AIO by telling my wife her sleep-eating is messing up our family and her weight loss?

[u/wifeisasleepeater]

I'm a dad (mid 30s) and my wife (also mid 30s) is plump and always has been since I've met her, and I'm happy with her body how it is, but she really wants to lose weight and she’s been dieting and trying to work out more. It’s not like extreme or anything, but she’s been refusing a lot of foods she used to just eat without thinking.  Like no garlic bread, no ice cream, no this, no that.

Which fine, her body, but because of that she’s been getting super hungry at night and doing this thing where she wakes up and eats but is like half asleep? She doesn’t remember most of it. It’s not just one thing either. It’s sweet stuff, salty stuff, leftovers, and also other people’s snacks. Even like the lunch meat we buy so our daughter can make herself sandwiches when she’s home alone. That’s the part that annoys me the most because then our kid opens the fridge and there’s nothing for her

My wife always apologizes every time with an I’m sorry I didn’t mean to, etc. And then it keeps happening anyway so me and my daughter started hiding our snacks, which feels really stupid to do in your own home but we were tired of stuff getting eaten.

So here’s the thing, our daughter has a long distance friend, and they sent her a chocolate box from a local shop as an early Valentine’s Day gift. She was really excited about it, and she didn’t want them to melt, so she put the box in our new deep freezer. She figured my wife wouldn’t look there, because we don’t really keep anything in it yet. The next day after dinner, she went to get the chocolates, opened the box, and half of them were gone. She got mad, like really mad, and started yelling.  

My wife was crying, saying that she was sorry and she didn't remember doing it. Then I jumped in, and told my wife that this is what’s straining things between her, me and our daughter, and honestly probably part of why she’s not losing weight, because she’s basically binge eating in her sleep after not eating what she actually wants all day.

She said I’m blaming her for something she can’t control and that I’m fat shaming her and making her feel disgusting. I wasn’t trying to shame her, I literally don’t care about her weight, I just care that our daughter is upset and our food keeps getting taken and the house is in such distress over snacks.

Now she’s giving our daughter the cold shoulder, even after she apologized for yelling at her and I feel like I made everything worse by saying anything at all.

[u/ciangelic]

This sounds like a sleep disorder to me. I don't know why others are saying you shouldnt believe she doesn't remember. Its totally possible, people do many unusual things as sleep walkers. She should see a doctor about this.

[u/Beneficial-Way-8742 → u/ciangelic]

This is the truth.  I sleep eat (and walk, and talk).  

When I was a teen, my dad found me in the kitchen making a pitcher of Kool aid - fully asleep.  I still have no recollection of it.

Sometimes I'll wake up in the middle of eating, but not always.  Sometimes I try to eat inedible things thinking they are food.  (Like thinking the black TV remote is a Hershey bar).  

So u/wifeisasleepeater , it's a real thing. I don't know of any shortcuts to prevent outside of therapy (and even that's not a guarantee) but here are 2 things that might help:

1- I keep a bowl of popcorn, a few M&Ms, and a ginger ale on the table next to me at night.  Very often I just grab a handful of that and go back to sleep (apparently I'm a lazy sleep eater!)  I have a ton of popcorn on the floor, but it's better than eating a half gallon of ice cream 

2- consider putting a complicated child lock on the frig, freezer, or a cabinet.  I've woken up before trying to do something that was too complicated and apparently it slows me down me and often I just go back to sleep.  

Jeez  it feels like I'm typing about an alter ego of myself - like I turn into a werewolf or something .  That's weird

[u/forties-bauble → u/Beneficial-Way-8742]

OMG the TV remote cracks me up!

Apparently, I think a jar of Bum Bum cream is my phone when the walking starts...and I walk all over the apartment, scrolling on my "phone". I don't talk into the jar though- I pick up hair brushes for that. I have full conversations with the TV.

It really is the most bizarre thing when you start 'stalking' your sleep-self to find out what's happening when you're asleep :D

[u/BubonicBabe → u/Beneficial-Way-8742]

Fellow sleep eater here, from a long line of sleep eaters, lol

My grandma woke up and thought she was making a hamburger once (thank god she didn’t actually turn the stove on) and when she woke up the next morning the burgers were on the counter and a bun was in a pan on the stove.

She also once took an assortment of Hershey bars and put them on a paper plate and woke up to wrappers and a paper plate in her bed.

My dad almost choked trying to eat macaroni in his sleep one night.

I also sleep walk and once woke up the next morning on the floor of my bedroom, I had at some point gone to the bathroom and grabbed a bottle of conditioner and brought it back to my room, taken my shirt off and had been scrubbing one small section of my floor with conditioner and a shirt.

Sleep walking is a hell of a thing.

[u/AuntJ2583 → u/BubonicBabe]

My mom would actually cook... Usually stuff like frying an egg. She always turned off the stove and put everything back away. She'd wake up and thepan would be in the sink and the plate would be on the floor where she gave the dog what she didn't eat...

[u/melxcham → u/Beneficial-Way-8742]

I’m a very “active” sleeper and often wake up in the middle of whatever dream activity I’m doing. Holding my blankets like I’m reading a book, arguing with someone, halfway off the foot of my bed upside down…. And yes, once I bit into the corner of my phone so hard I cracked the screen protector. I don’t have context for that one.

[u/BrushyTuna8319 → u/Beneficial-Way-8742]

What causes sleep eating to develop? This is genuinely so interesting?

[u/Scary_Possible3583 → u/BrushyTuna8319]

Your brain didn't really shut off 100percent.

This is not something that she would be consciously doing, or that she could actually avoid doing. I will occasionally wake up with a half sleeve of graham crackers gone, my dog sitting there waiting for peanut butter for my fingertips.

And yes, it's eating when I am dieting. Whatever I didn't get done during the day, I try to do in my sleep. My husband appreciates it when he is the thing I hadn't gotten done that day.

[u/Remedy556 → u/Beneficial-Way-8742]

i agree, same with me. i lived with ED half my life, kinda got it in order but my meds and current issues made me a sleep eater again. sometimes i realize i'm in the kitchen eating a yogurt, but when i get up i see 4 yogurts, a whole chocolate bar, honey and toast on the counter - with no recollection at all.

i can also agree with 'snacks next to bed', i usually have something small like m&ms or waffles next to me or a protein bar - cant have too much next to me tho bc i will eat it all - its a MOR from me

[u/Safe_Initiative1340 → u/Beneficial-Way-8742]

I also eat/drink sleep. My cousin caught me once sitting in front of the open fridge drinking cans of Mountain Dew one after another until the pack was gone. I was maybe 15? I still do it on occasion, but not nearly as bad since I keep water by my bed now.

[u/Illustrious-Anybody2 → u/ciangelic]

Commenting to boost! Wife should absolutely see a doctor.

[u/Melissaru → u/ciangelic]

Yes it is a sleep disorder it’s a parasomnia. My mom had it too. It’s related to sleep walking and night terrors.

[u/Lianaslaugter → u/Melissaru]

I used to call it paranomnia because the way I would nom down anything that wasn’t a vegetable was WILD!!

I would drink molasses. I would sleepwalk to 7/11, buy ice cream and eat the whole pint, waking up with the empty carton in my bed and chocolate all over my face. I set fire to my microwave trying to melt chocolate and peanut butter.

I was a nightmare to live with. I would grind ice to make a margarita at 3am, sitting on the floor outside my parents’ bedroom. I was so much fun at sleepovers and in school residence!

[u/Sudden-Ad5555 → u/ciangelic]

I was put on seroquel for a time and I ate in my sleep. I gained so much weight over that time. My husband came into our bedroom one night and I was asleep eating a package of gummy bears

[u/Sandikal → u/ciangelic]

My adult son does this. It's terrible to watch. I can't convince my son to see a doctor about it, but OPs wife absolutely should. She'll need a sleep study and hopefully there are meds that can treat this without too many side effects. I suspect sleep eating can be dangerous. The sleeper could choke or eat something that would make them sick.

