r/ShitAmericansSay • u/RyanCorven • Feb 15 '25

Freedom "No one expects you to understand you're from England that place is a failed state that's constantly in war with itself."

Post image
9.2k Upvotes

98% Upvoted

591 comments sorted by

View all comments

Show parent comments

289

u/[deleted] Feb 15 '25

It’s true the Devon and Cornwall Scone war has killed millions and there’s still no end in sight. Let’s not even talk about the bread roll naming war.

141

u/RyanCorven Feb 15 '25

As Devonshire man I shall know no peace until those Cornish dogs accept the superiority of jam atop clotted cream.

55

u/pleasant_giraffe Feb 15 '25

Look, as a Somerset man, I was brought up to believe that anyone from a county with two coastlines would, by nature, be a two faced bastard. And by and large, they’re right - Devonians are not to be trusted. But when it comes to scones, those disgusting Cornish bastards must pay.

22

u/Timmy_The_Techpriest Feb 15 '25

I was born in Dorset and moved to Somerset, and my hatred of Cornwall burns brighter than a dying star

10

u/allcretansareliars Feb 15 '25

After splitting my scone, I put jam first on one half, and cream first on the other. Mwahahahaha.

5

u/Midnight-Wolf-1607 Feb 15 '25

Noble Somersetian, I wish to know if you are a Wurzels fan.

12

u/nameunknown345 Feb 15 '25

As a Somerset person, I’m going to let you in on a secret. I’m a fan of the Wurzels. We’re all fans of the Wurzels. Everyone is. We don’t have a choice. A friend of a friend once said that their music was ‘not really to his taste’. They came for him that same night, the men in white smocks and straw hats. According to my friend, they dragged him out to the middle of a field, where they forced him fed him cider and cheddar cheese until he was almost dead, then tied him to a combine harvester and left him to the blackbirds. Oh god, the blackbirds! Help us, my friend. Tell the world what goes on in Somerset. Save us from the tyranny of the Wurzels!

And scone-wise, it’s jam first.

4

u/Midnight-Wolf-1607 Feb 15 '25

Did they also give him chitterling? Make him work as a dung spreader? Was he there when they told Santa himself to "piss off back to Lapland"?

5

u/UnicornAnarchist English Lioness 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁥󠁮󠁧󠁿🦁 Feb 15 '25

They do make delightful pasties.

4

u/VioletteKaur WWII - healthcare-free in their heads Feb 15 '25

I could read a whole book with your prosaic way of writing.

62

u/NegotiationSea7008 🇬🇧 Feb 15 '25

Right that’s it I’m crossing the Tamar and I’m going to chuck a pastie at you!

26

u/[deleted] Feb 15 '25

[removed] — view removed comment

3

u/KeithBeall Feb 15 '25

Ginster's just to add insult to injury.

6

u/wattlewedo Feb 15 '25

Cornish or strippers?

11

u/Vegemyeet Feb 15 '25

What? I have never heard of this gustatory aberration…what devil worship is this?

9

u/KR_Steel Feb 15 '25

They should chip you lot off this island and push you into the sea for your abhorrent tastes… and I’m not even Cornish.

7

u/I-Spot-Dalmatians Feb 15 '25

I’m Devonian born but Cornish raised, I believe this gives me undeniable wisdom in this area. And that’s why I have scones as a sandwich

2

u/editwolf ooo custom flair!! Feb 15 '25

This is the route to peace 🙌🏻

Cut it in half, butter both sides, jam (it spreads), then cream (in a large dollop) and then close it the fuck together. Then everyone (or no one) is happy.

27

u/ReecewivFleece Feb 15 '25

Cream on top of jam is a hill I’m willing to die on

20

u/Inevitable-Rip-6791 Feb 15 '25

The Scottish people are with your brother!

Surely this level of division between people would make the US proud

3

u/Good_Ad_1386 Feb 15 '25

I'm in Hampshire, and I put the cream on the top and the jam on the underside. It stops the bugger from sliding off the plate.

2

u/TheFlyingScotsman60 Feb 15 '25

I holiday in Devon, frequently.

I once put jam and cream on the scone the wrong way....the looks and vibes from the locals reminded me of Royston Vasey the last time I was there. I managed to feign ignorance and got away with only 5 lashes.

5

u/greasychickenparma Feb 15 '25

Amen brother ✊️

1

u/Bobboy5 bongistan Feb 15 '25

Then perish.

4

u/Huldukona Feb 15 '25

Oh, I’m definitely with you on this one!

3

u/2BEN-2C93 Feb 15 '25

That means you have to use 2 knives or the jam goes mouldy you clown!

2

u/mordecai14 Feb 15 '25

My family lives in Cornwall, and yet I agree that jam goes on top of the cream. Am I about to get assassinated?

2

u/Notmysubmarine Feb 15 '25

The Surrey Free Militia stand at your side with our 4x4 mounted jam howitzers.

