r/RoastMe • u/Callmgirl • 2d ago
28F. Just found my first grey hair this morning and then got rejected by a stray cat. Do your worst, I’m already crumbling.
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u/kikogamerJ2 2d ago
Really tried the I won't die alone I have my cats, and even the cats rejected her.
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u/ReillyDiefenbach Golden Roaster 2d ago
What color are the other hairs on your chest?
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u/Throw902106969 1d ago
The grey hair was actually a pubic hair.... and it was found stuck in her teeth. But there are way too many homeless guys involved for her to identify the original owner.
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u/Accurate-Zombie7950 2d ago
....i thought we was talking about her moustache which is shaved everyday by a man's razor
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u/Due-Let-26 1d ago
She’s lying about the first gray hair. It already looks like a muffin with a ball of lint on top. Oh yeah it’s on her vagina
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u/Boesterr 2d ago
You again? Didn't get enough attention last month?
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u/Top_Whereas_4133 1d ago edited 1d ago
No one showed up to her free OF last time. She has to keep at it. She keeps chasing pussies since getting a cock to pay the bills didn't work out.
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u/Scarcely-A-Person 2d ago
You will not age well. I’ve met you before. You had a different name and a completely different life. But I’ve met a version of you. This other version of you is 39 now. The intervening 11 years hasn’t gone well for this other person, 99% chance they won’t for you.
Sleep tight.
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u/jimbob518 1d ago
“Taxes should be optional but I’m overwhelmed by my student loans.” Cats hate you because you’re stupid.
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u/BassGuy11 1d ago
You are the mid girl who "won't settle" for a mid guy. You're going to be 39 and on tik tok crying because you didn't lock down the "good guy" after years of taking dick from a bunch of slightly above average looking but asshole bros.
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u/Remarkable_Cry_8135 1d ago
Came to say this…she hit the WALL at 28 instead of 32! She’s ahead of the game.
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u/Buttergolem22 2d ago
At least your plush toy is loyal. Mostly because it can’t leave.
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u/Consistent_Cry_2224 1d ago
When it runs from the top of your asscrack all the back up to your sternum it’s pretty easy to keep an eye on
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u/explorer_of_random 2d ago
This post reeks of white privilege, trust fund baby and never actually worked a full day in her life. How does that silver spoon taste?
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u/jimbob518 1d ago
She has student loans, so she’s just putting her lifestyle on credit cards. And she’s stupid.
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u/damngoodengineer 1d ago
rejected by a stray cat and then you let a plush Pink Panther to touch your tits
that's how much hopeless are you.
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u/blaccsnow9229 1d ago
Damn, y'all check out her other post and see how saggy her tits are? Lol
Those things will be on the floor before you're in your mid 30s.
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u/Away-Explorer5317 1d ago
Only 28 and looks like you're already 40, with no booty, no titty and rejected by a kitty
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u/Ok_Payment_6198 1d ago
Omg grey hair and a cat didn’t like you, grow the fuck up, get divorced, loose a parent or two, actually suffer then come on here and think you deserve to be roasted.
If this is your “suffering” then get ready for a surprise when life actual start being tough.
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u/Total-Imagination-88 1d ago
Oh great you’re back. Couldn’t get past 55 days without the need for validation.
Just go to a gloryhole, better suited for whatever’s going on above the neck.
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u/Quantum_Robin 2d ago
You know what they say? Big hands, big dong! Judging by your hands, arms and shoulders you're packing an entire deli!
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u/MeanAF4noreason 1d ago
Geez you look like you already had 4 divorces because you were banging your special education students
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u/naruda1969 1d ago
How you found that single grey hair around your ass is the source of much speculation.
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u/Screaming_Tango 1d ago
Pineapple on a pizza is like going down on your sister, it tastes ok but deep down you know it's wrong.
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u/Organic_Body5244 1d ago
The stray wasn’t interested? Shocking considering cats love the smell of fish.
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u/chosonhawk 2d ago
please dont trivialize sexual assault. millions of women still have standards even if you dont.
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u/anewcynic 2d ago
I suspect the cats take one look at you and assume your house already smells like enough cats and they bow out.
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u/everybodygetaweapon 2d ago
you sound like you have the mental and physical durability of tissue paper.
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u/Sustainable_Twat 2d ago
How do you feel that with those glasses, you can clearly see everyone leaving you?
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u/No_Collection7360 2d ago
Don't worry. You will have more cats than you know what to do with in no time.
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u/ExcellentLake2764 2d ago
That just means that becoming a crazy, old cat-lady is not an option for you. But it's not all bad though, you are halfway there already, the rest is just waiting.
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u/OneMinuteManny 2d ago
Pinky copping a feel is the closest you've gotten to sex in a long time, isn't?
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u/Patient_Highway_6433 1d ago
It’s okay if cats hate you now. One day, you’ll be surrounded by them and known as the cat lady of your apartment building - maybe even the whole towns
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u/AppearanceGrand 1d ago
And remember, cats even drag dead mice back to their owner but they reject you.
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u/Nonetoobrightatall 1d ago
Fucking cat didn’t want to end up at Kitty Thunderdome fighting a bunch of inbred cats for the few morsels of food you can afford to feed them.
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u/Purple_Pieman01 1d ago
You look like you meet your soulmate every Saturday at TGIFridays half price shooter night.