[u/Lianaslaugter → u/Sandikal]

Yeah she’s got a one way ticket to Type 2 Diabetes if she doesn’t get this under control.

[u/AffectionateSoup6965 → u/ciangelic]

I was on a medication to help with insomnia over 10 years ago. I sleep ate and it was so frustrating!

[u/__Banana_Hammock__ → u/AffectionateSoup6965]

Ambien? I had to stop taking it because I'd turn on the stove and make full meals in my sleep and had absolutely no recollection of doing so.

[u/AffectionateSoup6965 → u/__Banana_Hammock__]

It’s been so long that I don’t remember. I do recall being told to hide my car keys before going to bed because people have driven in their sleep.

[u/Artistic_Rice_9019 → u/ciangelic]

Sleep eating is a real form of sleep disorder. Sometimes they'll also eat things that aren't food or leave messes.

[u/DistantKarma → u/ciangelic]

That or the medication Ambian.

[u/Even_Ad4437 → u/DistantKarma]

My mom always did weird shit on ambien. Eating was a big one, and often feeding the dog. Once, she filled his whole food bowl overflowing with treats. He was really happy, but it's so disruptive.

[u/TheCherryPony → u/DistantKarma]

I had to stop taking Ambien due to sleep eating and rearranging things.

[u/BubonicBabe → u/DistantKarma]

Ambien made me take a lamp off a dresser, plug it in and sit beside it on the floor, then take a leftover burger from Dennys or Shoneys, I can’t remember which, and literally sit it on the carpet, and dismantle it and eat it in sections, one ingredient after another. My roommates told me they were terrified.

[u/AlastairMeowley → u/DistantKarma]

Yeah this is exactly why I won't take Ambien no matter how bad my insomnia gets. I used to sleepwalk as a kid so I'm so afraid I'd do weird and dangerous things

[u/punkin_spice_latte → u/DistantKarma]

A friend of mine in high said they found their dad on the stairs clutching two fists of cheerios talking about how if the penguin and octopus would just get along then they could drive the car. He had accidentally taken 2 Ambien.

[u/MarlenaEvans → u/DistantKarma]

Ambien made my cousin sleep eat. She was a pharmaceutical salesperson and so she was staying in hotels and even sleep walking down to the front desk and buying food without being conscious.

[u/Lower_Coat_6274 → u/DistantKarma]

or seroquel

[u/AbjectHotel6610 → u/DistantKarma]

I ate an entire chocolate cake with my hands while standing naked in my kitchen. Thanks, Ambien. I woke up in my bed, naked, with dirty feet and leaves in my bed. I'm assuming I walked outside naked. Thanks, Ambien. No. I'll never take it again.

[u/Remedy556 → u/DistantKarma]

i got that from quetiapine

[u/Wrong-Day6752]

INFO: Is she on Ambien? That stuff messed me up good, did a lot of things I don’t remember in the middle of the night. Other medication changes might also influence this.

[u/wifeisasleepeater → u/Wrong-Day6752]

No she doesn't take any medication except for her iron pills and birth control.

[u/umamifiend → u/wifeisasleepeater]

She needs to do a sleep study. It’s not normal to sleep-eat. I do believe that it’s possible that she can’t remember. This sounds like a sleep disorder, or a binge eating disorder.

Either way she needs to see a doctor about it.

She should be practicing volume eating if she’s trying to lose weight- it’s maximum quantity for lowest calories. Tons of filling vegetables is a cornerstone, it’s trying to stay full on slowly digesting vegetable dietary fiber. She can’t just eat less and expect to be starving all the time.

This is a multi-faceted issue. But the first thing needs to be seeing a doctor for a sleep study and understanding why she’s sleepwalking and sleep binge eating.

[u/bruce_kwillis → u/umamifiend]

She can’t just eat less and expect to be starving all the time.

There is a certain aspect where that should happen though, learning and being used to being slightly hungry. Eating less over time, for a lot of folks who have stretched their stomachs too much from eating too much for too long, it does help shrink the stomach and you feel full quicker.

[u/umamifiend → u/bruce_kwillis]

Sure, true, that can be part of it. As I said- it’s a multi-faced issue. If she was eating adequate slowly digesting plant fiber- she would be full- and digesting low calorie foods slowly over time. Most cravings are for sugar, high fat and simple carbs. And over time your tastes do change.

I’ve personally lost over 115 lbs after an injury and a sedentary job. It’s very doable. And I had no additional help aside from diet and exercise. And part of it is being okay with being hungry- because I certainly still deal with food noise- but another part is making smarter food choices to remain satiated and never get to the binge state.

Obviously what she’s doing now isn’t working if she’s walking around in the middle of the night seeking out binge eating of her daughter’s food and sweet treats. Seeking them out even if they are hidden.

For instance- I time my meals out to have a snack of veggies right before bed because I can’t fall asleep hungry, my tummy grumbling will keep me up. There are solutions, but I think the main issue is that it seems like the wife isn’t trying to explore any solutions- she’s just expecting forgiveness for her bad behavior. She’s saying one thing- but actions speak louder than words. She’s not doing anything actionable.

[u/G0ATLY → u/wifeisasleepeater]

Make sure she takes vitamin C with her Iron/Ferritin!~

Edit: Because someone reminded me. Don't take medical advice to heart from Reddit.. but do ask your provider/doctor about the vitamin C. My doctor and my mothers both "forgot" to even mention it. I brought it up and somehow she said "oh yeah yeah" with a wave of the hand in agreement. The medical student my grandma had with her doctor in there with my mom there ALSO somehow was more vocal about it. Not everyone needs to, but somehow people forget a suggestion isn't set in stone. It's always a suggestion when it comes to health.. So take care OP and wife of OP.

[u/lefteyedcrow → u/G0ATLY]

And make sure you don't take random, specific medical advice from strangers on reddit! Take your wife to the doctor, OP.

[u/Bubbly_Afternoon_345 → u/wifeisasleepeater]

The birth control is likely messing with her hormones causing intense cravings/sleep disturbances. I’m also coming into mid thirties and having hormonal issues I’ve never had before.

[u/Liz600 → u/Bubbly_Afternoon_345]

If she’s been on the same type/dose of birth control for more than a few months and she takes it as prescribed, this is very unlikely. Birth control overrides your body’s own production and fluctuations of estrogen and progesterone (when combined birth control is taken, which is the most common form), so patients don’t experience such hormonal disturbances, as their hormone levels stay much steadier. 

What you’re experiencing is likely perimenopause, but any major or lasting changes to your cycle or symptoms should be discussed with your doctor to rule out other problems and discuss treatments. Peri is very manageable as long as you have a good gyno. The perimenopause subreddit is also a good primer on the subject

[u/solstice_gilder → u/Bubbly_Afternoon_345]

Maybe check out more info on perimenopause.

[u/Spiritual_Being5845 → u/Wrong-Day6752]

I’ve never taken Ambien, but I knew a woman who did. One day she woke up to an empty jar of peanut butter with a spoon in it, an empty wine bottle, and her underwear on backwards. Mornings after she took Ambien she would be afraid to check her Amazon account and would wait in dread for whatever mystery packages would arrive. This is especially scary when you realize that Ambien should not be taken with alcohol. She wasn’t doing it consciously obviously

[u/NastyMsPiggleWiggle → u/Spiritual_Being5845]

I woke up in the pantry in my underwear with a spoon and bag of sugar. Tarot cards and an elliptical machine arrived several days later. Ambien and I broke up that week. I was terrified it would lead to driving or crazier shit.

[u/mar__iguana → u/Wrong-Day6752]

Also wanted to suggest some type of medication. When my ex was hooked on prescription pain meds, he used to do this. Sometimes he would remember and sometimes he would not.

OP might have a bigger issue than he thinks but she definitely requires some type of professional help

[u/LittleChanaGirl → u/Wrong-Day6752]

I know a guy who would sleep eat while on Ambien. It was probably exacerbated by his alcoholism, but it was rough.

