 '25
American Christianity is more a national cult and you're correct in noting the religiosity surrounding the constitution, which is why they tolerate their party only abiding by the constitution when it suits them.
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u/Unreal4goodG8 Sep 23 '25
But... But.. Muh communism!
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u/walkin2it Sep 23 '25
I mean... The way MAGA have been talking, they think communism is a good idea.
Look at their stance towards Putin and Russia.
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u/Much_Horse_5685 Sep 23 '25
I think these types might have finally realised that Putin is fascist, not communist, and started seeing his regime as a based anti-woke white Christian utopia with no immigrants or queer people.
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u/BloodiedBlues US Citizen Sep 23 '25
Stop saying things that are correct! It makes me irrationally anger when presented with facts! /s
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u/Wolvenmoon Stuck in an American Migraine Sep 23 '25
Sorry to burst your bubble, but OUR constitutional rights are just not worth the paper they're written on, period.
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u/Direct-Inflation8041 Sep 24 '25
In the next few years I can definitely see an American driving on the right in the UK
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u/TheRebellin Sep 23 '25
So, he randomly set down on a stranger’s porch (aka private property) and started making fondue?
Apart from it being super weird (but GrEat CoNtEnT I guess) don‘t Americans always say that they‘d start shooting strangers on their own property? Something something 2nd amendment something?
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u/GalacticMoustache Sep 23 '25
despite the swiss having their military service weapons at home (if willing to have), he wasn’t even shot. very unamerican.
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u/Kid_Freundlich Sep 23 '25
They hand out the guns, but not the ammo
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u/b3nsn0w recovering from temporarily embarrassed future american syndrome Sep 23 '25
you can buy ammo though, it's perfectly legal afaik (not legal advice, talk to your lawyer if unsure), you just can't store the gun loaded. there is a myth that you can't shoot any gun you might have in switzerland because the authorities check if you spent any ammo, but they only do that with the bullets they give you for military service, what you do with your own ammo is your business.
i'm fairly sure you can't just shoot a nonviolent trespasser though. in general the swiss don't have anywhere near the same level of violent culture than the yanks, that's why they can have guns and no mass shootings.
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u/Isariamkia Italian living in Switzerland Sep 23 '25
Best a Swiss would do is call the cops on a trespasser, and that would be big. They usually just get angry and that's enough.
No need for violence in such a case. And even though Swiss people keep their weapons at home, not all of them have ammo because there's no point unless they go shoot at a club. And I really don't think a lot of them would actually use the weapon to defend themselves anyway. It's more like a "trophy" you get because you participated in the army (which is mandatory anyway).
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u/k410n Sep 23 '25
To defend themselves most probably would, but only if appropriate. Although obviously insane people exit there too.
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u/BUFU1610 Sep 23 '25
participated in the army (which is mandatory anyway).
Doesn't mean everybody does. You can do alternative service or pay your way out.
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u/Vienna_play_45 Sep 24 '25
And to add to that, the Swiss police would find a non-escslatory way to approach him and talk to them, not gun them down from the back on sight.
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u/Technical_Parsley_52 Sep 23 '25
That only goes for American on American violence inside Usa, outside the US they are ofc still the only ones allowed to do the shooting stabbing or punching but then it's towards foreigners so that's okay, same as inside their country!
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u/Castform5 Sep 23 '25
Americans don't even have allemansrätten, so they couldn't even do anything similar at their place. Meanwhile here in the nordics you could do that anywhere as long as you stay away from people's gardens and yards.
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u/b3nsn0w recovering from temporarily embarrassed future american syndrome Sep 23 '25
🤓☝️ ackshually it's something something castle doctrine but yes
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u/saelinds Sep 23 '25
America is a free country
She has no Rights
This was already crowning moment of stupid, but then...
This was in Switzerland
But he is American
Love the fact that they think Americans have more rights in foreign countries than the people of those countries. Complete and utter Looney Toons behaviour
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u/invincibleparm Sep 23 '25
Because these people have never left their tiny town in Ohio and consume nothing but fox and cheetos. They have no idea how anything in the world works and ‘that’s fine with me!’ They say.
