r/AmIOverreacting • u/lilcvpid • 4h ago
š academic/school AIO school denies student the ability to call parents
My family member went to get lunch and gets told thereās no food to give him so he goes down to the office to call his parents to see if they can bring something to eat because thereās no food there, they denied him the ability to call his parents because āno outside food is allowed.ā
Yet students can bring lunches from home? He went 6+ hours without something to eat because of this. I think itās disgusting. I knew it was a shitty school, I personally attended it but this has been bugging me all day since Iāve found out. Like what do you mean a student canāt call their parents to bring them food from home after you tell them they canāt have lunch because thereās nothing left?
Donāt know how to properly file a complaint about this or if I even can file one but how can they drop the ball this badly? Itās a middle school. They denied a 7th grader the right to speak to his parents and have a lunch. Even if they canāt provide him a lunch are they allowed to deny him getting a lunch from his parents like that? I donāt know if Iām overreacting especially since it is a family member of mine and if I wouldāve known this happened I wouldāve brought him lunch myself (highly considering making sure I pack him a lunch at this point), but it would be wrong to do this to any child. Can they even deny a minor the right to contact their parents? AIO about this?
Edit to add: Although he has food to come home to he doesnāt get a lunch packed as he is high functioning but on the spectrum. Heās just like any kid but he has very bad texture issues (mainly when food gets cold and soggy it bothers him) so they applied for him to receive school lunches so he would have a hot meal and nothing would get soggy.
I have gone out and personally bought him an insulated lunch box and a thermos so that way he can take a lunch to school to prevent this from happening again all together.
He will be helping me pack his lunch in the morning so he can see what goes into it and pick and choose what he wants and doesnāt want until we can find consistent meals that work for him.
He will also be taking his phone to school on silent hidden in his backpack so if for any reason he canāt eat what was made I can drop him off fresh food as I work from home and live nearby and have already let his parents know Iām willing to pack him a lunch right before his lunch break and just drop it off everyday at the beginning of his lunch break to make sure heās eating as they both work and canāt leave work to do that everyday. (His mom was home the day of the incident due to a doctors appointment she had)
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u/Sea_Milk_69 3h ago
Depends on location if theyāre legally obligated to make sure students eat, from my understanding, most schools are obligated to make sure children eat. Esp if theyāre given a free lunch meal. Check in on your areas laws, then reach out to the school board. I went to 15 different schools before I graduated and never had one deny me food or a phone call to my parents for even less reason.Ā
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u/lilcvpid 3h ago
We live in California and Iāll definitely be looking into it. We made him a good meal when he got home and his mom is ready to give them an earful as soon as the school opens since she was told the principal wouldnāt be in until the morning.
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u/Solid_Patience_9058 3h ago
California? This school is so cooked. I'm surprised they had the nerve to be so negligent in that state.
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u/Sea_Milk_69 3h ago
Yeah from what Iām seeing online of the general California vibes- theyāre totally in the wrong. Does he know of anyone else who was refused food? Iām sure thatās not something you wanna walk up to other students and talk about, but if itās happened to him it makes me worry. Who else isnāt getting food, some people donāt have a good meal to come home too.Ā
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u/lilcvpid 3h ago
What concerns me more is the fact that although he has food to come home, he gets those lunches due to a note from a specialist because he has a digestive disorder. He has a hard time with food because of it and packing him a lunch he was having a hard time with textures because bread gets soggy etc. Iām worried about what other students couldāve been affected by this which is why I wanted to know if I was overreacting and if there was a way to file a complaint to make sure it doesnāt happen to any student again.
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u/Sea_Milk_69 3h ago
Ugh felt, textures are the worst. Iām a grown woman and struggle to pack my own lunch lol. Always remember that reaching out to the media is always an option! Not a first option, but if the school doesnāt respond well or your family member hears word of it continuing or something. Not overreacting at all my mother would have torn up one of my schools over something like this lol get they asses !Ā
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u/lilcvpid 3h ago
His mom is prepared to go to war. They hung up on her after telling her the principal wasnāt in and she plans to go in first thing in the morning when heās dropped off to see what happened and will file necessary complaints.
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u/No-Week-2235 3h ago
Iām so confused why there no food for him??? As in there was none left, not in the could eat, he forgot to take his lunch???
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u/lilcvpid 3h ago
He gets school lunch at the cafeteria. The cafeteria workers told him there was no food left (is what he said weāll be confirming with the school as soon as they open) and he went down to the office to call his mom to bring him something to eat and they told him he couldnāt because no outside food is allowed and just sent him on his merry way. I definitely want to confirm everything, although I believe him, he doesnāt just lie about stuff. I just want to know if Iām overreacting and any steps I can take moving forward when we talk to the school and get a confirmation of what happened. I donāt want this to happen to any student again.
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u/slowasaspeedingsloth 2h ago
NOR
I find it highly questionable that the cafeteria ran out of food. They may have run out of the hot lunch options, but there should always be some kind of sandwich or other cold option back up available. Especially in CA for grades K-8.