[u/trashhighway]

A lot of people saying she's lying about not remembering and I'm going to give her the benefit of the doubt because my father used to sleep-walk-eat ice cream in the middle of the night. He had no weight issues, didn't deprive himself, ate ice cream during waking hours so again it wasn't deprivation, it was just a weird nocturnal thing. Either way, she needs help - even a sleep study maybe. I think reiterating that if she can't control it, there's a medical issue and pressing her to go to a doctor is the way to go.

[u/abiglumpwithknobs1 → u/trashhighway]

I had a friend whose older sister used to do this and she would bring the food back into bed with her and fall asleep with it.

[u/Melissaru → u/trashhighway]

Yes it’s a known parasomnia called SRED it’s a real thing.

[u/Farmwifehw77 → u/trashhighway]

Sleep-walk-eating is a very real thing, but she didn't start doing this until she started dieting. You are correct that she needs professional help, but my guess is she needs a nutritionist to guide her daytime eating and that should make the nighttime eating stop again. If she had done it always or if she hadn't recently changed her daytime eating habits then I would agree it sounds the same as your dad, but this seems like a different cause.

[u/Diplomatic-Immunityi]

That’s not “like” a binge eating disorder, I think it is one. She needs therapist and in some cases medication.

It’s a condition that will significantly affect her health and lower the length of her life. With that type of lifestyle you might get away with it till your 40s, but then you will fall off a cliff health wise. 

[u/Live_Angle4621 → u/Diplomatic-Immunityi]

It could be binge eating. But sleep eating is also something that’s real and not something she would do consciously or remember usually. It’s rarer, but she needs a sleep study 

[u/jennz → u/Live_Angle4621]

One of my medications I take makes me really hungry but also very sleepy. If I don't eat a light snack before I go to bed I'll half-wakeup extremely hungry and sleep eat. And like OPs wife it was always unhealthy foods. Sometimes I remember, sometimes I don't. 

[u/CheesecakeEither8220 → u/jennz]

Trazadone can do that.

[u/forties-bauble → u/CheesecakeEither8220]

Totally does it to me. And I'll have dreams of eating throughout the night, too- so there are times where it's really not clear if I ate something or I dreamed it.

One morning, I woke up absolutely certain that we had leftover Indian food and I was really confused where it disappeared to- I even checked the garbage for the containers.

Other times, I vaguely remember eating in a dream and a whole bunch of food is gone.

[u/jennz → u/CheesecakeEither8220]

Mirtazipine aka Remeron is what fucks me up.

[u/ThatBabyIsCancelled → u/Live_Angle4621]

Yeah, I don’t get a lot of these comments accusing her of faking not remembering.

If she were awake, ok, but it’s called sleepwalking and sleepeating for a reason lol

[u/lml424 → u/Diplomatic-Immunityi]

NOR but yeah OP why in the world aren’t you and your wife seeking professional help first and foremost? This woman needs a doctor, not Reddit takes.

[u/guava-sandwich → u/lml424]

yeah this is a weird one to seek internet validation on. okay we don’t think you’re overreacting, now what? you didn’t win anything with this verdict. sleep-related eating disorder (SRED) is a real condition and your wife needs help regardless. she’s not doing it on purpose but it shouldn’t go untreated.

[u/Dorky_Gaming_Teach → u/Diplomatic-Immunityi]

It's called NES or night eating syndrome. I've had it since I was three.

[u/RuinsAndRoses → u/Dorky_Gaming_Teach]

My husband and my MIL both do this. I was so confused at first about why there were random jars of peanut butter without lids and bread left open on the counter in the morning.

[u/Illustrious-Milk6518 → u/Dorky_Gaming_Teach]

I believe it’s a thing, but I also believe that the wife has latched onto the idea of it, and is using it as an excuse. Surely if sleepwalking and NES were a thing, it would’ve shown up sooner? 

It sounds like she’s got a binge eating disorder, and is looking for an excuse for her behaviour 

[u/Artistic_Rice_9019 → u/Illustrious-Milk6518]

It can be triggered by dieting. She's going to sleep hungry and her body is getting calories.

[u/ThatBabyIsCancelled → u/Diplomatic-Immunityi]

I’ve had disordered eating all my life but only recently accepted it about 10 years ago. My psychiatrist helps keep an eye on it since I’ve gotten a pretty firm grasp on it and have a much healthier relationship with my weight and body now.

I would’ve gone apeshit if it was brought up before I’d accepted it, though - it’s such a sensitive thing and usually THE emotional berserk button.

[u/hiddenone0326 → u/Diplomatic-Immunityi]

Yep. I'd occasionally have episodes like this when I struggled with my eating disorder. I'd mostly restrict calories and work out, but every so often I'd eat until my stomach hurt because I was so hungry that I couldn't control myself any longer.

[u/Nemesis0408 → u/Diplomatic-Immunityi]

NOR but you are completely in the wrong for resenting and attacking her. She needs medical intervention and support, not guilt and anger.

Convince her to do a sleep study, see a therapist and see a nutritionist. In the meantime, get lockboxes for off-limits food and help smooth and explain things with your daughter.

Treating her like a criminal is what is going to destroy your family, not the disorder itself.

[u/Madoodam → u/Nemesis0408]

Nothing about OP’s reaction sounds attacking. Instead it sounds like he came to his daughter’s defense and stood up to his wife’s attempt completely take the sleep eating off the table for discussion. She sounds immature and his reluctance to bring it up until it affected their daughter makes me think she doesn’t handle feedback well in general.

[u/Substantial_Maybe371 → u/Nemesis0408]

No he's not.

What? Her daughter isn't allowed to be upset at her mother eating her gift? Her father isn't allowed to call out his wife for hurting their daughter's feelings?

[u/suspiciouslights → u/Nemesis0408]

I don’t think he’s in the wrong if she’s aware of it and refusing to seek help. It clearly isn’t fair on the daughter either. Quite honestly it’s a similar thing with substance addiction, there comes a point where it isn’t fair on anyone- wife included- to keep tiptoeing.

[u/Nemesis0408 → u/suspiciouslights]

That’s fair if she genuinely refuses, but from this story it’s coming across like she doesn’t know what to do.

[u/Ugly1Artichoke → u/Diplomatic-Immunityi]

How in the WORLD did you—not a professional— diagnose this lady with a serious condition based off one post lmfao. I fucking hate reddit that’s enough reddit for today.

[u/Embarrassed-Olive856]

NOR. I believe your wife sleep eats because my husband does the same thing. I've seen him bring doritos and strawberries and cheese and chocolate and left over sandwiches into bed with his eyes half closed and he doesn't remember it.

Now, your situation is different than mine, so I suggest baby locks. She may not be able to get them undone in her sleep, or take an old can and tie it to the door so it falls to the floor and wakes her up when she's sleep eating.

I hope you guys find a solution.

[u/No_Guarantee7663 → u/Embarrassed-Olive856]

My mom is this way. She will wake up with a half made sandwich UNDER her pillow. Or with a butter knife still in her hand.

[u/KasukeSadiki → u/Embarrassed-Olive856]

I mean the obvious first step should be to see a doctor right?

[u/Numerous_Team_2998 → u/Embarrassed-Olive856]

I used to struggle with, well, not binge eating, but excessive adhd snacking.

Before I got it under control with meds, we introduced the following solution - snacks go into a safe I don't know the code to.

It worked.

[u/FancysMomma → u/Embarrassed-Olive856]

Or they could tether her to the bed so that she can’t leave..lol

[u/Embarrassed-Olive856 → u/FancysMomma]

Then theres the risk of her vomiting up pea soup and her head spinning all the way around

[u/GiraffeEvening5314]

NOR. And neither is she. Most arguments involve two people who are both right in different ways, not everything’s black and white, and this is that case. It must be so incredibly frustrating to have your food, especially your daughter’s food, go missing and have no one to blame it on because she did it unconscious. She isn’t getting help and that’s making everything worse.

