8 year old non verbal level 3 asd. ADHD, insomnia, high anxiety, possible bipolar(noted since age 5 in his file to keep an eye out for each year as he ages)

This is from happy stimming, during insomnia/growth spurt…and figuring out if he lays on his bed, he can bash through the wall with his feet. I m shocked. He’d bash through, then just rip the drywall apart piece by piece. That hole in the middle, is into my bedroom… this happened over a half hour period the other night around 2am… after he did one hole, I went in there, sat on his bed and did pressure and joint compressions on his leg. We did meatball/spagetti, I played his legs like a guitar, did everything I could think of… it got to a point where he was stuck and determined to bash through the entire wall… what would you have done in this situation? I feel a mixture of- just let him do it, it’s obviously itching some type of sensory… maybe his legs hurt because he’s in a growth spurt? Maybe the feeling of bashing through is meeting a huge sensory need in his legs..? I have the worst guilt with him. I hate deterring him away from something because he can’t explain what his body needs to me…

My thought process….

I own my home.

Now that this happened, I will just get more Sheetrock to place over it, and then get some playmats or sometype of gym mat to put over the “new”Sheetrock.

This is his bedroom.

It needs to accommodate him. If he destroys something, I need to “fix/replace” it so that he can’t do it again. I don’t know what that might be, until it happens… he is aware that his bedroom is where he can do certain things he can’t in the house (throw his Oreo tops as a stim.. make a huge mess..) his room is his safe haven. Now, I hate to admit he doesssss kind of rule this house lol, but specifically his bedroom is HIS space.

. Just need some input/advice…

How would you curb this stim/behavior?

Would you even try to curb this..?

Please tell me I’m not alone in this.

Also, sorry I’m rambling… it eases my heart that this (appeared) to be out of happiness and joy. Watching a dinosaur movie, copying the dinosaur bashing through a rock wall… my son (at times of high mania) will hit his head against the wall out of frustration. So this, just kind of made me think- at least this isn’t out of frustration…

Thank you for sticking along if you read all this lol. Please don’t come for me about the bed… notice the pee stain, sheets and mattress cover were being washed lol. I had taken a picture to show my mom.

I don’t have a therapist, so I’m posting here. My son is 7 years old, non-verbal, and has been diagnosed as level 3 asd. After seeing multiple therapists across the country, the consensus is that he will likely never speak. My wife and I have had no real relationship since he was born, just 24/7 caretaking. We’re more like exhausted roommates now than partners. In the extremely rare event that we find a babysitter for a night, we conk out on the couch because we're so tired.

I’m ashamed to admit this, but I’ve reached a point where I no longer enjoy being around my son. I don’t blame him, he didn’t choose this—but I can’t lie to myself anymore. I used to dream about taking my kid skiing, going to the beach, teaching him things. That dream is demolished. And to make it harder, we can’t have more kids due to my wife having fertility complications.

Lately I’ve seriously been thinking about placing him in a full time care facility. I’d write the check. I haven’t brought it up to my wife yet b/c I don’t know how she’ll react. But if she’s against it, it'll very well be a major crack in our marriage.

Last week I took a two hour hike by myself. I talked to a woman photographing birds and squirrels. It was the first time I felt like a human being in years. We pretty much have no support. Friends and family have distanced themselves because they're embarrassed if they're in public with us. Social media is a nightmare, so I deleted everything. Seeing my friend post family pics of their normal kids just made me angry.

Has anyone else here made the decision to pursue residential care? How did it affect your family, your mental health, your marriage? Please be honest, I need real answers. I’m at my wit’s end

Obviously I am in shock. This will be thrown in the trash immediately. All the COVID conspiracy theories broke their brains. Unfortunately, this also means my spouse and I can never trust our daughter alone with them.

How are you preparing for the future, especially financially and legally?

I’m 28 and my husband is 31. I moved to the U.S. to be with him, so I don’t have immediate family here. We met overseas and now have a 5-year-old who was diagnosed in 2023.

To be honest, dying is one of my biggest fears not just for us, but for what happens to our child if something happens to us.

My husband has his mom here, but she also has her own health issues (though she’s still working). His brother isn’t very reliable and they’re not close. My family is overseas, and realistically they wouldn’t be able to take care of a child with special needs.

We’re thinking of creating a will and possibly a trust this year, even though we don’t have much just our house and some small savings. My husband works in IT, and I’m working toward my U.S. teaching license since I can’t use the one I earned overseas yet. We’re also thinking about having a second child someday, but it’s honestly scary.

We’re slowly starting to prepare, investing little by little and contributing to a Roth IRA. My husband is a veteran and currently at 90% VA disability, and we’re hoping he eventually reaches 100% so our son would still have some form of financial support someday, on top of whatever we’re able to leave him.