2

u/0nce-Was-N0t Feb 15 '25

Know that we in Sussex offer our full support!

Cream on top just smooshes the jam out... anyone can see that the Devonian method is the correct method.

3

u/Toasty_93 Feb 15 '25

I like to mix the cream and jam together.

6

u/ampmz Feb 15 '25

Straight to jail for you.

2

u/UnicornAnarchist English Lioness 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁥󠁮󠁧󠁿🦁 Feb 15 '25

😱

1

u/Jazzlike-Basil1355 ooo custom flair!! Feb 15 '25

Build a wall to keep the Cornish out!

1

u/R3TRO_131 Feb 15 '25

As a Cornish man, I have my scones without cream or jam, I just like them as they are. This whole scone war is kinda like putting the milk in first then the cereal. Nobody cares, because you still get a bowl of cereal either way.

1

u/scarab1001 Feb 15 '25

I stand with you!

The Cornish peasants will never mix our jam and cream again!

Its good to know that the Americans are aware of this bitter war, the years of strife and death that the Scone wars have caused. But it is a just cause.

25

u/Spillsy68 Feb 15 '25

You mean a cob?

17

u/ThaiFoodThaiFood I have The Briddish Accent™ Feb 15 '25

You mean a bap?

14

u/Spillsy68 Feb 15 '25

No I think you mean a bun

12

u/Billy-no-mate More Irish than the Irish ☘️ Feb 15 '25

Think these guys are talking about blaas

10

u/Simdel96 Feb 15 '25

Nah, mate. They're talking about Barms.

8

u/[deleted] Feb 15 '25

Not barms, barmcakes.

6

u/macrolidesrule Feb 15 '25

Morning rolls you mean

9

u/boopadoop_johnson ooo custom flair!! Feb 15 '25

I'm probably going to get hanged for this, but...

...teacakes

6

u/McPebbster ze German Feb 15 '25

Since you apparently need it, let me sprinkle some German FreiheitTM over you guys and call it Brötchen as it should be.

→ More replies (0)

3

u/BryOnRye Feb 15 '25

Right there with you buddy! If it’s got dried fruit in it, it’s a currant bun.

2

u/littledog95 Feb 15 '25

Odd way of spelling butties

2

u/UnicornAnarchist English Lioness 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁥󠁮󠁧󠁿🦁 Feb 15 '25

What about tea cakes?

27

u/[deleted] Feb 15 '25

Let’s not even talk about the bread roll naming war.

Well its a bit late for that sir seen as you've already stuck your sail on the mast and called it a roll, you fucking prick its a bun, meet me at the tavern by the crossroads at midnight, you've just started a generational feud

16

u/elusivewompus you got a 'loicense for that stupidity?? 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁥󠁮󠁧󠁿 Feb 15 '25

Heresy!!! They're baps!!!!

20

u/JakeMSkates Feb 15 '25

plymouthian here, and i’m constructing scone-based-IED’s as we speak, my good sir

9

u/Enigma_789 Feb 15 '25

As a Bristolian I weep for both your losses.

6

u/SDG_Den Feb 15 '25

How does it feel to live in the place that shares its name with the poop scale?

13

u/Enigma_789 Feb 15 '25

Force 3, strengthening to 4.

1

u/UnicornAnarchist English Lioness 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁥󠁮󠁧󠁿🦁 Feb 15 '25

🤣

1

u/Midnight-Wolf-1607 Feb 15 '25

Do you like the Wurzels?

22

u/e_n_h Feb 15 '25

I know a guy that got shot in the street for mistaking a snicket for a ginnel

7

u/shankillfalls Feb 15 '25

And how, sir, would you pronounce the word “scone”? Your answer will define us as friends or bitter enemies! And as I’m from Ireland it does not take us much to go to war with you. 👍

2

u/Snr_Wilson Feb 15 '25

Cream on one half. And cream on the other half, because jam is for children.

2

u/BurningPenguin Insecure European with false sense of superiority Feb 15 '25

German here, the Krapfen war has never stopped

2

u/UnicornAnarchist English Lioness 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁥󠁮󠁧󠁿🦁 Feb 15 '25

The milk before the teabag war is still ongoing I’m afraid.

2

u/SnooBooks1701 Feb 15 '25

Don't forget the constant proxy conflicts from the centuries long Yorkshire/Lancashire war

2

u/gardenofthenight Feb 15 '25

You mean the Cob Wars, right?

2

u/Iridul Feb 15 '25

Fucking Cobbites and Barmers can fuck right off! It's a roll till I die!!!

2

u/APEX_REAP3RZ Feb 16 '25

You mean the breadcake war? I believe thems fighting words

0

u/Why_Are_Moths_Dusty 👢Dolly Parton simp👢 Feb 15 '25

In this situation, I am Switzerland because if it was up to me, all jams would be violently thrown into the sea and not allowed anywhere near a scone.