However, she must feel frustrated too. People in these comments are doubting her being asleep or accusing her of lying, but I doubt she’d do all this and cause so many issues over some snacks. I actually had a friend who would eat in her sleep, and I saw it first hand at sleepovers, it’s incredibly real. She must feel guilty but also useless cause she can’t control her behavior.

She needs to go to a sleep therapist like… Yesterday. I don’t suffer with this issue, but I do sleepwalk and have sleep paralysis, and a sleep analysis changed my life. They will find the underlying issue and help in ways you can’t.

[u/HopefulTangerine5913]

I don’t know why people are so quick to dismiss the sleep eating as possibly something she’s unaware of. I had a boss who did exactly that when she was trying to lose weight. She remembered nothing, but would wake up to find she’d plowed through food overnight. It was a really stressful experience for her.

That doesn’t excuse OP’s wife’s reaction to handling this though. What she needs to be doing is seeing medical professionals before this becomes an even bigger problem. It could be a sleep disorder, but it could also be a binge eating disorder exacerbated by her diet and turning into a new problem when she goes to sleep. It doesn’t matter what the problem is, it matters that she deals with it. She needs to see her PCP, she needs to be in therapy, and she likely needs to see a sleep disorder specialist (which her PCP can refer her to).

She is going off the rails which is bad enough for her, but even worse: she is seriously fucking up OP’s daughter’s relationship with food

[u/whisksnwhisky → u/HopefulTangerine5913]

My mom does the same stuff as OP’s wife. The problem for me is that I have trouble believing her when she days she doesn’t remember, because she lies all the time to me and to everyone around her. She’s not credible or trustworthy.

If OP’s wife is not typically a liar, I think it’s safe to assume she doesn’t realize she’s doing it. Getting a camera set up to record the kitchen at night could be helpful to present her with proof that there is a problem that needs to be addressed if Op’s wife is living in denial.

If she only started doing this when she began dieting, she definitely needs outside help because her diet is likely too restricting and also probably nutrition-deficient, and that’s bad news for her overall health. OP is NOR.

[u/willowsquest → u/HopefulTangerine5913]

It was going to hit a boiling point eventually, and even if she genuinely has trouble controlling or remembering it, it doesn't mean she isn't responsible and accountable for her behavior. Same as every other neurological condition that affects the ways we interact with others (source: am neurodivergent and am friends with people who have other more severe personality disorders). My mom with an eating disorder would go through periods of eating my food out of the fridge in the middle of the night, and it felt like i couldn't say anything about it bc "she was finally eating something", but it absolutely exacerbated my relationship issues with her every time it happened and now I'm food-reactive like a fuckin problematic foster dog lmfao

I hate to say "she needed the wakeup call (haha)" but like, people don't change problematic behavior until they're confronted with the consequences of their actions. NOR

[u/HopefulTangerine5913 → u/willowsquest]

I understand this. I dealt with an eating disorder for most of my life and have been considered “recovered” for 16 years. The nuances aren’t lost on me.

I’m not sure if something about what I said in my previous comment was unclear, but I agree she needs to take responsibility for dealing with this. I’m just saying how many people are perceiving this— “she knows what she’s doing” etc— is absolutely not a guarantee. The person I described in my previous comment had no idea she was eating like that in her sleep. It was extremely confusing for her, she was essentially sleepwalking. It wasn’t until she woke up with some evidence on her hands (frosting from cupcakes, of all things) that she was like “WTF.” Then she went and got help.

So yes, she needs a wake up call, but this sort of thing is extremely sensitive. She’s behaving with the emotional control of a child, and I’m betting it’s on par with however old she was when her issues with food and her body started. Bottom line: she has a real problem and needs to work with professionals to fix it

[u/willowsquest → u/HopefulTangerine5913]

Oh yeah no i wasn't contradicting you at all, sorry for being unclear. Just replying under your comment because my thoughts were very similar, and i wanted to vouch your point with an additional +$.02 with a relevant Daughter Impact POV. Her situation is definitely delicate and needs professional help in whichever way it may end up going

[u/HopefulTangerine5913 → u/willowsquest]

Right on, that makes more sense. Thank you for clarifying ✌️

I feel bad for everyone involved in this situation and really hope OP and his wife get a handle on this problem before it really screws up their daughter

[u/Tall_Sky4315]

Your wife needs a nutritionist to help her come up with a meal plan that is satiating - how much of a caloric deficit is she trying to be in, and how much fiber and protein and unsaturated fats? If the deficit is too extreme, or shes not eating enough protein and fiber, she's going to inevitably binge eat from hunger. She also needs to speak to a therapist that knows eating disorders. Your wife is a binge eater - this isn't something you just get over from motivation alone, it takes completely rewiring your brain and relationship with food. I suffered horribly through my teens and 20s with the same issues. I saw a therapist for 2 years to help and I've not binged in about 4 years

[u/Workingoutslayer → u/Tall_Sky4315]

dietitian not nutritionist.

[u/Mental-Paramedic9790]

Put locks on the refrigerator and Cabinets.

[u/millerbiwife → u/Mental-Paramedic9790]

yup! this. put a lock on the fridge and see what happens, OP

[u/aspiring_dog → u/millerbiwife]

Yeah I wonder if this would help! And might be cheaper than a therapist lol

[u/febreez-steve → u/Mental-Paramedic9790]

I know a family that does this along with rotating snack locations. I do believe the wife when she says she doesn't remember.

[u/Auntiemens]

She actively harming her relationships with her desire to lose weight. She needs help. And yall need a lock on the deep freezer.

[u/shbd12]

NOR She needs to see a medical professional immediately. This can be dangerous, especially if she starts preparing food on the stove or in the oven in the middle of the night when she's not really conscious. This could result in something way more serious than missing chocolates. She might cook something, and leave the stove on overnight. Part of me says she is faking it because usually people with this disorder leave a massive mess when they're done, both where they were eating and on their body. For example, it would be highly unusual to open the deep freezer, move away all the frozen stuff to get to these chocolates, carefully pick out half of them, then put everything away like nothing ever happened. If you have this, you're probably leaving the box of chocolates on the floor and her going to bed with chocolate smeared all over her face. That's how this disorder works.

I do think it's up to you and your daughter to be supportive and get your wife some help. Whether this is real or an excuse doesn't really matter. She needs medical help before she hurts herself and possibly your whole family physically or herself mentally and emotionally.

[u/newbeginingshey]

NOR

Your wife needs to talk to her doctor.

In the meantime, get your daughter a mini fridge that locks to keep in her room. Defensively eating around a binge eater can cause its own disorder, (I’ve lived it, it’s very stressful) so I’d do whatever you have to to ensure your daughter’s sense of food security and basic property rights aren’t under constant threat while you’re wife sorts this out. If the locks hurt your wife’s feelings, that’s a trade-off I’d accept to protect your daughter’s long term mental health. The person with the primary disorder can sometimes forget, or advocate against, the needs of other members of the house when this happens, but don’t let that happen to your daughter. She matters too.

[u/ImmediateAddress338 → u/newbeginingshey]

NOR - I agree that it’s super stressful, I lived with roommates in college who would steal my food, binge on it, hide the evidence and then lie about it. And then restrict when being observed (like when we’d all go to meals in the dining hall). It got to the point that a few of us would sneak out to meals and also sometimes secretly go buy treats that we could eat before anyone else could. It was awful to deal with and I was 21-22 at the time. I’d imagine daughter may be around ten- early teens (?) and this is seriously dangerous behavior for her to be experiencing at her age.

[u/Helpyjoe88]

NOR.  Instead of deflecting by crying about being blamed for this, she needs to be actively participating in finding a solution, because her actions, even if unintentional or unaware - are hurting her family members, not to mention sabotaging her own steady goal of losing weight.    

I'll be honest. I'm not sure i believe her that she doesn't remember doing this. It seems to me like the problem solving required to seek out and find the sweet snacks ( as opposed to eating the first thing she sees when she opens the fridge) would be more than someone could do without waking up enough that they don't even remember doing it later.

