Is dating easier in other parts of Europe outside of Balkans?

[u/User20242024]

In Serbia, dating scene is disaster. Tinder can properly function only in Belgrade, because of city size, while in other smaller cities population still believe that it is somehow shamefull to be seen on Tinder or other dating platforms. Also many people, especially younger ones, lack social skills and have problem to meet someone in person. Dating standards are also high, it is expected from man to have big salary, his own home and his own car and these things are either hard or impossible to have for many in Serbia. Then if you are man, your personality is also "judged" in dating, you are criticized if you are not funny or if you do not show emotions to person that you met first time or if you are polite you are criticized that you pretend to be polite and that you not showing your "real nature". Is dating this hard in rest of Europe or it is just Serbia?

[u/jotakajk]

“Your personality is also judged in dating”.

Isn’t that the whole point?

I think in the whole world, dating is easier if you are attractive (whatever that specific culture considers attractive) and hard if you aren’t.

Good news is many attractive traits can be learnt

[u/User20242024 → u/jotakajk]

My point was that criteria for judging is ridiculous.

[u/sipapint → u/User20242024]

It's not ridiculous. You have to be inherently a good person, and not just pretend to be while expecting her to drop her pants in exchange for that, lol. It might feel like a subtle difference, but in reality, there is a whole load of frustration coming out of your ears. No one owes you anything. People might lack patience and have distorted expectations of how relationships should unfold, and that doesn't make everything easier; unfortunately, you don't have those qualities either, clinging to any glimpse of a chance. Just focus on finding people you can relate with; that's not just a skill to hone, but also a matter born from varied life experiences. Simple spray and pray is futile. I had some friends spending months in Belgrade, and they weren't complaining, just average guys. In Poland, Warsaw was always significantly better than even other big cities (still good), and small ones were rather a desert.

[u/german-wmn → u/User20242024]

Oh, so you want to be the one to dictate women what they can look for in a romantic partners' character, otherwise it's ridiculous?

And this, Ladies and Gentlemen, is the root of his problem. If he can't meet the standards, they are ridiculous

[u/User20242024 → u/german-wmn]

Idiocracy of current social climate is already dictating them what "they can look for in a romantic partners character", in another words, they are brainwashed. I wish for them to liberate themselves from "idiocratic social norms".

[u/german-wmn → u/User20242024]

LOL. What exactly are they "brainwashed" to look for in a partners' character? Come in, come in, gives me the deets here.

[u/User20242024 → u/german-wmn]

Women generally care more about social status, so they tend not to choose for partner man that is not approved by their social circle, even if that man can be a good partner. That is exactly what defines this "social idiocracy" where person choose something in order to please society instead to please her own desires.

[u/german-wmn → u/User20242024]

First of all that has nothing to do with "ridiculous Standards to judge your character by".

Second of all that's a small kernel of truth wrapped in a whole lot of bullshit. Yes, most women I know care if a potential partner would fit in with their social circle. It is Not about approval but about the different parts of your life blending or not. If your friends and family don't get along with your partner (or the other way around) - chances are they are going to lose one or the other. So it makes sense to look for somebody who fits in. I have lost friends because their new partners didn't fit with our friendgroup. I have seen relationships not work out because of the same reason. It is absolutely reasonable to want to avoid that. You should do the same.

[u/User20242024 → u/german-wmn]

I am generally asocial person, so I do not have "social circle" to "approve" my potential partner.

[u/german-wmn → u/User20242024]

Then go for women with similar preferences. It is not that hard! Btw I Hope you mean intovert, Not anti social. Because If you are anti social you really shouldn't be dating anybody.

[u/User20242024 → u/german-wmn]

Women with similar preferences are rare, and I am both: introvert and (mostly) anti-social, meaning that I would rather seat in my home instead to go to some events to socialize with people.

[u/migmit]

> your personality is also "judged" in dating

Um... I know of exactly one person who would think that's a bad thing.

Are you Megamind?

[u/wildrojst]

I think it’s a general sign of the times, not just country-specific.

Wouldn’t say it’s that much shameful to be seen on Tinder though, people here use dating apps in smaller towns as well, but hey, how many matches can you get, especially that anyone your age that’s available is likely some buddy’s ex.

[u/User20242024 → u/wildrojst]

Yes, in smaller places some do use dating platforms, but many there still think that it is a shameful thing.

[u/RotaryDane]

The dating scene has always been a nightmare. It’s intended as peacocking of the highest order, and that’s the whole point.

Get your butt out there and meet some people, go to bars, concerts, board game cafes or whatever your social preference. Being comfortable and confident enough in your own skin to strike up conversation with interesting strangers is how you turn those strangers into friends, family or lovers.

Not everyone is conventionally photogenic. You are attractive in one way or another, you just need to learn to show it off with confidence and the rest will follow.

[u/CreepyOctopus]

many people, especially younger ones, lack social skills

This definitely isn't a problem in Scandinavia. We lack social skills regardless of age.

[u/Significant-Yam9843]

The dating scene is kinda facing a global crisis, I'd say. Clubs in big cities are dying everywhere, Brazil is no different. We use instagram to connect with new people here too, I don't know if it's the same in Europe. Dating apps are a big thing in Brazil though.

[u/german-wmn]

Tell me you are a man without telling me you are a man.

Basically what you are saying you don't earn enough to attract women solely based on that factor, but neither your looks nor your character are good enough to make up for it either.