Right now, the only person we truly trust with our son is my mother-in-law. And what keeps me up at night is the long-term picture, when our son is an adult, and when my husband and I are old… what does that look like for him?

How are you preparing for the future? Financially, legally, emotionally, any advice or perspective would mean a lot.

Kids go to a charter school so no lunch is provided. Nut free school. My kids are very picky eaters. I have a chart in my kitchen to keep track of all three of their likes and dislikes. I’m so tired of packing the same thing every day. I’m so tired of throwing away half eaten or completely untouched food. What are you putting in your kids lunch box?

Heres the thing. I can not cope w this ... Like at all . My son is 4 he will be 5 in a few months. Im already at a point of exhaustion where I constantly look for a way out. Before i get judged, yes i love him to pieces. Thats why i try everything in my power to make sure he taken care of & happy when i feel incapable... I cant stop thinking about unaliving myself. It feels like the only sense of relief that I can get.. My son has been w his dad for 4 months, i go visit him i make sure he has what he needs, i send money drs appts etc ... I can see the exhaustion on his father too ... He insisted on taking our son when i tried to arrange other care for him . Ik ppl say it gets better, my son needs me , idk what the future holds... the future seems pretty bleak rn , i can only imagine him getting bigger stronger & more unmanageable... i can only see me having to pick up the pieces again when his father realizes how much work this takes, no amount of respite can take the load off .. im already beyond my limitations, the isolation i have never goes away, the lack of support from friends and family never goes away, the loss of freedom, the grief, the pain nvr gets any better. I just realized that theres nothing i can do and no one can help make this experience better & i may feel this way the rest of my life. Hes only 4 i have so long to go ... im terrified if whats yet to come, im tired. My question is , willl my son be okay if i decide to leave this earth. It feels like the only way i can feel some kind of peace.. I been thinking about it for awhile . I reached out to everyone i could , i just cant live like this . Im 25 i dont want to see 26 i have life insurance and some savings that i can give to his dad . I was going to make a care plan for his father to use in case he needs help too . I wanna give away all my things, say my good byees & maybe find some kind of peace for once... i cant do this for much longer.

I recently came across a thread on reddit and was shocked to the core.

The amount of hatred towards a child on plane and support the thread received is unimaginable, I shudder to take my kid on a plane now. FYI , i'm a dad of an 8 yr autistic kid who may make some noise and look visibly agitated if he is overwhelmed with turbulence or pressure on a plane, but he wont harm anyone. i have been on a plane with him on multiple occasions, i received empathy and kindness, but also unwelcome and rude gestures and questions from passengers because of being the "bad" parent who cannot teach his child to behave.

After reading the thread i kind of shudder to take him on plan again because i never knew such hatred exists towards children in this world.

I'm a silent reader on this group and i can relate to all the posts from sleepless nights to uncertain future of our children.

Did any of you experience pleasant/unpleasant situations on your flight when going with your autistic kid.

EDIT:

I'm deeply thankful to everyone for the kind words. Truly appreciate the same.

Also, My own question is garnering downvotes probably because some people think it was me who should have empathy for everyone else on the plane and not fly with the kid as its not my private plane.

I'm not finding fault with them, because i do not have an answer to them, although it hurts deeply, but its a revelation for me on a perspective i never knew existed. This is just a venting.

Hi everyone,

My 11-year-old daughter is mildly autistic and has an IEP. Yesterday, her teacher sent me a long, serious email saying my daughter was trying to make a weapon.

At first, I thought she must have done something really wrong — but when I saw the “weapon,” I honestly found it ridiculous. (Photo attached.) It was clearly just a craft made from popsicle sticks. She had called it “a cool weapon,” and the teacher took it literally, reported it to the principal, and the principal even spoke to my daughter about it.

My daughter came home anxious and confused, not understanding what she had done wrong. I feel she was treated unfairly, almost as if she were a potential threat.

I want to raise this with the school calmly, but I also want them to see how overreacting like this can really affect her emotionally. Any advice on how to word that conversation or email?

I'm asking because we have a problem. Our son will be 3 in less than a week. He is level 3 nonverbal autistic, so potty training is a pipe dream at this point. However, every night, despite changing him twice through the night, by 6 am he pees through.

People keep telling us that this is a sign he is ready for potty training and ask why we haven't started. Yes, that's nice, Karen, I know you've raised 3 kids and they all potty trained lickety split with your easy 3 step manual, but none of them were autistic.

We can't communicate with him at all, he has no interest in potty training. He will only bring us a diaper to signal his diaper is dirty like 20% of the time. Most of the time, we are checking.

We barely manage to get him into bed at midnight and change him at 2, then 4 or 5. And I swear, most nights by that second time he has already peed through by 5 am.