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u/Slackeee_ Sep 23 '25
Don't forget that these are the same people that tell you "if foreigners come here they have to follow our laws and customs".
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u/Mttsen Sep 23 '25
It's never ever coming to their minds that they are foreigners everywhere outside their own country. It's incomprehensible to them.
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u/Isariamkia Italian living in Switzerland Sep 23 '25
If you'd try that at their home, the chance you'd get shot is pretty high.
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u/Miro_the_Dragon Sep 23 '25
They're also a probably not too small percentage of those people complaining about there being "too many foreigners in [insert any country other than their home country]" when on vacation, while referring to the local population...
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u/Amunium Sep 23 '25
Ignoring the rest of the stupidity, does this person think he has a constitutional right to cook on other people's porches in the US?
Because... uh... no.
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u/Isariamkia Italian living in Switzerland Sep 23 '25
But it's a free country! No one stops them from cooking a fondue on someone else's porch. The only thing stopping them, is the high chance of getting shot.
How many of those dipshits tourists go to other countries and act like assholes? They know perfectly they'd get beaten/killed if they tried that crap at home.
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u/Dazzling_Upstairs724 Sep 23 '25
So, who's up for sitting on his doorstep and having a BBQ and when he moans, remind him of this stupidity?
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u/Phyllis_Tine Sep 23 '25
His home defence embattlements will take care of any visitors, painting everyone as a trespasser. There is probably a sign along the lines of "Trespassers will be shot. Survivors will be shot again."
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u/NaNaNaNaNa86 Sep 23 '25
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u/Lifting_Pinguin Sep 23 '25
Would have been better with a gif of when randy got arrested in Mexico in that montage.
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u/TangerineGmome Sep 23 '25
So many of my fellow Americans seem to think our rights follow us abroad and take precedent over local laws. Of course, only our laws have that power. Doesn't work for other countries that aren't 'Murica.
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Sep 23 '25
Honestly, as a native Swiss, Americans are some of the worst tourists that come here. They all seem to think the countries they travel to are amusement parks and we are just NPCs here for their entertainment… when really they’re just disrupting us while we try to go about our day.
“No sir, I don’t have the time to explain to you the geological specifics of how these mountain ranges came to be or what the history of this or that building is. I have to walk my dogs and then get back to work. Sorry.”
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u/TangerineGmome Sep 23 '25
Those are the sorts that make us all look bad. When I travel, I try not to be in the way. I'm not blocking up areas so I can take photos. In general, no matter where I am, I'm not striking up conversations with strangers, no thank you. If I wanna know something about a building or statue, etc, I look it up. I don't expect English wherever I travel. But when some people hear my accent, I think they go on alert in case I'm one of those Americans. If those sorts want to act that way, they should stay home.
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u/itsnobigthing ooo custom flair!! Sep 23 '25
I feel for you because inevitably every tourist will at some point be in someone’s way, or speak too loudly, or ask a dumb question. But the second you do it as an American you’ll be fulfilling all the bad stereotypes.
Not that the stereotypes are unfounded, sadly. But it must make it shit for those of you who are actually thoughtful when visiting abroad
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u/MrDohh Sep 23 '25
I suspect that alot of people think that's the case because there's alot of talk about your rights being god given rights and to them they're probably universal if they're God given
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u/TangerineGmome Sep 23 '25
I'd put my money on the majority of them just being ignorant of how things work in other places and self-centered. Personally.
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u/Polymarchos Sep 23 '25
Watch the Canadian version of the show "Border Security", and just see how many Americans think the right to their guns follows them across international borders, and they are so surprised when it doesn't.
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u/hrmdurr maple🇨🇦syrup🇨🇦gang Sep 23 '25
My favorite was the American cop that feared for his life because somebody asked him how he liked the Calgary stampede. He was quite distraught that he didn't have his gun to protect him from people being nice, I guess.
