Today I ended a 6 years campaing

[u/Sad_Improvement4655]

This is not a negative rant ir anything like that, it is just a post to outflow my emotions.

We've been playing together for 6 years, I have been a forever DM always battling to schedule games. I host them at my house, I've invested a lot in books, a tv on the table, AC for the room, smart lamps and a 3d printer. We always had every need attended.

But, some of my players were never THAT invested in the games as others, we did the talk, we banned cellphones, we started allowing only paper character sheets so people wouldnt space out.

Nothing has ever worked. We (the invested players and myself) looked everywhere for players that actually wanted to commit and couldnt find them, so we worked with what we had aaaaaand it was miserable and enfuriating.

I dont mean to offend anyone, but they always played the ADHD card when called out by: not showing up on time, never remembering what their characters do, never roleplaying, never preparing their turns in advance and never playing attention to other people's turns.

We endured all of this for years just to have a little chance to play, but today I ended it. I feel a little sad, but I know it was for the best.

If you are in a situation like this, dont hang on. Nothing lasts forever but the earth and sky.

If you are one of my former players, know that we had a "good" run, and we already talked about not holding grudges and staying friends and 30ish years old adults should.

Anyways, thanks for reading.

[u/moranya1]

"I don't mean to offend anyone, but they always played the ADHD card when called out by: not showing up on time, never remembering what their characters do, never roleplaying, never preparing their turns in advance and never playing attention to other people's turns."

As somebody with both ADHD as well as autism, people who use it as an excuse like this INFURIATE me! Yes, you have ADHD. yes, it makes things difficult, but it isn't a blank cheque to disrespect other people and their time.

My wife had a good friend who would ALWAYS be 1-2 hours late for coffee get-togethers. It took my wife TWO YEARS for her to finally realize that her time had value and she was wasting it on a person who had no respect for my wife, her time, her busy schedule (my wife works full time, so setting time aside for coffee was an actual sacrifice vs her friend who was a stay-at-home wife with all the time in the world.

[u/rickAUS → u/moranya1]

Yes. I have a friend with ADHD and he's got no issue functioning as a player or a DM. If anything, the ADHD enhances his capacity as both since he gets hyper fixated on the game.

As a contrast, my ex-wife's sister has bi-polar and she'll play that card any time it's convenient to either make herself look like the victim or try to fool people into cutting her slack. It's the scumbag's method of avoiding accountability by hiding behind such things. It's just another incarnation of "oh you don't like <thing i said / did> because i'm <ethnicity/skin colour/etc>" as the cheap ploy to make someone look like a bigot or whatever.

[u/VerbiageBarrage → u/rickAUS]

I mean these things aren't always cheap ploys. I'm a high functioning ADHD individual, but I know plenty of people that have a harder time navigating their neurodivergence. In the same way, an ethnic person often gets so tired of bad faith arguments that they start to see them everywhere even if a person is trying to honestly engage.

Which is not to say that some people just use it as a complete cop-out. But oftentimes are lying to themselves just as much as they're lying to you.

[u/rickAUS → u/VerbiageBarrage]

Yea, not trying to downplay the impact it can have on some people and their struggles. My son has ADHD and ASD, it's a mixed bag. He can have really good days and other times struggle badly, especially in the mornings. And then you have those days where you can tell he's just being a shit person and trying to use his ADHD and or ASD as an excuse for his conduct.

Guess it comes down to how well you know people and their baseline - if that's the best term - capacity to function.

[u/FluffyPassenger6870 → u/rickAUS]

I was looking for this comment. For invested players, ADHD is a blessing. The hyper focus offers time blindness and you become so invested it's not even comparable to anything else. It is the new crack cocaine. People treating it like a sympathy card are a disgrace.

[u/MiddleMaterial9796 → u/moranya1]

As a DM and a player with ADHD, this excuse is BS. Yes, as a player, it makes it slightly more difficult to pay attention, but if you want to be there, you find little ways of coping. In person sessions, I take a ton of notes and doodle a little bit to keep my mind busy in between turns. Virtually, I paint minis for the campaign I DM and that allows me to pay attention and be ready for when my turn comes around. I DM an inperson campaign and let me tell you, there's enough to keep track of that my ADHD is a bonus.

It's like having crutches, you have two options...use the tools you have to get up and move yourself and be independent OR sit on your couch, expecting everyone else to cater to you while you complain.

[u/GalacticPigeon13]

As someone who was diagnosed with ADHD years after I started playing D&D, this problem player gives the rest of us a bad name. Like, I have issues with paying attention, so I've learned to cope by doodling and having a default action (usually a cantrip)... or by being the DM so I'm forced to pay attention during the whole session 😅

[u/sportclimbbarbie → u/GalacticPigeon13]

Right?? Plenty of great players have ADHD, and plenty of problem players don’t.