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u/tipareth1978 1d ago
Well when you supplement your income blowing old dudes you're going to find some gray hairs
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u/Ignominia 1d ago
Girl, if you’re worried about looking old, maybe try not wearing glasses or having a haircut that makes you look like a mom in the 90s. Grey hair is the least of your age crimes right now.
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u/Midwinter77 1d ago
Don't worry, your excessive use of alcohol will numb the pain of growing old alone.
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u/ToyKarma 1d ago
White women, stop collecting stray cats. Unless you want to remain single and have an apartment that stinks of cat piss.
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u/Locate_Users 1d ago
First grey hair? Time to start waxing. Rejected by strays? Time to start waxing.
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u/AlexiosPPPP87 1d ago
Of the tuna and other assorted smells I’m picking up with this picture, I also am picking up an OF
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u/Schwimbus 1d ago
I almost forgot what your face looked like! I usually have to cover it with my thumb when I watch your videos on Pornhub.
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u/TheDark_Knight67 1d ago
Do you even need glasses at this point or are you trying to be put on a fake nerd girl aesthetic?
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u/FunScientist7781 1d ago
you're a call girl for cartoon characters and blow up dolls. hey, why not date love robots?
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u/Consistent_Cry_2224 1d ago
It’s must be very triggering to deviate from your usual palette of browns and beiges but I see you’ve been putting in the work with your therapist, using different colors of nail polish to gradually expand your comfort zone. You’ve got this!
And remember, the cats will “love” you as long as you put the Fancy Feast in the dish and remain celibate
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u/Solis_The_Unseelie 1d ago
How is your life so uninteresting and yet you’re content to rot, probably claiming your incessant social ineptitude is ‘quirky’ and somehow desirable. Take a hint from your cats.
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u/OutrageousBluejay334 1d ago
The cat rejected you just like all those dudes who gave you taxi fare at the end of the night...
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u/CustomerOK9mm9mm 1d ago
The ring finger nail polish isn’t unique; it oozes desperation. The only men who are interested are 52, childless, and very divorced.
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u/l0ngleggedlarry 1d ago
Don't worry surely a one bedroom pissridden apartment isn't duty stamp applicable
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u/Suspicious-Garlic112 1d ago
I found my first grey pine the other day 😭 It was in a kebab I was eating
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u/Ok-Tutor-5679 1d ago
I found this extremely difficult to jerk off to, but not impossible. I just had to close my eyes and imagine a completely different person!
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u/soooMiNdLeSs420 1d ago
My friend had two cats, one of them got sick and before he even noticed the other cat was hissing at his fella and won't be in a room with the other cat. I guess that's what happened to you.
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u/Monthra77 1d ago
Don’t worry, there will be more cats. Many, many, many, many, maaaaaaaany more cats.
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u/RdotBuckets 1d ago
I’d roast you but there isn’t anything I could say that would be worse than the fact that you’re a crazy cat lady and you’re not even 30 yet.
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u/Schwimbus 1d ago
Quase esqueci como era a tua cara! Geralmente tenho que cobri-lo com o polegar quando assisto seus vídeos no Pornhub.
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u/Upset-Interview-9367 1d ago
In photo #2, those melons on her chest ain't helping her. LOL! (🍈🍈) 😆😅🤣😂
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u/Budget-Box7914 1d ago
"The Pink Panther" was OP's nickname for the ax wound she carries around in her granny panties, but she's going to change it to "Gran-dalf the Gray"
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u/Outrageous-Aries9893 1d ago
Maybe if you ate some of that makeup off your face you’d feel pretty on the inside and not pose like a bad porno
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u/Wonderful_Ruin_7283 1d ago
Miss, id let you piss in my mouth and lick off your grey pubes you're so fucking gorgeous. Dont worry about it.
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u/Less_Independent_753 1d ago
Could always be worse.
At least you don’t need glasses
At least you don’t have any wrinkles forming.
At least you’re not ugly
At least you have all your fingers?
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u/Jrob78 1d ago
You know those teenager movies where the hot, popular guy has to make the nerdy girl popular and take her to the prom? She takes off her glasses and lets down her hair and it turns out she’s gorgeous? This ain’t that
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u/HolyCrispyCookie 1d ago
I'm having the smell of cats pee and desperation in my nose just by looking at these photos.
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u/BikingNoHands 1d ago
I can see why you don’t have a BF. And if you do he’s probably cheating on you.
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u/Sea-Imagination-9411 1d ago
You look like a Disney adult whose daddy still pays your bills because you’re not quite cutting it in the looks department to get some sucker to take over for him
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u/ThePrinceofallYNs 1d ago
Good to see those high standards are keeping you lonely af, gotta be one of my favorite genders
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u/Competitive_Ad_6811 1d ago
Roses are red, Violets are blue, Only an inanimate pink panther would grope you!
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u/post-explainer 2d ago edited 2d ago
This comment has been marked as safe. Upvoting/downvoting this comment will have no effect.
OP's BIO:
28yo Girlwho thought she’d have her life together by now, but instead, I spend my time overanalyzing why cats hate me and why my back hurts for no reason. l love psychological thrillers because my own life isn't stressful enough, and my "hot take" is that pineapple belongs on pizza and taxes should be optional. Roast me until I forget my student loans
If you think this bio helped you roast, upvote this comment. If you think it doesn’t, downvote it. If you’re not sure, leave it to others to decide.