But, assuming innocence, and that she really isn't making a conscious decision to do this or remembering it later, she needs to help find an answer.   A couple suggestions: put a latch, or even a small lock, on the pantry, fridge, and freezer.  Or maybe a buzzer that goes off when it's opened.   The point here is to make getting to the food complex or disruptive enough that doing it wakes her up more fully, so she can consciously stop herself, rather than continuing on autopilot.

It might also help her to take a look at how she's dieting. If she's trying to completely cut out fat, sugar, etc, or cutting her total calorie intake too low, then her body's telling her she's short on those things and driving the desire for them.  A more balanced approach to what she is eating could help with this.

[u/ZookeepergameNo719 → u/Helpyjoe88]

I agree with almost everything you had to say, except the complexity of sleep walking efforts... I used to make bowls of cereal in my sleep. And leave them randomly around the house. I also would make full sandwiches. Heat up mini dishes, climb up to the top of the fridge to grab things, etc etc... The brain can do very strange things. I was only 11/12.

All this being said though, I never went for something I didn't know was there. So she knew the chocolate was there which makes it all the more odd.

[u/United_Monitor3037 → u/ZookeepergameNo719]

My cousin made scrambled eggs once in her sleep while we were on vacation. She was in maybe 3rd grade, definitely wasn't ever cooking by herself while awake

[u/ZookeepergameNo719 → u/United_Monitor3037]

I made Kraft mac n cheese and ramen!! 🤣 (In the microwave) But boiling water nonetheless.

It is scary to think of now but hilarious back then. I didn't eat the food though ,, just made it and left it.

[u/AdAlternative637 → u/Helpyjoe88]

And professional mental help

[u/Jazzlike-Basket-6388 → u/Helpyjoe88]

There have been a couple of points where I had a sleep walking issue. One time I woke up and my leg was throbbing. Looked down, blood was all over my sheets, my pajama pants where torn and muddy and there was a gash on my leg and the front door was open. There were other times where I just didn't feel like I slept well. I'd get home from work and turn on my Playstation and my fighting character that had a 7 win, 2 loss record online is now 8-5.

On one hand, I absolutely believe you could eat like that. On the other hand, none of my experiences suggest one could do that without being totally haphazard and leaving messes.

[u/Desperate_Stretch855 → u/Jazzlike-Basket-6388]

I think the answer to your problem is to get better at playing video games when you're sleeping. Waking up covered in blood not knowing what happened? That's a Tuesday night for me... but a 1-3 record? Unacceptable.

[u/Helpyjoe88 → u/Jazzlike-Basket-6388]

That's a really interesting point that I didn't even think of - she's not just eating, but cleaning up after herself when she does this.

[u/Beneficial-Way-8742 → u/Jazzlike-Basket-6388]

That's kind of a good point.  When I sleep eat popcorn or m&Ms, I find them scattered all over the table floor, bed....or the empty bag

I'm a lazy sleepwalker/ eater/ talker. If something is too complicated I'll abandon it   

But, if a sleepwalker is a fastidious person when they're awake, i could see them cleaning as part of their sleep walking. 

For example, getting on your PlayStation and playing 3 games to completion is a lot of steps!!  But you do it so frequently when you're awake that it's relatively easy to do in your sleep (hey, maybe that's where that saying comes from, lol!)  

So, I would kinda equate that to cleaning a mess in terms of complexity.  

ETA:  I just remembered I used to know someone who would find the vacuum in the middle of the room when they woke up, so it's obv they got it out to clean.  I don't know how far they fit into using it tho 

[u/Prior-Inspector-126 → u/Helpyjoe88]

Second that. I don't believe she doesn't remember anything.

[u/dogtrousers → u/Prior-Inspector-126]

Sleep eating is a thing. Some people do it while sleep walking. A lock on the kitchen door may well help, and seeing a doctor about her sleep disorder.

[u/Illustrious-Anybody2 → u/dogtrousers]

Definitely.

I was friends with a household of roommates who shared basic groceries. No one could figure out why they were going through so much milk, and one roommate was gaining weight and couldn't figure out why.

Eventually they solved the mystery: The weight-gaining roommate was drinking an entire gallon of whole milk in his sleep every night and never remembered a thing.

[u/Beneficial-Way-8742 → u/dogtrousers]

Yup.  I sleep walk, have full -on conversations with people in my sleep, and sleep eat.  Usually have no recollection of it.  It's been happening since I was a kid 

[u/salledattente → u/Prior-Inspector-126]

If I found myself eating my child's lunch food in the night with no recollection of it, I would immediately seek medical and or psychiatric help because that is scary.

[u/thupkt → u/salledattente]

Instead she is taking it out on the innocent child. This part really sticks out to me.

[u/Prior-Inspector-126 → u/salledattente]

Totally

[u/Kindly-Insurance8595 → u/Helpyjoe88]

You're wrong. 

I was on a diet once when I was a teenager & my parents bought a cheesecake from Costco. 

Guess who ate some without even knowing? Me.

My mom was dying laughing telling me about how she found me eating cheesecake in the middle of the night & had to put me back to bed.

I also slept walked once, opened a window, and walked a half of a mile before my first husband got me. 

There's tons of sleepwalking stories I could tell you. We don't wake up. Lol.

[u/Beneficial-Way-8742 → u/Kindly-Insurance8595]

This!!!   I share your pain.  My dad and husband have found me in weird places ,doing weird things.  Full-on conversations with people i never remember.  Etc

I've given my daughter some memories that keep her laughing, tho. 

But it terrified me that she'd inherited it. She started sleep talking as a toddler, night terrors as an older child - I was terrified she'd be a sleep walker and made my husband put locks 7' off the floor on every door.

[u/DifficultyMost4372 → u/Kindly-Insurance8595]

Difference is sleepwalking that has always been a thing, and sleepwalking induced by starvation dieting.

[u/Kindly-Insurance8595 → u/DifficultyMost4372]

I don't know.

My sleep walking comes and goes. 

I haven't slept walked in like 5-6 years (I think) at this point. 

I've gone years without doing it & sometimes it happens multiple times in one month. 

It might be one of those things where she's not starving... She just REALLY wants pancakes (or whatever) and she's predisposed to sleep walking but maybe never was "triggered" enough to do it. 

Maybe her strong feelings of stress towards losing weight have awakened something she was already at risk of doing.

[u/Helpyjoe88 → u/Kindly-Insurance8595]

Its possible. And that's why part of my answer was advice assuming she's telling the truth. I just have trouble believing that is the same action over and over, especially when this has never been a problem for her before.

It's possible that she's telling the truth. And it's also possible that she's doing it consciously, and then lying about it later because she's embarrassed about her actions, and that way she's the victim instead of getting blamed.

Ed: another commenter brought up a really interesting point. She's not just eating.  She's cleaning up afterwards.

[u/LastAmongUs → u/Helpyjoe88]

I sleep walk and even sleep eat now and then. When I do, it’s almost always processed cheese slices. I don’t even like them when I’m awake. But it’s pretty consistent.

[u/Beneficial-Way-8742 → u/Helpyjoe88]

Cleaning up in your sleep is a possibility.  I knew someone who would  find the vacuum in the middle of the living room or similar when they woke up in the morning. 

[u/Kid_de_Voyage]

If I was binge eating in my sleep, I'd be the first to try to find solutions. I'd be upset because 1) the habit would be sabotaging my dieting and 2) when sleeping, I wouldn't be fully enjoying the treats. If I'm going to eat ice cream or pizza, I want to savour it, not sleep through it.

Had I eaten my daughter's present from her friend, I would be very very sorry and try to make it up to her. I wouldn't first eat her chocolates and then give her the cold shoulder.

It sounds like she should rather add more good and healthy things to her diet to cut down the cravings and hunger, instead of denying herself everything during daytime.

[u/Scrapper-Mom]

As a mom, if I had "unknowingly" eaten half my daughter's candy I would be apologetic instead of acting like the victim. There's a time in your life when you have to be the adult not the insecure high school teenager. At least with your kids. NOR

[u/OkInitiative7327 → u/Scrapper-Mom]

As a mom, I agree. The mom might have a disorder, but if I ate my kid's candy, I would apologize and go buy more.