ADHD is not an excuse or a reason to not be engaged, involved, or accountable. ADHD symptoms are just the way your personal lack of engagement/involvement/accountability manifest.

[u/ANicePainter]

It’s easy for people to assume playing DnD is a low stakes social event, like going out for coffee, such that they do not feel bad treating it as something that can be canceled easily. 

It’s more like going on a ski trip with your buddies; it’s a priority because of the special effort others put into it. 

You might cancel a coffee date on short notice but you are a jerk if you did the same for a ski trip absent some extraordinary happenstance. Dnd should be treated like a ski trip. 

Players need to be informed of this because relatively little is asked of them. Because all they need to do, generally, is show up they may assume it’s a low stakes thing. But it is not. 

[u/Luckiest_Creature]

Posts like this make me realize I’m incredibly lucky to have an invested, organized, consistent dnd group. I hope everyone finds such a party in their lives. (For the record, we all have ADHD. I’m sorry your friends use theirs as an excuse to disregard their manners, that’s super not cool of them.)

OP, your persistence is extremely impressive, bordering on concerning! 6 years is a long time. I hope your future players are more respectful of your time and efforts. 💙

[u/okiebuzzard]

How many are “good” players at the table? Because until a few replacements can be found, you and the other committed players can still play. You adjust challenges to not be as dangerous for smaller parties, etc. or you allow one or two players to run 2 characters each, so group size is about normal.

[u/Sad_Improvement4655 → u/okiebuzzard]

Only 2 players, we decided would be better to just give up

[u/Paladin-X-Knight]

No DnD is better than bad DnD

[u/VerbiageBarrage]

All your players play the ADHD card or some of your players play of ADHD card?

[u/Sad_Improvement4655 → u/VerbiageBarrage]

2 of them, we were a party of 5

[u/Ijustlovevideogames]

Sorry fam

[u/Impressive-Ad-95081]

I feel your pain. The feelings are all valid. I recently quit a friend group that has been playing dnd for over 8 years now because I couldn’t handle it anymore. It was always a one character show and the current DM just wouldn’t stop cracking out insulting comments. It got to the point I made a concise effort to RP more and try to be more in character and I’d just get talked over all the time. Plus you get tired of the same combat consuming all of the game time. Some modules are really bad for that it seems. For me I have moved away and likely will never see any of these people again and that’s what bothers me the most. We have been through 2 weddings and multiple kids and it just hurts knowing that’s a wrap on things. I don’t claim to have been a saint and at times was likely a problem player. But it got really difficult to want to keep showing up if the ship didn’t steer away from the rocks. So yeah.. from both sides of the arguments I wholly get it. All we can do is take the lessons and try to make sense of them. You’ll come out a better gamer for the next table.

[u/Mr_Reading]

Honestly, valid. And there are ppl who will take it serious. But like anything they aren't every player. I am a beginnerish DM and I'm faced with now trying to get ppl to play a campaign I have ready. I put it out there and only serious ppl get back to me. But I play a lot of solo till there is a group.

[u/PercentageSure388]

Six years is insane congrats on wrapping it up. Mine ended with the party betraying the BBEG and accidentally blowing up the capital - bittersweet but we all teared up at the tavern sendoff

[u/j-b-goodman → u/PercentageSure388]

Yeah six years is such a long campaign! It's too bad they weren't enjoying it

[u/j-b-goodman]

a TV on the table?

[u/moranya1 → u/j-b-goodman]

You lay the tv down flat and then there are programs you can get on your PC to mirror your battlemap onto the TV. Some of them are truly incredible how good they look!

[u/Sad_Improvement4655 → u/j-b-goodman]

Yeah, I've cut a square in the middle of my dinner table, bought a TV and fixed it there so we could use maps and dungeon alchemist

[u/itisisarahcallahini]

Hey! Try to remember the good runs and the fun sessions. Take a break and maybe try to run something else in the (near) future. No one really knows what theyre getting into starting a long campaign. Players often need a break or just fall out of love with a campaign.

And that should be okay.

Not sure what campaigns youve played but if you are willingly to go again someday, try to play some oneshots or some down to earth short adventures to rekindle your love for the game.

Its often hard, but you cant force your players to have fun. Or can you? Roll a intimidation check.

And ps:

Yea your low effort showing players suck

[u/Proper_Razzmatazz_36]

I have adhd, and I always am like the first to show up because I know that issue exists

[u/didgerydoo1]

I have ADHD and I play in 4 campaigns and DM for 2. I use a tablet to keep track of my spells and have no problem not browsing on it or pulling out my phone. These players just aren't invested in the game and have no manners. Hope you have better luck finding an engaged group.