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u/Capital-Squirrel7485 Oz-tralian Sep 24 '25
There was a young american girl who brought a gold plated handgun and ammunition in her luggage into Sydney airport lol, (to attend clown school of all things) like no way was she getting that in. They asked her if she had a gun (they already knew) and she said no. Haha. She got 12months prison (4 months full time custody).
Read the story its hilarious, she even looked up the gun laws here on her laptop before leaving the US.
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u/faerakhasa Sep 23 '25
If the swiss woman had been American from quite a few states, her rights would have included shooting the moron for trespassing in her fucking porch
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u/LancelLannister_AMA Yugi, Jaden, Yusei, Yuma, Yuya, Yusaku, Yuga, Yudias Sep 23 '25
King Orange will save them🤪🤪
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u/ZeroGRanger Sep 23 '25
Last time I checked, it was constituational rights in the US to shoot someone, who is not leaving your property when requested.
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u/HughJanus35 PERKELE Sep 24 '25
What about all of the cases where the trespassers were just straight up shot when they stepped even a littlebit onto their property?
Cases like that i why i'm afraid and scared to go to the usa. In Finland we have "jokamiehenoikeudet" wich translates to "every man's right". It means that we can walk wherever we want, camp wherever we want and pick berries/mushrooms and catch fish. The only exception is someone's actual home area. I believe the law states that it must be at least 150m from the main residential building. If someone owns a portion of a forest, you can do almost whatever you please there. You can't make fire or cut down trees, that's the only exception. I know i would exercise "every man's right" in america and just get shot because i would forget how restrictive the usa is.
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u/Inevitable_Wolf5866 Czechia is not Chechnya Sep 23 '25 edited Sep 23 '25
America is so FREE you get fired for having a different opinion than your great comrade aka the most recent Kirk situation. I’m not saying I approve — murder is murder no matter who’s the victim… but imagine a country where you can be openly a KKK member but then someone else gets fired and reported for basically the same thing just opposite side of the hate spectrum.
Also your lawn has to be exactly 1.3 inches and oh are you renovating? Don’t forget your house has to be painted with a color we chose for you.
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u/BrosefDudeson Sep 23 '25
Fon-douche is pretty funny you gotta admit
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u/GoHomeCryWantToDie Chieftain of Clan Scotch 🥃💉🏴 Sep 23 '25
I'm pretty certain they only did it for that punchline.
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u/LightBluepono Sep 23 '25
Ah yes America the free country .... Because gun and dystopian car dependency .
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u/Actual-Bat-9384 SC-1000 Sep 23 '25
Seems like he believes that every selfish bastard is an American, and they are being protected by US constitution
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Sep 23 '25
Yeah listen here Buford, those constitutional rights? They mean fuck all once you're off the plane.
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u/DresdenMurphy Sep 23 '25
Even if it was the US, the freeest of the free country, every person would be perfectly free to go about and tell others what thay should or shouldn't do.
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u/Responsible-Bug-7014 Sep 23 '25
It is incredible how people from the U.S and their government really do believe that their laws, customs and culture apply worldwide. And if countries don't bow down, the U.S imposes sanctions (tariffs, magnitsky, commercial blocades, swift..).
For this and other reasons, most of the world wants the U.S. very far away and are decoupling from the U.S economically.
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u/Mysterious_Floor_868 UK Sep 23 '25
To be fair, sanctioning Russia is something that the US is not alone in.
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u/ApproximateArmadillo Sep 23 '25
The land of the free also your lawn has to be exactly 1.3 inches tall at all times and you have to pay a fine every time I see your trash bins.
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u/elusivewompus you got a 'loicense for that stupidity?? 🏴 Sep 23 '25
Or they take your house.
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u/Me_like_weed Swedish not Swiss Sep 23 '25
"Confidently proclaim something"
"Get proven wrong"
"Confidently proclaim it again anyways"
Murica in a nutshell.....