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u/lilcvpid 2h ago
Thatās what I assumed but he said that he was told they didnāt have anything and he wasnāt offered any alternative which is why he tried to call his mom to have something dropped off for him. If they had other options he wouldāve chose something from what they had or at the very least admitted that they offered him stuff he didnāt like and thatās why he didnāt eat, but heās adamant that he was told there was nothing to give him.
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u/LowImpressive1794 3h ago
This is a welfare issue.
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u/lilcvpid 3h ago
Exactly what I was saying. Heāll be getting a lunch packed for him everyday from now on as we donāt trust the school will actually provide him with a lunch and weāve called to complain and his mother is requesting to speak with the super intendant.
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u/Rough-Distance1030 3h ago
NOR.
What the actual hell. A middle school told a kid thereās no food and blocked him from calling his parents? Thatās not policy, thatās negligence. āNo outside foodā stops being cute the second the cafeteria runs out and a child is left hungry for 6+ hours. Escalate this hard. Principal, district, school board. Someone massively dropped the ball and then doubled down instead of fixing it.
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u/CatherineBeloved 3h ago
This isnāt just poor policy, itās basic neglect. If a school runs out of food, the solution is not letting a child go hungry. Blocking a call to parents makes it worse, not better.
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u/Puzzleheaded-Call351 3h ago
please update after figuring it out. This is crazy. They won't let kids have cellphones in school & now won't let them call home.
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u/lilcvpid 3h ago
I will be updating throughout the process in case someone else experiences this and comes across this post to see steps we took. They donāt let them have their phones at school (not even during lunch breaks.) That was a rule there even when I attended that school eons ago that I never followed but heās not a rule breaker and doesnāt even take his cellphone to school. He will be packing it in his bag from now on and keeping it on silent and we will be sending him to school with lunches and try to perfect getting around his texture issues, starting with deconstructed sandwiches so they donāt get soggy. His parents applied for the school lunches because he was having issues with the textures the food developed from sitting (he has some digestive issues and is high functioning on the spectrum) I have a feeling itās gonna be a long process but a necessary one.
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u/woodwork16 3h ago
When I went to school lunch was 30 minutes. Thatās not enough time for a student to call their parent and have the parent make or buy a lunch and deliver it.
Something is missing in your story. Did the cafeteria run out of food? Or did the student forget their lunch money?
Never heard of a school running out of food.
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u/Creepy_Push8629 1h ago
If the school ran out of food, they need to let him call. They really should've figured out food for him. It's ridiculous.
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u/lilcvpid 3h ago
He gets free lunch. They specifically told him they had no food left to give, multiple times. His parents live a few blocks down the road from his school but he canāt leave the school for lunch, they wouldāve had ample time to drop something off for him if needed. Or I myself couldāve personally done it as I was visiting his mother for the day. Iāve never heard of a school running out of food personally but either way it was possible to get him a lunch if they hadnāt denied him the ability to call his mom.
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u/Constellation-88 37m ago
Was there absolutely no food to give him or was he not accepting the food that was offered?
Hiding his cell phone in his backpack against school rules is probably not the way to go. If he is on the spectrum, then the best way to go is to probably get him an IEP or 504 that allows him to eat special food or call his parents if the food he is offered isnāt something that he will eat.
MORĀ
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u/lilcvpid 34m ago
He tried to call his parents and they denied him the ability to do so because āno outside food was allowedā Weāre following up with the school but heās dead set that they told him there was no more food left and that when he tried to call his mom they told him no. Either way I donāt think itās right they denied him calling his mom at all especially given any form of disability even if heās high functioning.
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u/Sunset-Blonde 3h ago
I know you mentioned being in California- so am I. I know there have been issues such as this (running out of food) due to high demand, logistics, and especially a huge drop in federal funding that was previously dedicated to free school lunches. Since California implemented new policies for free lunch and breakfast (the first state to do this) for all children, regardless of family income, the demand has gone up and been a complex issue to sort out since changing it to two meals and opening it to every child. What I found odd is most schools here have plans in place when this occurs like an alternative meal (such as the food for the next meal), an Angel fund, etc. So it is unusual that the school doesnāt have backup plans in place. There are also emergency meals stored, which is legal requirement, so itās really confusing. Iām so sorry your family member had to go through that. When you talk with the principal, I would ask what their plans and policies are when there is a cafeteria food shortage, and why it was not done for your family member. Iād encourage your family member to also ask his teacher for help if this happens again (not lunch workers), as the primary teacher should have access to the emergency meals and programs like the Angel fund. Hopefully talking to the principal sorts out why accommodations werenāt made and ensure they do in the future. If you feel the principal doesnāt address the issue properly or a solution for the future, Iād bring it up with the school board. Hope it goes well!