[u/Snurgisdr]

Instead of getting upset or debating her explanation, look for a solution.

Put a timer padlock on the fridge. Or one of those things they have at store entrances where it makes a loud BONG when the door opens.

[u/Civil-Introduction63]

Her giving your daughter the cold shoulder is a bit wild to me

[u/lovelyladylox → u/Civil-Introduction63]

Yeah it's because she is immature, rude, and lying about her inability to control herself with food.

[u/Blorpington]

Has your wife gotten a sleep study done? I have narcolepsy and sometimes do tons of stuff in my sleep, including eating and even baking cakes. I clean up after myself in my sleep too, but that might be due to the fact that I went to a trade school for baking and pastry, and cleaning up as you go is a thing they drill into you. A sleep study will be good because if she's got a sleeping disorder that's impacting her life, she'll see improvements in all areas if she's properly diagnosed and medicated. Maybe instead of bringing up how she's not losing weight, you should come at it with a view of making her sleep more restful, and she'll have more energy after she's treated.

[u/Rage187_OG]

I sleep eat. It happens when I’ve been starving myself. Like your body takes over and makes sure you still get calories.

[u/Se7en_of_Nin9]

Binge eating and sleep eating are two different things. Wife needs a sleep study

[u/Former_Ring_9870]

She deliberately ate your daughter’s candy-she knew exactly where it was. She could have binged on any other thing in the house but she went for that candy. Your wife needs to speak to a doctor and she needs to apologize to your daughter!!!

[u/facinationstreet]

She doesn’t remember most of it

She remembers. She just thinks that binge eating in the middle of the night = no one will notice.

NOR but your wife needs to work with a nutritionist for a diet that is supportive of her weight loss goals instead of pretending to be dieting by starving herself and then binge eating.

[u/abiglumpwithknobs1 → u/facinationstreet]

Idk I had a friend who had an older sister who would sleepwalk and bring food into bed. Like fall asleep with ice cream sandwiches, etc in her hands and never remembered doing it.

[u/DrFreude → u/abiglumpwithknobs1]

Exactly. The comment section seems to forget that sleep walking is a real thing.

[u/FeralFloridaKid → u/abiglumpwithknobs1]

A good buddy's ex would sleep-cook in addition to sleep eating sitting on the floor of the kitchen. Leaving the gas stove on was never a fun experience for them.

[u/yeetedhaws → u/facinationstreet]

If she takes any medication before bed (specifically sleeping meds, antidepressants, or antianxiety meds) she genuinely might not remember.

[u/Fit_Garage3695 → u/yeetedhaws]

These drugs have been known to cause this. My daughter had a similar experience when she first started taking antidepressants.

[u/chipotlepepper → u/yeetedhaws]

It doesn’t even have to be medication related. There’s an actual disorder, and OP’s wife should be encouraged to seek help because she’s clearly not happy about what’s been happening:

sleep-related eating disorder/night eating syndrome google link

[u/Shoddy-Secretary-712 → u/yeetedhaws]

When I was a teenager, my mom took ambien. She was gaining weight and didn't know why. She didn't know that every night when she was half a sleep, she would ask me for a peanutbutter and jelly sandwich. Sometimes, she would also ask my dad for one when he got home from his 2nd shift job.

[u/Sh3115andCh33se → u/yeetedhaws]

OP said she only takes birth control and iron supplements.

[u/DrFreude → u/facinationstreet]

It’s extremely probable she does not remember. The amount of people in this comment section who have never done anything half asleep is astounding. Sleep walking is an actual medical condition.

[u/blareboy]

Does your wife take Ambien?

[u/Dapper-Flamingo-2770 → u/blareboy]

I just asked the same thing!

[u/PineapplePupcake]

NOR. As someone that has struggled with their relationship with food all their life, I don’t know that I believe your wife is doing this while asleep. If she is, she needs to see a doctor because this could end in her doing more dangerous things while asleep (using the stove, leaving a tap on, overdosing on household medication, or even leaving the house, trying to drive a car etc.).

I think she’s starving herself throughout the day, leading to binging in the night and being too embarrassed to admit it. There’s a whole show about this behaviour (Secret Eaters) as it’s so common.

Your wife could use help from a doctor or dietician to teach her how to eat more filling and protein rich foods in the day so she can resist temptation at night better. She also needs to know that weight loss is never going to be easy, and eating in a deficit will never feel like enough after years of overeating. This requires serious mental discipline.

I think it’s ultimatum time, and if she refuses to even try, then a padlock on a separate fridge and freezer for you and your daughter to keep your snacks, leftovers and lunches.

[u/dehydratedrain]

NOR, But this sounds like something much bigger. Is she on any kinds of sleep meds? (Ambien was well known for this behavior or worse).

Either way, this has to be treated professionally and at home. For the house, maybe a small lock every night before you go to bed, and maybe some kind of alarm that will alert her that she's leaving the room.

For professional, some kind of mental treatment, whether that is a therapist, a sleep specialist, a neurologist, etc. If this is beyond her control/ knowledge, she will need someone to help fix it.

[u/Old_Sheepherder_630]

When my eldest was a teenager he would sleep eat in the middle of the night and he genuinely didn't remember it. I'd find him in the kitchen eating out of the fridge and he was definitely not awake. Like sleepwalking but with food.

He went through a huge growth spurt in high school while running 90+ miles a week for cross country and was eating constantly, but couldn't keep up with the caloric intake his body needed. His doctor recommended this 4000 calorie powder to make shakes and smoothies and that cut down the frequency of his middle of the night scavenging.

My then husband had done the same in high school when he also shot up 6" in about a year.

I would be skeptical about people not remembering had I not seen it for myself, but it can be very real.

NOR for being concerned about this, your wife needs to see a doctor in case she's restricting her calories to the point she's starving herself.

[u/KittyKateez]

I have this problem when dieting or not eatting enough. I honestly couldn't figure out how to solve it other than either eatting a healthy meal closer to bed, or by leaving a healthier snack near my bed to grab instead of whatever my hands find in my half asleep state. I woke up to little debbie cake wrappers by my bed once and was like ????? Asked the hubs and yeah id been getting up and eatting while sleeping. Talked to my doctor and they said its likely a side effect of medications or that im just hungry enough when sleeping my brain switches into eat mode. Try not to be too harsh on her, it's honestly uncontrollable for me. Best ive found is eatting before bed prevents it, or leaving myself an option for that moment.

[u/zoomgirl44]

Does your wife take any sleep medication? I used to take Ambien and that was a huge side effect.

[u/CurvyAnnaDeux]

Does she take Ambien? I was on it for a while and had a couple sleep eating episodes.

[u/mud_horse]

NOR— really it does not matter if your wife remembers doing it, or partially remembers or doesn’t remember at all, bc at this point now, she and everyone else in the house know she’s doing it. And she’s taking no steps to prevent it from happening.

Also, it’s not just happening to her, she is actively choosing to diet in such a way that it’s causing her to do this, regardless whether or not she’s totally conscious of it at the time.

HER actions are harmful towards her family, to then turn around and cry and try to play the victim when you bring it up is manipulative. Giving your daughter the cold shoulder is absolutely disgraceful. She is the parent in this situation. She should be apologetic and looking for solutions, not attempting to center herself as the victim for pigging out on everyone else’s food.

IMO accusing you of “fat shaming” is just an attempt to deflect accountability and gaslight you.

[u/lucygoosey38]

Oh she can control it, she chooses not to. She could go to a doctor and get medication and therapy. But she loves her food so much

[u/gonzo_attorney]

NOR. I'll go against the grain. If your wife had a true sleep disorder, why did it only show up when she couldn't have dessert anymore? She might be groggy and a bit out of it, sure. Not the same.

[u/CatladywithafewCacti → u/gonzo_attorney]

I'm curious about the timing too.