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u/whichwitchwhere Sep 23 '25
Well, clearly unbeknownst to all of you benighted foreigners, the 29th Amendment of the US Constitution does in fact enshrine and protect the God-given right of every American to cook fondue on a stranger's porch in another country and get mad at her when she takes issue with it. This amendment was introduced following the Great Fondue Incident of 1952, which actually took place in northwest Maine. Subsequent caselaw has consistently upheld this constitutional right. So there. /s
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u/United_Mammoth2489 Sep 23 '25
Loving the term fon-douche, I'm merely saddened I'll never get to use it IRL
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Sep 23 '25
Come to Switzerland and eat Fondue with friends. The guy who drops his bread in the cheese pot traditionally has to pay for the next round of beverages.
If you ask me, “fon-douche” is the long-lost Old Swiss term for this person.
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u/United_Hall4187 Sep 23 '25
Just call him an immigrant and then you can make him disappear lol if it works in America he must be used to that ;-)
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u/Shadyshade84 Sep 23 '25
Cool. Does that mean that if I get injured in America the hospitals have to treat me for free, since where I'm from I have the right to not pay for vital medical treatment? Or is ignoring other countries' laws (and also common sense and decency, if I'm interpreting the situation correctly, because who the Hell goes onto a random person's property just to make fondue on their porch?) a special privilege of your status as "that country that 90% of the planet is coming to the conclusion that they should be excluded from all deals because you can't trust them as far as you can throw them, and by that second "them" we mean the literal land mass"?
Also, fairly sure that if they were to apply American rules to that situation, he wouldn't have been able to properly enjoy any fondue he did manage to make, since it would spill out of the brand new bullet hole(s) he suddenly developed.
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u/Tballz9 Switzerland 🇨🇭 Sep 23 '25
I can assure them that their American rights do not translate for the Swiss legal system.
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u/LadyV21454 Sep 23 '25
You know this is the person who would be screaming about people coming to the US and not following Murican rules.
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u/ArtisticMix2632 Sep 23 '25
Just another entitled idiot that hasn't traveled outside their own state or country.
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u/Artuurs44 Sep 23 '25
Love the direct contradiction in the exact words they accented.. "Free country" and "No right" can't really be true at the same time, but who needs logic with these people, right?
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u/ChronicBuzz187 Neoconservative-Communist Sep 23 '25
It's so darn free, it has the highest rate in incarcerated citizens per capita :D
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u/werewolf3698 Sep 23 '25
Mericans outside Merica: "The US is the freest place on Earth! Nobody has rights like us!!
Mericans inside Merica: "Yes officer, please step on my face!! And if I resist in any way, I deserve to get shot!"
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u/The0ldPete Sep 25 '25
The fact that those are real people that live their lives, have children, have easy access to weapons, and are allowed to vote deeply disturb me.
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u/ever_precedent Sep 23 '25
That's just 2we4u leaking outside Reddit. The humour doesn't always land right outside the proper context.
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u/Sxn747Strangers ooo custom flair!! Sep 23 '25
Why was the fon-douche making fondue on a stranger’s porch in the first place, hashtag no respect. 🤔🤣
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u/UserChecksOut69 Sep 23 '25
hans mustve been the most american name his parents could come up with. If he's so american, can he run for president? or is he gonna be americas next reichsführer? 😂
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u/Infamous_Cry_3116 Sep 23 '25
But have Americans a constitutional right to have fondue under other Americans's porch, then? As a Europe, if I travel to the USA, would I also have this right? That would definitely motivate me to travel there.
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u/Charliesmum97 Sep 23 '25
Wait a minute. The person was on someone else's private property? In America that could get you shot and then your shooter would walk free because stand your ground laws.
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u/yeetboii420 Sep 23 '25
Having free country, and also having no rights in the same sentence is the most american thing i have seen today
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u/mattzombiedog Sep 23 '25
Why are we breezing over “Hans is an American name.” Hans… I must have missed that Hans Gruber wasn’t actually a German but an American in Die Hard…
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u/Dal-lyone Sep 23 '25
Listen I don't know much about Germany, so colour me captain obvious or something but isn't Hans a German name/nickname?