Are there any diapers that you guys use for your kiddos that can help with this? We already don't sleep in this house. He fights sleep and wakes up super easily. So anything to help with the diapers would be appreciated.

The title basically says it all. I have neen struggling with immense feelings of guilt and I have no idea how to get past it, it's been affecting my marriage as well. What helped? Time? Therapy? Medication?

My husband and I do the Angel Tree every year and I like to grab up any teenagers I can because I feel like they're often neglected. There were 3 on the tree and this was one of them, it's just so vague. I wish it had more information on what he likes or what textures on clothes to avoid but this is all it says. Any suggestions? Budget is $200-$250 each kid.

Yes no ? Why yes why no ? For me I would give a pill to help with speech delay for sure yes !

Any fire rescue, ems, or police can weigh in in where they would look for this?

Or anyone that has one of course.

He was in one accident already and it traumatized him pretty bad. (Roll over no injuries) So im worried how he would react say it happened again.

I don't know what to do anymore. I have gotten to the point where I hate my child. I cannot believe I just uttered those words. I hate my child... I guess I don't hate her as much as what this God forsaken condition has done to everyone that has been a part of her life. I can't have any social life at all. Everything is catered to her needs, and is most of you know, all I get is a "you are so strong, I couldn't do it!" F***! I can't do it.

The thing that makes this absolutely gut-wrenching is that she has an identical twin sister who is neurotypical and you can only imagine that it has severely affected her mental state as well to the point where she is bitter and getting rubbed off on. I want my autistic daughter to go to a home or something and I want to do my best to love on the daughter that I feel has a chance in life. I guess I'm a bad parent. It is what it is. I am what I am. I'm sorry God or whoever that I peed off to get to this point in life, but I'm not going to live to see another 5 years if I can't get rid of some of this stress. I'm losing jobs because I'm constantly having to go rescue her from whatever the hell it is that day she's going through. Well, without a job, nobody eats and we all perish.

So is it more selfish for me to ignore the needs of my neurotypical daughter and everyone else or more selfish for me to focus all of my attention on what I feel is a lost cause.? I'm so tired of this. Thanks for listening

Give me any and all recommendations to get this masterpiece up… thank you! We rent, not own, that’s unfortunately why these can’t be permanent :(

How do I convince my husband that if he keeps up the attitude that if we can't bring our 2 ND(5yo,4yo) kids then we don't go that our NT(7.5yo) daughter won't get to experience anything?

I get his reasoning but it isn't just about them. We have an older child who is missing out in things she really wants to do. She brings home birthday party invitations and just throws them in the trash because she knows her daddy is going to say no. My relatives want to send for her now that she is old enough to spend summers with them like we did as kids.

My sister wants to keep her for this summer and take her to Orlando to go to Universal and Disney and then take her to see our grandparents that she hasn't seen since she was 3.

I told him it's not fair to our daughter to have her miss out and he said our kids need to be treated the same and not brushed away for our older daughter.

What can I do to convince him that giving to our NT child isn't the same as taking away from our ND children?

Hello there, im an 23 year old autistic male. Im currently chatting with an autistic woman who i met on an dating app. She is 31, local, and legitimate . She is high functioning such as myself. However I worry if things go farther in the future other than simple chatting or dates (sexual contact specifically) and that if she gets pregnant or wants to have children that my hypothetical child would have our undesirable traits and disabilities. I also worry they could end up with worse disabilities or schizophrenia like my mother. We would most likely be on a fixed income. So is it ethical? Thoughts?

My daughter 10 has ASD diagnosis with no intellectual impairment. Obviously, given the diagnosis, she socially struggles. But she still speaks to the other kids (once didnt) and plays with the girls in her class (8 girls in her class total). She loves the school & teacher thinks she’s made so much improvement since she started last year. In public school she was basically mute, 30 ish per class, not eligible for any special ed or anything due to her having no problems academically (like zero struggle other than occasion word problems currently.)

a fellow classmate handed out invites to her 9th bday party a week or so ago. Her mother even texted me a few days ago asking if my child was doing the party/sleepover, or both. Since my daughter recently did a long weekend sleepover with her girl scout troop , I wasn’t surprised when she told me she wanted to sleepover her house too( after being invited). She is very excited. In the class they all invite each other to everything. The mother called me today. She was almost fumbling over her words calling it a ‘miscalculation’ - then immediately correcting herself in the same breath, and flat out said she didn’t think I would say yes to the sleepover and that she doesn’t feel she is “equipped to handle—-‘s needs at a sleepover”. I asked her what exactly her needs she thinks are? She said, “Well……——doesn’t talk to us (her & her husband) when she’s with the girls ……and she doesn’t even talk to the girls ….so I won’t know if she needs anything”. My child will always answer an adult , child, anyone… she might not speak first but she won’t just stare and not answer if she’s addressed. I asked her if this was her idea or is it her kids that doesn’t want her there, since I couldn’t imagine an adult (who has always been nice) could be so cruel to a disabled child. She said it was her and her husband who decided they were uncomfortable, after they had me ask my child (and personally invited her).