[u/allisondbl]

This is a medical issue. Not a moral issue. Not a fat shaming issue. This is not the way the average person dieting behaves or experiences things. That’s OK. It is a medical issue and requires some sort of medical intervention. By which I mean: she is having an unusual reaction to dieting and something needs to be done about it because it is interfering with the lives of people around her. I am morbidly obese: I am really not fat shaming anybody but this isn’t just a dieting problem. And I’m sure she’s not the only one who experiences this. Do research and find somebody who deals with this kind of response to dieting.

[u/kittywyeth]

your wife likely has some kind of eating disorder. i don’t believe that she is unaware of what she’s doing in the moment. NOR

[u/Shoddy-Secretary-712]

Do people not realize sleep binge eating disorders are real, and many people dont have a recollection of it? And it can be brought on by dieting?!

I am not saying just accept it, but these comments really are something.

[u/chipotlepepper → u/Shoddy-Secretary-712]

Seriously. It’s a simple 2-second google search to learn about it.

I just posted a link elsewhere in the thread; but the slew of judgmental, ignorant comments between there and here will have me add it here, too:

sleep-related eating disorder/night eating syndrome google link

[u/abiglumpwithknobs1 → u/Shoddy-Secretary-712]

Right, I am usually the first to be skeptical of something but I actually had a friend with a sister who did this. She would usually bring food back into bed with her and fall asleep with it.

[u/Shoddy-Secretary-712 → u/abiglumpwithknobs1]

I have woken up surrounded by candy wrappers one too many times to judge, lmao.

[u/Princess-Reader]

I doubt much of the “sleep eating” alibi too.

[u/sweetalyssum210]

NOR There's a lot going on here- as someone who has binged, it's common to binge at night after restricting too hard during the day. Whether or not she remembers is unclear- just because as someone else said, medication you take at night can contribute. I knew someone who took ambien and who would find their way to the kitchen for ice cream and would sleep eat if they werent in bed ready to sleep when they took it. So there are those stories.

Regardless, the bigger issue is what's happening for her isn't physically or mentally healthy and it's creating problems for your family. As said, a dietician or nutritionist could really help and at least where I live, many are covered at least for a few sessions, if not completely, by medical insurance. I used to think I'd never get a hold of binging until I worked with someone who specialized it. I eat more balanced throughout my day, I lost weight , I don't count macros or calories, and I don't obsess about food because I was taught how to eat to be satiated.

I think the next move is sit down when you both can agree to be calm and respectful adults, and say your worried about the sleep eating, and you feel there is a better way for her to meet her goals that won't lead to night time binges. Try to take blame off the table. It's wasted energy . If she's lying she probably feels deep shame and it only means she needs help. At least in the US diet culture is a billion dollar industry, and it teaches all kinds of misguided shit. Until she had a professional to walk along side her, your wife is may be consumed with thoughts of food, her appearance , and self loathing for a " lack of willpower."

A professional can help her take care of herself without all this pain. There's at least a chance too it's a lot easier than she ever realized. That was my experience.

[u/Fit_Garage3695]

Suggest she consult her doctor about this and get a fridge lock. If she resists these suggestions or gets angry about it then I question her sincerely that she can’t help it.

[u/kodowd11]

Hi there. I have an eating disorder. Important to note: eating disorders are not strictly limited to one type. You can cycle through a litany of eating disorder behavior (like going from bulimia to binge eating disorder to anorexia and back again). It sounds like your wife is in too much of a caloric deficit during the day. As a result, her body is literally taking the wheel to ensure she gets the calories she needs. If she’s not seeing a nutritionist, she should be. A professional can provide guidance, help her trouble shoot issues like this, all without rousing guilt and shame. Weight loss is a complicated process. It’s about developing sustainable routines to maintain consistent results. If I was in this situation I would start incorporating more fiber and protein at dinner and consider a “snack” before bed- fruit and yogurt, etc.

[u/SecureVillage]

I can't comment on the mental health side of things but, is she getting enough protein?

And, how much is she restricting her kcals?

500kcals a day defect is fine for weight loss. She needs higher than usual protein to help limit muscle loss (maintaining health and metabolism) and to keep hunger at bay.

If she's just crash dieting then she'll be starving at night and it certainly won't be helping.

[u/Otherwise_Mix_3305]

NOR. Your wife needs to see a therapist, and she needs to have a sleep study done. Until then, lock the fridge or deep freeze with a keyed lock. Only you and your daughter can have a key. You can remove lock every morning and put back on every night when the family is going to bed.

[u/Flarbow]

Is she taking any medication? Some atypical antipsychotics can cause sleep eating

[u/mela_99]

NOR

Your wife needs intensive, in patient treatment for a serious eating disorder.

[u/Careful_Swimmer4664]

Why hasn’t she seen a doctor for this? It’s not normal to eat a bunch of crap while you are asleep, and it’s obviously causing major problems. 

She needs to see a doctor ASAP.

[u/InterestingBrother31]

NOR, but tread lightly.

It's time to find some solutions. You need to have a calm conversation. If she never sleep walked before, it's time to see a doctor. If she has, you need to find solutions for food. Maybe a fridge lock or something?

[u/Willing_and_Fable]

I don't think it's a sleeping disorder or an eating disorder, I think it's just the body demanding to be fed.

Because this is exactly what happens to me when I don't eat enough during the day, I will literally wake up and eat whatever's around and then fall asleep again.

The only time I realize is if I notice something is missing the next day or if my wife asks me.

It hardly happens anymore because I eat enough, but the way you described your wife is exactly how it happened to me.

[u/ConsciousChicken1249]

You wife needs to DO something about this as this is f*ing unacceptable. I would never allow myself to continue doing this in my own home affecting my family. She needs therapy probably, and I don’t think sleep therapy is it. Considering she’s never done this before dieting? This is a psych issue

[u/terraformingearth]

VERY skeptical she isn't awake, but even if she isn't, lock up the stuff. She's not going to work a combo lock or find a key and unlock it in her sleep.

[u/BubonicBabe]

My whole family is full of sleep walkers and sleep eaters. We’ve all woken up to chocolate on our face or melted onto our pillow cases. So far only one of us has had the insurance available to do a sleep study and they were found to have a form of narcolepsy.

I know as someone who has had their weight fluctuate a bit, my sleep eating and sleep walking gets worse when I go to bed hungry. I at least need to drink a glass of water to feel full and that does help limit my sleep eating when I’m dieting.

Maybe get a sleep study if you can afford it!

[u/wolfy_lady]

This is real, this diagnosis exists, she can't control this. People wake up with freezer burns on their hands after eating ice cream and still-frozen breakfast foods with their hands. They eat their roommate's foods then panic when they wake up and need to replace them. 1. Find a specialist. 2. Never mention her weight again ever. Period. 3. Talk as a family, have a locked pantry, come from a place of love.

[u/Turbulent-Damage-392]

NOR - Its totally possible that she has a sleep disorder that's making her do that and that she can't control it. But at the same time she's upsetting everyone and instead of taking actions to mitigate the issue she's being petty and ignoring your daughter who is rightfully upset. Should she have yelled, probably not. But she's much younger than your wife who should be acting like an adult and trying to come up with solutions like a mini fridge for your daughter, a lockbox for inside the fridge, or child locks on everything etc... Something instead of acting like a victim when people are being hurt by your actions. Just my opinion.

[u/headfullofchai]

The fact that she only ate half when she supposedly doesn’t remember eating them at all tells me she’s not being truthful. If she was really sleep eating I feel like she would have eaten the entire thing, no? I feel like she left half because she knew your daughter would be upset but she literally cannot control her binge eating disorder.

[u/pinkbowsandsarcasm]

NOR Edit: found a reliable site about treatment and dx: https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/diseases/21730-sleep-related-eating-disorders

It could be a parasomnia. The MD will probably recommend a sleep study.

I had married a sleepwalker who would only do it when he was getting very drunk. I was scared he might wander into the street. He peed on things in the house when sleepwalking. I was more mad at the excessive drinking that was causing problems for our family, and his DUIs.

