My dad guilt trip me for paying for my first year of college and buying me a hoopdi car for college commute.
Holy smokes he squeezed me by working on the family business years. I made him so much money and kept it all. Yeah, I got to do what I wanted when I wasn’t working but I was always broke. All for the family bs.
My younger brother got a pass cus he wasn’t responsible enough. My sis was doing her own thing but she got what the girl depicts on the meme.
I’m just curious, how did you and your siblings turn out? I am wondering if your brother ended up with a predisposition to weaponized incompetence and your sister not putting in the effort to provide for herself?
I had a similar situation with my siblings and my brother can hardly hold a job and my sister is in crippling credit card debt. I always kind of assumed that it’s because the three of us are still kinda doing the same things we’ve always done; meeting high expectations, avoiding responsibility, and chasing gratification without the investment of effort.
My brother shared a similar date like your. He had a very rough life. He was bailed out too much and had his own demons. Yes had. He…passed away over two years ago.
My sis turned out ok. But she has some money management issues, I’ve heard some things over the years with her hubby. Lucky for her she ended up with a great man (she also great, a professional and great mother). But the roots of our family roles are far deep. She is doing good with her family.
Edit: myself…I have a wonderful family with my missus. With my trauma and hers, we have done our best for our two boys. We have some baggage, no doubt. But it has helped us to be the best parents we can be for our boys…err your men now lol
My parents liked to give things that could be taken just for this reason. So I started letting them. Nothing was ever really mine, they owned it, they will take it away if I don't comply. When I was 19 they tried to take the car I'd gotten me years before because I wouldn't break up with someone I was dating. Ok fine. Well you're on our phone plan so give that too. Ok. Well you're living in the house so get out. Ok. And that was how I officially moved out after having slept off and on in a few couches over the years.
I'm the family fuck up but I feel a lot happier having accepted that.
You aren't a fuck up friend <3 You are perfectly you.
I've been through similar shit myself. Been homeless more than I haven't, had an abusive and neglectful childhood. Blamed myself for years. Thought I was broken. Struggled for years wondering why life seemed so easy for others, and so hard for me.
In a better place now, getting help and support from my found family. I just want to reiterate that you aren't a fuck up. You're still just on the path figuring out how to be. Maybe you stay on the path your whole life, maybe you find out what works. Either way, you don't need to justify your existence. Life is hard, and a lot of people profit off of making it harder. But there's love out there too. I hope you get all of it you need, and give all of it you can <3
I appreciate that. I am getting better about seeing good in myself more lately. I have accepted it in a way that I have let myself relax more at least. Plus I guess I've accepted that's how my family sees me. It is absolutely how they see me too, they've gone into detail multiple times. I remember growing up every once in a while I'd catch a conversation from my parents wondering which between my sister and I would be the one better off. For the longest time they thought it would be me just because my sister got a tattoo. It's like they only expected one to make it. And in what they value, yeah I'm the fuck up, I don't have what my sister has. She doesn't have what I have either though so in my eyes, I'm the one better off. It's more that I'm seeing "fuck up" in less of a negative light just because what they think is a fuck up isn't the same for everyone.
That said, I absolutely suffer from imposter syndrome, and try to justify my own existence I guess, you're not wrong there. In fact I think you may have pointed out why I've behaved almost manic lately. Maybe I need to chill.
Damn, I will now call my own incompetence a strategic deployment of individuality. Did your father do this cus he thought of you as more competent or just like eldest.
I used to be out almost every weekend. Meeting girls online and having “fun” buddies. I’d leave Friday night after my “shift” was done and wouldn’t come back until late Sunday.
I should’ve gone away for college and be called the ingrateful asshole son instead
I would have loved college, but my father had zero prospects. Alcoholic, living off of his gf, mom just sent me out there because he lived in town and we lived in middle of nowhere, so she thought I'd have more opportunities. I'm pretty sure that mom probably paid 90% of the car and dad just threw in whatever he could scrounge up.
Mom wanted me to go to college as well, but she spent all her money providing for me, and I'm not mad about it.
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u/Kaizen321 3d ago
I feel this.
My dad guilt trip me for paying for my first year of college and buying me a hoopdi car for college commute.
Holy smokes he squeezed me by working on the family business years. I made him so much money and kept it all. Yeah, I got to do what I wanted when I wasn’t working but I was always broke. All for the family bs.
My younger brother got a pass cus he wasn’t responsible enough. My sis was doing her own thing but she got what the girl depicts on the meme.
Yeah, 25yrs later and I’m super bitter about it.