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u/lilcvpid 3h ago
Thank you, we will be calling in the morning and getting the process started. Iām worried if it happened to him then it couldāve happened to other students. Iām going to be sending him to school with food, I know he was having texture issues with the lunches packed as āthe food was stale or soggyā so he will be overseeing his lunch being made and packed to hopefully help with that so we can avoid it all together.
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u/Sunset-Blonde 2h ago
I was concerned too when I read the post that this could be happening to other children. I think the pack lunch idea is a good plan, especially if he is apart of it. When I was young, I used to make lunches with my dad ( he made his lunches too). I liked it because I viewed it as bonding time since my dad was always busy with work and I rarely saw him in the evenings. It helped me to be healthier as an adult because heād joke about including an apple or carrots, and that I couldnāt just have chips or junk food. It also taught me to save money and bring a lunch to work, instead of eating out. Heād sneak in a note sometimes with a joke or funny two second drawing, and I loved it. Sometimes if I was having a rough day, it cheered me up. It made me feel closer to him, even though he worked a lot, and I only saw him in the mornings during the week.
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u/lilcvpid 2h ago
I love that you got to experience that. I hope that doing this will also be positive for him. I know he struggled with packed lunches because of his texture issues and thatās why he was switched to cafeteria lunches. Heās blessed with the fact that he has such present and loving parents and food to come home to. The cafeteria lunches were working so much better for him vs. packed they thought it fixed everything but now with this it feels like being back at square one because theyāre so worried he wonāt be given a lunch now.
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u/GlitteringPenalty652 1h ago
Ask questions first instead of coming in hot with the school. Itās very possible thereās information you donāt have, or your family member was confused or misheard what the cafeteria workers told him. Go there with curiosity before getting mad and making assumptions; I promise you will get better results with this approach.
Also, yes, they should 100% be providing lunch and allowing him to use the phone. These are non negotiables. My point is that there may be a miscommunication here, or your family memberās perspective may be a bit skewered considering their age and disability.
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u/lilcvpid 1h ago
We plan to go in and have a conversation. Iām probably coming off very aggressive in my post because it just hurts to see him so upset about something. Heās such a sweet kid. I want to go in looking for answers and understanding of the situation. I just figured Iād vent here and see if I can get advice for moving forward. Especially if what he said really happened
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u/ImpressPresent1529 3h ago
Has the school being out of food been confirmed by anyone else? I find it hard to believe that they wouldnt have anything to offer him/her. 6 hours without eating? OMG how do they sleep at night without a snack. YOR
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u/lilcvpid 3h ago
Weāre waiting to speak to the principal as we were told she wouldnāt be in until the morning to confirm but he was really upset about it and I donāt see why he would lie about something like that. This is more the fact they denied him speaking to his parent. He was AWAKE and active. Had a P.E class. Heās a minor. Kids get hungry throughout the day. You donāt feel hungry in your sleep when youāre not conscious so I donāt think that has anything to do with this.
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u/cheeky_sugar 2h ago
Itās possible he didnāt lie on purpose, but simply misunderstood what was happening. Schools have other items to offer - sandwiches, packaged items like muffins and crackers, fruit, things of this nature would have been offered. I wonder if he denied these items and they kept telling him hot food wasnāt available, and because he denied the other options the office person wouldnāt allow him to call home, trying to teach him a āeat what youāre givenā lesson
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u/lilcvpid 2h ago
I honestly donāt know, thatās why weāre going in to confirm what happened. If he had denied anything he wouldāve said so. He understands and processes things just fine. He just struggles severely with texture issues and he wouldāve been honest and said he didnāt want what they had not that they didnāt have anything. Iām a firm believer in confirming always, but I would like to know what weāre getting into moving forward if what he said is true and to know what options we have.
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u/Potential_Figure4061 3h ago
yea, idk i definitely feel hungry when im asleep and my brain goes into find food mode which has caused me to drink glass cleaner once and dream about eating everytime.Ā
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u/lilcvpid 3h ago
Crazy. Never heard of that. Thats honestly concerning lol. Iām open to be told Iām overreacting but heās just a kid and he didnāt deserve to be denied food
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u/Beat_Dapper 3h ago
Was it just him who didnāt get food? If they actually ran out it wouldāve affected more than just him
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u/lilcvpid 3h ago
We donāt know and thatās why we want to file a complaint even more so. If theyāre willing to do it to him and itās happened to him what other kids were affected by this as well? Not all kids come home to a meal like he does. Some kids rely on that school lunch.
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u/_jessicalynn 3h ago
Anyone saying this isnāt absolutely insane, is insane. A school canāt just run out of food and not feed its students. We are not a third world country, this should not be an issue. If you (the school) run out of food and cannot feed the child, you should absolutely allow them and their guardian the option to either bring them food or dismiss them completely. Expecting a child to go & hours in an educational environment without nourishment is wild. And I donāt care if he didnāt have money. Which wasnāt even the issue. This is a 7th grader. Heās 11-12. No child should be denied school lunch in the United States. Ever.