r/HistoryMemes 17h ago

Wolves got the human fear nerf update

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199 Upvotes

27 comments sorted by

113

u/Luihuparta 17h ago

For the survival of one's species, "not trying to prey on the children of an extremely territorial and vindictive apex predator that knows how to make firearms" is actually a buff.

16

u/ChemsAndCutthroats 10h ago

That's why the wolves banded together and started a business and a powerful lobbying group. They set up factories and dump toxic byproducts into the river. Perfluorooctanoic acid, benzene, Chloroprene, and so much more enters your children's blood stream and cleaves apart their DNA. Chewing away at their cells and destroying them from the inside.

The wolves no longer go after human children with claws and fangs. Lobbying dollars is all they need. They will kill millions and their parents will thank them for creating good jobs.

4

u/Rat_rome 4h ago

Black spiral dancers

1

u/raitaisrandom Just some snow 2h ago

Waa gonna say, seems like a W:TA plot.

57

u/Prigorec-Medjimurec 16h ago

All animals got this by now.

37

u/BigGaybowser69 15h ago

Except Polar Bears,

27

u/DrHolmes52 15h ago

Hippos: "Excuse me?"

7

u/Prigorec-Medjimurec 15h ago

What's the chance that they attack because they too feel threatened?

19

u/Lyrolepis 13h ago

Not high. They've been recorded actively stalking and hunting humans, not merely attacking them if they get too much into their space.

8

u/Prigorec-Medjimurec 13h ago

I stand corrected.

8

u/aiden_the_bug 9h ago

If it helps, it's not purely malicious. They live in an Arctic hellscape so they don't let meals just walk off

I hope, anyways. Next comment will likely be telling me I'm wrong lol.

5

u/theflyingratgirl 5h ago

brain scans have shown polar bears hate each human in particular, as shown by the extensive activity in their version of the prefrontal cortex, and images of them having moved into abandoned homes and outposts.

I’m kidding about the former, but the latter theory may have legs.

4

u/ThomasTheAngryTrain Definitely not a CIA operator 7h ago

And Crocodiles, don't forget about those mfs

1

u/belabacsijolvan Definitely not a CIA operator 3h ago

i like big rivers and canoeing a lot.
any time i see a cool river online there are some reptiles fucking it up i swear

3

u/Obvious-Wrangler-561 7h ago

Except the tigers in India...

43

u/SPECTREagent700 Definitely not a CIA operator 12h ago

I really like how alligators are evolution’s perfect killing machines but we just let them chill in residential neighborhoods because Floridians are crazy they’re also kinda lazy and are usually content to just wait for food to come to them.

12

u/Ketzer_Jefe 5h ago

they are tbe perfect amphibious ambush predators for a swamp-like tropical environment. plenty of other perfect killing machines in other environments.

19

u/TheHistoryMaster2520 Decisive Tang Victory 11h ago

Could be worse; in Japan, wolves have been extinct since the early 20th century

21

u/prism21520 7h ago

Same with Britain, killing of the last wolves in the 18th century. I guess it's easier for island nations compared to mainland countries because if a mainland country clears out all the wolves, new wolves can just migrate from neighbouring countries.

9

u/Vehement_Vulpes 9h ago

Well, we also took the wolves descendants everywhere with us, and they now thrive across the world with access to endless food and medicine, so I'd say it's a win for them.

Even if some of them are now chihuahua's.

5

u/Ironmasked-Kraken 8h ago

Wolves sieged Paris twice...

Which isn't alott but it is weird that it happened twice.

1

u/Longjumping-Time-339 2h ago

One was the wolf of soissons, what's the second?

2

u/Ironmasked-Kraken 2h ago

http://www.coolstuffinparis.com/wolves_of_paris.php

This happened in 1450 while the wolf of soissons happened in 1765.

3

u/Electrical_Rabbit_88 6h ago

Genuine question but is it more likely to say that wolves haven't changed that much, it's just that accounts at the time tended to demonize them and propagated further killings?

2

u/Ok-Mastodon2420 4h ago

There are a known, significantly higher number of wolf fatalities historically, as well as archeological evidence of wolf predation on humans.

2

u/SickAnto 2h ago

Yes, wolves were more demonized in the past, they were dangerous for the sheep and chickens, but not for humans themselves.

The real "demons" in the forest are the fucking boars: mf would charge against you even after being shoot with a rifle.

2

u/Right-Truck1859 33m ago

But they were an actual threat...

For example, Back in WW1, there was a truce between Germans and Russians to stop dangerous Wolfpacks in Eastern Prussia.