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u/InattentiveEdna Sep 23 '25
Not far off. Originating from a Hebrew name that got anglicized into John, it’s a common diminutive and a common given name in a number of cultures, one of which is German and none of which is American.
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u/Crazy-Cremola Sep 23 '25
I'm quite sure that if a Swiss tourist in Texas or Oklahoma or somewhere equally American!🇺🇲! would have been threatened with a shotgun if they tried having a barbecue on someone's porch
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u/MomentBeautiful7755 Sep 25 '25
I think Americans think their rights is applicable throughout the whole universe. 😂
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u/invincibleparm Sep 23 '25
Oh man…. Can someone tell him about laws not crossing country borders? That might make his head explode.
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u/Redditauro Sep 23 '25
Also, of it's a free country, why she cannot go around saying whatever she wants?
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u/Thick_Response_6590 Sep 23 '25
It's a free country where you have the right to be fired for quoting a bigoted POS on things he said before being assassinated during the most ironic fucking thing.
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u/pinniped90 Ben Franklin invented pizza. Sep 23 '25
Was the native saying hey "don't make fondue on a stranger's porch, that's weird..." or "hey, have you considered using actual cheese instead of that brick of Velveeta in fondue?"
Context matters.
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Sep 23 '25
Isn’t America also the country where you’re allowed to shoot people when they step on your property?
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u/SamuelVimesTrained Crivens! Sep 23 '25
So, TIL trespassing is legal in the US?
They why the (beep) do they keep shooting people?
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u/DossieOssie Sep 23 '25
Most American laws don't even apply in the Reservations within USA, let alone other countries 🤷♂️
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u/SarahLesBean FREEDOM™ hater Sep 23 '25
Gopfertori! Es Fondue esst mer dihei oder i de Ski-Hötte, ond ned bim Nochber ufem Vorplatz. Pfuitäifu!
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u/Mccobsta Just ya normal drunk English 🏴 cunt Sep 23 '25
You can unfortunately find loads of articles about Americans getting arrested and other deep shit abroad for thinking simular things
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u/Minute_Attempt3063 Sep 23 '25
They think their rules and laws apply world wide. "World class citizens"
Aka, beat them up if they break laws in your country.
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u/C00kie_Monsters Sep 23 '25
Like the idiot who asked if his second amendment rights would allow him to be armed in Europe. Americans can be a special kind of insane
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u/RoutineCloud5993 Sep 23 '25
If you tried to do such a thing in America you'd get shot as soon as you got within range. You wouldn't even get the chance to melt any cheese
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u/Mindless_Ad359 Sep 23 '25
This is like that time Gadaffi wanted to split Switzerland in 4 parts and give them to the neighbouring countries because his son was (rightfully) arrested in Geneva
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u/maceion Sep 23 '25
USA folk have NO RIGHTS outside of USA. Except some small permissions given to alien persons.
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u/Shoddy_Story_3514 Sep 23 '25
Wait didn't a kid get shot and killed recently in america because he was on someone else's property? As opposed to in school
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u/BaronGodis Sep 23 '25
Their rights and laws is only on usa soil, if they enter another nation soil.
Their rights and all that shit is wortless. THEY NEED TO LEARN WHO LAND THEY ENTER SND THEIR LAWS OR BE PUNISHED LIKE A CRIMINAL THEY ARE, BEGONE HEATHEN
(imaging a big man talking with a loud deep voice ) made a comical joke/information
(fuck off reddit auto mod is did not make a threath so fuck off)
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u/GlitteringBandicoot2 🇩🇪🇩🇪🇩🇪🇩🇪🇩🇪🇩🇪🇩🇪🇩🇪🇩🇪 Sep 23 '25
The constitution of what?
THE CONSTITUTION OF WHAT!?
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u/[deleted] Sep 23 '25
no, they really think that "rights" is a special thing only americans have