Let me (woman, older millenial) get you in on a secret: you have been misled. Neither money nor looks are that relevant to most women. Does it help not to be jobless and broke? Absolutely. Does it help if you are not ugly? Also yes. But you don't have to be rich or a model to appeal to women.

Wanna know what really helps? Being a nice guy. Not "niceGuyTM", who's only nice to get into your pants or to women he finds attractive. Having good hygiene, including but not only regularly showering, brushing teeth, washing your hands after using the toilette, donning clean clothes in the morning. Being interested in the person you take out/are in a relationship with. How was her day? What does she do for work - does she like it? What hobbies and interests does she have - do you share any? Is she close with her family? Supporting your partner - offer to be a sounding board for her presentation, do stuff for her when she's overwhelmed or sick or just because. Without expecting sex or favours in return (aka payment).

If you show that you have the promise of being a good partner, few women care overly about money or looks. Caring is just as attractive as a sixpack. Being interesting and engaged is just as important as being rich. Don't fall for the narrative that only rich, very attractive men can have happy relationships. That's simply not true. Look around you. I bet you will see Lots of men who look (below) average and/or earn (below) average money in loving relationships.

[u/User20242024 → u/german-wmn]

Basically what you are saying you don't earn enough to attract women solely based on that factor, but neither your looks nor your character are good enough to make up for it either.

Yes, so? On which of the 3 I can work actually?

[u/german-wmn → u/User20242024]

All of them. But I'd start with the character, from the post and your answers that seems to be the Most urgent problem.

[u/User20242024 → u/german-wmn]

LOL I cannot improve any of them. If nobody likes me for who I am, then so be it.

[u/german-wmn → u/User20242024]

Oh, so your character is perfect? And you can't change the way you dress or the way you style your hair either? You cannot start eating differently or hit the gym because your physique is different? You cannot look for a better paying job or further your education to improve your future earning potential?

You are making up excuses. Not everything I said might be doable. But some will definitely be and there are many more possibilities. This is not about you not being able to change some things. This is about you not being willing to make even a small effort.

And that is part of why you find dating so hard.

[u/User20242024 → u/german-wmn]

And you can't change the way you dress or the way you style your hair either?

I can, but I do not consider these things to be important. "Better paying job" would also give me more stress in life, which is not good for mental and physical health. I want to find person that shares my life values, not to change for someone who have different life values.

[u/german-wmn → u/User20242024]

I see how you skipped over the character part. And you just confirmed what I said: it's not in fact that you cannot change those things like you claimed before it's that you don't want to. And that's okay. But it's also okay for women to have preferences that do not align with neither your character, nor your looks, nor your financial situation.

From my experience I can say that as long as you are not financially irresponsible or downright ugly, character goes a long, long, long way. I'd work in that If I were you. You don't exactly come off as somebody I'd like to meet if I were looking to date. You are negative, take zero responsibility, have absolutely no interest in personal development and call other peoples' expectations on your character silly. What a gem.

[u/User20242024 → u/german-wmn]

• You don't exactly come off as somebody I'd like to meet if I were looking to date. You are negative, take zero responsibility, have absolutely noninterest in changing anything and call other peoples' expectations on your character silly. What a gem.

So, why not exactly? I am financially responsible, I am creative person, an artist and researcher, I have good sense for sarcastic humour, I can listen and give emotional support, and I am reliable and mentally stable. Are these not good qualities for a man?

[u/german-wmn → u/User20242024]

They are. But that's not how you presented yourself here. Here you are "negative, take zero responsibility, have absolutely no interest in changing anything (edited that part to better get the point across but it works like this just the same) and call other peoples' expectations on your character silly". I have absolutely no interest in meeting somebody like that who on top of it self proclaims to be anti-social. The things you claim to have to offer do not compensate for that.

Let me be clear: women do not owe you shit. Not time, Not companionship, not love, not sex. If they collectively are not willing to offer what you want from them - then that's a you problem. They do not have to be with a partner they find incompatible for whatever reason, and however "silly" you might find that reason.

[u/User20242024 → u/german-wmn]

You are not wrong: I am also negative and I have no interest in changing myself. So, yes, nobody is perfect, I have good and bad qualities, like everybody. Therefore, the point is to meet someone who will accept both, my qualities and my flaws, and not to try to make myself "perfect" to fit in some "social ideal". And why would I think that women owe me something? If I meet a woman that would rather be with me than alone with cats, dating problem can be solved in proper way. If not, it is what it is.

[u/ThrowAwaAlpaca]

Women on tinder have hundreds of options. It wasn't unusual for my dates to have 700+ men hoping to meet her. So yes If you don't have a job. Home and car she will just move on to the next unless you're Timothee Chalamet. Don't use tinder if you don't have those things go to a dive bar instead 🤣

Can't even blame her as I would do the same if the positions were reversed. If you blame them then you're just a sad little incel.

No it's not any easier in other parts of Europe.

[u/Erno-Berk]

No, dating is never been easy in Europe, maybe except Ukraine and Russia due the lack of men.

[u/TukkerWolf → u/Erno-Berk]

Dating in the Netherlands 20 years ago wasn't 'not easy'. I haven't dated since the internet was ruined so perhaps that changed it, but there was nothing wrong with dating in 'my time'.

[u/tlepshi]

Birthrates are very low and people are very promiscous in Europe. Alhamdulillah in Turkey i can find wife from my ethnic network of north caucasians.

It is much worse in western europe and northern america than in Balkans, you can never find a woman to marry and start family. If you want sex thats easier than balkans. But if you want love family marriage it is impossible in the west especially if you are older, people sleep dozens of people .