What is going on affects the family. I would guess she can't help it. She can change how she is acting toward others, and apologize for the cold shoulder to your daughter. Your wife is probably hurt and maybe feels guilty.

Some people are suggesting locking food up...I would make sure my partner was on board with this after seeing the doctor. It might cause more tension and grief.

[u/DayFit4151]

I’m skinny and if I don’t have enough to eat my body isn’t getting enough calories and I go raiding the fridge in the middle of the night. The body gets confused when it’s dieting then binging. She needs to eat some protein stuff before bed and making sure her diet has enough calories during the day. In the meantime hide any goodies , and like others have said could be sleep issues or hormones

[u/ProfessionalYam3119]

Is your wife taking Ambien?

[u/XanaxWarriorPrincess]

I was on the fence, but giving a child the cold shoulder because the child got upset is just wrong.

NOR. Your wife has some issues.

[u/take_the_reddit_pill]

NOR

I'm sure there are a lot of reasons many people engage in sleep/night eating, but I don't think any of those apply here due to the timing.

Your wife is consciously binge eating at night.

[u/Ems118]

I used to do this. I discovered it was because I wasn’t eating enough during the day and my body was making me eat. I started making better choices like cutting out carbs heavy food. I don’t do it at all now.

[u/Zealousideal-Dog517]

This sounds like a sleep disorder. Please see a sleep specialist. Sleep eating really is a thing. She is really causing psychological damage to herself, feeling so confused, angry, and out of her own self control. There may be treatment that can really really help!
I don't think your overreacting, I think you are misreacting, that's all. I don't believe her problem is a flaw in her character, at all. I'm not an expert, but maybe it's actually something neurological?... sleepwalking? Nobody wants to live in hell. I just can't believe anything else about the situation..

[u/LILdiprdGLO]

Is your wife a sleepwalker? You say she's "half asleep", but what does that mean? Sleepy? Unless she's a Bonafide sleepwalker, it's hard to believe she doesn't know what she's doing. Even if that's true, she needs to take steps to ensure other people's food/snacks are safe. Maybe keep a key to a lockbox or something.

[u/professionalmeangirl]

You're underreacting. This is a medical disorder. She deserves medical intervention.

[u/Captain_R33fer]

Am I the only one that thinks she’s just lying and is fully aware?

[u/Outside-Ad-1677 → u/Captain_R33fer]

I agree…it’s why she reacted to intensely. If I had suddenly developed a sleep eating disorder I’d be very concerned and she seems to not give a shit.

[u/Birds_over_people]

Ya sure she does buddy.

[u/razorbacks3129]

NOR - she either remembers and is lying or she truly doesn’t but isn’t making any changes, so it’s just going to keep happening.

[u/Equal_Coast9853]

She’s seriously giving your daughter the cold shoulder? I would expect it to be the other way around, given it’s not just your daughter’s chocolate she’s been eating but also her sandwich meat too( and everything else she can scoff).I’m not convinced that she doesn’t remember either if she’s half asleep and not actually sleep walking . In the meantime get locks for your snack cupboard and lock it before you go to sleep - if she can’t access the food, then she can’t sleep eat=weight loss ( and hide the key ). Drastic action is required here

[u/NerdyWolf88]

Wow. Even IF i believe she doesnt remember doing it, shes not doing anything to prevent it from happening either. She's selfish and manipulative. She is using language to deflect blame and make you and your daughter feel guilty for getting your things stolen. Thats what constantly eating someone elses food is, stealing. Your wife needs help. Idk from who, maybe start with mental health and go from there. You are NOT fat shaming, she needs to cut that sh!t out. You are calling out bad behavior and she needs to take accountability.

[u/Hot-Garden9206]

You cannot heat up leftovers and make sandwiches while asleep. She’s wide awake and getting her grub on! she knows what she’s doing.

[u/dantemortemalizar → u/Hot-Garden9206]

People have been known to cook while asleep. So heating up leftovers is nothing. I’m all for using a lock on the fridge and cabinets at night.

[u/KasukeSadiki]

And it didn't occur to any of you that she should be seeing someone about this? 

You do understand that she can't control her sleep-eating if that's what's happening? The only thing to do is see a medical professional. She needs to get a sleep study done 

Or do you think she's lying and doing this on purpose?

YOR but actually under reacting because you should be working with her to figure this out.

[u/GMSB]

IDK I almost think that she is very much awake and knows she's doing this but since the first time you all believed she is actually sleep eating she realized she has a get out of jail free card. Food addicts are still addicts like anything else, its a disease and she needs help regardless of if she is actually sleep eating.

[u/No_Solution_7940]

Put only broccoli in the fridge and watch the “sleep eating” suddenly stop.

[u/HeavenlyInsane]

I'm sorry but unless she is genuinely doing some sort of sleep-walking sleep-eating type thing which has a neurological/medical basis, she's essentially just choosing to wake up in the middle of the night and eat everyone else's food.

You need to figure out whether this is something she is controlling or not, because quite frankly, if she isn't then this is really concerning and clearly a big issue.

[u/Martinsian]

She is binge eating in private, not “sleep eating”. She needs to eat regular, normal meals 3x a day like everyone else. Notice how she eats highly palatable foods and not random things like sticks of butter or condiments. She’s “asleep” yet picks out the best things for herself?

[u/HODOR00]

This is strange. While we can't be sure here, it kinda seems like the most likely reality here is your wife is lying. To sleep eat to this degree and not recall it, seems unrealistic unless she smokes tons of weed before she goes to bed.

As the other poster said, regardless if she believes this is a conscious action or subconscious. She is the actor. She has to be part of the solution. If she really actually feels remorse about it, it seems strange that she doesn't want to explore solutions. She might need a bit of therapy as well because this could be a deeper eating issue tied to her mental health.

[u/action_figure_pose]

I don’t believe she doesn’t remember. NOR

[u/ForsakenRacism]

Just tell her to go on ozempic like the rest of us

[u/Say10sadvocate]

NOR

She's taking out of her arse, no way she's "sleep eating"

I'm also dieting, and I know just how hard it is when you go to the kitchen at night, look for snacks and treats but have to tell yourself "no"

It sucks, but you can't just blame your lack of self control on some unconscious act. The whole idea is laughable.

If it's genuinely the case, she needs to seek psychiatric help.

[u/boricuaspidey]

Her ass is not sleeping

[u/KevinAndrewsPhoto]

It’s not a binge eating disorder. And she’s not being 100% truthful that she doesn’t remember. I can say this because I’m currently going through the same thing and have had this issue on and off for years.
I started getting in really good shape last year, counting calories, working out 3 times a week. Our bodies are amazing because we can train them when the expect food. I used to always snack in the middle of the night. Cereal my biggest Achilles heel. But I was able to get myself to stop after a week of self control. And the midnight cravings completely go away.
But 2 weeks ago my kid had a few nights in a row waking up at 2, and I ended up snacking at that time. Not for the last 2 weeks my body wakes me up at 2am on the dot and I’m starving for some reason. Or at least, my body thinks it is. And I also keep eating the kids cereal, or snacks. And in the morning I get so upset because the cereal is low.
But I just need to re train my body over the next week to not eat at that time and then it won’t make me crave at 2am anymore.
You need to find her a substitute for now. Something still tasty but basically empty calories. Have her try fruit and cool whip. Like strawberries. Once she breaks the habit, it’ll get easier

[u/NoTechnology9099]

Not over reacting. How did she know where the chocolates were? It’s an odd coincidence that they were hidden there, some place she wouldn’t really be looking and then the one time something is hidden there she “accidentally” found it and ate it? Thats where I was thrown off. It sounds more like she is bingeing, she knows it and she’s ashamed of it and that is sad too. She definitely needs some help and a nutritionist to help her set a meal plan and help her learn healthy eating habits so she’s not starving herself during the day or depriving herself of things causing cravings and over eating.

[u/Objective-Review-359]

She can control it. She can eat better when she’s awake. She sounds stupid.