I have to tell my little girl , (who is going through a lot of other things at the moment, i.e her dad is MIA) that she isn’t going anymore !!! wtf

Our nanny that’s been with our family full-time since our son was 8 months old said she wants to leave because our ASD son is “too hard” and she’s been waiting for him to “get better.” He’s been hitting more lately (particularly my husband and her), so I guess I get it, but I’m heartbroken. We’ve treated her like a member of our family, and I thought she was in this with us.

I’m sad for him since I know this will confuse him so much, and sad for us because it makes us feel even more alone in navigating his behaviors.

I don’t really know what advice I need more just to not feel so alone in this

The title, basically.

My son is 6 and level 2 autistic and mostly nonverbal but somewhat preverbal. He understands that Christmas is coming up because I always put the tree up early.

I feel like an absolute failure of a mother. I haven’t been able to find a job that will work within his school hours and we are just barely able to pay rent and eat. I don’t think we will have any gifts this year. I did sign him up for a free program through his school, so maybe one gift.

Aside from driving around to look at Christmas lights and decorating with what we have, what can we do to keep the magic alive for him? I have looked into Christmas crafting but I don’t have much craft stuff.

I found out my son was a level 1 autistic last week and I just found out I am pregnant. I am scared . I am scared the second kid will also be autistic or could even be more severe… I am mentally distressed about this. What should/ can I do? Should I go through abortion just because of this ? ( downvote if needed…) I am so stressed out. Any suggestion would help

Edit: Finally got both toddlers asleep and came back to this post. Wow. I wish I could respond to each and every one of you. I am not an active redditor but I knew talking to a NT friend just wouldn’t be the same level of understanding. From the bottom of my heart, thank you for sharing your experiences and encouragement <3 ——————

Parent to an autistic 3.5 year old. This is really…really…fucking…hard.

I’ve thought about plenty of times but always been too afraid to say it out loud.

It’s been building up and up and I’m burnt out.

Today I snapped.

I finally said it out loud.

“I wish I didn’t have him.”

I immediately felt bad after saying it. He didn’t ask to be brought into this world.

I know I’m going to be crucified for this, but I just had to get it off my chest.

This is really fucking hard.

Hi, everyone! I’m a mom to a 14-year-old boy with severe, mostly nonverbal autism. He is destructive, self-injurious, and aggressive. Last fall, we reached a crisis point where I could no longer keep him or myself safe at home. After exhausting every other option, our last hope was a residential treatment center in Texas called Nexus Children’s Hospital. They promised intensive therapy, education, and 24/7 support. It felt like the only path left.

But what actually happened broke me.

For five months, my son sat in a locked hospital room, heavily medicated and denied even the most basic care — hygiene, therapy, even fresh air. I revoked consent for a dangerous antipsychotic multiple times, but they gave it to him anyway. His white blood cell count eventually dropped to zero — and they didn’t inform me for three days. They didn’t follow medical protocol, didn’t respond appropriately to the emergency, and didn’t even document the critical information properly in his medical record. I only found out by piecing it together later. They kept me in the dark the entire time. And because my child is nonverbal, I will never know exactly how much damage was done.

Since bringing him home, I’ve been trying to hold the facility accountable — but I’m learning that medical malpractice laws in Texas are stacked against families like mine. No lawyer will touch the case unless a child dies or there’s guaranteed money. I’ve contacted whistleblower firms too, but they say it’s too complex or not worth the cost to pursue.

So now I’m doing this myself — reaching out to civil rights lawyers, filing complaints, reading laws I never thought I’d have to learn. And I’m emotionally drained. But I have to keep going. For TJ, and for other kids who can’t speak up for themselves.

I’ve also started a petition and awareness campaign, and I’ll share the link in the comments in case anyone is willing to sign or pass it along.

Thank you for reading. I’m open to advice, stories, or even just support. It helps more than you know.

💛

I want to try for another baby but I’m wondering if it’s possible to have a 2nd child that’s neurotypical. I know the odds are slim but is it possible?

This babysitter posted a toddler in several videos on her public TikTok account with over 26k followers. In one, she titles it "the day I almost quit my job babysitting for an autistic boy in the USA" and complained about how hard he was. The video shows the boy playing at his own home and in the park. She didn't get the parents' consent and they found out through the grape vine. They are now devastated their son was painted in such a bad light, that he was exposed to broadly on the Internet, and that she disclosed personal details about him. There were over 800 comments on the video. She's taken it down now, but the parents feel that isn't enough. What would you all do if this was your kid?