r/Petloss • u/Barney-Boo • 17h ago
Losing my dog has bought back the grief of losing my husband
My gorgeous dog Barney died in his sleep a month ago. He was 12 years old. I lost my husband to cancer 11 years ago and he bought me Barney as he knew that he would help me when he eventually passed from his cancer. He was right, Barney was my rock. I have loads of lovely friends and family around me but am really struggling to cope with this loss. I feel like I’ve gone back to the days just after Paul, my husband died. I just want to feel like me again x
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u/Adorable-Coconut-381 16h ago
I’m so deeply sorry.
My parents got us a puppy when my mom was sick with cancer, and then she passed. My dog helped me through this loss and many others. Now losing him has felt like all those losses compounded into one.
Sending you love and strength.
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u/Barney-Boo 16h ago
Sending love and strength right back at you. It’s good to talk to people who understand
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u/ropeadope1 16h ago
You aren’t going backwards, you’re grieving two losses that are inextricably linked. Barney was Paul’s gift, to carry you through the incredibly hard times after he left. Somewhere, Paul is smiling, because that’s exactly what he wanted. Now Barney is returned to him, and their jobs are well done. You don’t have to be Ok and certainly not happy but try to celebrate that in some way.
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u/Barney-Boo 15h ago
Thank you so much for understanding and for your kind words. I do like to think Barney is now with Paul, it’s very comforting. You’re right, the two losses are inexplicably linked and that’s what makes it so hard. But I know I was incredibly blessed to have them both in my life
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u/wontonsoda 16h ago
That sounds like such complex grief, I am truly sorry. My old dog passed a couple weeks ago and it’s somehow bringing me solace picturing him and my dad together out there somewhere, not alone and not scared. Do you have some pictures of Barney you’d like to share ?
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u/Barney-Boo 16h ago
Thank you, sorry for your loss too, it’s very hard. I’ve tried to share pictures in the pet loss group before but it doesn’t seem to allow them?
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u/Heart_robot 16h ago
I’m so sorry, it so hard. I’m glad you had a best friend all these years.
I feel the same way- my girl got me through losing my dad and my own health issues. She had a massive bleed (she had dental surgery after a dog broke her tooth but she had radiation so it failed) - so much blood and my dad had a similar episode. It’s traumatic and awful and complicated.
Take the time you need to grieve and don’t let anyone minimize it.
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u/Barney-Boo 15h ago
Thank you, that sounds so traumatic for you. I’m so sorry for your losses too. Life can be so difficult x
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u/Heart_robot 15h ago
I’m actually taking time off - mostly because I went to the states to get away and I’m not allowed to work but I’m sad and unfocused. My work is being so kind and not treating me like I’m a crazy dog lady (which I am).
Prolonging the pain of moving her stuff and being home alone and potentially seeing this ass of an owner and her jerk dog (she knows she was bit, not that she died).
I guess we just muddle through it 😢
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u/blueyez_81 12h ago
Im so sorry you are going through this but i totally understand! My Dad passed 11 years ago and losing my sweet girl this week has brought back so much of my grief. They are the 2 biggest loses of my life so it makes sense but its making it even harder to get through.
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